Temptation Island

Shannon and Andy, Mandy and Billy, Taheed and Ytossie, Valerie and Kaya: this is the story of four couples stranded on a deserted island (or Belize, whichever is more convenient) surrounded by 13 single babealicious chicks and 13 single hunkariffic dudes.

Joe is painting a Superflat take on a Magritte Lie while I write poetry in a style that's a mix between Coleridge and Cypress Hill when the television (I thought I had unplugged that useless contraption) turns on spontaneously and there is Mark Walberg (not Marky Mark) introducing us to "Temptation Island", FOX's cheesy answer to Survivor.

"What the hell is this crap?" we both ask, of no one in particular. But we watch it a bit.

And we get sucked in. Girls in swimsuits tend to get our attention.

What is the goal of this game? Is it a game? Does anyone win a million dollars for this? Who cares? I just want to know: Is Mandy gonna cheat on Billy?

Because she looks like she's having way too much fun with her "date", Johnny. I mean, what's that guy smearing on his nipple?

And when Billy gets to watch Mandy having way too much fun, recorded on videotape, and Billy hears her say, "Billy's gonna kill me!" What exactly does that imply?

Ouch. It kills Billy. Then Andy, Taheed and Kaya, like some male sewing circle, get together to talk about what happened. Who's fault is it? Johnny's?

Immediately, Joe says aloud, "It's not his fault!"

And I follow up loudly, "He's just doing his job!"

On the television, Andy and Kaya:

"It's not his fault!"

"He's just doing his job!"

Joe and I look at each other. Whoa. You go anywhere in the world, it doesn't matter, because all guys think alike. We're feeling just like these guys, they're one of us and we're in their group. It's a good feeling and Joe and I high-five each other.

On the television, Andy, Kaya and Taheed are high-fiving each other.

Double Whoa. Yup, all guys are the same. We share this common bond and it is not at all silly when Joe and I, in Los Angeles, get right up to the television and mock-high-five the images of Andy and Kaya and Taheed, three lonely caricatures filmed on location in Belize.

We understand.

First of all...

I was not watching that decrepit show for the bikini girls, I was merely in aghast and shock over the sexual depravity of this country, and in my deolated mental state, had some difficulty removing my eyeballs off the tele.

Second, I do not condone nor agree with cheating on one's soulmate of choice (that is, unless you're stranded on a deserted island with 12 other hotties of the opposite sex).

Third, male bonding is way overrated.

And lastly, I would like to have Johnny's job, both the Johnny on air and off air...

First of all...

I was not watching that decrepit show for the bikini girls, I was merely in aghast and shock over the sexual depravity of this country, and in my deolated mental state, had some difficulty removing my eyeballs off the tele.

Second, I do not condone nor agree with cheating on one's soulmate of choice (that is, unless you're stranded on a deserted island with 12 other hotties of the opposite sex).

Third, male bonding is way overrated.

And lastly, I would like to have Johnny's job, both the Johnny on air and off air...

I guess I'm not a guy

Must be why I'm still single. I'm not the kind of guy that thinks that's my job.

If I did I'd probably have girls all over me.

:-(

Isn't it his job?

I only meant that I figured Johnny's job on the island was to tempt the women. Why else was he there? In order to stay on the island he's got to go to work...

But, that brings up the question: In real life, is it a guy's "job" to pursue every woman he finds attractive regardless of her availability?

Hmmmm...