No Rebate for you, Sucker!

It's a conspiracy! I get my bill from Speakeasy today, more than a month after installation and right on the bill it gives me a URL for the rebate that I should get. I go there and of course there is no rebate for me. I call up Speakeasy (on hold for more than half an hour -- you will experience "unacceptable hold times", their words) and they say the time of the rebate has expired, I should have sent in the rebate information as soon as I signed up, two months ago. But I didn't pay Speakeasy yet! How do I get a rebate on money that I haven't paid! Of well... my bad, in the very first e-mail from Speakeasy, after welcoming me, blah blah blah, a couple pages of useless text later, there are two lines:

You are eligible for a Covad rebate.
Visit this page now!

Then there are a couple more pages of useless info. According to the nice lady at Speakeasy, the rebate offer ends March 31. Speakeasy sent my bill on April 3.

I had no chance.