Spidey's Boring Blog

Nameless

Loosing your mind isn't so bad.. is it?

last modified Aug 27, 2004, 13:33

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the ants go marchin one by one hurrah.. hurra

Hey pplz.. if anyone still checks these! LoL.. Not often but hey.. I still write in here.. LoL, yay.. So yeah.. things arn't that bad anymore!! *does lil dance*

LoL how many days Ry? if we hang out til sat. itll be a full week LoL WE COULD DO IT!!!! bruahahaha.. LoL, go us!

AUGUST 1ST COME WATCH BATTLE OF THE BANDS!!! in capreol..

hm... Im in a super good mood... *dances* LoL..
Well to who ever reads this.. LoL, MONKEYS R BLUE!!! LoL

Hey Sam.. next time your online or sumfing remind me to give you a web address..

BUBYE!

115084 | Posted by Apathis at 12:02 | [1] have touched my special place

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Weird

Weirdly enough.. things are starting to look up.. I mean. It's not 100% better or nuffin.. but, I am defintely workin on this whole being happy thing...

Hopefully things in my head get sort out soon.. I'm starting to like this reality a little.. :)

Go spontaneous trips..

114756 | Posted by Apathis at 12:04 | [2] have touched my special place

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Kill me quickly so I can watch... thats my type of satisfaction..

Last entry.. writing on this.

114293 | Posted by Apathis at 0:24 | [0] have touched my special place

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Keepin busy...

JOB : Training, tomorrow(6-12) and thursday(5-12).. starting work on saturday.. 11-7
Itll keep my busy alright.. wont have time to be depressed! Go me!

July 25th.. Christian Concert

August 1st.. 9months for Sam and I.. Oh yeah!, and Battle of the bands gig

August 4th.. Playdium...

August 9th.. Leaving for New Brunswick for 5 days ish

August 14th.. WANTING to leave to go to Alberta

August 15th.. Ry's bday.. 3 times LoL.. yay for time zones,

Go for keeping busy... cant get depressed now! Bruahahahahahahahahahahahaha..

Ry I miss you! Where have ya been??
Sam... you too!!!! Havnt seen yu online at all today *shakes fist*

Goin to sleep... gnite

114008 | Posted by Apathis at 1:36 | [0] have touched my special place

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Fun Stuff (no sarcasm this time)

I had a good day today.. Hung out with.. Ben, Dan, Dominique, Kayla, Steph and Nico (i think thats what they call him).. We watched sum tv.. before everyone got there.. lol, then we had a massive fire.. it was uber fun.. never knew being as creepy and weird.. and outgoing as I am.. could get yu that much friggin attention.. almost too much.. if thats possible.. think about having 6 eyes just watching you :| while you sing a song.. about ... Steph dropping a chip.. and it being a big tragedy... weird stuff

I still havnt got my letter from Sam.. dat sukks.. and I didnt get to talk to her today *shakes fist* its okay,

IM GONA GET A JOB!!!! Not really something to be proud of.. specially not cause its in capreol! lol but hey.. its sumthing thatll help me make money to get sum plane tickets.. and more stuff for my drum kit.. booya

anyways.. gotta get msn plus to work...

113573 | Posted by Apathis at 23:24 | [0] have touched my special place

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Good Morning..

12:44am.. always seems to be the late night.. were it hits me. Well it's not as bad as it usually is.. People keeping me happy right now though! Earlier it was Dan.. now it's Mel.. Thats fun stuff.. lol, well sometimes.. They try to make ya happy with out even knowing it! Dan's really nice, and Mel's just funny plus they talk lots so it never feels like your talkin to yourself.. s'fun! I'm suppose to wait for Ry to come online.. it's nearly 1am.. *shrugs* lol,

Music.. Key to anything.. makes you think.. I've been cranking it and putting it on headphones lots lately.. With my little set list.. Good stuff... Hey its been a while since I've had a normal entry eh? Awsome.. My dad still thinks I need help though.. every once in a while he'll ask me how I'm doing and remind me that if I ever need to see someone.. hell take me. lol always good to know your dad will bring you to the institution if you ever want him too... :S

113398 | Posted by Apathis at 23:54 | [0] have touched my special place

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*snap*

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one

Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

Maybe.. things arn't so bad. Difficult to tell in a clouded mind.. but it seems like the storm is going away.. Ever had a dream come true, then have it taken away from you but finally realizing that it's not really gone.. Maybe dreams.. don't have to be nightmares.. maybe there dosn't have to be nightmares at all.. Maybe.. my eyes are finally opening..

113321 | Posted by Apathis at 15:10 | [2] have touched my special place

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Head aches of confusion

Chasing an empty dream
Forgetting who I use to be
Chasing an endless shooting star
Trying to define who you really are..

Ever feel like you finally found where you belong.. but the road to get there.. does not really have a path but is filled with bushes with thorns and holes... so if you make it threw alive.. your still pretty badly wounded. I feel like I'm right in the middle.. blood's dripping down my face and my body from all the thorns... I'm surrounded by 3 thorn bushes and then a huge black hole.. I could go around it.. by going threw the bushes.. and walk another mile or two threw the bushes or I can give up and jump threw the hole... What would you do... I've already picked.. and im my dreams.. I'm no longer here

113161 | Posted by Apathis at 10:23 | [1] have touched my special place

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Endless nights

Sometimes.. the world just crushes you down.. to the point where you are so low that you cannot reach anyone's hand to help you back up.. You see several different hands reaching down, but you cannot reach any of them.. what are you to do in a situation like that. It's like being a ghost and watching your friend suicide.. you yell and scream.. but he dosn't hear you.. your i n v i s i b l e. You sit there, watching.. not being able to take your eyes off.. and you watch your friend.. as he painfully ends his life.. right in front of you without even knowing that your there. How many people feel like their i n v i s i b l e? How much pain can someone bear before their not R E A L anymore?

112911 | Posted by Apathis at 11:13 | [1] have touched my special place

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Thinking..

Why is everything so dark when it's broad daylight outside.. and everything is so much darker once the night falls. Is that really out of our control? I mean.. I remember day's when even my nights could be bright.. are all those day's gone?
You'd think.. you can get use to something continuously jabbing at your heart.. when you think you finally got use to it.. and you've finally hit your worst.. it just decided to jab a little harder to remind you it's still there.It's difficult.. to think.. but yet it's inevitable. I think all the time.. the hardest part is stoping. How dangerous can thinking a thought be... I use to not think it could be all that bad.. but as the world turns.. you learn new things.. sometime's the people you love will just rip your heart out and make you watch it bleed... things you thought were everlasting.. breaks apart right infront of your eyes..

112821 | Posted by Apathis at 16:53 | [1] have touched my special place

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To dream..

A morning light that covers my room.. to wake me from a dream where hapiness wasn't out of reach. It's a strange feeling, being numb.. you can smile, but it dosn't mean shit. You can laugh but there's no meaning behind it. When your mind is a complete blank, and all you do is think.. and there's nothing you can do about it. Defeats the purpose of trying..

112696 | Posted by Apathis at 14:58 | [0] have touched my special place

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Silent Scream

Hear my silent scream.. listen as it pierces your ears. Can you hear it? Because I can't I scream and no words come out.. I cry and no tears fall from my eyes.. It's an endless battle fighting inside of my head. The thoughts of being alive, are.. not really thoughts at all, but the thought of death seems so far away. I'm in a dead zone, a no man's land.. and there's no where else to go.. Where would you go? Every direction your surrounded with an unbearable pain that is beyond your control.. if you find your way.. let me know.

112607 | Posted by Apathis at 23:23 | [0] have touched my special place

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so many days...

She's been gone for a while now.. I have been getting use to not being able to talk to her anytime I want.. but it's not something you like getting use to.. Yesterday.. thinking they were getting there phone, I didnt do anything at all I stayed at home all day.. I even skipped my aunt's bday thingy.. but turns out she's not getting her phone til Friday.. which sucks. I miss her alot...

Ive been hanging out with loads of different people now.. Mostly joe though.. considering we've actually got gigs now so we need to shape up our band.. but yeah.. We're playing July 25th at this christian concert thing.. and then August 1st Capreol Battle of the Bands.. I trying to keep myself busy! Still manage to be depressed.. but that's life..

I've been hanging out with Chris too.. he's awsome. Dominique, she's funny.. Ry YAY RY!!!! lol :) She's awsome.. Darien.. not as much though.. We're trying to get some time for me him and ry to all jam together.. creepy go from being a jealous freak to.. hanging out with him.. *scratches head* Steph.. lol I'm trying to get to hand out with her.. she's ry's 'sis'.. so yep... my efforts to keep busy.. *sigh*

I miss her so much... come back home soon

112466 | Posted by Apathis at 10:58 | [0] have touched my special place

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Time is ticking..

I tried calling her, but the phone wouldn't work. I have to wait til she calls now.. I wanted to talk to her today.. dosn't look like that's going to happen *sigh* I hate the distance.. Its the one thing I dispise.. *shrugs* I miss her..

So I'm having mixed thoughts in my mind.. about so many different things. I need someone to blab about it, but everyone that I want to rant to is busy or gone.. *shrugs* I might as well just keep them until I can talk to Sam on the net or something..

Time's ticking away..

112055 | Posted by Apathis at 15:52 | [0] have touched my special place

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Wonderful Day..

Today.. was okay.. mixing with last night.. was alright.. I guess.. This morning and between 12 and 5:30ish were the biggest highlights of the 2 days... because..

This morning, she called me! I was so happy, I cried cause I was so happy, then i got a hit of reality, and realized she was so far away.. and got sad. I'm so depressed.. funny.. how the majority of people who keep a diary thingy are depressed eh? Well... I've never really been happy since she left.. I promised her I would try.. so I have been trying my hardest.. keeping myself busy! I am trying..

Then between 12 and 5:30ish.. I had my old best friend back.. it was so fun.. Ahh.. he is so funny. I'm glad were hanging out again.. so happy.. plus.. he's depressed too so we try to cheer each other up. Ahh how I missed him :) I got him back though! I love bestest friends!

Those being the only 2 highlights of my day.. I'm still a little brought down because.. 1.. Sam's soo far away! :( 2.. When I wasnt with the best friend.. or on the phone with the girl of my dreams.. I was the great 3rd wheel of the night. Wonderful eh? Especially when it's your two friends.. at your own place. Meh.. oh well.. Can't win all the time.. At least.. I got to hear my baby.. and hang out with a great friend.

Fare thee well

111934 | Posted by Apathis at 19:57 | [0] have touched my special place

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Falling

It's amazing.. how fast 8 months can past you by... I can still remember how it all happened.. How I went over to her house, how we watched the movie Exorcist and turned it into a comedy. (oh it's possible).. how I asked her out.. how we joked... Greatest night of my life..

Now.. I celebrate this day.. alone? technically no.. without her.. yeah. :( I don't even know if today counts.. because of "The Break" .. but if it wasn't for "the break"... it would be 8 months she and I have been dating.. Longest relationship I've been in.. and I hope to god it lasts longer... I've gone 2 days without talking to her.. and already I can feel the pain crawling underneath my skin.. Scary aint it.. I'm happy though.. We lasted this long.. if we make it through the distance.. we can make it through anything..

My mom told me not to stay home today.. because it's our 8 months.. She told me to go out and do something. Part of me wants to stay home, hell the majority of me wants to stay home in case she calls.. the love of my life.. what if she calls? but a small portion of me is saying.. keep yourself busy or you'll be depressed and waiting all day.. So I believe I'm going to paintball.. with the youth group.. until 4:30... then were driving friend home. I should be home around 5:30 ish.. 6 at the latest..

Baby if you call and I'm gone.. please.. leave number so I can call you back.. I need to hear your voice..

Love you

111898 | Posted by Apathis at 4:06 | [0] have touched my special place

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Falling

111897 | Posted by Apathis at 4:06 | [0] have touched my special place