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When I didn’t know what I know now about my emotional infighting.
I gave him a knife. He didn’t have a sharp or a good one and I figured he’d have use for a smallish pocketknife for his birthday. I had thought about the gift for a while; it wasn’t an accident in any way. I bought a single edged, non serrated, classic French pocket knife on the Realto in Venice and brought it home.
“In some countries it is traditionally believed that the giving of a knife as a gift to a friend will cut or sever the relationship. To avoid such ill luck, the receiver should give a coin in return so as to "pay" for the gift. It is common to include a penny, often taped to the blade, with a knife given as a gift which the receiver is to return as "payment".
He of all people would have known about the payment, that there had to be an exchange. He didn’t let on though. All he voiced worry about was who’s blood it would spill first. To him this determined who’s blade it really was.
“In some cultures giving a knife as a gift is considered a sign of respect and trust. This is especially true in Finland where various non-governmental organizations, clubs and even government agencies traditionally give a puukko (a Finnish fixed-blade hunting/outdoor knife) as a gift to trusted employers or contacts. The puukko is always presented handle first as a sign of trust and friendly intentions.”
He doesn’t come calling round here at all anymore. We shared a house for 6 months till it became apparent we couldn’t anymore. There are still things here that remind me of him, his things.
"Never give a knife as a housewarming present, or your new neighbor will become an enemy. A knife as a gift from a lover means that the love will soon end."
There’s really nothing I can do about the separation now.
“Handing someone a knife is believed to cause a fight with that person. Whenever you want to give someone else a knife, set it down on the table and don't directly pass it to them…”
I try to remember how he handed me knives, at work, in our kitchen. We both sometimes left them around the house. Was there anything hidden in my own motives for that gift that I was not aware of at the time? Did I fool myself? If I didn’t then shouldn’t I have seen things long before they happened? I remember he had begun to sever himself from me as a friend the longer we lived together.
At least the cut’s now clear.
I’m not the one left holding a gift I didn’t make amends for.
last modified May 6, 2006 at 7:23
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