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The Mountain's Secret
My Profile
Name: Marie
aka: CityKat
aka: Bubbles
Age: 18 - eek! I'm old...
Birthday: December 13
Zodiac: Sagittarius
Location: The box that is campus.
Loves: RH;MIT, music, friends, the outdoors, all of my hometowns, critters, WAGGGS
Fellow Tin Soldiers
Blog Links
Chicken Soup For The Souless -What goes on in Jesse's brain, nobody knows...
In ThE Tub WiTh SquIsHy -Christina's log, so just keep swimming!.
Lean On Me -Regan's digital and cryonable shoulder.
Manitoulin Wannabe -The heart of the island's where her heart lies.
One Ring... -Ali's blog. Her straight forward is kinda crooked.
Random Thoughts -It’s Jeff! And the voices!.
Searching in the Darkness -Lex's blog, we'll force him to see dawn one of these days.
Somewhere Over the Rainbow -It’s Kuriosity!
Super Spidey -A cookie and a kiss.
The World of Cr0magnus -Tech Reincarnated
Undead and Confused -My favourite Cool Kid!
Moutains and Valleys
Fun Links
Chris's Site -Games, Pics, Jokes... He's got it. And BESS can't get him.
F-Concept! Oi!Oi!Oi! -Leader's only!... okay, and Josh and Bubble!
havesomehats -All I'm saying is; elephants, checkered people, and top hats.
Sinfest -Funny as Hell. Thanks to Lex for getting me hooked.
Too Far North (Awesome)!! -The best band there ever was! (Okay, that might be stetching it, but hey we love you guys!) It consists of a lack of independant brain power and a collective love for music!
Blog Shares -Who's winning today?
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Pour l’esprit de vos enfants,
Pour la vie et nos enfants,
Déesse je vous en prie.
Pour vos enfants capturés sans lumière,
Pour vos enfants qui perdent l’amour.
Déesse je vous en prie.
Vous qui nous avez gardés
Sauf, loin de la tristesse et
La méchante.
La méchante, lui qui nous mange,
Lui qui noircir la vie,
Né du naïf narcotique,
Narcotique de l’esprit.
Narcotique qui est la haine.
Déesse je vous en prie,
Vous, qui n’existe que dans nos cœurs,
Vous, qui est l’amour et les vents.
On tombe, Déesse,
Comme l’étoile des ciels.
Aides-nous Déesse, pour qu’on
Trouve les ailes sur lesquelles on vole.
Pour qu’on trouve nos cœurs,
Et laisse passer la nuit,
La tristesse,
Les larmes dans nos yeux.
Vous qui nous avez gardés,
Nous gardes encore.
Aide-nous Déesse,
Les sourires nous attendent.
Les étoiles, les esprits contents.
Aide-nous Déesse, aide-nous
A trouver nos sentiers.
A trouver nos esprits,
Nos esprits contents.
Déesse je vous en prie.
Je vous remercie Déesse.
With our brothers we will share all the secrets of our mountain, all the riches buried there.
Email Me
Battle Fields
All the Riches Buried There
last modified Nov 19, 2005, 6:50 p
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Am I Really?
Okay - so feeling a little like I'm not where I want to be in my life. Instead of my dreams I feel lonely, fed up, unhappy, confused, and jealous.
I really wish people hadn't given me a headache tonight...
M.
161526 |
CityKat - 8:19 p
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(0) Lost In The Void
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Devon! I need a hug...
161512 |
CityKat - 8:40 a
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(1) Lost In The Void
Saturday, November 15, 2008
I can't wait...
There are some people I can't stand - very few - but there are some. I can't wait until he's gone...
(p.s. this is my inside voice talking...)
161508 |
CityKat - 9:41 p
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(0) Lost In The Void
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Why can't it end?
why can't i get away from this? why can't i be happy? i hate hating myself...
161490 |
CityKat - 11:57 a
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(0) Lost In The Void
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
I refuse to sit through that again...
Okay - if there is one thing that camp needs it's campfire. So why the hell do people insist on screwing it up all the time!?! Seriously. Taps isn't an option - it is sung. Linger isn't sung at light speed. J-Bird isn't sung at half volume. Children get a vote.
I just sat through hell. Our campfires are "signed up for" so everyone knows who is singing what. So why is it that for all but three songs tonight the song-leaders had song books out?!? No one had any enthusiasm. The slow songs were fast, and the fast songs slow. The loud songs weren't loud enough. No one engaged the children...
I'm not sitting through that again... Campfires can't be faked or BSed. Fuck that.
161394 |
CityKat - 6:08 p
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(0) Lost In The Void
Monday, June 30, 2008
Because this morning is perfect...
161389 |
CityKat - 8:38 a
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(0) Lost In The Void
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Back to haunt me...
Okay, so it's back to haunt me. I'm being too pushy again. I notice problems and bring it to someone's attention - but apparently I'm not overly nice about it. So now I have to go about finding a way to fix that... and I'm not sure how...
Oh great.
*hugs*
161374 |
CityKat - 4:19 p
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(0) Lost In The Void
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Homesick
...I've never been this homesick before... I miss everyone...
161356 |
CityKat - 4:19 p
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(1) Lost In The Void
Friday, May 30, 2008
Camp!
Conflicted or not - I'm ecstatic and anxious!
161247 |
CityKat - 9:00 a
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(0) Lost In The Void
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Déesse je vous emprie...
To she who is a mother. (May you guide me.)
To she who is a sister. (May you listen and understand.)
To she who is a friend. (May you help keep me strong.)
To she who is a lover. (May you teach me how to live of love.)
161230 |
CityKat - 9:04 p
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(0) Lost In The Void
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Painting with Marbles
To those with questions : ask.
To those with answers : I don't want them.
To those with problems : my shoulder is out of commission for a while.
To those with friendship : thank you.
To those with love : I love you too.
To those with hugs : mean it.
To those with laughs : I'll try to laugh with you.
*hugs*
161216 |
CityKat - 10:42 p
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(0) Lost In The Void
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Stay
I been sittin' here starin'
At the clock on the wall
And I been layin' here prayin'
Prayin' she won't call
It's just another call from home
And you'll get it and be gone
And I'll be cryin'
And I'll be beggin' you, baby
Beg you not to leave
But I'll be left here waitin'
With my heart on my sleeve
Oh, for the next time we'll be here
Seems like a million years
And I think I'm dyin'
What do I have to do to make you see
She can't love you like me
Why don't you stay
I'm down on my knees
I'm so tired of bein' lonely
Don't I give you what you need
When she calls you to go
There is one thing you should know
We don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay (yeah)
You keep tellin' me, baby
There will come a time
When you will leave her arms
And forever be in mine
But I don't think that's the truth
And I don't like bein' used
And I'm tired 'a waitin'
It's too much pain to have to bear
To love a man you have to share
Why don't you stay
I'm down on my knees
I'm so tired of bein' lonely
Don't I give you what you need
When she calls you to go
There is one thing you should know
We don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay (yeah)
I can't take it any longer
But my will is gettin' stronger
And I think I know just what I have to do
I can't waste another minute
After all that I put in it
I've given you my best
Why does she get the best of you
So next time you'll find
You wanna leave her bed for mine
Why don't you stay
I'm up off my knees
I'm so tired of bein' lonely
You can't give me what I need
When she begs you not to go
There is one thing you should know
I don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay, yeah
Oh
161092 |
CityKat - 8:13 p
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(2) Lost In The Void
Monday, April 7, 2008
Take my own advice she says....
I need to do something in another two weeks - actually exactly two weeks from today. I need to do something, and to say some things, that I've tried to say before - that I've tried to do before, and have always failed at.
I need to find my backbone again, and I need to help myself get out of part of this rutt... I need it to work this time, because I don't know how much longer I can do this...
I'm going to need help though... will you be there?
*hugs*
161061 |
CityKat - 9:29 a
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(0) Lost In The Void
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Regional Meme
Age: 19
Where did you grow up: Milton, Ontario
1. A body of water, smaller than a river, contained within relatively narrow banks.
creek
2. What the thing you push around the grocery store is called.
shopping cart
3. A metal container to carry a meal in.
lunch box
4. The thing that you cook bacon and eggs in.
frying pan
5. The piece of furniture that seats three people.
couch
6. The device on the outside of the house that carries rain off the roof.
evestrough
7. The covered area outside a house where people sit in the evening.
gazebo
8. Carbonated, sweetened, non-alcoholic beverages.
pop
9. A flat, round breakfast food served with syrup.
pancakes
10. A long sandwich designed to be a whole meal in itself.
sub
11. The piece of clothing worn by men at the beach.
bathing suit
12. Shoes worn for sports.
running shoes
13. Putting a room in order.
tidying
14. A flying insect that glows in the dark.
firefly
15. The little insect that curls up into a ball.
potatoe bug
16.The children's playground equipment where one kid sits on one side and goes up while the other sits on the other side and goes down.
see-saw
17. How do you eat your pizza?
pointy end first
18. What's it called when private citizens put up signs and sell their used stuff?
garage sale
19. What's the evening meal?
supper
20. The thing under a house where the furnace and perhaps a rec room are?
basement
21. What do you call the thing that you can get water out of to drink in public places?
water fountain
161054 |
CityKat - 5:40 p
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(0) Lost In The Void
Friday, April 4, 2008
Spring...
Isn't it amazing how the highs make the lows so much lower?
I was happy yesterday, utterly and completely content and happy with myself and the world. I couldn't help but smile, and laugh, and sigh, and look at the world through those rose coloured glasses that I love so much.
And then there was today... I woke up and it was cloudy, rainy and miserable. I knew then that it wouldn't be a good day at all...
And so now I sit here, day almost done, and its back. It's back, and all it took was a few pictures and some rainy weather.
I don't know what it is - but if I talk something spills out... Something about everyone quiting on me, including me, about losing my friends, about not making friends, about being teased, about being overweight, about being unmotivated, about being self-conscious, about being on top of the world but not feeling it. Something about loving so much, without love coming my way. Something about doing my best to do good, but not being sure how to ignore all the road blocks. Something about working to be a friend and keep friendships alive, but friends letting friendships die.
Something about emails and letters and messages sent, never to be replied to. About asking for help and for support, after giving help and support, and the support I need not being there. Something about giving, and giving, and giving, and never receiving... Something about hoping and dreaming, but never being able to overcome my own mind.
Something about needing a hug, but hugs not being there...
161050 |
CityKat - 6:38 p
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(0) Lost In The Void
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Did I push you away? Did I build walls and distances?
...Or did you leave?
161010 |
CityKat - 6:50 p
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(0) Lost In The Void
Sunday, March 9, 2008
That's what I want... I want what Kristen had, and what Aida had tonight... that... that's what I want, what I need...
160946 |
CityKat - 1:44 a
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(2) Lost In The Void
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
...I don't know if I can do this anymore... I feel forgotten and lost in the background, it's not like it once was... My heart is still true - sure, but lately the blows to it cut so much deeper, so much truer. I don't know if I can be a shadow anymore... but I'm not sure I have the strength to get out.
160923 |
CityKat - 7:39 a
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(0) Lost In The Void
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
I give up...
160916 |
CityKat - 7:31 p
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(0) Lost In The Void
Saturday, March 1, 2008
it's gonna be a long night...
I don't get it - this feeling... this feeling should tell me it's all wrong, that it's not worth it. I want it to not be worth it... I want it to not hurt anymore..
I want it to not be worth it...
160900 |
CityKat - 8:41 p
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(0) Lost In The Void
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Urg - Planning
I need a place to hold a 25th wedding anniversary - anyone? It needs to be outside-ish, barbeque like... More formal of course.
160882 |
CityKat - 11:02 a
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(0) Lost In The Void
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Uh Oh Spaghettio...
I need to stop spending money... 
160881 |
CityKat - 4:04 p
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(0) Lost In The Void
Monday, February 4, 2008
Not just a lightbulb moment...
...but a lightbulb day.
Wow... my head's had a lot to do today. And there is still a lot it wants to do...
160787 |
CityKat - 9:45 p
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(0) Lost In The Void
Friday, February 1, 2008
Holy snow...
One of those days... wishing someone was here to keep company...
160766 |
CityKat - 3:08 p
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(0) Lost In The Void
Monday, January 28, 2008
Fuck
*is writing this because she is still downstairs and she can't cry downstairs and is sick of crying*
I don't know what to do anymore... it's all so much harder than it sounds. I can't think without getting messed up in over-complicated emotions and the drama that is my life. Aida runs from drama she says - I therefore find it funny how she ended up living across the hall from me.
I hate this... it takes over every last part of my life...
"this" What is "this"? I think it's some sort of overly-complicate, probably really simple, loneliness. It is feeling on top of the world with the greatest friends one moment, to needed someone to hold you so desperately that life has no purpose without them the next. It's being in love and not all at the same time, it's not being able to move on - while half of you moves on. It's not wanting to move on, while you scout out boys with friends. It's loving someone so completely and entirely that they are your world, and hating them for what you've done all at once. It's the most solid and complete at-peace-with-the-world feeling in your heart, while your gut is wrenching in painful sobs, and your heart is torn in two directions at once. It's crying yourself to sleep because everything's perfect. It's thinking everything's amazing because you have a reason to cry. It's feeling alone in the most crowded of places, and counting your friends on one hand - when you know that yesterday you had a million people who cared about you and you were one of the lucky ones. It's feeling like there's not a soul in the world you can talk to - because they just wouldn't understand... It's being alone while everyone else holds someone close. It's keeping everything to yourself while so many people spill their souls to you...
it's "this" feeling.
I don't know how to escape it... It's always there, good and bad, always bringing me as high as can be and then smashing me into the ground...
I miss innocence...
*hugs*... because I could use them right now...
160750 |
CityKat - 8:03 p
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(0) Lost In The Void
Sunday, January 27, 2008
*gives up*
*falls back in hole and breaks into her quite familiar tiny pieces*
160745 |
CityKat - 3:12 p
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(0) Lost In The Void
Thursday, January 24, 2008
*tries not to be lonely*
160739 |
CityKat - 9:03 p
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(3) Lost In The Void
Saturday, January 19, 2008
It's Back...
OKay... Everyone remembers the "pink thing" - I quite loved it when I bought it, if only because I get really giddy when I get to be girly.
Well... now there's a "purple thing". It scares me more than anything else - it's complicated and has an open-back that's not open... And it's like plum - I don't wear purple - I wear red...
What have I gotten myself into?
*hugs*
160717 |
CityKat - 7:05 p
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(0) Lost In The Void
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