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Deep Beneath the Stone
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Stories of Old
August 2004
The Mountain's Secret
My Profile
Name: Marie
aka: CityKat
aka: Bubbles
Age: 18 - eek! I'm old...
Birthday: December 13
Zodiac: Sagittarius
Location: The box that is campus.
Loves: RH;MIT, music, friends, the outdoors, all of my hometowns, critters, WAGGGS
Fellow Tin Soldiers
Blog Links
Chicken Soup For The Souless -What goes on in Jesse's brain, nobody knows...
In ThE Tub WiTh SquIsHy -Christina's log, so just keep swimming!.
Lean On Me -Regan's digital and cryonable shoulder.
Manitoulin Wannabe -The heart of the island's where her heart lies.
One Ring... -Ali's blog. Her straight forward is kinda crooked.
Random Thoughts -It’s Jeff! And the voices!.
Searching in the Darkness -Lex's blog, we'll force him to see dawn one of these days.
Somewhere Over the Rainbow -It’s Kuriosity!
Super Spidey -A cookie and a kiss.
The World of Cr0magnus -Tech Reincarnated
Undead and Confused -My favourite Cool Kid!
Moutains and Valleys
Fun Links
Chris's Site -Games, Pics, Jokes... He's got it. And BESS can't get him.
F-Concept! Oi!Oi!Oi! -Leader's only!... okay, and Josh and Bubble!
havesomehats -All I'm saying is; elephants, checkered people, and top hats.
Sinfest -Funny as Hell. Thanks to Lex for getting me hooked.
Too Far North (Awesome)!! -The best band there ever was! (Okay, that might be stetching it, but hey we love you guys!) It consists of a lack of independant brain power and a collective love for music!
Blog Shares -Who's winning today?
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Something’s wrong, but I don’t know what. It could be loneliness, stress, exhaustion, pms, failing hope, loss, highs being too high making lows too low, depression, annoyance, fear, time travel, desperation. But it’s nothing, and it’s all of them, and yet it’s something else. It’s like I’ve been strapped into a little white jacket and locked in a little white room. It’s worse than that though, almost as if I’ve traveled to my childhood and promises are being broken, knives are being shoved in my back and my hope, humanity, and love is being taken away. And still it’s worse, it’s like I’ve locked myself in the body of the most stereotypical high school cheerleader/school president girl, like I’m burying all thoughts that don’t conform to other’s opinions, hiding all evidence that I walk to the beat of a different drum and that I’m an individual.
I don’t know what’s wrong, and nothing’s fixing it. My friends aren’t working, no amount of guy talk or chickchat has helped. I can’t drown in the fake world of either television or novels, it’s not working no matter how hard I try. I can’t loose myself in chores. And even my one reserved release, physical exertion, isn’t working. So many years of hating gym class made the physical activity itself a release for the pent-up anger, now exertion is a release for any strong emotion. The pain in stretching used to bring pleasure, running used to banish all emotion and leave only exhaustion. Not anymore. Nothing works. The beauty of nature doesn’t exist, it’s dull and bleak. The sky is clouded over and grey. The rain drops that fall are just another chill.
There are only four things that can make this go away. The first, I don’t want and never EVER will. The second , I can’t have and would not take in fear of hurting a friend. The third, might happen, but not for another few weeks. And the four, well she doesn’t know what’s wrong with herself so she’s at a loss as to how to fix it.
*hugs*
last modified Aug 5, 2004, 6:41 p
Add a comment
To start I would like to say " Smile it helps."
While I am not sure I can offer any of your 4 solutions or even Alex's 5th all I can offer is my support and my friendship. Lean on my if need be. We are friends Darling and as you explained in your last post we are here for each other.
116058 |
Cr0mag - August 6, 2004, 12:26 a
hmm... i am willing to bet i have caused at least a tiny part of this... and i appologize for this... i never meant to screw up again... but i did... and i know it has annoyed you and really hurt you bestest... which has most likely caused you a fair bit of grief... unfortunately i cannot change this... otherwise i would... all i can do is offer a great big *hug* and remind you that i am always within reach if you think of something i can do to help...
*hugs*
116050 |
Iamweasel - August 5, 2004, 11:20 p
I can't tell you what is wrong, and unless it's loneliness I can't really fix it. Promises Broken? If I have I apologize. Knives in the back? yeah, those are definite suckage, and all you can do is pull them out and hand them back handle first.
You are definitely not becoming that stereotypical high school cheerleader/school president girl. You are an independent, loving person and you definitely walk to the beat of a different drum.
Don't lose hope in this crazy funk. and I hope those four things come and save you soon. I'm here for you to fall back on, and maybe one day i'll make number 5.
116026 |
Biff - August 5, 2004, 8:39 p
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