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Name: Marie Fellow Tin Soldiers
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Just a little trust and freedom... Please, let me first apologize to those of you that read this because it has become my place for venting. If you do not know me or do not see me often any more my happiness probably doesn't reach you - I have a perfect life. It's just that perfection has it's flaws.
hey, though i do agree with what people(regs/ chris) are saying, i know what its like when the one voice out weighs all others, and i know what its like to dissapoint the one, the only one that you've tried to be perfect for, and sometimes, there is nothing you can do to more perfect for them, but communication goes along way, and your gonna have to have this out with your parents, screaming and tears, and all that good stuff, whatever works, they will get it one way or another that you aren't the child they beleive you to be, you're soo much more, you can't hold a grudge against yourself, you can't blame yourself, and you can't deny yourself a life.....or the ability to be happy, you deserve it and soo much more, someday, they will see what the rest of us do....an angel in disguise....
Hon, Chris is right. Though I can see your point, and I would I know, I am just like you...I can see his as well. Applied to my own situation I see it, thus it works for yours. I would not suggest blatantly disobeying your mother, or fighting her, because I know how that would turn out - you in tears, her "disappointed", and just a big fight, but I do tell you to stop thinking that you have failed. Stop believing that hon. You are the best teenager I know...Belive me. You are so much better than I, though you protest, I know, but I could tell you a multitude of reasons why. But that is not the point. You have not disappointed anyone, or at the very least, should not have. If your parents are truly disappointed in you, then they are being ridiculous. *hugs* You are amazing and don't you ever forget it. I have told you so since day one, as have so many others. Let the voices of the many outweigh the voice of the one, or the two. I know they are bigger, but let them have less weight. They are only afraid that you will turn out badly, the same as mine, and while trying to let you be free in your life after high school, they are smothering you now. I know their stance on a lot of things, because it is identical to the stance my parents take...I know how much effort it takes to get around them sometimes....And its exhausting. Keep your chin up, and your eyes clear my girl. You have nothing but the future to look to.
You have not failed, the only way for you to fail is to completely give in to her, and let her control your life like you are a puppet. There are two kinds of slaves, a willing slave, who if given a chance to escape would stay, out of fear of punishment or because its the only life they have known, and a defiant one actively tries to escape, and does not fear punishment. By the sounds of it, your mother does not want a daughter, she wants a slave. Don't be a willing one. In a sea of mediocrity, you shine bright, don't ever let anyone tell you different. Not your mother, not your father, no one. You have NOTHING to be sorry for, and they have NOTHING to be dissapointed in. It is a sad day for parents when the kid who sits in front of you in physics has to tell you you're the best daughter in the world and your parents are lucky to have you. You know how we feel, and what we think (i highly doubt im the only person whos thinking the same, im just a little more lose tongued recently) *hugs you* we're always here for you.
You see Chris... I am a slave to my mother's will - because she is my mother. It is in her image of me that I've tried to grow, and it's without her recognition that I've failed. I can't stand up for myself, because to do so would disappoint her.
Im just going to come out and say this, you are more than the angel they asked for. You are the perfect teenage daugther, and if they are too blind to see it fuck em. I haven't seen you faulter one bit in the 2 years i've known you, and while i admit that i dont know you all that well, people are one thing I'm good at judging. If ANYONE dreamed up what the perfect kid would be like, you would be the image they settled on, smart, beautiful, dedicated. Your flaw? You're too meek. Stand up for yourself hun, its your goddam life and you have the right to live it any way you want. No ifs ands or buts about it. You cant be a slave to the needs of others at the expense of your own, they have no right to your life only you do. I realise living out there you're in a unique position, you cant just bus it home, but i've never refused u a ride home yet, and i never will (note:offer not valid while my driving ability is impaired due to knee surgery). |