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Deep Beneath the Stone
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Stories of Old
March 2007
The Mountain's Secret
My Profile
Name: Marie
aka: CityKat
aka: Bubbles
Age: 18 - eek! I'm old...
Birthday: December 13
Zodiac: Sagittarius
Location: The box that is campus.
Loves: RH;MIT, music, friends, the outdoors, all of my hometowns, critters, WAGGGS
Fellow Tin Soldiers
Blog Links
Chicken Soup For The Souless -What goes on in Jesse's brain, nobody knows...
In ThE Tub WiTh SquIsHy -Christina's log, so just keep swimming!.
Lean On Me -Regan's digital and cryonable shoulder.
Manitoulin Wannabe -The heart of the island's where her heart lies.
One Ring... -Ali's blog. Her straight forward is kinda crooked.
Random Thoughts -It’s Jeff! And the voices!.
Searching in the Darkness -Lex's blog, we'll force him to see dawn one of these days.
Somewhere Over the Rainbow -It’s Kuriosity!
Super Spidey -A cookie and a kiss.
The World of Cr0magnus -Tech Reincarnated
Undead and Confused -My favourite Cool Kid!
Moutains and Valleys
Fun Links
Chris's Site -Games, Pics, Jokes... He's got it. And BESS can't get him.
F-Concept! Oi!Oi!Oi! -Leader's only!... okay, and Josh and Bubble!
havesomehats -All I'm saying is; elephants, checkered people, and top hats.
Sinfest -Funny as Hell. Thanks to Lex for getting me hooked.
Too Far North (Awesome)!! -The best band there ever was! (Okay, that might be stetching it, but hey we love you guys!) It consists of a lack of independant brain power and a collective love for music!
Blog Shares -Who's winning today?
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I don't know what to think. I don't know what to feel. Sitting here - I realize that I'm living it. Living the life people dream of... and all I have to say for myself is silence. Silence broken by the pent-up clicking of a pen.
. . . . .
. . . . . .
. . . . ..
......
....
...
..
.
Penned-up... just like me.
I laugh at Lyndsey some days... She always likes to comment on how "our" (meaning her and I) lives are perfect. She clearly hasn't known me long, and she doesn't know much about me. Though the same can be said I of her. Perfect life? Absent parents, abusive father, near-childhood-rape, over powering men, barmaid training... You know what? She's right. My life is perfect (as perfect as I deserve).
Each time this conversation happens, it ends the same way.
"All lives are perfect" I say, "No matter how apparently good or bad - they're all perfect."
And this is when she starts to stare blankly. As full of life as she is, as much as she looks to God - she never understands how I can say such a thing. To her, lives can be good or bad, as can actions, as can people. I love her dearly, but her confusion always makes me laugh. She knows enough about me to know that I've seen the "bad" lives and is always shocked that I would refer to them as perfect.
Oh well... I know it's true. As the commercial says - the secret ingredient is And.
The only problem with my theory is that it doesn't dispel my current situation. My current depression, as some would call it.
You see, I know what it is I live for - I just have lost my ability to get there. This whole moving out thing is amazing. I have both freedom and control - but to get this it seems I've given up friendship and laughter.
I've lost everyone... First to go were my girls, as much as we still try to hold on. Next were those acquaintances that made me laugh everyday - but never quite made it into my inner circle. After them went those who were close - but slipped out while I wasn't looking... Sexy, Yellow, Shar, Dev, Regs... I tried to hold on - I still do... but holding onto shadows is hard. Others I'm still desperately clinging to - but they too are turning and leaving. James and I have come to terms and I expect him to leave now, Jesse and his cold shoulder, Sway and her one-track mind, Danny and his busy life... I'm either losing or have lost them all...
And so my feet are slipping out from under me.
I no longer have a bed at home, no longer have self-confidence. I'm losing motivation, I've lost hope.
...and still in the end my life is perfect - just like every other.
Sooner or later I'll find something to help me stand, and the sun will rise again...
*hugs*
last modified Mar 12, 2007, 09:05 a
Add a comment
Re: Edicius
My apologies - I should have specified which Jesse.
Of course you my dear have dropped off the face of the planet, even if your shoulder has never been cold.
Of course you are possibly the only one who knows that I still exist here, or the only one willing to show himself at least. It's appreciated hun, and always has been.
How are things?
*hugs*
158615 |
CityKat - March 12, 2007, 1:55 p
My shoulder is hardly cold.
158613 |
Edicius - March 12, 2007, 1:05 p
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