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Deep Beneath the Stone
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Stories of Old
January 2004
The Mountain's Secret
My Profile
Name: Marie
aka: CityKat
aka: Bubbles
Age: 18 - eek! I'm old...
Birthday: December 13
Zodiac: Sagittarius
Location: The box that is campus.
Loves: RH;MIT, music, friends, the outdoors, all of my hometowns, critters, WAGGGS
Fellow Tin Soldiers
Blog Links
Chicken Soup For The Souless -What goes on in Jesse's brain, nobody knows...
In ThE Tub WiTh SquIsHy -Christina's log, so just keep swimming!.
Lean On Me -Regan's digital and cryonable shoulder.
Manitoulin Wannabe -The heart of the island's where her heart lies.
One Ring... -Ali's blog. Her straight forward is kinda crooked.
Random Thoughts -It’s Jeff! And the voices!.
Searching in the Darkness -Lex's blog, we'll force him to see dawn one of these days.
Somewhere Over the Rainbow -It’s Kuriosity!
Super Spidey -A cookie and a kiss.
The World of Cr0magnus -Tech Reincarnated
Undead and Confused -My favourite Cool Kid!
Moutains and Valleys
Fun Links
Chris's Site -Games, Pics, Jokes... He's got it. And BESS can't get him.
F-Concept! Oi!Oi!Oi! -Leader's only!... okay, and Josh and Bubble!
havesomehats -All I'm saying is; elephants, checkered people, and top hats.
Sinfest -Funny as Hell. Thanks to Lex for getting me hooked.
Too Far North (Awesome)!! -The best band there ever was! (Okay, that might be stetching it, but hey we love you guys!) It consists of a lack of independant brain power and a collective love for music!
Blog Shares -Who's winning today?
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I’m just venting, so there’s no need to read the rest of this… If I actually write anything today, I’ll post it in a separate post.
On to my venting…
Okay, so it’s common knowledge that my father and I don’t get along very well, we have differences of opinion and are each too argumentative and opinionated and want to be right – so a difference of opinion turns into a very long stage where we are pissed off at each other. This is bad… One – I love my father dearly, I’m just REALLY pissed off at him right now. Two – my mother hates it when we fight and is disappointed in me when I don’t end it. Three – I hate disappointing or saddening my mother, and these fights do that really well. Four – I know I have one of the best lives, and that it could be much worse, therefore I get mad at myself for being so worked up over so little. Finally five – My normal happy self is ruined, therefore lessening my ability to help others with their more sever and more crucial problems, and I’m not happy, not happy at all.
What sparked all this? Wood and a two day vacation through which I am around my father and mother far too often. I’m a teenager, and therefore lazy. It’s how it works, no one wants to work, least of all me. In the end, though, when I am given a chore I will complete it in a respective manner. Which is what I thought I was doing. When there are three cords of wood outside and a new cord and a half arriving every day it is assumed, wrongly, that there is plenty of time to finish piling the wood. It is assumed that the real timing only starts after the last of the wood has arrived. Of course in assuming this I forgot a few things. Firstly, it’s winter and therefore when it snows any wood left n the ground gets covered in snow and doesn’t dry. Secondly, it’s my father – who likes everything done in thirty seconds. After getting over the fact that I took too much time to pile the wood, which has only just finished arriving today, there is the fact that I haven’t piled it as my father wants. As he helped to start or complete the first few rows in the first thereof four piles, I assumed I was doing it right – wrong again. Apparently I have piled them too far apart, to high or short (they’re only 4-5 feet tall), they are too full of snow, they aren’t covered by the canvas… I’ve now been piling for a week or so, so it would be assumed, once again wrongly, that in that week and mistakes I was making would have been pointed out and corrected. Rather, as it turns out, in that week all I heard was ‘I have as many skids as you need, it’s better too far apart then too close together.’ ‘It’s fine, stop wherever as long as they’re a reasonable height and they stay up not fall down.’ ‘Make sure yo uknock off the snow as you go, if it doesn’t come off don’t worry about it. Yep, like that.’ and ‘There’s no need to cover these piles, they’re stacked properly so they won’t gather snow anyway.’. So why yell at me for doing what you say? Why not yell at me because half of the piles don’t stand up. It’s true. Why not yell at me for not filling the smoking lounge. It’s true. Yell at me for something that I did wrong, not something that I did right.
Okay so I’m over the wood. How about the fact that I’m a high school student. That I have a week off and want to make the most of it. No, this doesn’t mean filling it with all the things you want me to do, I have no problem in doing some of them, however it does mean chilling and hanging out with my friends, taking time to have fun. How about the fact that my parents don’t trust me. How about the fact that they don’t care about the parts of my life that I want them to care about, only the parts I would rather they stayed out of. I mean don’t ask why I come home in a huff, but drill me on whether or not I plan to have sex before I marry. There are some things that aren’t planned, that’s one of them. Understand that! How about the fact that I haven’t been able to breath properly all day long because my aunt’s here and my bathroom, bedroom, and living room are full of smoke. I know that for some this is nothing new, however it gives me headaches, and makes it hard for me to breathe. Of course, because I am who I am, I won’t complain. She’s here for a week then she’s leaving, I’ll live. She’s my elder, my aunt, and has my respect so I won’t ask her to change her ways, she is already trying her best not to spread the smoke. How about the fact that lately my efforts aren’t up to my own par and everyone’s fine with it, however when they are up to par no one’s fine with it. How about the fact that I have to live through a week with nothing to do but vent, get mad at my father, make my mother disappointed in me, get mad at myself, get frustrated with my brother, miss my friends and my boyfriend. How about the fact that I won’t even have summer to wind off this ventage. I usually do, however now that I live close to camp it’s back home during the weeks where I get pissed off at my father and fight with everyone and then back to work at camp during the weekends running my dock. No chill time anymore. No time to wander the woods in search of the perfect dew drop. No time to swim laps between camp and The Point. No time to canoe through the swamp and climb the hills on the opposite shore. No time for me. No time to relax and forget. No time to appreciate. No time.
I realize that this post is long and quite useless however if you are still reading you will know that it is me relieving some of the burden from my shoulders. Some of the burden that I would rather not carry. Some of the burden I will always carry and always discard, then always pick back up.
*hugs*
P.S. I love all the people I'm pissed off at dearly, don't get me wrong. And I'm sure they all have their reasons, but I'm pissed off. So give me a break.
last modified Jan 27, 2004, 5:45 p
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It's okay marie. believe me, i know what you're going through, except it happens with my brother.you see, we have a wood burning stove in the garage, and we have wood piled outside next to the garage, and exvery so often me and my brother have to go and restock the inside of the garage. my brother, automaically assuming i have no clue how to do anything, puts me on grunt work detail, while he "properly stacks the wood", and then gets pissed when i'm tired and he's not. oh, did I mention that he's also past six foot and works out? so yeah.
sorry about the vent, but it started out as a cmparison and then got a life of it's own.
But anyways, it all works out in the end. no one know why or how, but it does.
*uberhug*
Biff
87553 |
Biff - January 28, 2004, 3:00 p
*hugs*
87539 |
Edicius - January 28, 2004, 11:15 a
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