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Deep Beneath the Stone
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Stories of Old
March 2004
The Mountain's Secret
My Profile
Name: Marie
aka: CityKat
aka: Bubbles
Age: 18 - eek! I'm old...
Birthday: December 13
Zodiac: Sagittarius
Location: The box that is campus.
Loves: RH;MIT, music, friends, the outdoors, all of my hometowns, critters, WAGGGS
Fellow Tin Soldiers
Blog Links
Chicken Soup For The Souless -What goes on in Jesse's brain, nobody knows...
In ThE Tub WiTh SquIsHy -Christina's log, so just keep swimming!.
Lean On Me -Regan's digital and cryonable shoulder.
Manitoulin Wannabe -The heart of the island's where her heart lies.
One Ring... -Ali's blog. Her straight forward is kinda crooked.
Random Thoughts -It’s Jeff! And the voices!.
Searching in the Darkness -Lex's blog, we'll force him to see dawn one of these days.
Somewhere Over the Rainbow -It’s Kuriosity!
Super Spidey -A cookie and a kiss.
The World of Cr0magnus -Tech Reincarnated
Undead and Confused -My favourite Cool Kid!
Moutains and Valleys
Fun Links
Chris's Site -Games, Pics, Jokes... He's got it. And BESS can't get him.
F-Concept! Oi!Oi!Oi! -Leader's only!... okay, and Josh and Bubble!
havesomehats -All I'm saying is; elephants, checkered people, and top hats.
Sinfest -Funny as Hell. Thanks to Lex for getting me hooked.
Too Far North (Awesome)!! -The best band there ever was! (Okay, that might be stetching it, but hey we love you guys!) It consists of a lack of independant brain power and a collective love for music!
Blog Shares -Who's winning today?
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I try to help people, but I always end up getting in the way. So I try to stay out of the way and end up hurting them. So I finally find a balance and Fate decides that I’m her worst enemy! Why? Why screw with my mind? Why make me think I’m wroth while. Why make me think I have a purpose? Why? Why do you hate me? What did I do? I’m trying to be the best I can be. I’m failing miserably – my marks are low, my friends upset, my life in pieces. But I keep my smile on my face, in fact even as I write this I’m forcing that smile to stay, and I live my life. I try to be the best I can be. But I fail.
Finally a friend decides to reach for the hand I’ve given them. I have learned to not force them to take, or to not offer it. But now, finally, someone takes it. But guess what?!? I’m gone. The hand isn’t there. In fact I haven’t talked to this person in what seems to be eons. I know that they’re fighting with their family. I know that they’re relationship is suffering because of it. So I offer all the help I can. I don’t see them on a daily basis anymore, but I still offer what I can give. FINALLY they accept. Guess what? I’m gone. The hand is still there, the offer still valid. But for the first time in my pitiful life I’m not there. I don’t have my cell on me, I’m not at home. They have NO means of reaching me. Why? Because I’m an idiot.
I tempt these people into false hopes that I can help, that I will always be there. But it seems every time they reach out to me, I’m not there! Damn myself. And NO I’m never undamning myself, but while I’m on this road I’ll undamn whoever is reading this a few times (and if you just happen to be Ali, a few hundred times). Damn me!
Why? Why do I do this to them? Why do I make them think I’ll always be there, then when they turn to look for me I’m gone. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I force myself to believe in me? Because I’m always letting myself down. Why do I always want to help? If I never helped I wouldn’t have this problem. But no! I offer my help, I let them believe I’ll always be there, I believe in myself, and I want to help. In other words – I screw myself over. It’s a vicious circle. I want to help, but I fail at helping, which just makes me want to help all the more to make up for failing, which just means the next time I’ll fail again, but in a worse manner.
Damn Me
*hugs* Since I’m always so kind and helpful I might as well offer the hugs at least.
Brevity – the soul of lingerie. – Dorothy Parker
P.S. I’m sooooo sorry I wasn’t home.
last modified Mar 18, 2004, 4:38 p
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Why Me? Bad thought...
*Grabs hand, and holds on tightly* Marie, look at me. In the eye, in your minds' eye.
You want failure? Look at me. I say that I am always there, but am I? Am I really? I hope so. But really there is absolutely no way I can be avaliable twenty four hours a day seven days a week!
First point: That smile, though it is loved by many of us, has to be let down some times. I remember you telling someone that if we don't bend, we break. It is true. You want to stand straight and tall, and meet the wind and rain as the pound down on you, but no one can. Not even the tallest tree in the forest would stand strong if we stripped away the soil from it's roots, moved it to a "better place" and left it nothing to lean on.
Second point: You are, most definitely are, worth while. Don't you ever, not for one minute, stop believing that. There is a point, a purpose, a reason, always. There is always something to do, to learn, to discover. Someone to help, someone to take care of, someone with needs.
Next: Friends get upset. It happens. That's why other friends are there. Maybe not at the immediate moment, but to help after the fact. Think of it this way. If someone went in to see a doctor, because they weren't feeling well, and the doctor was on holidays, would the person give up? No, they would go back, because the problem is not going to go away on it's own.
(This is going to take a while...)
Fourth point: Trivial I believe. Your marks are fine, and you are not an idiot. Far from it. There are ways of defining idiot....A certain name comes to mind...Initials are *drum roll* A.K. Comprende?
Five!: When you offer help, it is there, and we know it. It is not a false hope. We know that you will do anything that you can, and that means you have not failed. If just one person believes in you and seeks out your help, you have not failed.
Six: I am undamning you. Point final.
Seven: You were not gone. Only outside of the circle of light that surrounds us all. No one is outside the circle for long. YOu came back, and that is the main thing.
Eight: YOU DID NOT FAIL! If you are there now, there is no such thing as failure. To drown in pity for yourself and for others will help no one at all.
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REGS - March 19, 2004, 1:23 a
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Marie, if your trying your best and doing everything you can possible you are not failing. I would really like to know who would hate you...anyway, one of the reasons I started to be your good friend is because I knew you were a person I could trust, no your not always home but we don't think you should be sitting at ur butt all day at ur house just to be there for a phone call. You have tried you best, and thats all we need from you. You are there for us alot more then you think you are, even after you moved away. like when my Aunt died you were there for me, I didn't have to ask for help, you got my mind off of things when no one else could. Im sure you would be there more for the person who called if you two had the chance to talk more often. but its hard because of the LD and how you two are busy all the time. but I just wanted to say no matter what we will love you, and be there for you. we might not always be home but we will do the best we can just like you do for us. I really wish you would take a break because you are getting really stressed but I know you better then that you wont stop till everyones happy. Anyway all your frieds and family love you, don't forget that, not only this just because you are god knows how far away from us Milton ppl we don't and wont ever forget you, because you have gave us something very special, you gave us friendship, love, a shoulder to cry on, and sometimes you put us in our place if we were being stupid. We miss you alot here and hope that you are happy. love ya hun, *hugs* miss ya tonz...cyaz
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AshAsh - March 19, 2004, 12:22 a
hmm... first off marie... never give up... i live my life to help others... however you must realise that you can never always be there for them... as much as you may say so and as much as you may want to... there are always times when you cannot be reached to help... all you can do is help when you can... i myself try to help everyone i know as much as possible, everyone knows they can message or email me all day with anything they need to talk about... and a bunch of people have my home and cell numbers... but i am not always reachable... i realised that a long time ago... and accepted that... however i help whenever i can... and marie to be there online from time to time talking to people... you would be surprised how much you help someone just chatting with them online... so you shouldn't feel so bad for not being reachable for whatever happened... you are a wonderful person and many people love you and look forward to talking to you whenever they can... and love to get your advice on topics and here your thoughts... and for many people that is more help than they could ever ask for... *hugs*... so feel better....
95825 |
Iamweasel - March 18, 2004, 10:19 p
hmmm
i dont quite fully understand yet i find it interesting...do u have msn?
95811 |
CoreyStefanizzi - March 18, 2004, 9:50 p
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