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Stories of Old
March 2004
The Mountain's Secret
My Profile
Name: Marie
aka: CityKat
aka: Bubbles
Age: 18 - eek! I'm old...
Birthday: December 13
Zodiac: Sagittarius
Location: The box that is campus.
Loves: RH;MIT, music, friends, the outdoors, all of my hometowns, critters, WAGGGS
Fellow Tin Soldiers
Blog Links
Chicken Soup For The Souless -What goes on in Jesse's brain, nobody knows...
In ThE Tub WiTh SquIsHy -Christina's log, so just keep swimming!.
Lean On Me -Regan's digital and cryonable shoulder.
Manitoulin Wannabe -The heart of the island's where her heart lies.
One Ring... -Ali's blog. Her straight forward is kinda crooked.
Random Thoughts -It’s Jeff! And the voices!.
Searching in the Darkness -Lex's blog, we'll force him to see dawn one of these days.
Somewhere Over the Rainbow -It’s Kuriosity!
Super Spidey -A cookie and a kiss.
The World of Cr0magnus -Tech Reincarnated
Undead and Confused -My favourite Cool Kid!
Moutains and Valleys
Fun Links
Chris's Site -Games, Pics, Jokes... He's got it. And BESS can't get him.
F-Concept! Oi!Oi!Oi! -Leader's only!... okay, and Josh and Bubble!
havesomehats -All I'm saying is; elephants, checkered people, and top hats.
Sinfest -Funny as Hell. Thanks to Lex for getting me hooked.
Too Far North (Awesome)!! -The best band there ever was! (Okay, that might be stetching it, but hey we love you guys!) It consists of a lack of independant brain power and a collective love for music!
Blog Shares -Who's winning today?
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I think I have found the cause of the bowling ball in the pit of my stomach. I do believe it to be all my problems that have built up, and simply wish me to remember that they exist. But I'll continue to ignore them as I have more pressing matters. My bestest has been suspended for one, and I'm not sure why. She is also still not talking to Tara. Meanwhile someone else has a family crisis, and I wish that man all I have, and all the goddess may grant him. As well yet another bestest is seemingly lost and confused, and I'm not experienced enough, nor close enough to help her. Another friend is in an off mood, and I dont'want to interfere to try to help him. Another is moving shortly, and I will miss her greatly, not to mention I will have to clue someone in to all the dealings of my past, or keep my problems to myself. Another friend has an issue bugging her, but I'm not sure what it is, and as I'm not the cloest with her I will stay away. Another friend is farther than normal, not in space or time, but in emotion and being. And yet another is confused with his relationship, not that he would ever admit it. Another I would love to be with, to cry on his shoulder and to let him cry with me, but I can't, I wouldn't last. Another I am growing far too far from, I know the distance makes things harder, but I still hate it. Another is closer, she lives in Sudbury, and yet I'm growing away from her too. Another needs peace and solitude, and her bestest to come home, but I can't. And all of them could use some tears, beit their own, or those of another to comfort them. All of them need love. And I can't give it to them.
I have been asked when I will grow up and stop whining and bitching about everything. And I thank you for asking. But this question I had to think about. I have always believed I grew up almost 5 years ago, but I didn't. I started growing up, yes. I took some of the biggest steps, yes. But have I grown up, no. I'm still a child wandering uselessy. A child looking for meaning. A child looking for comfort. A child looking for love, respect, logic, time, fun, knowledge, comfort, friendship. Finding lonliness. Somehow among my friends, I have, of late, been alone. No noise could make my attention move from my own solitude, nor could silence.
I look at some who have grown up. I see something I never want to be, but I so long to be. I see someone who can lock out the world and not care. I see someone drowned in their music, caring about the present, not the past or future, their present. % long to be able to block everything out like that, and not care. I long to be fully self-dependant, to not care about others. But I will always care.
I will always value others' opinions, what they have to say. I will value their time and effort no matter how little or large. I will always value what they have to give. I will always worry when they are in trouble. I will always care when they are sad. I will always dance when they need a break. I will always be a prisioner of other's needs. Never their wills. For I am no slave. But of my own choosing I will forever serve their needs.
Maybe this means I have grown more than I think, and I know something I shouldn't. I have known this for a while, simply not voiced it. Or maybe this means I am far younger than I believe and I have more growing up to do. It has been said that it matters not how old you are, but how you are old. This is true, for an age is nothing but a number. It is soley a count of summers lived. But how you are old is a measure of your mental security, how you have grown up. However never use this saying with me, for though it matters how you are old, it also matters how old you are. Me I'm 15. And how I am old? I'm not sure. Maybe my words will tell me. Maybe my actions will tell the world. But for now I still have a question to answer, when exactly WILL I grow up?
*hugs*
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake entire relationships. - Sharon Stone
last modified Mar 26, 2004, 7:18 p
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For those of you who worry - remember I am happiest when hewlping my friends. Even if in helping I'm driving myself nuts and seem to be tearing myself apart. I'm happiest.
97483 |
CityKat - March 28, 2004, 10:44 a
Can only say, as always, that I am here. I will always be here, if not in body, then in spirit, and mind. You can always talk to me, if you need to. Just call. If I am not at home, leave a message. It is alright to vent about your problems, and about other's problems. If that is what you need to keep problems from destroying you in the process of you caring about them, by all means, do it. We tend to care about what happens to YOU. Just don't forget that. We worry about you as much as you worry about your other friends. We like to keep you happy, and healthy, as much as possible. It is not going to seem like you don't care if you let things pass over you just a little bit. You cannot always help eveyone. You will end up hurting yourself.
*hugs*
97445 |
REGS - March 27, 2004, 10:47 p
What's to say you will every completely grow up... you grow up in turns... slowly for the most part... however i really have to wonder if you really do stop at a point and are truly grown up... i believe that throughout life you are always growing up... and it certainly isn't being immature to talk about your problems... if anything it's a sign of maturity if you are willing to talk about things with others... you have to consider this... no matter how grown up someone seems to be... they can always take time out and act immaturely... it's just part of being a human... like at a job you have to act maturely... but when you are with friends... you can be immature... i don't think i have ever seen an adult that hasn't acted immature at one time or another... you have to... otherwise you will go insane... but then that's just my opinion... and you all know how immature... or mature i can be at times...  ... *hugs*...
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Iamweasel - March 26, 2004, 10:36 p
Be strong
I wasn't saying that it was immature to want to talk about those problems, but it is in the direction of immaturity to let things get to you... It borders on masochism. Don't forget that even if you do care about everyone and want to help them, you could well end up tearing yourself in half, and then people would be worrying about you. Someone has to be strong enough to stop that from happening... which is why I said it was folly to continue worrying to the point of wrecking yourself.
Realize that there will always be problems if you give in to them instead of standing against them.
But never think I don't care... I do, even if I give off the appearance of stoicism all the time. Reasons are common enough.
97340 |
Edicius - March 26, 2004, 9:31 p
humdeedoo
heyloo marieeee
wellp. i dunno alot about ur problems... since we dun hang out much anymore...but im always here if yah need someone to talk to, and if yah need someone to cheer yah up. wow, i used 'yah' alot in that sentence, and it looks funny, but thats not the point. anyho0, i spose growing up is good, jus dun lose dah kid in urself. gotta let go sometimes...kknoow what i meaan jellybean? okay, dont ask, im odd, i know. anyho0, we all hafta whine and bitch sometimes, dun worry about it...if we don't we'll snap, and go crazy. as in, a bad crazy. if that makes any sense. Caring about others is good too, in fact its fun to talk tah people and help! itsa good thing.
oh! and come find me next week sumtime and we can eat lunch tooogeether! waho0! kay, later alligators for yah, and huggles, and after eights, and and... the hug poem! slash song...haha
*hugglesssssssssssssssssss*
*cwissy* oh, feel free to call anytime tooooooo if yah need to chat
97338 |
CwiSsY - March 26, 2004, 9:14 p
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