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I might be a god...
First off, to people commenting, I am not depressed right now. Did you not read the specific line that said the day was a good one? This weblog is where I go to unload my unhappy thoughts. It'd make it a weird weblog if I posted happy stuff all the time. *points to the title* Even though I occasionally do post happy stuff. Do not tell me to be happy. It doesn't work.
The penultimate purpose of this blog is to write down thoughts about myself that are running through my brain, and so that I can look back on them later and learn more about myself. This is a blog of self-discovery and learning. Scientia Nos Ducet. *points to the long italic paragraph at the top* Lucky for all of you that I keep this public. I may be a loner at times, but I don't begrudge my friends better learning about myself. I even value their input. But still, this a blog so I can realize what kind of person I am, and what kind of person I am becoming. Knowledge is power.
Then again, I just love talking about myself.
Back to the main purpose of this post...
I was up in the hills yesterday morning, hoping to catch a nice sunrise that morning. I didn't sleep at all, so I figured I'd do something I normally couldn't, so that staying up wasn't a total loss.
That was my line of thinking before it started raining. No sun. Just clouds, and the subsequent rain. It felt good. Twice in two days I got totally drenched.
But while I was up there, I had time to look all around and within. Early mornings spent in the hills pave the way for introspection. The main topic; I'm just a kid. I have yet to grow up. Why is that? Certainly it's not the age. It's the frame of mind. How can I fix this? And so on and so forth... I already forgot most of what I was thinking, but it wasn't lost on me. Paths, movement, and the like. (yeah, I know it doesn't make much sense. Do I ever?)
My legs are killing me, and I have done nothing to hurt them. I have no idea why my muscles are so sore. They're worse than they were yesterday. Yay.
Damn you Lex! You got me addicted to heroes again! I was almost over that game...
Master and Commander was awesome, and screwed up at the same time.
You know what? There's no cohesive feeling throughout this post. What a waste.
last modified Jul 6, 2004 at 10:44
have ya joined to orkut?
hey Steve...now i`m listenin` to vovin...have you ever heard it?it`s performed by Therion,I realy realy adore`m...
Nashmil; It's always great to hear from people who read one's weblog, but I don't hate comments. It's also great knowing you're a fan of Manowar too. Rock on!
The question I've come to ask myself now is, what does growing up mean to me?
It's not the respect from younger people I cherish - it's the respect from my elders. And I do understand the unprepared thing - it's what my conclusions come to too. Except I can't bring up this topic without doign the childish I wanna stay a kid forever thing... I dunno, just me.
dear S,regardless considerin` you hate comments I wrote one o them here  ...I`ve read your weblog for a 3 months!I`ve found here very fantastic,your Desires ,ambotions ...`r so strange...I love your style...maybe it`s because o your sickness that made your weblog kinda cool `n alive...I love your slant,any way I hate exaggeratin` so its so much for!!!!I adore Manowar so I write a qoute by`m:
born to walk against the wind...born to hear my name...no matter where I stand I`m alone...good luck
fn.I like since from a memory too;) GOD SAVE ME!!!!!!!!!
metal music mean all to me so MANOWAR`s my metal god,Fancy that...I`m iranian mettaler girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
genie, don't worry if you think I was upset at you or anything. I never take much stock in what people say over the internet. Text never adequately describes what a person is feeling, and it only captures a tiny bit of what might be going through the person's mind.
I have no regrets in my life, and that is truly a good way to go through life.
On a side, I have plenty of perks of being a grownup, such as freedom to do whatever I feel like, and respect from younger people... but it's not what I am searching for...
Thank you for your advice, and do not be apologetic.
If off let me apologize for my previous post. It was premature and I never should have made such a comment without going back and reading a lot more of your archives.
As for the growing up bit. None of us every really want to grow up; we just want the perks that come with being a grownup.
Although the world is harsh and cruel there are glimmers of light and hope that flow through it. Cling to these glimmers and try to live everyday to its full potential. Whether you live everyday has a chaotic child or as a mature and wise adult all that matters is one must have no regrets of how they lived. On the road of life, this crazy journey, there are too many paths to count but only one actually counts the one you are on.
But as far as Master and Commander goes; I am sorry that was twisted and kind of bad movie. But that’s just my worthless opinion.
Your Apologetic Friend,
Genie
Life flings you into the world, whether you are ready or not. When I say I'm still a kid, I mean that I am unprepared for the world. I could cite reasons why, but they're unimportant compared to what must be faced.
Hmmm... ya that whole I haven't grown up yet thing... Me understands... I come to that conclusion quite often... However who wants to grow up?!? I think that's the most childish thing I 've ever said. I do, but I don't... But I'm not allowed to sit on the fence post, I'm gonna shot whoever made that rule.
Oh, and him being happy would just be scary.
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