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krakow studios. go.
With the upcoming presidential debate, I'm sure many Americans are looking forward to seeing George W. Bush's downright surreal extemporaneus speaking style versus John Kerry's robotic anti-charisma, if only for the comedic value. But as a Canadian, I only fear apprehension. For every 4 years, not only does America choose a new president, but the millions of Americans who vow to move to Canada should the candidate they dislike lose emigrate north in an exodus of biblical proportions. In fact, after the 2000 election, over 6 million Americans crossed the border within two months. Of course we welcome the integration of new Canadians (we're too polite to say no) but this causes a large number of logistical problems.
Firstly, even left-leaning Americans can have a hard time adjusting to communist Canada. Liberals have heard only rumours of the wonders of Canadian healthcare, and are often quite shocked when cheap prescription drugs rain from the sky. Up here, not only does the government pay for you to have your appendix removed, it's mandatory.
Secondly even with government subsidies, it's difficult for newly landed families to purchase a car with the steering wheel on the right side so that they can drive on Canadian roads. This problem is only compounded by the need to purchase a snowmobile for the winter months. Canadian winters are extremly harsh, and last from February through to August due to the coriolis effect.
But perhaps the greatest challenge for Americans is adjusting to the metric system. Instead of having the speed limit posted in miles per hour, we use kilometeres. And instead of weighing ourselves in pounds, we use Jigiwatts. Metric Christmas falls on February 17th.
After the last election, Canada wasn't able to fully recover from the massive influx of Americans for nearly two years. In fact, we even had to cancel the holiest of all Canadian holidays, Boxing Day. It's true that American immigrants who disliked the election results have always been a cornerstone of Canadian society, dating back to the victory of Rutherford B. Hayes in 1877. But this November, I urge Americans to please, please consider staying in the United States even if the candidate you hate wins. I'm afraid our greatest ever prime minister, PJ Phil, would spin in his grave if we missed another Boxing Day.
I'd just like to state that PJ Phil was the coolest guy ever.
last modified Oct 3, 2004 at 16:17
Heh, nice choice of pictures.
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