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Can I kill myself? Please?
Arcana.
Anywho, maybe it's time I updated this seriously for once.
Updates on:
School;
-not bad... it turns out that my current depression is actually making it hard to do homework... well, that and my being bored. Again, I must bring up my giftedness, and proclaim it a handicap. I already understand this stuff. I can't bring myself to do the work though... maybe I don't deserve to go to University after all...
-Interim reports come out soon. I expect a straight B average except for History class. That one is a wild card.
-I find myself hating lunches and the periods between classes. And the classes themselves, but that goes without saying. In fact, I just want out. Out of Lockerby, life, everything.. god... I've been skipping classes, going back to the old me... whatever that means...
Life;
-so, I'm now hanging around a new group of geeks on the weekends from now on. Sucked me into making an RP character. (think D&D) So I'm becoming more of the geek that I already am. Fucking A...
-Um... still suicidal, yes...
-ignore me, please. It'll pass eventually. It always does, doesn't it?
-that's actually pretty much it.
Home;
-Landscaping the back yard. Fun.
-Andre moved out, so I'm finally getting the room I was supposed to. The room comes complete with a coffee table, 40-inch TV, queen size bed (which was well used by it's previous occupants...) and a couch. Yeah, it's more of a living room than a bedroom. I think I could shut myself in there satisfactorally...
-Had to put down the dog. That was very, very sad...
-Kitten gets cuter every day
-My life at home consists of the computer, and the PS2. I sleep earlier each day now too so as to get enough sleep.
in my mind;
-Still hate everyone... everything... myself...
-Still want to kill myself quite badly...
-Still cry myself to sleep every second night
-Still cut myself to sleep every other night
-Still pushing people away, including those aforementioned new people I met
Ergo, nothing is new, is it?
last modified Oct 3, 2004 at 18:28
Bleh... Trust me... Even though we don't know each other very WELL, I know how it feels to be stuck in that rut where you don't want to do anything, talk to anyone... and the like. I've wanted to lock myself in a room and just be alone and do nothing for long periods of time... To be honest, I'm only half out of that hole. I don't know what it is that's pulling me out--I'm thinking friends.
...This is kind of a pointless reply, but... Yeah. You're not allowed to kill yourself. Ever. :3
Ok you dont know me...well...yeah u do..a bit..(an yeah am doin my best to make everythin grammatically incorrect so you can spend some timecorrectin it ;)) anyways, yeah, you dont know me as such, but you know wigglegigs, and she likes you, which leads me to believe you're a nice guy, because she can tell a twat from a mile away *to the tune of cowboy by kidrock if u know it :P* roight, well, you cant kill yourself, because I know that it would deeply upset a hell of a lot of people..I wont try an claim that one of them is me, I aint here to patronise you, but its only really not me because I dont know you that well...suffice to say that I know of you, so I care if you live or die, and I dont like dying...so dont..lest its a shirt :P
reason 2: its illegal anyway...Hitler was illegal...you dont wanna be like Hitler...do you?...*brought to you by the danchan department of mental health and safety "Blog as the bloggers do"*
So either get to know me an make me care lol or dont...and still dont kill urself...u'll be alrite man, I mean, I can see you've got at least a 160 IQ surely u can figure sumthin out ;) l4t0rz *hugs...Big gruff manly hugs...soooo...yeah lets go watch football YEAH!*<--that was like tryin to be a stereotypical caveman american...or sumthin...yeah...I'll jus go... lol
Yeah, and I can also beat up little kids if I felt like it, or set my house on fire...
Just because I can do something doesn't mean I have to, especially if my heart's not in it.
I can't bring myself to do anything and get out of this slump.
I have to agree with Steve. No you are not allowed.
YOu can fight. You can win. You can beat anything thrown at you. Why? Because you have done it for a long time, and it is deeply ingrained. YOu can do anything you want, anything you set your mind to.
Take care. *hugs*
killing yourself is completely within the realm of possibility. may you? no. too bad. cause I said so... I called it, and you can't uncall it. too bad for you.
No, no you can't.
I don't even think you're allowed to.
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