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Michael.
Quitting NSA. Wednesdays from now on are free, aside from scholasticism. (Ha)
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Learned last night why I never knew much about my Aunt, in particular. (It's a given I know nothing about my family, anyways.) She's a typical crack head, and my mom hasn't spoken to her since the time my Aunt blamed her for not helping her pay off her debts to a Coke dealer which lead to her being knifed in the face and such. That was three years ago... -_-
I swear to you I don't make this stuff up.
This was overheard in a conversation between my mom and her friend. My mom was discussing going out West alone to meet her mom and brother whom she hasn't seen in 10 years.
Not looking forward to Sunday... hair cut, and dinner with Stepdad. I'm not good with family relations, especially my stepdad. He scares me somewhat still. Years of physical and mental abuse do kind of leave a small imprint in your head...
I decided tonight how I would die if/when I decide to kill myself. That was... well... won't say, actually.
First nightmare I ever had? Well, it was me attempting to sleep at my old house on Minto street across from the arena. (Now demolished.) It was dark. I'd toss and turn, but I'd just hear scritching and scratching noises. They were driving me crazy. There was no moon. That was particularly memorable. Eventually, I couldn't take the scratching noises any longer, and I called to my parents for help. They opened the door to my room, light from the hallway illuminating my room, and identifying the source of the scratching. Bugs. Thousands of bugs. The walls were covered head to toe in bugs. The windows were covered in bugs. My bed was covered in bugs. Crawling, biting, creepy little insects. I pleaded for them to do something about it. My stepdad booted the walls a few times, dropping many of them to the floor. It wasn't particularly successful... he then said that he can't really do anything. Just go back to sleep and they'll be gone in the morning. They then left the room, and the bugs started crawling over me. I scrambled up the ladder of the bunk to the upper bunk where my older brother lay. He would help me. Except that when I got up there, he was covered head to toe in bugs. He was dead. I screamed. I screamed, and fell backwards off the top bunk into the mess of bugs below. That's when I woke up. I had fallen out of bed.
last modified Mar 25, 2005 at 23:41
I had a similar "first nightmare" experience, except it was crabs that ate things with their claws, and it was in the basement.
Hey Anthea, I wouldn't worry too much about that. It isn't the first time I've talked about it on here. (Hence the name of this blog being suicide backwards) Most people just ignore it. (ANGST'D)
I'm usually serious at the time (dead serious, heh... bad pun) but I usually outlast those thoughts. I just think too much is all...
Hi Jesse,
It's Anthea...I sit in front of you in english, but I'm sure you know that. Okay so I read your post and I was kinda shocked by that line about killing yourself. Obviously you don't know me that well but if you'd like to then we can talk some time. I really don't want you to end it all because basically...it wouldn't be good. Let me know if I can help.
AnThEa
You know Steve, FF4 has always been my favourite FF game, and I've played them all. I'd love to see what you did with it.
And Regan, I quit because I wanted to. Also, no one knows more than I that someone needs to be doing something to keep their mind occupied lest it decays through boredom.
It's all relative.
Great, you quit NSA just as soon as I start writing pieces for the band... AND when I finally took the time to figure out the Final Fantasy IV theme on the flute!
Oh well... must show you at some other time... plus, it's not like you want to. I'm looking forward to showing you, and I figure we could have enjoyed that moment of Final Fantasy goodness.  .
First question: Why quit NSA?
Next, it isn't healthy to not take joy in anything Jesse. I know that we don't talk anymore, but I still feel like I have the right to say this, being at one time someone that I think you regarded as a friend. You need to find something to take up your time, you need a passion, a hobby, or whatever you want to call it.
Like I mentioned earlier, I know that we don't talk anymore. That was not what I wanted to happen...But I just want to let you know, that if ever you feel the need to talk to someone, I am still here. I know that I am not your first choice, but if someday I seem to be the only choice, I will still listen.
Take care of yourself Jesse.
Cliche answer; nothing
Hello,
Its me again. I somewhat take a fascination in you my friend. You remind me somewhat of myself a while ago. Can I ask you one question? What do you take pleasure in in your life? What joys you?
If you wish to ignore my message I understand.
Take care
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