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Black Rose Immortal
Latest posts below.
I dragged this lake looking for corpses
Dusted for prints, pried up the floorboards
Pieces of planes and black box recorders
Don't lie (don't lie)
And I've been preoccupied with these sick, sick senses
That sense DNA on barbed wire fences
Maybe someday I'll find me a suspect
That has no alibi
New Year's Eve was as boring as heaven
I watched flies fuck on channel 11
There was no one to kiss, there was nothing to drink
Except some old rotten milk someone left in the sink
And there's no ring, there's no ring on the phone anymore
There's no reason to call I passed out on the floor
Smoked myself stupid and drank my insides raisin dry
But at the right place at the right time
I'll be dead wrong and you'll be just fine
I won't have to quit doing fucked up shit
For anyone but me
At the right place at the right time
It will have been worth it to stand in line
And you won't have to stop
Saying "I love cops" for anyone but me
Your private eye
I dragged this lake looking for corpses
Dusted for prints, pried up the floorboards
Pieces of planes and black box recorders
Don't lie (don't lie)
And I've been preoccupied with these sick, sick senses
That sense DNA on barbed wire fences
Maybe someday I'll find me a suspect
That has no alibi
But at the right place at the right time
I'll be dead wrong and you'll be just fine
And I won't have to quit doing fucked up shit
For anyone but me
And at the right place at the right time
It will have been worth it to stand in line
And you won't have to stop
Saying "I love cops" for anyone but me
Your private eye
Your private eye
But at the right place at the right time
I'll be dead wrong and you'll be just fine
You won't have to quit doing fucked up shit
For anyone but me
And at the right place at the right time
It will have been worth it to stand in line
And you won't have to stop
Saying "I love cops" for anyone but me
Your private eye
-Private Eye by Alkaline Trio
last modified Jun 14, 2006 at 1:46
Simultaneous best and worst Christmas ever. Well, actually, the worst Christmas was either the one that didn't happen after the breakup of my parents, or the one the year after in which we received next to nothing while freezing because the heater broke, and the cops came on account of my Stepdad asking to make sure my mom wasn't doing anything illegal. -_-
No, this one ranks up there with the worst. 3 hours of sleep, when I should be on Holidays, barely eating anything, nothing technological working for me (computer comes to mind... nearly smashed the monitor, but settled for getting a different cord instead, which was just as good) like installing hardware, or putting together the massive presents my younger brothers got. Coupled with the two EXTREMELY annoying younger brothers for most of the day, I had a migraine before it was even 2 o'clock. ou ever try teaching Guitar to a kid who not only has ADD, but also keeps asking to play Good Charlotte, and gets mad at you when you don't? Fun. The other one just wouldn't shut up. Punches were in order. Mainly from my older brother to me. Some things never change... Oh, and I owe him $50. Yay. (And still Janis $15)
Thus went the morning, the better part of the day. I had a good haul of stuff. Definitely the best gifts I've ever received.
Starting at around 5, my mom's friends started trickling in. By around 6, the main floor was a smoky haze, there was no room to move around in the dining room, much less be able to hear yourself think. I ate my first and only thing all day at 7. Because of all the people, my portions weren't exactly generous. Of course, I'm old enough to cook for myself now if I'm hungry. *sigh*
As I go to rinse my plate, my mom (already tipsy with the smell of booze on her breath) reminds me that I have to be at my stepdad's in a couple hours. No one told me this. Apparently I was voluntold to babysit Nicolas, the most annoying kid in the world, bar none, even if he is cute. Well, I can't exactly refuse, so I get a ride with my mom's friends, who went to their place first and got me to do some chores for them first. Then it was off to the party.
That's right, there was a party going on at my stepdad's. The same place I was babysitting. Thankfully, Nicolas didn't come, (small blessing) so I only had to watch my younger brother until he fell asleep. Bringing a Fooz-Ball table up and around a set of stairs is no easy task... We played Mario Kart Double Dash for a while, until I got frustrated with how the AI blatantly cheats at high levels. By this time, my migraine was strong enough to kill a horse. My brother decides to go to bed. He must have been tired. He fell asleep right away, despite the blaring music and the people screaming not five feet below him.
So, I go downstairs, having nothing else to do. The floor was so smoky and hazy I could barely see the wall on the other side. And I'm only slightly exaggerating. Migraine becomes stronger. I begin to feel queasy, as I usually do when I get a really strong migraine. The sounds, the smells, and just watching the drunken adults make idiots of themselves made me sick to my stomach. I wished I was back at home so I could get some sleep or something. It took me a whole 10 minutes just to get my mom's attention, because of how loud it was, and how inebriated she was. It took 20 minutes after that just to arrange a ride, and another 15 until it left. All the meanwhile I had to put up with drunk after slovenly drunk. God, I hate drunk people... And I thought drunk teenagers were bad...
Crowding into a van with 4 more people than there were seatbelts, I was practically sitting on some strangers lap. I was dropped off about 5 minutes from where my house was because I was ready to throw up from the smoke in the car. Suffocating. I get home at about 1:15 or so. I realize I left my key inside the house. Joy. I frantically search for a way inside the house. Maybe there was a window unlocked, or a key left somewhere that I can use. One half hour, a fruitless search turned up nothing except snow all the way up to my knees, and inside my shoes from walking around the house. The cold didn't help my migraine any. I threw up about twice.
I didn't have any money to just use a pay phone, nor did I want to risk talking to drunk people at a party over the phone through calling collect, so I decide to wait inside my porch, which isn't the most well insulated part of the house, if you catch my drift. After all, they should be heading home any minute now.
2 and a half hours were to pass before someone even drove into the driveway. I kept myself warm by rearranging the whole porch. The strenuous activity further enflamed my fucking headache, of course. I tried my hand at reading, but there was no light in the porch, and it made my headache worse trying to strain my eyes reading it in low light. Towards the end, as my body temperature kept falling, and my stomach contents kept leaving me, I started to care less about keeping myself warm. When they finally came home at 4 in the morning, they found me sitting on cases of beer, giving them a glare that they couldn't even see.
I'm still shivering, and I have a feeling I'm going to be rather sick the next couple of days. Joy.
To top it off, as I'm writing this, my older brother's friend comes down, reads over my shoulder, blowing more smoke in face, the smell of booze on his breath, says a few annoying drunkenly slurred words, farts in my face, and leaves. -_-
So, now what? Well, a long hot bath, then sleeping most of the next day. I don't even know if I want to go an inebriation party tomorrow. I've had enough of drunk people to last me a long while...
Oh yeah, merry fucking Christmas, everybody.
P.S; consider this blog "On Hiatus" for the next while. I'm done with it.
Why, this close to Christmas, does it not feel in any way like Christmas?
It was weird... I was coming downstairs to the main floor where the kitchen is located to refill my drink... In the dining room, my 3 brothers, my mother, and my brother's friend (who is more or less adopted after my brother saved his life) are all sitting at the table, conversing. Having selected my beverage of choice, I was ready to head back upstairs to continue reading a novel I was heavily interested in. My mom however, being a little tipsy, asked me to stay and chat for a while. Being me, I'm never one for social gatherings. Especially familial ones. I usually just sneak off somewhere by myself and hope they forget about me. Never fails. I'm such a hit at family reunions...
Back to the point, I didn't really want to stay, but she wanted to spend some time with all four of her sons. It'll have been almost two years since all four of us sat down in the same room for any length of time. After a bit of coaxing, and being teamed up on by everybody in the room, I agreed to stay.
After spending a few moments, mostly spent observing, something happened. Watching my youngest brother scream in agony as my elder brother hurt him, both with a smile plastered across their faces, my other younger brother belching a lovely counterpoint melody to my brother's screams... of all the darndest things, I started to smile too. I experienced an emotion I only felt the flickerings of before... the joy of family.
Granted, it didn't last for long, because it was a new feeling, and I'm sure I didn't feel it in it's fullest, but it was profound enough for me to come down here to write about it.
I've never felt such a feeling. It was like, happiness, combined with love, except without the prerequisite of being attracted to someone. It was a feeling almost entirely alien to me, but not entirely unpleasant either. The fact that it was triggered by my family was also interesting, because I've never really had what I could consider a family. Not just that I was always a loner, but because all my family live outside the province, and I never really interacted with any of them. I was always mine. Seperate from the few people I should feel close to...
Given all that, I think this newfound sensation will probably be one of my most treasured gifts I have received this year. 
I look forward to spending tomorrow with my family, and especially Christmas day. Here's hoping the Christmas joy likewise makes its way to all your hearts as it did mine.
*hugs to all*
New CD's for me collection:
Rammstein - Reise Reise (YES! Finally! Woo! *does a backflip*)
Cradle of Filth - ? (I forget, but it's for my brother, heh)
Leahy - Leahy (Yes, about damn time... I've been wanting it for the longest time)
Apocalyptica (Pioneered and created the apocalypse metal genre. I mean, seriously, an entirely Cello band, with occasional percussion? What could be cooler. I love strings combined with metal. Which reminds me of the Trans-Siberian Orchestra CD I need to get... Comes with several covers of songs too, which is awesome)
Anywho, spent the day with Janis so far, and now going sledding and skating with people. Maybe I won't crack my head this time...
Picture yourself
sleeping on a plane
there's something ticking in the overhead
and inside your brains
there's bodies in the water
and bodies in the basement
if heaven's for clean people, it's vacant
and hey are you know?
and hey are you being careful?
and hey are you luke warm?
hey ya you are
I'm frantic
so load me up
whatever puts me all the way out
picture yourself swimming in an ocean
a million miles from nowhere and the nearest phone
there's bodies in the water
floating all around you
and all of them are talking, and they're comedians
and hey are you you know?
and hey are you special?
and hey are you deformed?
hey ya you are
I'm frantic
so load me up
it seems so practiced
me fucking this up
whatever puts me all the way out
picture yourself at the MGM grand
murphy's fighting hokem
you're in the stands
there's somebody in the water
in the middle of the ocean
a million miles from nowhere
and they're alone
I'm there alone
so, so deformed
I'm frantic
so load me up
this seems so practiced
so take me all the way out
whatever puts me all the way out
Life update: Missed a hell of a lot of school this month. I dunno why, but it never fails. I always get some sort of sickness that gets me real sick in December. Then again, giving away a pint of blood didn't help, I suppose. I could have used those white blood cells.
Been pretty busy just about every day so far. Still got a couple days left before my business runs out. Still, if anyone wants to do anything, you know where I can be reached.
I hate Kris Kringles. I have to buy a gift for someone based off this information: Her name is Christine. She is a female. Any advice?
I hate having to shovel my driveway. 500 square feet. I'm not exaggerating. On top of that, our backyard is 900, but thankfully I don't have to touch it.
What does get me mad though, was that just as I finished, a guy driving a plow drives in to visit me mum. Oh well. I made $20 shovelling my neighbours driveways too while I was at it. Still can't feel my toes.
Punking tonight. Yay. Seeing Janis. Yayer.
Wake up!
Come on, don't give up... you were doing so good...
Why? Why start this again?
You're better than this...
Please, don't go... don't go...
Don't leave me... not like this... not like this...
Just... why?
Why?
You think getting a real gun pulled on you would be scary, especially when you're sitting at home alone, and the person pointing the gun at you is a person your family specifically told you not to let in the house because of his past. Nevermind the fact you haven't seen him in years.
But fuck it, it was my brother's friend. He's cool. Minus the whole thug thing he has going on. Besides, he admitted he could never kill me or any of my family ever since my bro saved his life.
Then he tells me he forgot to put the safety on. Oh, what a joker...
I'm going to donate blood in half an hour. If I don't sign on tonight, then I'm probably collapsed somewhere, or in the hospital.
My, life seems to be ever more dangerous these days...
Wee, nostalgia, how I love thee. *cries*
I feel bad. Everyone else around me is sad. I'm not. Yes, believe it or not, Jesse is happy for once in his life, without needing anything to rely on. I forgot how to do that... However, if one is to believe my 'depression sponge' theory, my being happy is what's causing everyone to feel sad.
Tomorrow night should be fun.
Chivalry as defined by Webster's involves *bravery, gallantry, honor, protection of the weak, and generous treatment of foes*. It is more utilitarian than sexist.
Concert on Wednesday wasn't bad. Variety Night Thursday wasn't bad. Concert Friday morning wasn't bad. Concert Saturday was kick ass. Concert today I can't go to. Concert Monday shouldn't be too bad. Concert Tuesday should be awesome. Fighting on Wednesday should be fun. Work Thursday should be alright, especially if I get paid. Dancing Friday should be fun. Party Saturday should be fun. Dinner and that on Sunday will likely be awkward, but interesting. Party on Monday will be awkward, but interesting. Donating blood on Tuesday should be fun. The rest of Christmas break is up in the air.
As for school work, I should get on it.
R.I.P. Darrell
I'm going to try updating this normally again...
Bah, sitting here at Steve's, not feeling in the best of moods, I guess you can say. Today's pretty much just one of those days where nothing seems to go right. Hell, the only upsides to my day (so far) was receiving Cake's Pressure Chief (YES! Finally...) and the self titled Franz Ferdinand CD (YES! Finally...) I could have exchanged one of the two for Everclear's greatest hits, but I had been wanting these two CD's ever since I took them out of the Fed-Ex box and put them into my school's "Listening Post." But those were marred by the fact I pretty much had to beg to get both of them, and I'm a pretty prideful person, so that hurt my self-esteem a little.
Other things that made it a bad day was basically being treated like shit by people. Most were stressed for one reason or another today. Granted, they may have had a bit of a stressful week, but that's no excuse to take it out on innocent people. I'm pretty laid-back about that sort of thing, but it does tick me off when they don't treat respect as a two-way street.
As well, my current record as far as classes go is like this: Whereas a normal person in the past two and a half weeks would have had somewhere about 52-56 classes, I have had less than ten. No classes today. Didn't go to school yesterday. 2 classes Monday, and 1 Tuesday. This is annoying...
At the moment, I wish I was at home. In particular, I wish I was lying on the couch in my room, with the lights dimmed, and Franz Ferdinand or Cake blasting on the speakers as I take a catnap. My back is hurting, and I had too little sleep last night. I stayed up until 3 watching American History X. It's one of my favourite movies, and because I do not own it, and rarely see it, I decided it was worth it. And it was. Especially memorable was seeing my mom flinch at the scene where the guy's skull is split. It gives me the shakes thinking of it now, actually. Still, you can't disagree with the message of the movie. If you're a hatemonger, you will go to jail and get raped. Then the hate comes around full circle and bites you in the ass in the worst possible way. (Not talking about the rape there)
Gah, I'm not making much sense right now. Too tired. I'm probably going to lie down for a bit. Then soak my head.
So, here I am living my life as usual when I suddenly decide to open up my weblog and decide to say this one thing.
I would be the one person you would want at your back (or front) if you were going down into hell to slay the devil.
I've always been a fighter. I fight to protect those I care about.
That is all.
What do you think you are, for Chrissake, crazy or somethin'? Well you're not! You're not! You're no crazier than the average asshole out walkin' around on the streets and that's it. - McMurphy
Quoting aside, this is going to be an interesting week, heh...
Shrimp tastes good. I don't think I'll be eating them more often though. Once is enough.
Oh, and is it normal to find joint cartilage in a plate of minced chicken? I'm assuming it is...
2nd place in dance contest. Bleh.
Reach For The Top tourny tomorrow.
Work today was fun.
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