|
Black Rose Immortal
Latest posts below.
I dragged this lake looking for corpses
Dusted for prints, pried up the floorboards
Pieces of planes and black box recorders
Don't lie (don't lie)
And I've been preoccupied with these sick, sick senses
That sense DNA on barbed wire fences
Maybe someday I'll find me a suspect
That has no alibi
New Year's Eve was as boring as heaven
I watched flies fuck on channel 11
There was no one to kiss, there was nothing to drink
Except some old rotten milk someone left in the sink
And there's no ring, there's no ring on the phone anymore
There's no reason to call I passed out on the floor
Smoked myself stupid and drank my insides raisin dry
But at the right place at the right time
I'll be dead wrong and you'll be just fine
I won't have to quit doing fucked up shit
For anyone but me
At the right place at the right time
It will have been worth it to stand in line
And you won't have to stop
Saying "I love cops" for anyone but me
Your private eye
I dragged this lake looking for corpses
Dusted for prints, pried up the floorboards
Pieces of planes and black box recorders
Don't lie (don't lie)
And I've been preoccupied with these sick, sick senses
That sense DNA on barbed wire fences
Maybe someday I'll find me a suspect
That has no alibi
But at the right place at the right time
I'll be dead wrong and you'll be just fine
And I won't have to quit doing fucked up shit
For anyone but me
And at the right place at the right time
It will have been worth it to stand in line
And you won't have to stop
Saying "I love cops" for anyone but me
Your private eye
Your private eye
But at the right place at the right time
I'll be dead wrong and you'll be just fine
You won't have to quit doing fucked up shit
For anyone but me
And at the right place at the right time
It will have been worth it to stand in line
And you won't have to stop
Saying "I love cops" for anyone but me
Your private eye
-Private Eye by Alkaline Trio
last modified Jun 14, 2006 at 1:46
who's the most whipped puppy god?
:P
strange how that came to mind first...
Anyways...
Revelation of the day: Catgut string is actually made from kid's guts... Seriously...
Should we go to war with Denmark?
In my opinion, let them waste money occupying it. It's worthless. It's a piece of land. Wars have been fought for shittier reasons though...
Funny thing is, both countries have a serious lack of funding in their military programs...
Last dance with Mary Jane. One more time to kill the pain...
How does it feel to treat me like you do ?
When you've laid your hands upon me
And told me who you are
I thought I was mistaken
I thought I heard your words
Tell me
How do I feel tell me now?
How do I feel?
How does it feel?
How should I feel?
Tell me how does it feel?
To treat me like you do
Those who came before me
Lived through their vocations
From the past until completion
They'll turn away no more
And I still find it so hard
To say what I need to say
But I'm quite sure that you'll tell me
Just how I should feel today
I see ship in the harbor
I can and shall obey
But if it wasn't for your misfortunes
I'd be a heavenly person today
And I thought I was mistaken
And I thought I heard you speak
Tell me now
How should I feel?
Now I stand here waiting...
I thought I told you to leave me
While I walked down to the beach
Tell me how does it feel
when your heart grows cold?
How does it feel?
How should I feel?
Tell me how does it feel?
To treat me like you do
Maybe I'll stop posting these lyrics directed towards people... No one reads them anyway, and the only person who would get them is... Me. Unless I told someone, like say... Regan, or Steve.
I think I'm going to post a song for each person I know well enough to feel like posting one for... next post...
Life is bigger
It’s bigger than you
And you are not me
The lengths that I will go to
The distance in your eyes
Oh no I’ve said too much
I set it up
That’s me in the corner
That’s me in the spotlight
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don’t know if I can do it
Oh no I’ve said too much
I haven’t said enough
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try
Every whisper
Of every waking hour I’m
Choosing my confessions
Trying to keep an eye on you
Like a hurt lost and blinded fool
Oh no I’ve said too much
I set it up
Consider this
The hint of the century
Consider this
The slip that brought me
To my knees failed
What if all these fantasies
Come flailing around
Now I’ve said too much
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try
But that was just a dream
That was just a dream
I planned a big long speech while sitting here at Steve's computer, but his mom is kicking me off.
So long, maybe update later...
As it turns out, she changed her mind, so I am free to wreak havoc on Steve's computer! Mwahahaha!
...
So...
Yeah, I forgot what I was planning on ranting about thanks to that...
Drinking a can of pop which is at least 2 years old, found in a back room in Steve's basement, left over from a certain person's birthday party.
Grape.
So yeah, sitting here, missing Regan, bored... nothing to do, no one on my list of 12 contacts (now) that I feel like talking to...
I almost wish I had homework... almost...
Most of you already know, but I'll say it here anywho... Every time I spend a night at Steve's, I get depressed... usually it varies by how depressed I was when I came. Exponentially and all that... I'm getting closer as to finding out why, and so it's not as bad as it used to be. Thankfully. I half considered deciding not to come here every Tuesday, because it was getting bad for my health...
I love the quadruple meaning behind the lyrics I posted...
*grins evilly*
http://www.angelfire.com/extreme4/kiddofspeed
I would love to one day visit that area...
I think I'm going to eat a pizza with mushrooms...
Hate them aliens...
Condensed lyrics. Read them for once, will ya?
I used to be the kind of guy
Who'd never let you look inside
I'd smile when I was crying
I had nothing but a life to lose
Thought I had a lot to prove
In my life, there's no denying
Goodbye to all my yesterdays
Goodbye, so long, I'm on my way
I've had enough of cryin'
Bleedin', sweatin', dyin'
Hear me when I say
Gonna live my life everyday
I'm gonna touch the sky
And I spread these wings and fly
I ain't here to play
I'm gonna live my life everyday
Change, everybody's feeling strange
Never gonna be the same
Makes you wonder how the world keeps turning
Life, learning how to live my life
Learning how to pick my fights
Take my shots while I'm still burning
Goodbye to all those rainy nights
Goodbye, so long, I'm moving on
There ain't nothing gonna get in my way
Everyday
Goodbye, so long, I'm moving on
Not finished angsting yet, though it's not as prominent as it was...
Sir thinkalot returns, because what else can you do on a 2 hour walk from Countryside?
Yes, the scenery was breathtaking... Sudbury usually is, literally...
Now will you quit it with that dead kid from 'missasauga'? You think if it was real, they'd at least have the decency to spell it correctly. The first 7 times people showed that to me, I could handle... after that, it just gets progressively worse. As I said to those who sent that to me: I don't buy it, and if I did, I would put more than an 'X' in my name to show my respect for the millions of unnamed strangers who die worldwide every day, not just one. Got it?
Edit: Still, Cecilia Zhang was indeed a real person. Let no one think I don't have a heart. 'Tis a sad thing indeed...
Down to 14 people on my MSN list out of 90 something people... because I could care less when other people come online. I don't want to hear that annoying 'ping' for someone that I'll never talk to.
And so he calls me a dick... granted he probably only understands half, if that... Can't blame him for that. Not that it matters either.
It sucks knowing that something you believed in, and was so very important to you, was nothing but a damned lie... There's nothing I hate more than lies, I believe. Explains a lot, doesn't it?
Since Regan isn't in town for the next couple of days, I'll announce it for her: Her team won their tournament! They scored in the last 15 seconds, but it didn't count because of a penalty, so their team spent much of the OT with a powerplay against them. Still no score. Finally it went to a shoot-off. 3 shots later, they took it, 1-0. Congratulations.
While I was sitting there, watching the zamboni driver, an idea popped into my head. Put the tape on the sticks inside out, so that the puck sticks to your stick... o_O
Anyways, it'd be hard to shoot and pass, and I'm sure there's a rule against it somewhere...
Still going to miss her for the next couple days... Geez, if I think two days are bad, two months will be hell...
Still, glad for every moment that I spend with her. It makes me feel... alive again...
Yeah, so it turns out I missed Friday... like I missed a lot anyway, damn migraines...
Some people can be stupid... I mean, I can understand it if it's something you can't help... but when people act stupid willingly, then I lose any respect might have had for them... Ugh...
Went to two of Regan's games today, and they won both of them. Time flies when you're kicking a little foam ball at the dorks... :P
The girls on one of the other teams asked for my number... told them it was 2...
So I have to decide for Monday if I actually want to commit to playing soccer... don't be surprised if I decide not to...
*yawns*
So tired... not used to waking up early on weekends... but it was worth it...
3 movies coming up I'd love to see... Troy, that Alexander the Great one, and King Arthur. In that order too...
Achilles, Alexander, and Arthur...
Ow, jaw hurts...
I'm going to bed now... night.
When you're on a holiday, you can't find the words to say, all the things that come to you, and I want to feel it too...
On an island in the sun. We'll be playing and having fun, and it makes me feel so fine I can't control my brain...
http://famulus.msnbc.com/famulusgen/reuters03-23-182738.asp?t=renew&vts=32320041850
Now they have the right idea... either everyone gets it, or no one does. Brilliant.
My right arm hurts like hell... it's been moving nonstop all day. (And for the love of St. Peter, get out of the gutter you wad!)
NSA was good today. Always good. It's NSA. Colonel Bogey is fun. Davidy is cool. Must remember to give proposition to Lesk.
I still can't get over that guy in the link below... I swear I'm in love with the old guy... It'd be perfect if he was married to the old woman from the TD commercial (the one where it was playing the Batman theme. Brilliant)
Despite the fact I'm tired as all hell, Iwon't be able to get a lot of sleep tonight... ugh...
I plan on seeing Regan's games this weekend. And why not? I like watching Regan play hockey. I got nothing better to do, except be called a puppy god by Marie...
btw, Regan, if you're reading this past 11 pm, then GET TO BED! You need sleep for tomorrow...
Love you. *hugs*
Steve, you're starting to freak me out, man... You know why... I hope... :P
I'll give you them tomorrow.
Janis. Bow-chika-wow-wow.
Stupid English homework. It needs to be done NOW...
Monday and Tuesday will suck... A lot of days coming up will likely suck just as much... Can't be helped... In fact, the week after will be worse... than again in two weeks for much longer than a week...
You know what? I'm going to stop posting now.
-Rin (tin tin? sorry)
also, check this out: http://www.adage.com/shared/includes/spotwin.html?vid=sixflags-mr_six.asf&page=www.adage.com/news/story
It's a media file, so it may not work for some people. This is just a genius commercial, as much as it is disturbing... *goes to watch it again* I can't get enough of it...
Fun times at the Animal Hospital today. They had a meeting about Leptospirosis and so they ordered pizza. Slow day too. I'm being allowed to help more with the surgeries, such as operating the anaesthetic machine, and making Surgery packs, and handing them instruments... go me... They gave me a printer. It works too. Lucky me, as it's a Lexmark Z-65 or something like that... good stuff...
Bohemian Rhapsody is coming along nicely... And I have NSA tomorrow, so that should be interesting...
Shoot, homework... one of the few times I have homework. Due... oh, yesterday.
Now I'm here can you see me
'Cause I'm out on my own
When the room goes cold tell me you can feel me
..........'cause I'm here
Here I am, can you see me
Passing through, on my way
To a place I'd been to only in my dreams... before
In a world of delusion
Never turn your back on a friend
'Cause you can count your real true friends on one hand
..........through life
There are those that deceive you
There are those that'll let you down
Is there someone out there that would die for you
..........thought not
Live your life with a passion
Everything you do, do well
You only get out of life what you put in
..........so they say
In a world of confusion
People never say that what they mean
If you want a straight answer go look for one
..........right now
In a room full of strangers
Do you stand with your back to the wall
Do you sometimes feel like you're on the outside
..........looking in ?
You can make your own luck
You create your destiny
I believe you have the power if you want to
..........it's true
You can do what you want to
If you try a little bit harder
A little bit of faith goes a long way
..........it does
Are we here for a reason ?
I'd like to know just what you think
It would be nice to know what happened when we die
..........wouldn't it ?
You know I feel so elated
'Cause I'm about to find it out
And when I know all the answers
Maybe then I'll come back
..........to fill you in
And don't disbelieve it
No matter what your `friends' might say
We'll meet up again some place some way
..........one day
Who likes Iron Maiden?
Man, I'm going to be so bored at home... I'll probably end up playing through FFX again, or finishing Pool Of Radiance.
...I'm still sore as hell all over, but moreso in my arms and back.
I like the new pieces we're playing in band. They're pretty good. LoA is hard though, but I mind not. I just wish Rachel would give me one of her many solos in the new pieces. Someone who can hold their breath long enough... *intentionallycoughs*
On a music related note, I think Leahy is almost sold out already...
I am really going to miss Regan when she leaves... Hell, I miss her right now and she's less than fifty feet away...
*looks at clock*
Hurry up and ring already...
"Did you feel that?"
"What?"
"A great disturbance in the order, as if millions of voices cried out to say 'Oh shit!"
---
Nebel
---
My back, ass, arms, and head hurt like hell. Snowboarding was fun. It's dealing with the pain afterwards that isn't fun. I swear I had the best wipeouts of the day. I also think I broke my left arm... again...
I need money...
The Passion of the Christ was a great movie. Great (for those of you who love to distort relative terms) because it really made people think. You know a movie is good when they take their time leaving the theatre afterwards.
Ugh, took too much Acetylsalicylic acid methinks... 4000 milligrams in the space of 6 hours... works for me...
*thud*
It is my fault, and I can't help feeling bad about it. There's nothing I can do, and that's what hurts.
Who cares cause the air is free?
I changed a certain post of mine below. If you'd take the time to notice...
Gather ye rosebuds while ye may
My dad called last night for no purpose but to show me how little he cares about me.
This time, you dug yourself an anchor, too heavy to move ahead with.
I gave up on it. It wasn't for me, but I also feel that it's due to my insecurities. I give up on a lot of things, it appears.
There's blood on the moon as we plan our escape.
Everyone's been having a shitty March Break. I myself up to this point have only left the house for any length of time twice.
She feels it die, I heard her cry.
I'm so happy. It shows, doesn't it?
I remember falling...
I'm giving away my organs. I don't need them.
And I am mine...
Been pretty busy with the last couple days, whew... Well, relatively... As in, I'm still bored as all hell, but with the things I've been finding to do, I'm doing a lot going back and forth. It's worth it though as the 'Jesus of the Blue Chicken'
I love that title, though I can't help but feel that it implies that I'll be crucified in the future...
I'll show you what I'm talking about in the future hopefully.
I also want to give props to Adire for reading this. For those who don't know, (and why should they?) Adire is the authour of Nihilism, a great webcomic which I read regularly. He's also been kind enough to let me leech the picture on the upper left from his servers. Of course, I could change that at any time and stop leeching. i.e. put it up on my own account on an image hosting site just for that purpose.
I should also mention that I hope no one thinks that I actually draw the stuff featured here. I merely steal it from other sites and put it on here if it pertains to my mood, and who can disagree that the 'Love Suicide' picture doesn't fit in with this blog? Since I've been caught though, I'll make sure to mention where I got the pictures from now on... like a good little boy...
If you haven't been there yet, Nihilism can be found here: www.nihilism.danseibi.net Check it out.
On a different note, I'm a puppy god. Go me...
Back to my original point, I've been busy, and thus have not had time to be depressed. Kinda funny... I only post the good stuff when I'm depressed...
Though I harbour no doubts that Regan is a pivotal factor towards my being happy, for lack of a better word. I wish she were back from Toronto already, but what can I do, eh? JANIS THIS APPLIES TO YOU AS WELL! Stupid people going to Toronto for March break...
Hm... I'm in one of those good moods where I listen to music and jump right into it... Good old Yasunori Mitsuda...
Natasha has been spending the last couple of nights here. While I can hardly forgive her for the shit she's done to me when we were younger, she (apparently) has grown up.
...
I still think I'll lock up my CD's...Though the biggest insult is that if she did steal my CD's, she'd sell them instead of listening to them...
*whispers* She's one of those girls that likes Aguilera and Shakira and that crap.
What's wrong with Metal?
I miss you Regan!
I'm sitting here, gorging on Kraft Dinner, the only thing I've eaten all day. I spent a good portion of today asleep... as such, I have a headache. In fact, I'm going to sleep. Good morning.
We only want what's best, for him...
Cattel's 16 Factor Test Results
Warmth ||||||||||||||||||||| 66%
Intellect |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 82%
Emotional Stability ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Aggressiveness ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Liveliness ||||||||||||||| 50%
Dutifulness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Social Assertiveness ||||||||||||||| 42%
Artistic Interests ||||||||||||||||||||| 66%
Paranoia |||||||||||||||||| 58%
Abstractness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Introversion |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Anxiety |||||||||||||||||| 58%
Openmindedness ||||||||||||||||||||| 66%
Independence |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Perfectionism |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Tension ||||||||| 30%
FUCK LIFE! IT'S ALL JUST ONE BIG JOKE!
*runs around in circles screaming*
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
If life is just one big joke, then all I'm waiting for is the fucking punchline...
God... I fucking hate it... everything... every day just gets worse and worse... Life is just one big long neverending series of having shit being dumped on you... life will never be good for me... obstacles love to jump in my way constantly...
Stupid fucking broken promises my whole life, the recent one still hurting. Is it so much to want to see your family once every 6 years? Especially when they're dying? Or to follow up on the promise to give me money to get a guitar finally? I've been waiting since... *checks first post of weblog* August. Not that it matters if I ever got it, since I'd suck at it, and probably give up on it, as I do everything... I'm never going to be able to buckle down and get good grades, enough to get me into Veterinary Medicine. Not that I'm not smart enough (which is more of a curse when you're dipolar), I just suck at studying seeing as I never had to, so I fucked myself in the ass there... Then there's my other grandma, the one whom I just recently learned about... there's a reason I never saw her or talked to her. She's been in a mental institution a good portion of her life. It might explain some things, but I won't rely on that... What good is doing something if you're not the best at it? Why should I be so imperfect? Am I just a perfectionist to the extreme? Possibly. Good fucking gravy, I'm going to cut myself again if I'm not careful... Squeezing the razor in my hand, clenching my fist tightly. The razor is dull, so I can't cut myself. I have thick skin. I also have low blood pressure, which is responsible for my cold hands, fatigue, headaches, and sleep paralysis. Have you ever had sleep paralysis? It's scary. It feels like there is an elephant sitting on your chest when you wake up... no matter what you do, you can't move your appendages... and because of the fatigue, you'd just rather close your eyes and sleep it off.. And then there's you. You know who you are. I hate you. Almost as much as myself. Why do you torment me so? I wish I could just kill you... and you... hell, just about everything... I think I'll become a Nihilist and destroy everything... nothing deserves to live in this world... Why do I have to be dipolar? It drives me fucking nuts! One minute, I'm happy, on top of the world, feeling superior, then the next I'm at the bottom of the world, feeling the opposite, and depressed because I'm not in my other mood. Is there some sort of on/off switch in my brain I can just flick in my head and instantly feel better? Drugs-No. Professional Help-No. Death-Maybe. Temporary solution to a temporary problem my ass. I AM MENTALLY ILL PEOPLE! I deserve to be in a fucking crazy house, like my Grandma... I'll probably end up going to jail first for lashing at someone, be it my 'friends' or some random fuckwit that I'll stab to death...
I REALLY WANTED TO GO TO KELOWNA! I HOPED TO HAVE MY GUITAR BY NOW! I WANT TO SPEND AT LEAST ONE NIGHT WITH REGAN OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL BEFORE SHE'S GONE! I WANT TO GET GOOD GRADES IN SCHOOL SO I CAN WORK WITH ANIMALS! I WISH I WASN'T SO FUCKING CRAZY! I WISH I WAS PERFECT!
...I wish a lot of things...
Then I look at other people... they've always had it so much easier than me... why do they get it easier? why is it so much harder for me... Hell, I basically live by riding the coattails of people I know...
Steve's mom thinks I might have Diabetes...
*stares at the punching bag*
Aye, I can punch.
*punches self*
Imperfect body, imperfect mind... I do not belong on this world...
Life is just a fleeting dream, but death is forever...
-Sensitive- You're Sensitive, and you'd like to
stay that way. Sorry,listened to a bit too much
Jewel there. You're sweet and very emotionally
charged. You definitely love the person you're
with, and always want to know how they're
feeling so you can make sure they're happy.
What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
"Are YOU ready to have a Boyfriend/Girlfriend? For the older gals/guys! " - Results:
READY FOR LOVE: You're sensitive but no pushover, active but not manic. In short, you're a great girl/guy who's ready for a relationship. If you're not already involved with someone, it's only because you want a guy/girl who's worthy of your love---you just haven't met him/her yet. That's cool. You've got plenty of other interests to keep you busy. When you do meet ''Mr. Great/Miss Great,'' chances are you won't abandon all the other important stuff in your life for romance. In fact, your independance and spirit will be part of what attracts him/her---and keeps him/her.
Cool...
But I don't wanna go to school today... Chances are they won't even let me on the walk, and I'll be missing co-op so I can play one song and then sit around looking dorky and sweating while they make big long, boring speeches...
Bah!
I've taken my whole life for granted. When it came down to it, I dropped it all and ran...
Despite thy claims to the contrary...
What am I? Some poet-fairy?
Things are becoming hairy...
It's suddenly become scary...
Over there's a guy named Larry...
And beside him his buddy Harry...
Going out with the girl, Carrie...
Do you think she's hot? Very.
Hopefully one day they will marry,
And everyone shall act quite merry...
Make sure you drink enough products; dairy,
and then you can play the sax; bari.
Bah, you'd think I'd be used to having what little hope I get crashing down again and again, but each time it just makes me feel worse and worse. Partially for being stupid enough to believe it could actually happen, and the other part the exhaustion from being slammed into the ground for the millionth time...
I can't believe I actually listened to my dad when he said he would get me out there for March Break... blah blah blah excuses and apologies... hopes crushed, the usual...
Is there something that I missed, can't even take another day of this...
Lower than piss, have you ever felt like this?
*shrugs*
It happens...
Yesterday was odd, since I woke up with a migraine and took more medication than I should have... which made the rest of the day that much more fun...
Bought a book by Mordecai Richler (I love that name); The Apprenticeship of Duddy Kravitz. I think I'll go immerse myself in it right now...
Let's just say my self-esteem is pretty low right now... but not low enough to do something that might piss people off of course... ;)
If you want to know more than just the date of the Leahy concert, just check in a local newspaper... I don't have access to one right now.
NOMF tomorrow and Friday... I'm actually hyped for both of them, but I prefer the Concert one because then I can play my Alto, and I get the rest of the day off instead of doing Domestic Engineer duties at my co-op placement.
I almost killed a dog yesterday... go me...
Not to mention that because of co-op, I have to come back for an extra year (unless I get accepted to Georgian, which is highly doubtful)
Taking Biology and Chemistry again, and Calculus, and Music and History... just need one more... I think Sociology instead of Grade 11 physics...
Learned some HTML by the fly of my pants... woo...
I suck at the Tenor sax, seriously...
It's just one of those days where you're happy to be depressed, and I doubt many of you know what that feels like either...
*practices pose*
I walked around my good intentions
And found that there were none
I blame my father for the wasted years
We hardly talked
I never thought I would forget this hate
Then a phone call made me realize I'm wrong
And If I don't make it known that
I've loved you all along
Just like sunny days that
We ignore because
We're all dumb and jaded
And I hope to God I figure out
what's wrong
I walked around my room
Not thinking
Just sinking in this box
I blame myself for being too much
Like somebody else
I never thought I would just
Bend this way
Then a phone call made me realize I'm wrong
And If I don't make it known that
I've loved you all along
Just like sunny days that
We ignore because
We're all dumb and jaded
And I hope to God I figure out
what's wrong
And I hope to God I figure out
what's wrong
Hope to God I figure out
I hope to God I figure out
what's wrong
If I don't make it known that
I've loved you all along
Just like sunny days that
We ignore because
We're all dumb and jaded
And I hope to God I figure out
what's wrong
And If I don't make it known that
I've loved you all along
Just like sunny days that
We ignore because
We're all dumb and jaded
And I hope to God I figure out
You make me happy, when skies are grey...
(Must try to not faint at the animal hospital... came close to it today)
Janis, for the last time, the big long gash on my arm was a TOWEL WRACK! (long story)
That's me in the corner...
Ugh, headache most of the day... Going for my G1 tomorrow. Should be fun...
May 18th. I'm going to a Leahy concert. Who's with me?
|