|
Black Rose Immortal
Latest posts below.
I dragged this lake looking for corpses
Dusted for prints, pried up the floorboards
Pieces of planes and black box recorders
Don't lie (don't lie)
And I've been preoccupied with these sick, sick senses
That sense DNA on barbed wire fences
Maybe someday I'll find me a suspect
That has no alibi
New Year's Eve was as boring as heaven
I watched flies fuck on channel 11
There was no one to kiss, there was nothing to drink
Except some old rotten milk someone left in the sink
And there's no ring, there's no ring on the phone anymore
There's no reason to call I passed out on the floor
Smoked myself stupid and drank my insides raisin dry
But at the right place at the right time
I'll be dead wrong and you'll be just fine
I won't have to quit doing fucked up shit
For anyone but me
At the right place at the right time
It will have been worth it to stand in line
And you won't have to stop
Saying "I love cops" for anyone but me
Your private eye
I dragged this lake looking for corpses
Dusted for prints, pried up the floorboards
Pieces of planes and black box recorders
Don't lie (don't lie)
And I've been preoccupied with these sick, sick senses
That sense DNA on barbed wire fences
Maybe someday I'll find me a suspect
That has no alibi
But at the right place at the right time
I'll be dead wrong and you'll be just fine
And I won't have to quit doing fucked up shit
For anyone but me
And at the right place at the right time
It will have been worth it to stand in line
And you won't have to stop
Saying "I love cops" for anyone but me
Your private eye
Your private eye
But at the right place at the right time
I'll be dead wrong and you'll be just fine
You won't have to quit doing fucked up shit
For anyone but me
And at the right place at the right time
It will have been worth it to stand in line
And you won't have to stop
Saying "I love cops" for anyone but me
Your private eye
-Private Eye by Alkaline Trio
last modified Jun 14, 2006 at 1:46
Woo, restful sleep for once, yay!
Well, that's not entirely true. I dreamt I was a participant in the infamous battle royale. As scary as it was, I won, but in the end, the families of everyone ganged up on me to kill me. Not only that, but as I ran, everything started going in reverse order, as I shot at people with a handheld M-16 that took capsules for bullets. o_O Eventually, it ended with my parents discussing the night I was born.
Going back to bed meant dreaming more... so I woke up.
I am totally out of it today. I walked downstairs, started to make breakfast (for once) and realized I didn't have my glasses with me. Well then, I went back upstairs, turned my room upside down, but couldn't find them. I ran through the house searching every room and everywhere I had been yesterday, but I still couldn't find them. I had to accept that I'd have to sit with my face a handful of inches from the monitor, or even worse, have to leave without them...
As I go to resume making my breakfast, I find my glasses sitting right behind the cereal bowl.
*smacks head*
I forgot I brought them down with me. Just shows how out of it I am...
My hair's grown... No, honestly, it's longer then it was before...
Speaking of leaving, I'm hoping to leave on the 2nd, as I said, but I still don't know. On that matter, I haven't packed yet. Hell, all of my clothes are in a pile on the floor in my room needing to be washed. I'll get on that soon.
I suppose I'll make a farewell post when I leave. It sounds like something I'd do.
I've been falling asleep at 3 or later for the past month. Falling asleep at 5 is uncommon, but not rare to me.
However, I decided I'd have much more fun if I shook up my sleeping schedule by pulling an all-nighter. Not that it'll help my sleeping habits once I'm on a greyhound, and go traveling across time.
Correction, timezones.
Damn I is tired...
Why does it feel like 11 at night when it's really 2 in the afternoon? Ugh...
I find out tonight the details of when I leave and arrive and whatnot. Can't wait...
I'm hoping that I can leave on the second for reasons important to me.
I'm going to collapse on this keyboard any minute now... Best to do it now and get it over with.
*slam*
....zzzz
Anyone else finding it difficult to fall asleep when it's 4:30 in the morning? Damn birds...
What happens when a power/speed metal band decide to cover a Beach Boys song? Awesomeness, that's what. On that note, I'd kill for the acoustic version of Mordred's Song. I lurves me some Blind Guardian. *insert smiley face here*
Surprisingly, my younger brother actually listens to a band I like. A metal band. Maybe there's hope for the kid after all... Damn, I like this band... CKY. Apparently it stands for Camp Kill Yourself...
I'm sad though. The kittens are gone... *insert sad faced smiley here*
*tosses a wrench at Janis*
*upon further thought, tossing a wrench at Janis was a bad idea*
I also love it when unlikely bands collaborate to cover old songs to produce amazing songs. Case in point; Nirvana, REM, and Sonic Youth cover Twist and Shout. How interesting is that?
Godspeed You! Black Emperor are an awesome band, aren't they? They are foremost on my list of CD's to buy next time I go shopping. But of course, that won't happen.
I believe in a thing called love, yes I do. Not just the song either. I love Regan. I don't proclaim my love for her often enough, because I know it gets annoying to other people, but I do love her. *insert heart emoticon here*
Imma still hyper, so imma gonna burn me a CD. Juno, Sonic Youth, Velvet Underground, XTC, Yo La Tengo, Xiu Xiu, Trail of Dead, The Cure, The Dismemberment Plan, The Exploding Hearts, The Flaming Lips, The Notwist, Sunny Day Real Estate, Modest Mouse, Spastic Ink, Mogwai, Liquid Tension Experiment, Joy Division, Bright Eyes, and Arab Strap. It'll be mostly Indie bands, obviously... I may have to make two CD's... or an mp3 CD and get an mp3 player.
I have too many songs. After deleting several hundred, I now have just under 1200. Or 3 and a half gigs of space taken up, or just under 90 hours. I will organize them sometime today. Wish me luck, for I may never return. *insert emoticon of smiley face being mutilated*
P.S. My brother must have a horseshoe up his ass... He came damn close to breaking his fingers today. He'll have to settle for a sprain though. Speaking of horseshoes though...
P.S.S. My younger brother allowed his friend (a girl) to put make up on him. Do not say he takes after his brother that way... Come to think of it, I wouldn't be surprised in the least if he grew up gay. Call it a hunch.
If you're on a sinking ship, do you try to fix the hole? Do you wait for someone to arrive and patch it up? Do you try and save the dessert tray? Or do you take what you can, hop on the nearest lifeboat and row to shore to get back to normal? Do you try to drink all the water coming through? Do you sit down and make peace with your god? Or do you act as if nothing is happening?
Woah, don't everybody start commenting at once now...
Right now is the furthest possible point from me seeing Regan again. Joy.
My toe is swollen. That's what I get for kicking the ground though, instead of the ball, or one of those stupid little kids... I'm partially limping now, woo! Partial! Limping! Now! Woo!
Too much Kool-aid for me...
Nethack is addicting, though it's annoying to die constantly from kicking sinks (my toe!) and slipping off your pony... It's also funny to find a scroll of genocide, and decide to eliminate all dwarves from the face of the earth, only to realize too late that your character is a dwarf... >_<
All hail the almighty @ symbol!
*hails the symbol*
*hails it good*
Darn Janis... Darn him to heck!
Heck is where people who don't believe in Gosh go to.
Need party.
5 days left.
Kitten is chewing on my ear.
2 more deaths in my family. One of them died in my arms... Very sad indeed... Thus my accumulative depression grows again.
Met my grandma on my stepdad's side today for the first time in over a year. She's nice. The very definition of nice old lady. Mamere, I still call her. She'll always be the grandma I grew up with. The last vestige of family I have outside of the immediate.
Found out I have a mild fear of the water. Kinda strange... I grew up as the existential water rat. It even has traces of a nightmare which I had a while back...
Hurray for streaking. And playing softball while drunk.
Umpire: Okay, let's go over the ground rules. You can't leave first until you chug a beer. Any man scoring has to chug a beer. you have to chug a beer at the top of all odd-numbered innings. Oh, and the fourth inning is the beer inning.
Wiggum: Hey, we know how to play softball!
---
Karl: Hey, Homer's choking again.
Lenny: Isn't there a first-aid chart around here somewhere?
Karl: Somebody scare him.
Charlie: That's for the hiccups!
Couldn't help myself. I normally can though, which scares me.
Currently 3 of the 4 fatherly figures in my life are in my kitchen right now. That alone is worthy enough introspection to warrant a post for today, but that is not the theme of today's post. Today's post is one of love.
I love myself.
And that's that.
Oh, and I'm going to spend the weekend with my brother's at my stepdad's place where I spent 7 years of my life growing up. More useful introspection! YAY!
Poor kittens... they need their mumsy...
I leave on either the 1st or the 2nd, depending. Kinda sad how that had to come about only after her death...
How could you be so cruel, and expect my faith in return?
I'm not looking forward to that trip... or even this weekend...
At the worst of it, I'm just a bastard child who talked with them once a year or so. Only seen them once.
Should I punch my brother in the face? Nah...
I'll never hurt you again...
OniLuthos: hakuna mata!
SuperSuperTrunks: yeah!!!!!!!!
OniLuthos: I forgot the words....
EmperorAchilles: what a wonderful phrase
Meowing Ninja: hakuna matata!
SuperSuperTrunks: Hakuna matata
Meowing Ninja: what a wonderful phrase!
OniLuthos: hakuna matata!
EmperorAchilles: ain't no passing craze
Meowing Ninja: hakuna matata
dinokaze: AINT NO PASSING CRAZE
OniLuthos: ain't no passing craze!
Meowing Ninja: it means no worries!
dinokaze: IT MEANS NO WORRIES
Meowing Ninja: for the rest of your days!
dinokaze: FOR THE REST OF YUR DAYS
Meowing Ninja: it's a problem free!
OniLuthos: FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
dinokaze: (ew lag >_>)
OniLuthos: ITS A PROBLEM FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Meowing Ninja: philosophy!
dinokaze: ITS A PROBLEM FREE
OniLuthos: PHILOSOPHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
dinokaze: PHILOSOPHEEEEE
dinokaze: HAKUNA MATATA!!!!!!!!!!!
OniLuthos: its a Y you dumb butt!
Meowing Ninja: hakuna matata!
Shawn was always an opportunist. He's the type of guy who would make a perfect car salesmen, if only he was a little brighter. I think he rubbed off on me that way, so that after a couple of years of being his friend, I became one too.
Anyways, you can't help but feel smart if people that you haven't seen since elementary school are coming to your house and asking you for help on their homework. I must have left quite an impression from when I left that school... >_>
Or I'm still full of myself. Bah.
I'm listening to one song over and over again. Every time I hear it, it just grows on me. It's definitely up there with my all time favourite songs. Over the years it's meant many different things to me, always changing. But the simple fact is, I just like it. A lot.
And I got my picture rated. 8.5 out of 10.
And I'm going to go back to playing games because I don't want to hear my parents fighting anymore. You think I'd be used to it be now, feh.
Another glorious day, 'tis is not? Not it is.
Filming continued, though of course of I'm not satisfied with my performance so far. That's what I get for being a perfectionist, and that's what Janis gets for being a wad.
So now I'm sitting in my friend Steve's basement, all alone. No one is here right now. Scary. I hope they don't mind that I let myself in... I'm pretty sure they won't, but I still feel guilty.
Ugh, I haven't eaten much in the past three, four days... and that's only because I had spaghetti at Regan's. Otherwise, it would have been 7 days.
To put it simply, if I took all the food I've consumed over the past four days and grouped it together, it might just be enough for a meal. Minus the litres of Kool-aid and that... No fucking wonder I'm tired and lethargic. Too lazy to eat and I'll stay lazy until I eat. Wonderful cycle.
Umm... it's safe to say that my mood swinging has tapered off. Back to apathy. Yay.
Seriously, what do you want? A medal?
I want to know why you didn't sign out last night.. letting me post all over your blog. Tsk. Tsk.
Come on, you enjoyed it, didn't you?
He likes to spill all of his guts on top of a well-stocked bar, and swallow them up bit by bit remembering every scar.
As a valid reason for every drink and a new tattoo is a new reason to think, he likes to pretend that he is all sewn up, it makes for a much stronger case.
But there is blood underneath that skin. That scar is not so easy to erase...
Filming today was film-tastic. I play the lead character in a movie that seems like it was written with me in mind. Mostly. Fuck.
Highlight of the day; Riding in the trunk of a car. That was fun.
I am especially antisocial lately. Wouldn't you like to know why? Simple answer, it's about a girl. Or rather, was. I don't know.
Stag and Doe was great, even including my playing badly at the pool tournament. Well, then again, I spent most of it in Regan's arms trying not to cry, almost failing at points. Hell, you could've seen the odd one here and there, if you looked closely enough. I was an emotional rollercoaster, pretty much. Unexpected things have a way of doing that to you...
I should mention that they were mixed tears. Happiness, and sadness. I hadn't been that happy in a long time. Steve even said I look extremely blissful. And I know why I was happy too...
But I'll stop there. How can you respect a guy who talks about crying? I was crying like a baby last night in bed, not knowing why, but it doesn't matter. What matters is that I'm babysitting Drake right now, eating chips, and will soon be off playing a D&D based computer game. Don't I just live a semi-charmed kind of life?
Highlight of the day; Octopi sex.
This is driving me crazy. You want to know how crazy? I lost my goatee. Damn, that's right. Better than doing something stupid,I guess.
Don't you dare comment on my appearance either, or ask what the problem is. I'll tell you when I come back. And where I'm going? I'm not saying either.
Fuck, I'm losing it. It's best that I'm by myself for a while. I'm ready to snap on everything and anything. Unexpected things just have a way of disrupting your life...
Especially ones such as these.
Well now... how do I deal with this?
...
I'll need some time off from myself...
...
Damnit...
...
Wish I knew what to feel right now...
...
v_v
Damn, they're back. I dismiss them. But they're still lurking in the back, waiting for a slip of my defense to rush in.
King Arthur was pretty good, but not great. 7/10
Best winter fight in any movie, even better than Star Wars' Hoth. And damned if Arthur didn't look kickass at times... but it still felt lacking in some ways. Tristram was an awesome character, and Bors was very funny. Just to point out though, Lancelot's clasps weren't invented until well into the middle ages. Hurrah for anachronisms.
The thing that bothers me, is that the movie was originally intended to be much darker, and was to be released with an R rating, but Disney shareholders protested that there was no summer flick to bring in the money. King Arthur was originally scheduled for a fall/winter release. Damn people and ruining things for money.
*insert long spiel about the evils of money here*
Aside from that, well... not much... I hate my bike.
http://www.bethsoft.com/news/pressrelease_071004.htm
Do not bother reading the above if you have never played any of the Fallout games.
What bothers me is that they barely outbid Troika. Other than that, I have a bit of optimistic hope for it, but only because it was already mostly completed before it was bought out.
Aside from that... well... not much else on the agenda for the next while, aside from a movie tomorrow. Thinking of King Arthur. I'll let you know how that goes, probably.
I'm bored, which is pretty much the only reason I'm posting. But then, it's not like a better excuse is needed. Interesting things always come out of boredom. Like this quote. Try to identify it;
"I suppose they might actually have been naked, but if they were, it wasn't a particularly obvious sort of naked..."
Anywho, let's hope I don't stay awake until fuck o'clock like I have been...
Just in case you people were wondering if I was still a dork...
I Am A: Lawful Good Elf Paladin Ranger
Alignment:
Lawful Good characters are the epitome of all that is just and good. They believe in order and governments that work for the benefit of all, and generally do not mind doing direct work to further their beliefs.
Race:
Elves are the eldest of all races, although they are generally a bit smaller than humans. They are generally well-cultured, artistic, easy-going, and because of their long lives, unconcerned with day-to-day activities that other races frequently concern themselves with. Elves are, effectively, immortal, although they can be killed. After a thousand years or so, they simply pass on to the next plane of existance.
Primary Class:
Paladins are the Holy Warriors. They have been chosen by a God/dess to be their representative on Earth, and must follow the code of that deity, or risk severe penalties. They tend towards being righteous, but not generally to excess.
Secondary Class:
Rangers are the defenders of nature and the elements. They are in tune with the Earth, and work to keep it safe and healthy.
Deity:
Tyr is the Lawful Good god of justice. He is also known as Tyr Grimjaws, Wounded Tyr, the Maimed God, and Blind Tyr. He appears as a warrior, missing his hand. Followers of Tyr are concerned first and foremost with justice - discovering the truth and punishing the guilty for their crimes. They wear blue and purple robes with a white sash, a white gauntlet on the left hand, and a black gauntlet on the right, to symbolize Tyr's lost hand. Their preferred weapon is the warhammer. Tyr's symbol is a set of scales resting on a warhammer.
---
Anywho, not much on the menu today... just sat around and played games. Played Heroes 3, and spent 6 hours on a map, XL size. By the end, there were Legions of Archangels and other such creatures running from my army. Why? Because I had ~40k Unicorns, and 4k angels in my army. The wonders of Diplomacy... There were so many Unicorns because after 4 months, there were 4 weeks that were a week of the Unicorn, causing them to spawn all over the place. Extremely miniscule odds for that to happen, but it did... I bet the only one who understands and has their jaw on the floor is either Lex or Danny, depending on if they read this or not.
The reason why I bothered to take the above quiz is because I'm back to playing Baldur's Gate 2 again. Yup, AD&D for all!
"Umm... why is your friend pointing a hamster at me?"
I'm really surprised at how many people are surprised that I'm not just wearing black anymore... Even moreso that they think I look better.
o_O
I just came back from camp early, because after tubing I started to get a headache. That was probably from the sleep, or lack thereof. Piece of advice for all of you, never share a camper with your parents. Especially if they're past inebriated. Not unless you like the shaking of the camper as you lay awake wide eyed trying to think of happy thoughts. Hell, I was reading! And they knew it! I had the light on, and the music playing (thankfully) and there was only an open door seperating us.
Is it any wonder I'm fucked in the head? It's safe to say I had better nights...
Scary, ne?
Horribly evident case of red eye, but as Lex said, it makes it look like my eyes burn with the fires of hell. Maybe it's the hat...
My similarly horrible attempt to remove aforementioned red eye... Still didn't get my eye colour quite right...
Went to Biff's today, watched part of City of Ghosts, then watched Fight Club (finally) and the Transformers movie. All good movies in their own right. Except possibly CoG, but I'm not a critic, so don't look to me for an opinion. Fight Club was different from what I thought it would be. Transformers was great, especially the 80's rock.
As for introspection, well, I'll leave you with this quote. Glean from it what you may.
1 John 4:18 - There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
First off, to people commenting, I am not depressed right now. Did you not read the specific line that said the day was a good one? This weblog is where I go to unload my unhappy thoughts. It'd make it a weird weblog if I posted happy stuff all the time. *points to the title* Even though I occasionally do post happy stuff. Do not tell me to be happy. It doesn't work.
The penultimate purpose of this blog is to write down thoughts about myself that are running through my brain, and so that I can look back on them later and learn more about myself. This is a blog of self-discovery and learning. Scientia Nos Ducet. *points to the long italic paragraph at the top* Lucky for all of you that I keep this public. I may be a loner at times, but I don't begrudge my friends better learning about myself. I even value their input. But still, this a blog so I can realize what kind of person I am, and what kind of person I am becoming. Knowledge is power.
Then again, I just love talking about myself.
Back to the main purpose of this post...
I was up in the hills yesterday morning, hoping to catch a nice sunrise that morning. I didn't sleep at all, so I figured I'd do something I normally couldn't, so that staying up wasn't a total loss.
That was my line of thinking before it started raining. No sun. Just clouds, and the subsequent rain. It felt good. Twice in two days I got totally drenched.
But while I was up there, I had time to look all around and within. Early mornings spent in the hills pave the way for introspection. The main topic; I'm just a kid. I have yet to grow up. Why is that? Certainly it's not the age. It's the frame of mind. How can I fix this? And so on and so forth... I already forgot most of what I was thinking, but it wasn't lost on me. Paths, movement, and the like. (yeah, I know it doesn't make much sense. Do I ever?)
My legs are killing me, and I have done nothing to hurt them. I have no idea why my muscles are so sore. They're worse than they were yesterday. Yay.
Damn you Lex! You got me addicted to heroes again! I was almost over that game...
Master and Commander was awesome, and screwed up at the same time.
You know what? There's no cohesive feeling throughout this post. What a waste.
I got shot in the head today. Twice.
Today was a good day.
Happy Birthday, Janis!
I had a nightmare last night, which was hella real. (Yes, hella.)
Imagine, it's late at night, and everyone in your house is asleep or gone for the night.
It's dark in the house, and you're pretty much alone. You go upstairs into the dark second floor to get ready to go to bed. The only light on the second floor is coming from the bathroom. You go into the bathroom and close the door to utilize the lavatory and brush your teeth.
In the midst of brushing, you hear something moving around downstairs. You shrug it off, trying to convince yourself that it was just your dog or a family member moving around. You continue brushing your teeth, but with your ears now more sensitive to movements from below.
A couple seconds later, you start to hear footsteps coming up the stairs, and your heart starts to beat faster. Your mind flies loose, and starts imagining that it's a burglar or killer come to finish you off. Who knows what might be moving around out there? Around this time, you're pretty scared at what might be on the other side of that door...
Regardless, you can't spend the rest of the night in the bathroom. You finish up, walk to the door, and cautiously open it and behold the intruder standing in front of you. The last thing you see is a gun pointing at you. You don't even feel the floor as you collapse, lifeless...
Then you wake up. You look at the clock, and it's 3 in the morning. Of course, you're a little distraught and shaken from your dream, but ultimately decide to go back to bed, realizing it was just a dream.
You then hear someone moving around downstairs. You feel the familiar sensation of your heart pacing faster...
It's going to be a long night...
Apt title. They all are. Why did I put that as a title? Read my post and figure out.
...so, what do you want to learn about me today? How about what I've been doing these past couple days? Or another insight as to why I get depressed? How about just random gibberish? Better yet, all of the above...
How about answers to some questions, for one... like why I didn't appear at Biff's party? I think we all know just how much I love camp. Well, my family had said that they would be leaving for camp that night. Thus, If I wanted to go, I would have had to stay home to get a ride. (I needed my glasses and PS2 back, which are at camp) At around 8 or so, they inform me that they changed their minds. Instead, we'll be going today. Joy.
So, I had an excuse to avoid going. I'll keep making them as long as I have to. I have nothing to lose, nothing to gain. As my dad said, I've always been good at making excuses. I've always hid from things I'd rather not fight against. And only a handful of you get what I'm talking about, assuming you're even reading this. Good for you.
Anywho, you'll probably be seeing an interesting picture at the top, as soon as I find a good one. Then I'm off to camp. For real this time. Away from everyone. Not that I need more time by myself either.
Oh, and to fulfill the first criteria I laid out, I spent the day before with Regan, trying my hand at rollerblading for the first time. I only fell once. We went to Desebrais' and Biff's houses. Yesterday was spent sitting in front of a computer and my nose in a book. Like usual, I was up until 3.
The dreams I've been having are getting weirder and weirder... Like participating in an animated version of the Godfather, watching the most horrible traffic accident my brain could imagine, (I was flinching in my sleep, no doubt) some things with Regan's family, (I remember helping her dad build a house, of all things) and finally, I was seeing how many of my body parts I could chop off while remaining alive. That one was after watching Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail, if you couldn't imagine. I woke up covered in sweat at 7. I need more sleep...
R.I.P. Marlon Brando.
I went on a downloading spree yet again, and ended up with Liquid Tension Experiment. I'm in love with one of their songs. You'll notice the title of it somewhere in this post. (Maybe at the title of this post, of all places?)
|