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2 Metallica songs
Someone help me
Oh please God help me
They are trying to take it all away
I don't want to die
Time moving slowly
The minutes seem like hours
The final curtain call I see
How true is this?
Just get it over with
If this is true, just let it be
Wakened by the horrid cream
Freed from the frightening dream
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o_O
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Life it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else
I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free
Things are not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this can't be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel
Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now He's gone
No one but me can save myself, but it's too late
Now I can't think, think why I should even try
Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death Greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye
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All right, so I just want to kill everybody, or at least seriously harm them. Those who would seek to change others would do best to look upon themselves first. Alright, so logically I kill myself first. Beautiful. I seriously want to just lie down and fucking die. I hate my depression and I hate myself and I can't stand it anymore. Or maybe I should stop listening to depressing music. But I can't. Listening to happy music would make me gag. I'm in a Metallica mood. Kill-'em-all-including-yourself-but-mainly-yourself sort of mood. Life is pointless. I look at my razor set, probably the best gift I've ever received, and imagine myself picking it up, opening it. I take out an exacto blade. I rub my fingers along the length of it, testing it's sharpness. I pick a random part of my body, be it my head, my legs or my arms. I press the blade to my skin, and feel the cold metal press against my bare skin. I press harder. I feel a sharp bite as it seperates my skin, letting the blood mix with the open air. I stand there, looking at my cut, bleeding out my depression drop after drop, feeling my life drip away in short drops of crimson blood.
...my cat walks in. My mood brightens considerably as she rubs herself against my leg. She is just so adorable.
...Fucking yeah right... I push her away and her annoying meows for attention. I pick up the razor again. Once is never enough. I do it again, and again, cutting myself, freeing my blood of it's fleshly prison. Each time I put the blade to my skin I hold a thought in my mind, that I wish to exercise from my body.
'The world sucks.' Slice. Gone.
'My life is meaningless.' Slice. Gone.
I do not wipe away the blood, but instead let it dry as it stands, to serve as a reminder.
I wipe the blade against my skin, and put it back in the case, and put the case away.
I don't know about you, but I feel considerably better.
Such is the cycle of depression I endure constantly, monthly, weekly, daily. I rarely take it out on my friends. I always make sure to keep my friends at a distance so it never happens. Thank God it never happens, or I'd probably lose the few friends I have, such as the one I am losing now for letting them get too close.
My own personal Hell. I search for an escape route, yet only one is immediately available to me. The question is always there; Do I take the exit or don't I? Take it, and say good-bye to everything I've ever known, to tear myself suddenly from those who care about me. Or to stay, and fight the demons and continue searching for a different exit with the help of people around me.
Somehow you think just reading it like that would put it all into perspective.
Fucking right...
I've always been a loner. I go on alone.
... stop reading now. There's nothing more to see.
If you haven't figured it out by now, Edicius = suicidE backwards.
I've never had any doubt in my mind as to how I would die.
The only thing I have to figure out is when.
I said stop reading, fuck...
*points a gun to head*
Keep that image in your head, for me.
*click*
Bang, bang.
*Grins*
last modified Jan 5, 2004 at 16:50
Kill yourself and i'll beat the living crap out of you... but uh, in love.
Kyla has a point; I would REALLY REALLY REALLY miss you. And Janis makes another good one, a great way to drive anyone mad and insane and sad is for one of their friends to die. We love you! And Steve's right; you're crazy! But we love you, so it doesn't matter. And your cat's cute and adorable, so if your gonna boot it around hand it over!
*hugs*
yah...by the way lilcowgurl1013 is KYLA!!!! haha...just thot u ought to know that one....
hey jesse, janis is right....it would not b kool to have to burry a friend. i meen, think about how many people would miss you! i would miss you, regan would miss u, steeev would miss u, marie would REALLY miss u, darien would miss you, we would find out if mrs. lesk has a heart, cuz i'm sure she'd miss u...but yeah...we'd all miss you so...don't do nething stupid k? lol we luv ya too much
We all love you Jesse. Your death (or any of my close friends deaths) would drive me pretty insane, utterly mad. Best you stay alive, if not for your sake, then your friends.
Life is too precious a pearl to cast before swine.
You're so fucking crazy. I love you!
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