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Questions...

I appologize in advance for this ranting or I guess this questioning. The questions might have different meanings of what you think. These are just some of the quick flashes of questions swimming around in my head that I managed to catch on paper. I just kept writing, I may have repeated myself and I am probably incoherent for most of it. I'm sorry... 
 
-What did I do wrong? 
-It seems every thing I do, I screw up one way or another. So what did I do this time? 
-Why am I the way I am? 
-I don't want to screw things up so bad, so why do I? 
-Why is it that everybody I use to turn to, I can't right when I need to the most? 
-Where did the happiness go? 
-Why do I keep thinking it will come back? 
-Why do I let myself fall even further into this hell I have created in my mind? 
-How did this happen? 
-Will it ever change back to the way it was before? 
-Or is it going to get worse? 
-Why is it that when I need and want to get something out, to rant, to explain what I'm feeling right now, I can't or won't? 
-What is holding me back? 
-Why do I feel like I'm in total darkness, totally alone? 
-Why am I so indecisive? 
-How do I learn the truth? 
-Why do people see me as something I'm not? 
-How can I hold everything inside, and still smile and laugh on the outside? 
-Why does it hurt so? 
-How do I make things right again? 
-Won't somebody explain to me whats going on? 
-When did I become the person to cry? 
-Why am I so upset over something so insignificant? 
-What are leis and what are truths? 
-How do I begin to explain myself? 
-Why do I even bother? 
-What do i do now? 
-Where do I go from here? 
-How do I let it all out? 
-How do I let people in? 
-Why do I do this to myself? 
-Why am I so helpless? 
-How do I bring up what I think and feel if I know it might cause more pain and hurt? 
-I don't want to hurt anybody, so why do I get the feeling I am? 
-How do I get people to trust me? 
-Why am I not strong? 
-Why am I such a whimp? 
-How in the hell can people think or insist that I am "great" or "amazing?! 
-What will happen if I don't fix this? 
-How do I know this is right? 
-Who am I hurting with my stupidness? 
-Why won't people talk to me? 
-How did I let myself become so totally and utterly, and irreversably screwed up?

last modified Jan 24, 2005 at 16:10

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-Things in life may not be irreversible, you can't go back, but by going forward you can find something better.
-You may be in the dark but your never alone...there are people there you just can't see them.
-Somethings can't be fixed, only learned from.
-as for all the how do I's/why am I's/How can I's thats for you to figure out...

-----high school isn't the messed up rollercoaster that you're strapped into, you're not stuck with the soap opera dramatics. There are plenty of people in high school that don't have all the hysterics that some people are experiencing or have experienced. the rollercoaster is there, but you can get off. Rollercoasters have to stop sometime.. this one just seems to stop when you make it.---------
life's about changing nothing ever stays the same

135550 | posted by Sunshyne on January 24, 2005 at 20:11