March 2002
April 2002
May 2002
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Local Black and Red
Sitting in your room, drinking your perfume. Wondering which day of the week I'll die on. Now, I'm laying in your bed unscrewing your head trying to figure out whats wrong inside so you don't hate yourself tonight. Yeah-eah-eah.
So now you fall asleep inside a tamborine. Next to broken head phones and your high school year book, I wrote on the final page, "Wish I could have stayed around to hear the last band play." Hey-ey-ey-ey, I heard they just broke up yesterday.
last modified Apr 6, 2002 at 17:37
Is one of the greatest shows. And Easter wasn't as great as usual.
$25. ($20=Uncle Mike &Aunt Cathy. $5 Grammy.)
Little box with chocolate in it &Figurine of artistic Tweety (Grammy)
"How many licks does it take?" Tootsie pop counter keychain ("Easter Bunny")
Label maker keychain ("Easter Bunny")
Cookies &Cream Easter Bunny ("Easter Bunny")
. . . I think that was about it. I was sick of getting candy for easter so we all decided that money was better. Jeremy did end up with a basket though. So the adults still had a thrill . . a little one, but one anyway.
Meag and some kid that I don't know are talking to me. The other person found me by looking up a Wakefield lyric and finding it on my other log. The gross one. (not quite worth a link so I won't put it here.) Not that I don't love some of the material, but I got lazy for a reason on it.
Got to have my favorite food in the whole world . . . yes, you know it . . SISTERS SALSA. The most delicious salsa I've ever had the pleasure of putting into my body ... ahhh delicious with tortias with a hint of lime . . grrrin.
I'm off once more. To work on homework and wait for Cory to call me. He called me while I was gone - left me a message. I go back to school tomorrow morning. Save me.
Ooh lala! And I get to talk to MAX too! :x
Then off to Rumford. Phantom Planet CD burning for listening pleasure on the way along with my "Bahdahbah" mix that I had made a couple weeks ago. This way my ears will be relaxed and fulfilled. :x
Bahdahbah will also be part of my showering pleasure. Ah, thank god for outlets in bathrooms for scuzzy old cd players that last forever.
Or does this sound bad:
MATTJebus:Thats they only tricky part - being creative.
shespokekungfu:Yeha haha that it is.
shespokekungfu:Thats why I'm always thinking of stuff while doodling/freewriting.
shespokekungfu:Things just kind of popup when you do that.
MATTJebus:I should probably try that.
(We were talking about a domain name for the one that Matt is going to get.)
Or does Christmas music by great groups (one I've been consistant about talking about the past few days. .) make you feel oh-so-much-better?
Or does talking to Max and Matt make everything even more oh-so-better?
So Matt says I have space on his site when he gets one. . rock rock! Its going to be great. And I told him that when I'm in college I want my own domain . . http://www.rudekungfu.nu or something to the extent. Great, isn't it?
"We've been on the road. Driving in the sun. Looking out for number one. California here we come. Right back from where we started from. [??] grab your guns. Your shadow weighs a ton."
Matt gave it a smile! "Not too many pictures though. A printer friendly version." I'm glad to get Jebus approval! It makes me feel more secure as to wether or not people will feel comfortable with it!
Now to show Max. . he told me not to worry about it so I wouldn't get sick and I'd be able to see him. I'm going over tonight (to Rumford). . so that means tomorrow I'll probably be able to see him for a little. I'm going to plead. . and hope that the weather is good enough so I can go walking with him. Because that would be fun. Should be more stable then as well.
Chris says so. and he : SHOULD : know as he says haha. Great, Topher!
"If I could blink. If I could BREATHE. If I could get my legs to move. Well this could be the day I get this girl to love me. Well I turn pale when she walks by. I am lost in her eyes. She is always on my mind." If theres any guys reading this right now that want to get on my goodside .. win me over. . all that good stuff. . put this on a mix-cd with other songs that remind you of me.
I'm a sucker lately for sweet talk. I keep wanting some sweet talk and get some here and there. But I want some that is closer. Explanation too deep.
"Tell me, what do you see, when you look out the window? Lonely night. Left behind. He has lost his way. Can you see me now? Can you see me now?"
"I'm so ready. I'm not ready. This little boy is running right back home. I guess its nobody's fault now but my own. Never had the patience, never had the time. Never knew that working hard was such a crime. Well I thought I could make you happy down the line. But I guess that its been over since you hurt this heart of mine. On your mark, get set, go. This little boy is running right back home. I guess its nobody's fault now but my own."
I was just thinking: If I do end up working at Babies "R" Us Guys won't be hitting on me . .unless they're sick-os. I almost forgot we're in Maine. Damn, Haha. Well, I guess thats for the better? Think about it: it'll give me a job with money. But at the same time give me space so that I can go to shows and maybe . .yeah.
I'm overly typing lyrics today. And I keep feelin like I'm ignoring that kid that works at the video store again. .eep. I always do this. So that I don't keep calling him "The kid that works at the video store" I'll ask him his name, lol.
And his name is Brandon. His picture is here. Reminds me of Evan a bit and a couple other people. Definatly not a bad thing if he reminds me of Evan! I'm going to continue listening to Phantom Planet on random on my winamp and talking with Brandon for now. I'll post more later more than likely. Have to shower as well. Ahp.
EWWWW this lady is a bitch. "When your parents washed your mouth out with soap, or whateve your parents did to punish you for doing that sin. Even if it was a spanking" I'm sorry but thats telling kids its alright to do that. And its not. I can tell you from first hand experience that soap does NOT taste good!
By the way, the lady is one of those christian prechers on ABC Family. Yes, the one I was just talking about.
Finally a good show is on. Who's the boss :x.
The not breathing got so bad that I ended up in the emergency room just a bit ago. Blew so many chunks got some stuck up my nose in the process. Disgusting.
The nurse who checked me first had no clue what she was talking about (most nurses I see seem not to know anything they're talking about .. sad.). And the staff as a whole didn't really comprehend that my aunt and uncle are my guardians because they're rejects and can't read a fucking thing. (Bitter bitter Kristina.)
Doctor that saw me seemed to stick away from me as much as possible until he had the stethascope against the side of my left boob. Comfortable, right? (I honestly hope you see the sarcasm there) Kept looking at my Rancid shirt and giving me strange looks, as if he was trying not to harm me but like my shirt was a sign that I was Rancid! He figured out that its my asthmas. I'm taking too long to breathe out. I'm still having difficulties breathing in general. I'm trying so hard to relax and I just can't. He said its a suddle kind of thing. Not one of those easily detected or something to the extent. He knew about it mostly because his son has asthmas as well .. yeah, I believe that was it. But he was acting as if I had cooties the majority of the time. Interesting.
My throat is even more hoarse than before. And Max is at the dance. Cory didn't call me tonight. But I'm alright. Because I have Diamond tonight. Wooh.
So anyway, back to the emergency room. So I'm on codine I think it is? And a couple other things for a bit. Five days. I'm going to be a "couch potato" as the second doctor/EMT told me. He was cooler than the first. I hate how everyone talks to me like I'm some fragile being when I'm sick. Like I'm a porceline doll that will break by the simplest word. Ah. That second guy wasn't like that. He was pretty great. Talked to me like I was a normal human being APPLAUD! . I really needed that.
Ah, what am I to do? Talking to some 20 year old guy from Maine who writes screen plays. And watching this dumb Easter Jesus thing. Sorry, this whole thing makes me upset. The animation and how they're trying to brainwash you. I think its on ABC Family as well. I like that channel. But gr.
The guy works at a Video store. I'll end up working at a record store or video place when I'm in college hopefully. Still hoping on that Babies "R" Us.
Mandy is off for Boston in the morning to pick up her boyfriend's friend from the airport. Ooh. They're already fighting here and there and Dan is sleeping over. Great week and a half this is going to be. HELP.
Getting back to the conversation. :x
Yes the lyrics above are Phantom Planet words. Of course. They're the only consistant thing I think I've talked about in here besides Max as well haha. The only consistant thing I talk about outside of the internet as well come to think of it . . including Luke &Brian. Wow. Yeah. Oh, almost forgot, the infamous Cory. But musically its all about Phantom Planet, Decker (Luke), and Idiots For Hire (Brian).
I am never going to stop coughing. I know I'm not. My throat is killing me and I'm steaming. I keep taking my temperature. Keeps flexuating. Ahp.
Apparently tonight Mandy is having Sherry and Dan over? I don't know if shes having them sleep over. But I know shes going to Boston tomorrow. . only thing I can figure about that is that she's taking Beth to an airport for one reason or another.
I'm enjoying this relaxation with Phantom Planet and the lyrics are keeping my emotions high even though my breathing is low. Times like these I wish I knew what to do in. You know, the whole breathing thing is unhealthy. Ah. Thats what I get for hanging around smokers so much within my life span. Light headed. Thank greatness for not going to Cory's tonight. Would have been even worse being around them all. Ah.
"Whats so wrong with being sad? Left alone, I was stuck to go over all the things that I'd done wrong. Sure I was stuck in a hole but now we've got a song. After all the love is gone. Where'd you get off saying its not so lame? We've had it different and I know we're not the same. Well, there I go. So smile, you've done your part. But I'm waiting for someone to say, ' I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! YEAH I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! ' What's so wrong with being sad?" Can't Take It So comforting.
Yeah, I've been having issues breathing with all this sickness engulfing my body. Talking to Matt on Aim right now, and trying to talk to Max as well but he's not quite there- he IS there but he's not . . there there. If you understand what I'm saying.
Listening to Phantom Planet while reflecting on the day. Talked with Cory this morning, he was with Jess last night. Growal. Just makes me so upset. She slept over and such. I was suppose to be over there tonight but since my sickness has pulled over just about every piece of my body these past three days, I was told I'm not allowed to.
I feel bad because when Matt was talking to me on the phone (everyone over there - at Cory's - was high and drunk) I decided to say goodbye when he said I didn't have to talk ot him if I didn't want to. Ahp. I feel like a dink, but I don't really like the kid. I don't even know him and Cory is trying to hook us up or something and says I can't kiss him (Did I already go over this in here?)
I'm going to answer some messages and come back to this in a moment.
Today I learned that pain relief ointments and private parts don't mix. From a friend. It was pretty amusing! I had many chats today about various private type things and haha, they were hilarious. Got a picture of some girl that has a tattoo around her vagina and is a devil with its mouth open and her pussy is part of the opening of the mouth . .its interesting. Creative but. . yes.
I keep trying to cough and end up choking myself. Its spectacular. I want to go to Rumford right now. I see almost no point in just going tomorrow night until Sunday sometime. Honestly, what is the point? We're not getting easter baskets this year. Merely money. Which is fine with me. I suggested it and Mandy and Chris both agreed - Chris thought of it the same time as me or something and the ideas collided when Grammy heard of it. Good though.
I'm in love with Something is Wrong. Phantom Planet have songs that really make me relaxed, and this is one of them. Another one is Turn, smile, shift, repeat but I'm not so sure its them. It could be someone else. But its a good song none the less.
The only way I could make myself sleep this afternoon was to practically make myself stop breathing. Pathetic, is it not?
shespokekungfu: hey there
shespokekungfu: hey there
shespokekungfu: haha
shespokekungfu: haha
shespokekungfu: I can actually talk to myself now!
shespokekungfu: I can actually talk to myself now!
shespokekungfu: Rock rock!
shespokekungfu: Rock rock!
shespokekungfu: How great is this?
shespokekungfu: How great is this?
shespokekungfu: I think I'm pretty damn happy now.
shespokekungfu: I think I'm pretty damn happy now.
shespokekungfu: Double messages though.
shespokekungfu: Double messages though.
shespokekungfu: Hm.
shespokekungfu: Hm.
shespokekungfu: I wonder if one of my personalities gets more frustrated than the other if this will stop.
shespokekungfu: I wonder if one of my personalities gets more frustrated than the other if this will stop.
shespokekungfu: Will my icon ever show?
shespokekungfu: Will my icon ever show?
shespokekungfu:Ha that would be great.
shespokekungfu: Ha that would be great.
shespokekungfu: No one else on here is talking to me.
shespokekungfu: No one else on here is talking to me.
shespokekungfu: I'm waiting for Max to come online.
shespokekungfu: I'm waiting for Max to come online.
shespokekungfu: Being bored with myself.
shespokekungfu: Being bored with myself.
shespokekungfu: Trying to find somewhere to upload images so I can start on a layout for my new blog.
shespokekungfu: Trying to find somewhere to upload images so I can start on a layout for my new blog.
shespokekungfu: Interesting conversation I'm having.
shespokekungfu: Interesting conversation I'm having.
shespokekungfu: No?
shespokekungfu: No?
shespokekungfu: Suck donkey ass.
shespokekungfu: Suck donkey ass.
shespokekungfu: Wait .. donkey ass?
shespokekungfu: Wait .. donkey ass?
shespokekungfu: How about sewer rats?
shespokekungfu: How about sewer rats?
shespokekungfu: Maybe donkey ass makes more sence then.
shespokekungfu: Maybe donkey ass makes more sence then.
shespokekungfu: I'm amusing myself
shespokekungfu: I'm amusing myself
shespokekungfu: great converstaionalist I am.
shespokekungfu: great converstaionalist I am.
shespokekungfu: That I am.
shespokekungfu: That I am.
shespokekungfu: Why thank you.
shespokekungfu: Why thank you.
shespokekungfu: No, THANK YOU
shespokekungfu: No, THANK YOU
shespokekungfu:See how that gradually gets better
and better?
shespokekungfu: See how that gradually gets better
and better?
shespokekungfu:it Could BE EVEN BETTER THOUGH
shespokekungfu:it Could BE EVEN BETTER THOUGH
shespokekungfu:it Could BE EVEN BETTER THOUGH
shespokekungfu:Wow, now I'm spelling "Tough" instead of "Though"
shespokekungfu:Or thinking I am.
shespokekungfu: Or thinking I am.
shespokekungfu: English class has not payed off on me.
The rest of this babble will be added and not to mention . .fixed .. when I get the chance to do so. Or get so engulfed in bordum that I have no choice.
Not being sick may have a factor in this as well.
Theres a great show coming up. Its going to be good. I need a ride though. That one will be difficult. Someone into punk and or ska that is willing to go all the way to AGUSTA to a show. Its worth it though. A band from Victory records. APPLAUD!
I'm talking with Luke right now. I feel as though I'm abandoning him by typing here (aw :[) I'm not though! I wouldn't ever! Luke is GREAT!
Speaking of greatness : Called Brian today (had his number and name on my hand all day) and he wasn't home. His sister said he was out in Farmington. Yep. I hope I get ahold of him soon! I told her to tell him that Kristina called. She said she would.
Went job hunting tonight. It was great. Got applications from the following places:
BABIES R US
BORDERS BOOKS
PET CO
KIDS R US
DUNKIN DONUTS (Theres a new one opening around Saco area)
Tried for a couple of other places too but didn't make it due to . .well due to basically no need for people and then the fact that I decided against them because of extremly long applications or disgusting appearance.
I want a place where I'm comfortable and still relativly able to express myself. Understand?
I'm thinking I have to watch the Cosby show now. Because its a great show, and thats just what I do for great shows.
"If I had grass, I'd make you mow it - EVERYDAY. Just because you're a prick. And for once I'd want things MY WAY OH YEAH! I've got problems with rent." Kicked in the head; Fix the sink, Pay the rent.
Tonight I was at a show. A great show. Two bit theory w/Greg from Stick-ups and Glenn from the late Nobody Else, Idiots for hire w/Brian :x &Chris &Mike etc!, Skatistics w/Leon!, The Taxis. I believe that I saw Luke too - and he was looking at me. If that was him. I don't remember EXACTLY what he looks like though, so I'm unsure. I have to ask him about it.
Saw the boys at Dennys after. It was great. I miss them. I like them a lot. I say that a lot. I really would like to hang out with them more. They're great kids. I feel as though I'm not being social enough with them though. Almost as if I'm putting up a guard? Yes thats it. I saw them all at Dennys as we were leaving though. Leon first - he noticed me and waved, and then I think he got Brian's attention but I didn't notice. All I really know is that Brian turned back to me and noticed me and smiled and waved frantically (or maybe I was waving so frantically that it looked like he was waving frantically?).
Brian is a great kid. That he very much is.
I'm waiting for a call from Cory. Our nightly thing. Meag is online talking to me as well. I'm going to update this entry with links and such as soon as I can, too. I'm going ot leave now though to look up heathcliff &alf and .. okay maybe not. But I'm going to try homework after talking to Meag for a bit . .that HAS TO count for something! "Smooch" says Kristina.
Kristina
melo
lj