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Omg. Finally.
So this has been down of like a month. what the eff. lol
I've wanted to write in this so bad, so many times.
So I'll try to remember.
So whats been happening.
Well, it was Christmas. I got my punching bag. yahoo.
And a bunch of other cool stuff too.
My punching bag ripped the skin off my knuckles tho;
ouch haha.
Then it was New Years. Ohhh boy. We went to our friend Tyler's house.
There was drinking...I drank. yes, I know.
I got a little...not drunk...well...sort of, for like an hour..then it wore out, because I had to take care of Amanda and Katie.
They were a mess. Amanda was puking and she passed out and ooh boy. And Katie was crying cause Amanda was so sick, she was drunk too. lol. Then it was just me and Silvano downstairs with Amanda for like ever, and she was so sorry for getting drunk and stuff. It was kinda funny actually haha. But they didn't know how they were gonna get home, and Helen couldnt take care of them both, cause I had to go home, so I had my dad drive the 3 of them back to Katies.
They don't want to come to my house ever again, but whatever, I would have worried about them all night.
My Christmas break was good. I was only in one night. Hanging out with the groupies every day. Snowboarding and whatnot.
Last night tho, I went to karate. And I don't know. He started talking to Krista, and then I was just like UGH..and she's like, you can't be mad at him forever. And then I just...I don't even know what happened, or why. I'm just confsued. I dont want to be friends, cause he hurt me too much. But I hate how its just ignoring, and once we realize we were looking at eachother, we turn away. Like, he was doing a drill...and I could'nt even tell you what he did, or what he said. Cause I just look at him and wonder all this crap and then its like...GO! and I dont know what I'm doing. I don't know what to do about that situation anymore. Part of me wants to just sit down and talk to him, but I can't, and there is no point. I've said everything I can say, he would just say sorry and that there is nothing he can do anymore. I would probably just lose control, and that solves nothing. So, I won't. I just hate how its so awkward. To having him be my best friend, the one person who ment the whole world to me, and who I loved more then ever, just walk right by me. Not even look at me, or say anything. Then again, I don't know if I'd want him to. I'm sitting on both sides of the fense. If he talked at me...I would get angry. If he didn't talk to me, I also get angry. Im pretty much just angry at the whole situation. Like I said - exactly a month ago - I just dont know WHY. Maybe thats why it was so hard for me to get over, because I dont know what I did wrong, or just went wrong. But I guess we'll never know, cause we're practically strangers now. He said once, even if we break up, he'd still love me. Well that didn't happen. I'll always love him, you never forget your first true love, even if he doesn't feel the same - which I know he doesnt.
But moving on to bigger and better things! Silvano =  <3. This is gonna be good. Even though I fell in love once, and got my heart broken, I'm really excited to do the whole love thing all over again. I really, really, really like him too. But yeh, I'm scared, I dont want to have to go through what I did before, but hopefully I wont. I like the whole, hugging, kissing, cuddling, feeling special, boyfriend thing. It's definately cool. I was feeling down yesterday, and he wrote me this funny poem thing, like it wasnt very good, poem-wise, but it was funny and cute The last line was like "from someone who cares, and will not only this time, but will always try to be there". haha aw. So yeh, I'm excited to start something new, especially with such a cool cool guy hah.
But I've learned now, more then ever, that things realllllly do happen for a reason and everything really does turn out better in the end. Things may seem bad when they happen, and it seems no matter how hard you try, you just cant seem to find anything good to come of it, but in time, you sit back and you realize, that all the tears, stress and frustration, was all worth it in the end. Because now you're happy again. you realize that if it didn't happen, you wouldn't be where you are today.Fate. Destiny. Whatever;
evvverryyythingg happens for a reason.
But through the past couple of months, you know who has been there through it all - Helen. She probably got sick and tired of hearing the same thing, night after night after night. But she kept on trying to make feel better, night after night after night. And I really appreciate it, cause it's hard trying to make somebody happy, especially when they cant seem to find anything to be happy about. She even came over on the day it all happened - her birthday - and was even going to stay the whole night if I wanted her to, but my mom told her to leave, it was her birthday. She tried her hardest to try and understand, even tho she didn't know specifically what I was going through, she reasured me that everything would be fine, that I dont deserve this, I'll find someone else, and that I'll be better in time. And she was right. She's been there through my highs and lows. And my low was for about 3+ months. Now I'm at my high, and shes listening to all of that too. If that's not a best friend, I don't know what is. I'm there for her whenever she needs it, cause she has been here for me through everything. Sometimes, I didn't want to talk to anyone but her, cause I know shes the one whos been there for me the most. So Helen, you don't even know how much I thank you for being there these past couple months, its always good to have someone to talk to. I love you so much, your the bestest friend I could ever have <3
Hmm what else. Oh, I'm getting a pink streak tomorrow. haha, thats always cool.
School is almost done. shabam. I hate math.
And I can't wait till next semester. Its gonna rock, hopefully I have lunch with everyone again! At least I know no matter what lunch I have, I'll have it with Silvano cause he has third period spare, woohoo.
Well I think that's everything. There was way more I wanted to talk about, but I'm just not in those moods anymore, or I dont remember. But boy, I'm happy this thing is back up. Its weird but it gets a lot of things off my shoulders.
Kaythnxbye.
last modified Jan 12, 2006 at 17:39
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