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I'm just too far from where you are
so I've realized I don't want to grow up.
It's too much pressure.
I don't want to think about university, not because I don't want to get out of highschool, not that I don't want to live by myself,
I want both those real bad.
I want to be able to stay out real late and not have to come home worrying about my parents being pissed off at me,
I want to get out of the whole highschool thing,
cause after 4 years its just boring.
like wearing uniforms didn't bother me at all, I liked them up until this year, but now it's just repeditive. You just wear the same thing over and over and over again. You try and get new belts and stuff, just to mix it up a little bit.
and this whole PSU thing. last year I loved it. I loved standing up there and running all those things,
but now it's just a bug. I want to sit on the bleachers and actually ENJOY a spirt assembly, instead of having to be stressed making sure it runs good.
but back to the whole university thing. I'm excited to have my own room in residence and stuff, but for some reason whenever my parents or anyone really brings up university,
I tend to tune them out and change the subject. which probably is what I shooouldnt be doing right now. since applications should be done by the christmas break.
when I really think about it, it's how I don't want to have to choose my whole future when I'm only freakin 17.
It's how I don't want to leave some of my best friends. How we can go from seeing each other every day at school, to hanging out after school, to hanging out pretty much every weekend, to only seeing each other on holidays.
I know we'll all meet a whole new group of friends and become real close with them,
but that doesnt even make up for the years you spent with your highschool ones. your highschool friends have seen you change so much, cause I think during those 4 years, thats when you change your looks, your morals, your personality. everything.
and it makes me sad to think, well to KNOW, that half of us, are going to go our seperate ways, and just drift. We won't see each other like we used to, we won't talk like we used to. As much as no one wants that to happen, in reality, it will. We all know it.
It also blows because I'm going to be in such debt. Univeristy is so damn expensive.
that is if I even get in. My marks arn't the highest right now. so maybe I'm worrying about nothing.
and I know it's a long ways away. but what if I'm still with brendan when that happens. he's staying here. and it's not like I'm going to come back home every weekend or anything.
but it's not even him. its everyone thats in a relationship. long distance sucks, I don't think there's one plus about having a long distance relationship. and a lot of people fall apart when the other moves away. bahh.
like my mom just came into this room a few minutes ago and wanted to talk about univeristies. I just ignored her.
I don't want to think about it.
Ugh.
last modified Nov 25, 2006 at 11:13
gahhhh julie i hear ya 100%
life is so depressing
i just don't even care, because everything is changing so much and nothing right now will even matter in a year
man. you just made me cry!
ha.. but like honestly, atleast you know what courses you wanna take and what you wanna be when your older
i have no idea really of either, i mean i keep telling myself i wanna be a pediatrician, but heck i dont even know, like its not like i ENJOY science, just i happen to understand it, but then there just isnt that one class that i do enjoy, there really isnt..so university DEFINATELY makes me wanna just turn away too, but like, your right, we kinda need to face it now, we have to apply soon meaning we have to know what we wanna take, and where we wanna go..
basically we need to know out next like 10 years of our lives NOW
oh geeez. i hate this.. highschool should have more courses and maybe be one year longER. 17 is just WAY to young to decide so many important thigns in your life... ahhhh
even the THOUGHT of university terrifies me.
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