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julie.
when you're older you will understand.
last modified Jan 23, 2008 at 21:56
So in highschool, everyone hears or knows someone who wants to commit suicide right? right. Well how do you know if some people just make it up? how do you know they're not just looking for attention? how do you KNOW? I guess you don't. I guess they just do. See, there is this girl, who apparently has a bad family life, and she has been slitting her wrists for years. She tells my friend everything, and begs her not to say anything? Not only is that not fair for my friend, but shes expecting her not to tell anyone when she could be in trouble. My friend had a breakdown today. This girl has telling her soo much stuff, she couldnt take it. She just broke. She's scared and worried. And the girl doesnt seem to notice what she does...not only to herself, but to others as well. Its not fair. Now, i also heard, this girl doesnt cut her wrists right. You're supposed to cut a certain way for pain and for it to kill you, she does it a way that cant. Then she told my friend she tried to commit suicide last night, but didnt tell her why, and begged her not to tell...what is my friend to do? Just sit there and let her hurt herself? She told my gym teacher, which she had to do. She said she pulled 3 things away from her in 1st period cuz she wanted to cut herself so badly. People think shes just doing it for attention. and maybe she is. she seems to tell everyone, but then tells everyone not to say anything. Thats not fair. But if she is doing for attention. shes definatly going way too far with this.
And then my friend told my friend that was crying, that her mom said that everyone in highschool at least thinks about committing suicide. may be true. but for me, as of now, i havn't. even if my whole life goes wrong, i wouldnt kill myself. Things always get better and taking your life is just an easier way for you to get ride of your problems quicker. What people dont realize is that when you kill yourself, the pain is gone for you...it starts for other people then. they dont think of who they left behind and how it'll affect them. Plus, thats just the quicker way... eventually things would get better. It just makes no sense to me.
And if the girl is doing it for attention..i dont get it. why would you put other people thru pain if maybe none of it is true...or just a bit is.
Nothing is ever that bad.
-being stood up
-being left out
-rejection
-losing people in a crowd
-losing Jesse
-big scary looking dogs
-buying someone something for their bday, but someone else buying the same thing and they opened there's before yours
-My mom forgetting to pick me up somewhere
-spiders
Im not left out, I just feel left out. Not with friends from school...something else. And their all my friends, and they all went out tonight and it just kinda sadness me that I couldnt go, sort of thing. Jealous? Yes. Very, actually. It just sorta sucks that I'm excluded from stuff like that. Meh, I'll live.
Tonight I went to Georgian Downs or whatev with Jesse, his mom n dad, his sister and her boyfriend. It was a lot of fun. Me n Jesse won 2 times in a row but then Krista messed up our good luck thing so we lost...pft lol. But yeah...mm and they had this chocolate fountain and pretty sure me n Jesse went there like 3 or 4 times lol. It was yummy.
But todays morning kind of sucked. but it got better by the end of the day and tonight was so fun.
So yep. thats my update. whoop.
Started from the morning...mom made me angry.
Walked to the bus, forgot my gym clothes walked back, late for school.
Friggin exhausted from staying up late last night talking to Jesse about something that made me annoyed.
There was this bitch fight in the changeroom today and then my friend got in trouble for pushing a girl b/c she was in her face and that made me angry.
And then in 4th the girls friend is telling everyone so I started yelling at her.
And at lunch all the people wanted to do was sit there the whole time and stare at some guy. it was so boring. and then 2 of them left me and Bonnie.
Then in volleyball I didnt play well cuz I was in a bad mood so I dont think I made the team...still a chance, but I dont think so.
Then yeah, definatly feeling left out lately with people.
Ugh. Not a good day at all.
Well I just figured out, I'm definatly the last to know EVERYTHING now. I was talking to Helen and she was telling me stuff from like a month ago and stuff, that everyone else knew...and I was so surprised, and she'd be like 'You didnt know that?!'. No. I didnt. I'm not saying its their fault. Its cuz
1. I have no classes with them.
2. I dont even have the same lunch.
3. I hardly see them during school.
I swear, I hate my lunch. Like I know I keep saying it, but you have NO gawd damn idea. Its not even the fact that its the lunch not a lot of people are on...its the fact that NONE of my best friends are on it...not even one...its the fact that the people that ARE on it are totally gay and make me so mad..except one. And shes sometimes in the chapel b/c shes on some team. And now I feel TOTALLY out of the loop b/c I'm finding stuff out now that people have known for a while now. And what sucks even more is the stuff I'm finding out is about my best friends, and what I'm finding out isnt even a big deal, like they're little things...like about guys and just everyday stuff. but it's just the fact that I didnt know, expecially b/c its about my best friends...This semester definatly sucks the big one. Like I hate it. Next semester might be better cuz I know I have one of my best friends in 3 of my classes, cept I have hard courses next semester. Gawd damn.
OH well. Nothing I can do.
I love how friends talk about stuff infront of you and then like dont even invite you a long. Like people from my lunch have gone to the movies before..and are going tonight...and dont even invite me along. I wouldnt even be able to go tonight, but it'd be nice to be asked. People on my lunch bug me. I hate it.
Oh, and then I love how friends ditch you. Thats always fun...
Meh, I got other friends that dont bug me. Like I was at home sick today, and Helen n people called me to see how I was. Yeah..it was cool. But then I was talking to one of the ppl on my lunch who I hang out with..and she didnt even ask at all about why I wasnt at school or how I was feeling or anything. Like wow. thanx a bunch...
But to all my friends who are ACTUALLY there..thanx.
Being sick stinks...well im not like SICK sick...just a cold/headache/losing voice. Yessiree.
Okay, I met probably the most artificial looking girl today. She's in grade 9....but she went to highschool last year...but shes like the age to be in grade 9..i donno. but yeah. She looks like she could be in grade 11 or 12 tho. But anywho...her hair is different colours, and it was curly, but like the kind of curly that doesnt look natural...like it has all this crap in it and it looked like it was rock hard...and then I've never seen a girl wear THAT much foundation ever...and her eyelashes...which u can always tell are fake....were soo long, fake meaning she uses that stuff that makes them longer, cuz i could see it, and she wore so much eye make up...and she had a nose piercing and one under her lip...in chin the thingy...i donno what it its called but yah. And her friend is like...just as artificial looking too.
Why do you need to look like....a barbie? You just look soo fake...like i think the prettier girls are the ones that wear hardly any makeup...but meh thats just my opinion
Some people disgust me. And lets leave it at that.
8 MoNtHs..annnnd 1 day! lol wooo go us!
Okay so sorry, havnt written in a while. I dont think anyone has...as in my friends. poo on you. But anyways. So yep...lifes pretty good. Cept i got SO mad today...b/c my friend asked me to add her into this convo with this girl...so i did and then this girl starts being a bitch so i stick up for my friend (and im already not really friends with this girl anymore..b/c of other stuff...she said i said stuff when i didnt) and then this girl says that my friends are all bitches and no one likes them, and the only people that do is ourselves. Like wtf?! And that one friend in particular is a bitch and mean to everyone and stuff. like honestly, that girl is nicest person ever. Who does she think she is saying that stuff? Just bcuz shes a loser she tries to make it seem like my friends are all bitches and stuff, so i guess thats almost like everyone in grade 10 pretty much, cuz i talk to like everyone so..shut it. It made me so mad. Like okay..say stuff about me to me...bitch at me...but once u bring my friends into this when they have NOTHING to do with it, its definatly the wrong place to go. Definatly.
But on a lighter note...Today was Amandas birthday. One of the many. lol And me and about....12 other people went to East Side Marios for dinner. I was in a bummed mood cuz of the person from above...but i got in SUCH a good mood. May I say i was the entertainment lol. But yah it was good.
I guess stupid people are gunna be stupid and we have to deal with that. Even if we dont want to.
how are you? I'm great
Today was a good day. Mostly cuz I spent it with Jesse. Do you ever get that feeling when you feel like its just perfect. Like nothing can go wrong and that everything feels so right. When you look at someone and just know...like you just know that they're the one you love and always will. Well thats how I feel
I love you Jesse!
Why must people lie? to make their life more intresting? afraid of being themselves? afraid of what people will think if they tell the truth? And its stupid because more than one do it. Why cant you tell the truth? Why do you have to make up excuses and stories? Lies are possibly the worse thing you can do to me. I hate when people lie. Now, everyone tells white lies, even me, I'm not perfect. But I wouldnt lie to any of my friends, expecially my best about something so little...so stupid that I could have just told them and have the risk of them being mad at me for a bit, rather being caught in a big fat lie. And this other girl did it too. You can't tell if anything thats coming from their mouth is true anymore or not, because you're so used to the lies you dont even believe they know what telling the truth is. So, you try to talk to them about something serious, and then you hear that suddenly they hate you..then when you ask them about it. they act all innocent saying that they never said that, and how could I possibly think that. And honestly, ever since I caught this one person in a lie, I've never been able to trust her again. and another friend too. I'm not gunna not be their friend b/c they lie...but I wont trust them or believe anything they say. I actually have/had 3 friends that constently lie. Whats the deal?
Bottom line. If you're my friend, please, just dont lie to me.
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