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julie.
when you're older you will understand.
last modified Jan 23, 2008 at 21:56
Well, just taking a break from packing. Leaving in a couple hours to the t-r-a-i-l-e-r...woo!
Aww Alyssa, some guys can just be stupid and not even realize how much they hurt you cuz their only worried about them and their own feelings, which is stupid. Cuz some of them only think that THEY have feelings, and their the only ones that do, no one else. yeish. But yeah dont worry about it...who needs guys at this point in life anyway?
And i hate not being able to tell someone sumthin, bcuz a) i dont wanna sound stupid or b)cuz i dont know how/what to say. Sorry, its just hard.
Are YOU in a Julie mood?!?!?! 
Well, Miss Runnings just left my house. We watched a movie and took some crazy pics, like always. It twas fun. I like getting together with friends, it makes u forget about everything thats going on, unless u start to talk about it, which we didn't. So thats good. Umm yeah. Hanging out with Jesse this weekend..yay
Things are slowly starting to get better. Which is definatly what I need to happen at this point.
**Woo...me and courtney are now on the sped olympic team! Go us!**
I want to be all happy again.
I want to see Jesse.
I want the karate job.
I want A job.
I want money.
I want ice cream.
I want to go away.
I want Mary to just go away.
I want everyone else to be happy.
I want food.
I want to yell at people.
I want this week to be over.
I want to go to bed.
I want everything to be normal again.
People are gay. Someone tells me to stay away from her son, when her son was talking to ME, and besides, hes my friend. and then she tells me AGAIN, when i wasnt even near him. I know she's not all there n stuff, but still. arrrrrrrg. Oh well....I ignore her...I'm just probably over-sensitive right now. With everything and stuff.
Court this is gunna be so cool...u being a famous model haha! We can only wish!!! Make millions...and give half to me:P YAY!
Man, I cant wait until monday. I'm going away with Court for a couple days...that will be good, get away from everything and everyone. finally.
Well....nothing new really, still majorly pissed. Its like the thought doesnt ever leave my mind, and then i think about a part of it, and i get even more mad...so its like im never not mad about it. ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!
I need a punching bag.
This is fucking gay. Gayest stupidest thing ever. What the fuck. I can't get the only fucking job I wanted. And for the stupidest fucking reason ever. This is fucking retarded. Time to start looking for another fucking job I'll more than likely fucking hate. Great. Fuck.
I cried at my fucking friends house. I cried when i got home. I even fucking cried myself to sleep. I dont think anyone fucking realizes how much that meant to me. And if it was me, I'd fucking stand up for my friend or boyfriend/girlfriend....whatever. I don't even think they fucking even thought about doing that.
Fuck. I fucking hate this. It's FUCKING GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well im just gunna say something ive already written in someone elses weblog. About a friend. a friend that was a really good friend. now we hardly ever talk. I call, she never does, we havnt hung out all summer. The only way we really kept close was thru this sport. now shes quit that sport. Which i think is totally stupid bcuz shes liked it...and she says she doesnt, but gawd i KNOW she did. but o well. i guess im just dissapointed in her. And...it seems like she spends all her time with her boyfriend who i hate very much. never told her that tho, i couldnt, id feel so bad. but i do, i hate them together and she could do so much better. but OH well.
Not cool, not cool at all.
Why do people hurt themselves? like intentinally hurt themselves? Its stupid. theres so many other ways to take out anger or stress. So why do it on urself? do people find happiness in hurting themselves...i mean, it has to hurt...so why do it? It cant be fun or anything...meh i guess thats just how people deal with stuff. its not good tho. one of my BEST friends does sumthin...and it makes me so sad to know that she does it...it worries me. she says thats just her and how she deals with stuff....but ugh. theres so many other ways..punch a pillow, or sumthin else...throw stuff, hurt things that arn't alive, but not something that is, like yourself. It can turn serious if people keep doing it...and id die if something ever happend to her. Please stop:( Remember what i ALWAYS tell you: nothing is ever THAT bad. Expecially to hurt yourself. So please stop...i hate the fact that your doing it. Theres so many other ways...i luv yah!<3
Well its 2:55 pm. This means Jesse has left yet again for the weekend. But thats okay, cuz i'm going away tomorrow too. And we talked on the phone for almost 2 hours before he left today. so yep. Aww peoples reltionships r kinda rocky right now, hopefully everything turns out a-okay.
omg im going the circus tonite! hehehehehe! with court n germy! its gunna be so much fun! im just a tad bit excited.
Ummmmmm yes. man....theres nothing to write about! YEISH! Well yes...so long for now
Just because i dont say something doesnt mean i dont feel it. i guess i should just say it more often, and i never really realized until now. You're right, I'm sorry.
Whenever he passes out, my mom's always like 'he never did this until he met you'. i know shes joking and trying to be funny, but its not...not anymore. i just bugs me. she even said it infront of him. Like how do u think that makes me feel? i know its not me, i can't help what happens and what doesnt, but still...it bugs me. say it enough, i might actually start to believe it.
And again, im sorry, u told me not to worry about it, but it bugs me too. cuz u know i do, i just dont say it as often as i should...
I dont feel good...havnt for a couple of days now. Its like everythig i eat i feel sick. and its not good, cuz that will make me like not eat n' man, i need food. gr.
People need to watch what they say, expecially around certain people. like some dude was saying sumthin bout a family member, which turned out to be true, but i dont want those people, who are my friends to think that my family member is a bad person, cuz it only happend once and hes nice and stuff. Like that person is sorry and stuff and i know, but...yeah. not cool, not cool at all.
Karate was good, grappling killed my arms tho. but yeah, twas fun.
Props to Marshal for helping me make this super cool and funky with colours n stuff!
Umm...rambling....bcuz my life is boring right now...yes. thats all
Well it was another super awsome weekend. Went to wonderland saturday with Helen and Court, oh man, funniest thing ever. It started to pour, and we got soakend..thats rite soakend, and i swear rain makes people hyper or sumthin. cuz we went like crazy haha but it was funny. and then this boy was chasin seaguls away and then he feel, sad but SO funny lol..yes sir eeeeee.
Then saturday nite courtney slept over, fun times. She didnt go home until like later in the day...yeap...and im dying the bottom of my hair! coolness!! Then i went to Jesses tonite since he just got home from his cottage, and fun times there too lol yes...fun times all around. Umm yeah...boredness right now. people are gay. u know it.
Well the Prep Squad talked, and i think everything is cool again, 3 cheers for that...hip hip horray x3. lol Yep yep...Well today was kind of a blah day. at least its friday....the 13th! :O creeeeeeepy. 5 months today!!!! There was no cool kids this week at camp...so it made it even worse, it was just not a fun week at camp, so im SO glad this week is over. im done volunteering for the summer, woohoo...now i can just relax and hang out...well im going to london one day...but other than that nothing, at least i dont think. Doing what i did, for money would so make going to camp worth it, i usually have fun, but not really this week. Ugh i need to get a job. but i REALLY dont want one...the only place i wanna work right now is karate, and i donno if hes even hiring people anymore...so that means i need to get a job somewhere else.and im picky about that, i do NOT wanna work at a fast food place..i.e Wendys or McDonalds, the only place id have an intrest in working other than karate is Shoppers. and i have to be 16 to work there...and i dont really wanna work at Tim Hortans, or like IGA or Zehrs either, told u im picky. lol Blah...i wanna be unemployed, but somehow still get money...if only there was sumthin like that. Meh...I'll start looking soon i guess....even tho i really dont wanna, i have no money. like seriously, i dont have any...and i go to places that involve money...so getting a job is pretty much the only option, cuz my mom isnt gunna keep giving me money...bummer eh
i feel like we're seperating, we're still together, but somehow broken apart. Not me n Jesse if thats what ur thinking, were still awsome. Something, just as important tho. me n my friends. No we're not mad, or in a rival or anything. but we've seperated. and i hate it. i dont like it at all. its almost like its 2 against 2. One best friends with another, while the other two are all buddy buddy as well. We used to be SO close, like everyone was equal with everyone, and dont me wrong, we're still close and their all still my best friends and nothing will EVER change that cuz i love all 3 of them to death, but it seems some days we're parting, not by much, but in a way sorta. and its just gotten to me, expecially 2nite when we were all in this convo, and it seemed like 2 of them didnt want anything to do with us at all...I'm not mad, and i dont want to get anyone else mad either, its just sumthin ive noticed. Maybe its jsut 2nite, we're going to wonderland in 2 days, so we'll be all close again and everything will go back to normal i hope..and even so, i dont mind if like 2 people are closer than the other two are with them, but having this much of a difference definatly sucks the big one. but helen im SOOOO sorry for everything i LOVE you! Sometimes, i just wanna get away from everything and everyone...
Jesse i miss u so much, i need u more than anything right now:(
I feel so bad...at sparring tonite i kicked this girl emily in the nose and it started bleeding, she was all cool about it and said not to worry and even said to next time give her a black eye so she has sumthin to show for it lol but yeah i still feel so bad...it wasnt my fault, she turned into it, but yes, still feel bad. I always do when i hurt sumone, i bruised becca's arm last week, like a monster bruise, feel bad for that...and i also kicked someone in the eye today....maybe i shouldnt kick so high or sumthin. I hate hurting people, i feel so bad when i do, but it happens, ive been hurt...i hurt other people, all part of sparring, dont like it tho.
I got my hair cut today, everyones seeming to get their hair cut, lol. but yeah its cool...
I miss Jesse...only umm 4 days till he comes home, woo
Court i love u so much, thanx for always being there and seeming and somehow understanding EVERYTHING im going thru You're awsome!!!!!!
what do u do when u really dont like ur friends' friend? Cuz i dont, well its not that i dont like her, she just bugs me...sumtimes we can be cool and be friends, but then other times we just dont seem to like eachother, and its the summer, never mind when school rolls back around, meh, ill guess ill just have to tough up and act like i do....joy..
"Hey you, living for tomorrow
You sell your dreams for a pocket of change
Hey you, smokin' up your sorrow,
Just pointing fingers at someone to blame
Hey you, you turn your back on your children
It's left you in that big burning bed
This life's like livin in the gutter
All this pain just makes you feel dead
You're just givin it all, givin it all away
Slow down
Just look a little closer
You might find that its not the end
You wonder how, your life can get better
When you're alone you just tear yourself down
You're just givin it all, giving it all away
Try and find your better half now
Open your eyes, and find yourself
You're just givin it all, giving it all away..."
That song is from my new Ashlee Simpson Cd...and with everyone being depressed latly...it just reminded me of it and stuff...good message inside of it i think
Well i just spent another fun but crazy weekend with my girlies from the prep squad. we always have such a fun time. We all slept at germy's house, then went to the mall today and tried on old lady dresses in Sears. Courts was so funny, zebra and jungle print lol. Too funny. We're hanging out next weekend too, well just on saturday, wonderland, here we come. When we were at the mall, these 2 guys were trying to call us over to them. i hate guyz like that...they annoy me. But honestly, im glad i have such good friends i can trust totally...thats neat. lol I got a new hair style! well, just curly, but its so cool i love it, i cant wait to show people it...lol wooohoo! 5 more days and then it will be the 13th..and do u know what the 13th is? if u dont, u obviously dont know me well enuf cuz i tell everyone lol, 13th is 5 months for me and jesse! woo excitedness. cept...hes not home then, hes at his cottage. bummerness. Ah well, ill just see him when he gets home. Yesssiree. Well thats all for today
Why can't people mind their own buisness? like honestly, some people seem to think that they can just butt into everything about everyone and say mean and nasty things they dont even know anything about. Then, they make that person feel so incredibly bad about themselves all bcuz they said stupid annoying stuff that wasnt even true. Like i dont even know this girl, but yet she tells my boyfriend that he couldnt get a girl like me, and that I'm just using him and i dont REALLY like him. what the hell. Where does she come off in saying that? And i was talking to him about it last nite, and he doesnt say anything back bcuz he doesnt wanna be mean. in a way, good. in a way, bad. Like honestly I wouldnt be able to just say nothing, no way. Supposivly they were good friends, but do good friends really say that kind of stuff and call you ugly all the time? Not in my books. And considering saying that stuff when you're not even ugly! ugh, people like that bother me more than anyone. Putting things into my mouth saying i dont really love my own boyfriend and that im using him, and like i said, i dont even know her. Sometimes, u need to stand up to ur 'so called friends' when they start saying mean and untrue things, even if u dont WANT to hurt them...what do u think their doing to you? Thats right, hurting you first. And maybe being 'too honest' isnt a good quality when it comes to saying mean things. And even what she was saying was true, which its not, at all, why say it? You know ur only gunna hurt them and make them feel worse and insurcure. And which makes me even more mad...is that people like that get those people they say that stuff to into mad/sad/depressing moods like they dont even care, so they just keep on saying shit...what the hell. stupid friggin people. hate them all.
It sucks when someone thinks u dont belong. Considering when ur already with them. thinking people deserve other people. honestly, how do u know if u deserve someone...u dont deserve anyone, u just...end up with them. cuz everyones different, i dont think anyone can deserve anyone, it just happens that u both like one another and are considered lucky, not deserving. And that saying...you cant really love anyone else until u truly love yourself? true or false? personally for me, its true. I mean if u hate urself....but then convince yourself u love someone else...i just dont see how it can work...cuz u cant like...like ur decision if u dont like urself...which means...would u REALLY love that person if u dont even love urself? thats just my opinion...leave a comment if u think any different
Well my long weekend rocked, went to Jesse's cottage. It was so much fun. Yep
But this is gay...he's goin away and the only nite we coulda done sumthin is thursday...and thursday my mom wants me to go to this show with her that she loves going to...i really dont wanna go, id rather just spend time with Jess b4 he leaves....but nooooooooo. Grrr how uncool is this. Very uncool. It seems like everything just gets in the middle of stuff....ugh.
But yes...i went to camp today, theres not many kids this week, prolly cuz its only a 4 day week, but the other volunteers dont do shit...like honestly if ur not gunna do anything, dont bother being there
Errr stupid show. this is gunna bother me for like....ever. lol
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