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julie.
when you're older you will understand.
last modified Jan 23, 2008 at 21:56
well, stuff is fucked right now. Like, theres like this war between people and me and my friends. and it sucks. All i want is everything to go back to normal. Back to like it was last year...last month....2 weeks ago...anything. i want people to talk. i want everyone to be friends again. cuz this definatly is sucky.
Hate. what a strong word that people take for granted. use it when you dont mean it. Say 'I hate you' when your in a fight, but then you make up the next day, next week...and your sorry becuz you never really meant it. Well what if you really DO actually HATE someone...I never thought I did. I dislike many people, but today made me realize, I do hate someone. She bugs me. Every word she says I just wanna tell her to shut up and punch her. I hate the way she looks at me. I hate the way she laughs. I hate the way she lies. I hate the way she thinks she's all that. I hate that she uses people. I hate her hair. I hate how she laughs at the stupidest things. I hate how she tries to impress everyone, like her life is one big show. I hate that she ignores the girls when shes around the guys. I hate her.
Well its tuesday, and its safe to say, yesterday and today were actually good days...well not GOOD days, but better days, so maybe even good days...oh well not imporant, all i know is that they didnt suck. And what if u dont like people together? like u like them, but just not together? oh well, doesnt matter either. Ummm yes...whoa nothing to talk about...this is actually a good thing, cuz when nothing bad happens, that means theres nothing to write about woo aw in the litergy today at school, they played that song on my last post, and they had pictures of special needs kids and stuff...and it was so sad:( almost cried lol well sorta...but yeah, it was cute. Well thats all for todays live update.
but there is this one person, whenever she says sumthin i wanna punch her. Meh, thats alright, shes annoying and she doesnt hang out with me, so yes....woooo
I'm a little boy with glasses
The one they call the geek
A little girl who never smiles
'Cause I've got braces on my teeth
And I know how it feels
To cry myself to sleep.
I'm that kid on every playground
Who's always chosen last
A single teenage mother
Tryin' to overcome my past
You don't have to be my friend
Is it too much to ask?
Don't laugh at me, don't call me names
Don't get your pleasure from my pain
In God's eyes we're all the same
Someday we'll all have perfect wings
Don't laugh at me.
I'm the cripple on the corner
You pass me on the street
I wouldn't be out here beggin'
If I had enough to eat
And don't think that I don't notice
That our eyes never meet.
I lost my wife and little boy
Someone crossed that yellow line
The day we laid 'em in the ground
Is the day I lost my mind
Right now I'm down to holdin'
This little cardboard sign.
Don't laugh at me, don't call me names
Don't get your pleasure from my pain
In God's eyes we're all the same
Someday we'll all have perfect wings
Don't laugh at me.
I'm fat, I'm thin, I'm short, I'm tall
I'm deaf, I'm blind, hey aren't we all?
Don't laugh at me, don't call me names
Don't get your pleasure from my pain
In God's eyes we're all the same
Someday we'll all have perfect wings
Don't laugh at me.
ANOTHER crappy ass day. is this world out to get me or sumthin. Gawd, i just need a good week, it'll lift my spirits, even 2 good days, thats all im asking. but no. doesnt happen. Today my gym teacher like got mad at me cuz my hair was done up, and i had a jean jacket on cuz i was cold...like wtf. and then when i ACTUALLY started to play soccer, and knowing my luck from getting hit so many times before (thats why i hate it), i got nailed in the head again. figures. always happens when i try. And my clip in my hair dug into my head. So yes. And then my comp tech teacher is gay, he keeps telling me spit out my gum, and i donno i just have a feeling he hates me. And yet again, i STILL dont understand anything in that class. freaking things. stuff sucks.
And im not a good person. well i am, but im not. i judge people. not everyone, but a lot of people i do. i judge people before i get to know them. Like theres a couple grade 9's andi dislike many of them cuz...well 1, their grade 9s, and 2, their just plain annoying. but do i actually KNOW them? no. i dont. but i judge and end up disliking them very much. And then theres this girl who is different than everyone else....well shes just gothic and wears tons of black eyeliner and so many studded braclets and necklaces and belts n what not, and yet again, i look at her differnt, but i dont know her. she may be the nicest person ever, but i judge her just b/c shes not like me. But when i get to know people, the judging stops, and i fully accept them as who they are, whether i end up liking them or not. But i hate how i judge. and i dont say mean and nasty things about them, but i do, like i said, look at them differently then other people. and the nerds too, its like i dont like them...bcuz their smart and wear glasses. UGH. Stupid me. Well yes....another one of my depressing posts. i just need a couple of days to be good days.
Thank God its friday.
Well lets see what was wrong with today. i got into this huge fight with my dad, karate kinda sucked, i didnt even get to say hi to Jesse at karate, my mom was crying cuz i think her and my dad a fight, and they never fight, today just was a blah day, lunch was the most boring thing ever, this girl kam is a fucking idiot, and im gunna fail my comp tech course. Yes. i need a friggin punching bag. so badly. and then ppl and drinking? what the hell. does it make u cool? well it doesnt. i think it just makes u look stupid. and people are so proud once they get drunk too....like okay there...lets drink until we cant even remember what we did that night. wo...sounds like fun. not. Ugh. stupid!
Aw, how sad. I was in english, and me, Sarah, this guy Jamie and this guy Mackenzie were talking. And mack called Jamie a druggie, and then he says he doesnt so them..but then for some reason he admitted he did, and that yesterday he got stoned and that hes goin to again this weekend. And I just shook my head, and Im like, Im dissapointed. And then hes like, Im dissapointed too, i want to stop, but I cant. he said his lil 11 year old brother does weed too. 11 freaking years old. Thats sad. And he was saying his parents doesnt care if he does drugs, he says he doesnt have a certain time at night he has to be home at, they dont care where he is, he doesnt have to go to school, they let him drink beer, they even drink it with him. I just dont get it. how can parents not even care about what ur own child does? how can they let them wreck their mind and body? I just dont get it. I say sometimes how my parents r so annoying and they get on my nerves all the time, but honestly, I'd rather them get on my nerves sometimes, then not even care about me at all. Guess some people are just lucky to be born into a family with loving parents, and then some arn't. I feel really bad for those kids, they must not feel loved sometimes, i know i wouldnt. Thats sad...and definatly not cool.
WOO I'm in SUCH a good mood! Today was a good day! HAPPY 6 MONTHS JESSE!!!!!!! I looooooooooooooooooove you!!
3 years...since September 11th in new york. Aw i feel so incredibly bad for people who lost loved ones in that. I remember i was sitting in class and my teacher told us what happend, but i didnt really get it until i came home and watched it on the tv. So I guess what ive been going thru this past week is nothing compaired to what they have gone thru, and im sure every year on this day, they will feel the same pain as they did 3 years ago. Aw not cool.
Well the weekend so far was fun. Yesterday i went to boring ol school, then at like 6 i went over to Helens, then germy came over at like 8 and we went walking around the hood and saw our friends kyle billy and kevin and people there. And this druggy was there, who was like 2 yrs younger than us too, and he was asking me for money for a lughter, im like k, i dont even know u, why would i give u money...plus he was annoying and i dont like him, even tho ive never met him before, but yes, i still dont like him. Then we just sat on the green box talking to people...and then billy has a foot fetish, and i was wearing flip flops...so he was like staring at my feet...ew. lol Then Court came at 12:30 cuz she was out with people. And then we had cake n stuuuuff. And we didnt get to bed until late...so im like super tired right now. And last night we were all on our beds....and we were like hitting a balloon to eachother for like half an hour, it was fun. Then this morning we were like rolling over eachother for about 15 mins, that was also fun. Then we got ready n went to Boston Pizza for helen's birthday, it was so yummy, we're all stuffed. And then we went to that lil fish place behind it, and looked at fish, me n court had fun hitting the glass and making then move towards the back, then they'd come back to ur hand, then ud hit the glass, and they'd go back haha, how stupid can they be? I know we're not supposed to hit the glass, but they didnt care so we did wooo. Um yah then we went back to helens for like an hour, and now I'm home. So yes, very eventful 2 days.
Then tomorrow im doing something with jesse as i already have written....and then monday is the 13thhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! woo
And im really not feeling good right now...blah not cool. And my legs hurt, and i have no idea what i did...like i havnt done karate at all....i think its just growing pains or sumthin, who knows.
well end of week one. only...uh i donno how many weeks to go but there is definatly a lot. which suuuuuuuucks. Frig, no one was even on my lunch today, except Sarah, and guess what we did? sat. the whole time. wow. it wasnt fun. Grr...
But actually I'm in a good mood now. Prolly cuz its friday and everyone else is in a good mood. Goin to helens soooooon! wooo! This shall be fun! And then 2morro we're going out for lunch...and then on sunday im hanging out with Jesse i think....but i KNOW he wants to watch football and is SAYING he wants to hang out with me....u lie jesse. u lie. lol
Well thats it...oh wait.....HAPPY BIRTHDAY HELEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOOOOOVE YOOOOOOU!!!!
Well, second day, a bit better. I switched seats in religion, so I sit beside Kristian and he's one of my good friends, and then i sit infront of Katie and Meg. Then Gym sucked today too, we have some pretty gay people in that class. Then lunch, well meh it wasnt totally sucky today, but it definatly was still not cool. Me, Marshal, Bon, Sarah, and this girl Rachel hung out today. So thats okay. But I seriosuly hope Marshal's class doesnt switch, that will SUCK. Ugh and then English was boooooooooooooooooring, and comp tech was also boring. This semester sucks. Like sucks the big one, even gym sucks, and i love gym. Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrg. I hate this, like last year school was actually cool, this year, its so not. Damnit.
And then pretty much everything else is seeming to suck too. maybe just cuz im so frustrated about school. But like karate sucks latly too, like i hate mr lewis right now, well not hate, but i majorly dont like him right now, and i havnt even been going that much latly...ugh. Then, i donno, i still kinda feel like i am or im gunna be left out with everyone...which will majorly suck ass. but lets hope that doesnt happen.
Well it was the first day of school today, classes are good, but my lunch isnt. in the morning, i was in B lunch, everyone was on B lunch, i was so happy, like i worried for nothing, but thnen at the end of 2nd period, my teacher told us the lunch thingy had changed, and i was now on lunch A. Everyone else is still on lunch B...so i went to lunch and Marshal was on my lunch, so that was good. and he was pretty much the only person i had on my lunch. But guess what? Apparently now marshals on B lunch again. Joy. Just my luck. Figures it just HAD to be MY class. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
School is gunna suck now. Lunch was the only cool thing.
Oh, and then, I have religion first right, well i have Katie n Meg in that class, well today i was kinda ignored by them...hopefully that doesnt happen much, and even if in that class we get partner work, i honestly dont know who im gunna go with, cuz everyone else already has people their really close with. And then i didnt even get a locker beside katie and meg. Ugh.
I prolly sound like the biggest nerd with no friends. Its just my best friends rn't in any of my classes OR my lunch. Fuck.
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GRRR!
when im in ur arms...everything just feels so right
Is something different? or is it just me? for a second it feels like its changed, but then it feels totally normal and like it used to be. And it involves two things too. Then i think, is this worth it? and at points its 'iffy' and then at other points, it definatly is. I dont feel this way a lot tho, the 'iffy' part that is, its just sometimes. Actually, its only been like one time, but then the next min that thought didnt cross my mind or anything.I'm sure its just moods im in and then i start thinking about stuff too seriosuly. so right now, everything is cool i think in both things. and if u think its you, its probably not. Dont take it seriously, cuz IM not even sure...
Well I'm back from my trailer with Court, it was so much fun! Good to get away...but i'm glad i'm back to talk and see people again. We took sooo many pictures! it twas fun
Ugh school starts tuesday...I have a bad feeling I'm not gunna have any of my friends on my lunch, i hate having split lunches, thats the only thing that sucks, cuz then u get ur good friends on the other lunches and ugh it just stinks. O well, I'll know someone, i know a lot of people lol woooo But still...boooo. I better get the whole prep squad on my lunch or I'll be VERY angry. But meh, we'll see.
And my mom is being such a pain in the ass right now. I'm trying to figure plans out for 2morro and shes not giving me a straight answer at all....its just bcuz shes tired, and doesnt wanna friggin cooperate with anything. GAWD. Parents can be so annoying sometimes.
Erg...im such in like a pissy mood right now. I need sleep. :(
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