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julie.
when you're older you will understand.
last modified Jan 23, 2008 at 21:56
So this past month has been crazy.
At least one sleep over every weekend, sometimes two.
Staying out till 1 in the morning with people.
Plus that spirit assembly, and normal homework on top of that.
Then driving school. Karate. Working. Holy moly.
But busy = good.
Even tho I know one of these days all this weekend hanging out late thing is gonna catch up to me. But oh well.
Halloween dress up tomorrow. wahoo. We're being the Village People. Thats right. Im the cowboy. Yahoo.
Oh, and man, I love you Helen. Haha. I was just thinking about how we all went to the movies last night, and how I didnt want to go see Saw 2, but I went anyways cuz everyone else was going. And we all had our tickets and we were waiting in line for it, and she could just tel that I wasnt happy cuz I didnt want to see it so she said she would see another one with me, and so did Silvano, so they actually switched their tickets for me and saw another movie with me cuz they knew how much I didnt want to see it. Aw. Everyone else just didnt care about me haha. Oh well. But, its little things like that make you realise who are your really really good friends. But I guess thats what best friends are for right. So yeh, thanks a lot Helen, it actually ment a lot and it was a cool cool thing to do haha. And Silvano too, but he doesnt read this thing, but he gets a props too. Woo. lol
um so I dont know...
Pretty confused.
Pretty busy.
Pretty Sick.
Yuck.
I don't know what to do.
Part of me says yes, part of me says, just wait.
Part of me is over you, and says move on.
Part of me doesnt want to let go.
I feel bad. For him, for you, for me.
Sometimes I want it more then anything.
Sometimes I'm just not ready yet.
He makes me get that little girl feeling whenever I see him.
But, I hardly see him.
Our paths just dont cross during the day.
It sucks. But yet, it doesnt at all.
Ah, I don't know.
He thinks he's confused.
Pfft. Try being me.
Plus, I never wanted it to end like this.
I want to be friends. But on the other hand;
how can I be friends with the person that I dislike the most right now?
I can't. Not yet.
So whatever. Thats fine with me.
I've moved on.
I think.
Um so I love when friends make up rumours and talk shit about you behind your back. Its my fav.
Driving school is over. Aw.. boo. People used to be like "it was the most boring weekend or week of my life", but I liked it. Having Helen with me made it fun, and Eric and Rob. Its weird cuz I do karate with Eric but I never talked to him before this haha, hes a cool guy.
I got sent home from work today. I was coughing so much my manager was like you cant work like this I'll get someone to come in for you. So, Im home. lol. Oh...and I got a 15 cent raise. ye ye. I now make $7.35 an hour, thats right. Pretty good for a Mcdonalds job, I must say.
I havnt slept in in like a month now. The past 2 weekend I've had driving and before I had work and ahh. And I'm going to bed at like 1 or 2 or 3 every friday and saturday night....well I guess saturday and sunday mornings lol. But its cool cuz we're all hanging out n stuff.
I went to that fearfest thingy on Friday with Helen, Katie, Silvano, Tash, Julian, George and Feeney. Cept Feeney ditched us cuz he met up with some girls and then left, how rude. But ohhh my it was a lot of fun. I was soooo scared to go into the haunted house, but I held on so tight to Katie and Silvanos hands haha.
Wasnt that bad tho.
Still confused? Boy, am I ever. But whatever. I'm good.
Thats it. 
Spirit day was fun.
I definatly havnt been in any of my classes for the past couple days, cuz of helping out with spirit day n stuff, its hip.
So the assembly went well. I was pretty much on the mic the whole time. Sweet deal. I looooooove doing that sort of stuff. Like some people would have been so afraid to do what I did today, but it just doesn't bother me, I dont care if I make a fool out of myself infront of a big crowd, I'm cool like that.
So I'm confused. About a couple of things actually. Ugh. Whatever. I'm just gonna sit back and let it all fall into place itself. I'm not ready yet. So, time will only tell.
And I don't want to explain myself on this thing, if you want to know *cough Rebecca* ...cuz I know you will...lol...and since Helen already knows...just ask me laterrrrr.
Oh, I <3 driving. Its also hip.
You never looked so good
As you did last night
Underneath the city lights
There walking with your friend
Laughing at the moon
I swear you looked right through me
But I'm still living with your goodbye
And you're just going on with your life
How can you just walk on by
Without one tear in your eye
Don't you have the slightest
Feelings left for me
Maybe that's just your way
Of dealing with the pain
Forgetting everything
Between our rise and fall
Like we never loved at all
You, I hear you're doing fine
Seems like you're doing well
As far as I can tell
Time is leaving us behind
Another week has passed
And still I haven't laughed yet
So tell me, what your secret is
To letting go, letting go like you did
Like you did
How can you just walk on by
Without one tear in your eye
Don't you have the slightest
Feelings left for me
Maybe that's just your way
Of dealing with the pain
Forgetting everything
Between our rise and fall
Like we never loved at all
Did you forget the magic
Did you forget the passion
Oh, and did you ever miss me
And long to kiss me
Maybe that's just your way
Of dealing with the pain
Forgetting everything
Between our rise and fall
Like we never loved at all
Yeeeeeh I got my G1 Hip hip horraaaay
Busy weekend ahead of me again. Pretty sure I havnt slept in in 2 weeks now...not cool. Im hanging out with Silvano tonight, and theeeeen me and Helen have driving lessons tomorrow morning at 9 till 4, then we're going to Tash's and probably hang out with everyone again, and then driving again Sunday, then we're going shopping for the spirit day thats on wednesday, I'm excited for that. Its gona be soooo fun. woo
School has been cool too....Ive pretty much been out of all my classes cuz of leadership and PSU. 1st period I'm always out of that classes running around the school doing something, then 2nd is photography and me and Tash took some cool pictures, and theeeen, math, I sometimes just leave that to walk around lol or I've had to go do stuff for leadership, and then...english I leave sometimes too for leadership, ha, its great.
Um thats about it.
I can finally drive aroooooound...with my mom, but still.
I think I finally know what I want to do...woo.
Flag football game tomorrow haha Wooo!!!! We're gonna get killlllled, but it makes it fun. Us defense have a dance, its hip.
So yeh.
Its amazing how much you can trust someone. You don't even know how much you tell a person, until oyu can't tell them anymore. But not even that, like, your best friend. Think of how much you tell them, from something little as a funny story, to your deepest darkest secret. You just trust them. I think I trust people too easily, I'm way to open. I like to speak my mind, and say something, and it kills me to hold stuff back, but sometimes, I just have to. Like, take a friend you had who you're no longer friends with anymore. She/he probably know some stuff, that probably only a couple other people know. Its risky. You tell your best friend everything, and then, something happened, and they know all this stuff, and your no longer friends. Stuff like that happens all the time, best friends part, boyfriend/girlfriends break up...and you pretty much know everything about this persons life, yet you don't even talk to them anymore. Its not fair, and pretty not cool.
Also, you trust your boyfriend/girlfriend with your heart. You trust to fall in love with them, hoping they wont break your heart, and shut you out complelty. You trusted them to "not let it go this easy", as some boyfriend may have promised. Why trust someone when they say "I love you", if they just wont mean it in a couple of years, months, weeks, days...in the end, it's all the same. You said it, you trusted them, they broke it. I guess this trust thing is just bullshit right? Why trust someone with everything you are and have, when its just gonna end up bad anyways? And you know whats worse, when the person seems they could care less about how much they hurt the person that once ment the world to them, how all the suddon, they just stop talking. They just stop hugging, kidding, laughing, everything. How all the suddon they never see eachother and how they arn't even friends. How all the suddon they just know that they wont be together ever again, not that I would want to be anymore, bcause theres this whole trust issue brought back up. How can you trust to fall in love with someone else? They will just end up breaking your heart in the end anyways, right? Yeh, pretty much. The people you thought you could trust the most, hurt you the most....and doesnt even seem to care. I love it. I absolutly love it. I also love how the person that used to be able to make you smile the most, can all the suddon make you cry the most. But, whatever. You deal with it, right? right.
I'm totally and completly done. If that is how they are taking the fall out of everything, they definatly are not the person you thought they were and fell in love with. And if thats true, I'm glad it all happened then....considering I'M always the one to say hi, ME. The one whos heart got broken, trying to be friends. You, not even saying a word until I do. What are you. WHO are you. Frig.
Eff you. Eff this.
So my phone is gay. I dont get text messages at all...and if I do, they come like 5 hours after they have been sent....literally. I dont understand, I'm gonna go talk to the woman and ask...its NOT cool.
60 days eh....hmm..60 days - no talking - no communication what-so-ever - no seeing - then it gets better? Apparently. Okay...60 days. I can do that. It'll actually be less then 60...like...50 now.
I'm so frickin busy lately.
School. Then Flag football game or practice or PSU meeting all until like 4....then home. Homework...which I dont even finish half the time. Talk to some friends. Karate. Home. Sleep. Then start over again. Then on weekends I have to work and stuff, pretty much every friday saturday and sunday....excpet this weekend, i work thursday friday and sunday. And then I'm in Toronto Saturday with Helen to get our belly buttons periced then coming home and going to the movies. And yeh, on top of work and school and karate I have a social life and I'm trying to work things out with someone, so I have to have time for that too! ahh...Pretty much havnt taken the bus home in over two weeks. I have something every day after school. But its all good. Busy is good.
Honour role tonight - so on top everything, I'm still smart. Woo.
Hmmm...
So.
Amanda's party last night.
Silvano picked me up, then we went out.
Bought her a cool gum ball machine, ha.
And plus some other stuff too.
Then picked up Feeney.
Then we all went to dinner at Caseys.
All meaning..Me, Silvano, Feeney, George, Tyler, and Julian.
Thats right.
Biiiiiiig Pimpin right hurrr. haha.
It was cool, we ate.
Then went to Amanda's.
People were there, did some surprising.
Hung out.
Went home...
Got up at like 5:50 this morning.
Yuck.
Worked.
It went by fast tho, so thats good.
Noooow I'm doing nothing.
Hanging out with Helen tonight, and possibly Katie.
Yeye.
Flag football on Tuesday and thursday.
Yus
I <3 flag football, its fun.
Things are definatly going good.
I must say.
Hanging out with my friends much more...plus I got some new friends.
That can drive.
Always a bonus.
haha.
School is good.
Classes are good.
On student council/PAC, its fun - it makes me feel important.
I get to plan spirit days which are my faaaaav <3<3
Plus I'm on flag football, that makes me feel athletic.
Not that I'm not already, it just makes me feel more so.
Plus, honour role.
Yeh baby...
Karate = meh.
But its all good.
Oh, and I'm now a hockey groupie.
Yus.
Thats all.
Woo.
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