|
julie.
when you're older you will understand.
last modified Jan 23, 2008 at 21:56
You know whats weird..how easily a friendship can be lost.
You can be the best of friends, and then after one fight, hate eachother. I've had a couple of those.
There were 4 of us. Then, we lost one, because she seemed to have way more time for her boyfriend, then she did for us. We talk to her now, and have tried to hang out with her again, but things will never be the same. And then we lost another one. She lied. Pretty much it, we got sick of it.
Then there were two. And me and Helen have never faught. And we're still best friends.
But we got a new 'group' of friends. There were 5. And again, we just lost one due to lieing and backstabbing. I don't understand people. The 4 of us are as close as can be, so thats good.
But not even that, just like friends you would talk to and hang out with, are practically strangers now. Like thinking back to grade school, I don't talk to anyone from there anymore - the fact that 90% of them turned emo can have something to do with it. But its just weird. And even friends I was with in grade 9 and 10, some have just drifted. Like, how can friends become strangers?
Or even ex's. Like how can you share every living moment and have so much love an affection for someone...and then the next moment, not even talk anymore, or even make eye contact, when he/she used to be the only person who could put a smile on your face. How can a relationship change on such a level?
Or I have a group of friends I hang out with right now. Like the 4 of us, plus like 5 guys, who are all in grade 12. Four of them are planning on going to university next year...will that just happen to us too? Will we all just drift apart, after being so close for a year. I would hate that, but its going to happen. Maybe not to all of us, but some of us will lose touch with the others..and that sucks.
Who are you now?
Are you still the same or did you change somehow?
What do you do
At this very moment when I think of you?
And when I'm looking back
How we were young and stupid.
Do you remember that?
No matter how I fight it
Can't deny it
Just can't let you go
I still need you
I still care about you
Though everything has been said and done
I still feel you like I'm right beside you
There's still no word from you
Now look at me.
Instead of moving on I refuse to see,
that I keep coming back
And I'm stuck in the moment
that wasn't meant to last
I've tried to hide it
Can’t deny it
You don't even know that..
I still need you
I still care about you
Though everything has been said and done
I still feel you like I'm right beside you
There's still no word from you
I wish I could find you
Just like you found me then I
will never let you go
Though everything has been said and done
I still feel you like I’m right beside you
There's still no word from you
Oh wow.
Thats all I have to say to you.
So.
my weekends are the best. every weekend it ends up being the whole group of us. Friday or saturday nights, or both.
Friday Amanda and Helen came over, then the boys came over. And we secretly put silly string on Julians jeep. and then got them  then we had snowball fights outside at like 12 when they booted it out of my house to run away from the silly string hah
But now they have a plan to get us back. uh oh. Its gonna be a never ending war between us now hah
Then last night, me and helen and amanda went to Katiesss. Then George and Rob came. And then Kyle and Brian came. Then we went to Tim Hortans cause me and Brian were hungry. Then we went back to Katies. Then we went bowling haha. Then Silvano showed up. Brian won first, then i beat him. Sucker. Thennn, me and brian were hungry again, so we went to my Mcdonalds. Then Silvano drove Helen home then me home. Kinda awkward. Actually...not really...we just talked the whole time. Its being less awkward though, but he's probably still frustrated with me. But he understands where I'm coming from, so thats good.
And then today, Im doing maaaad essay writing. Booooo.
Overall. I love my weekends now. Having a boyfriend was fun - but now that I dont have one, my social life has gone up times a billion cause I'm free every weekends to hang out with my friends. Not that I didnt enjoy it and whatever, its just really fun.
"What time is it?"
"12"
"O'Clock?"
bahahhahaha
I hate this. I can't be with someone who wants to be with me because I'm still hung up over you.
Its gay how one person always struggles with something like this, and I hate how in this case, its me.
Two months later. and still...I can't help it.
I hate it, and I wish it would just go away - but its not. So I'm having to try extra hard, but its hard when every song, picture, couple, reminds me of "us".
I hate how I'm the only one struggling with this, and your just going on with your life, like it was no big deal. Do you even miss me at all? Do you even know half of what I'm going through? No. you don't.
And I'm having to make everyone else suffer becuase there are days like today where I just have the crappiest days ever, all because my mind starts thinking. And I hate how I'm confusing the living hell out of the nicest guy in the world, all because of you. And I hate how he's mad at me now.
I just want this feeling to go away. What did I ever do to deserve this? What did I ever do to make you change your mind? I really dont know, and I probably never will.
Ugh.
Sometimes, I just hate life.
why do we have relationships if they're just gonna end sometime anyways..
Soo..
Things have been pretty...actually I dont even know.
Good for the most part.
Each day its getting better. I was telling this girl about it today, and tyler was there and after some of the stuff I told him, you should have seen his face. After I told him I had anxiety attacks and lost 7 pounds in 4 days..his face dropped. Kinda made me laugh actually. And it actually didn't hurt to talk about it.
I don't miss him 'persay' - I just miss what we were and everything that came with it. I miss the "being in love feeling". Being able to tell someone everything. and thats what is hard to get over. But, I'm getting over it. And I will fall in love again. Its something to look forward too.
Plus, now theres someone else. He's pretty hip, I must say.
Getting my hurrr done on thuuursday. Not tomorrow, next thursday. Getting some blonde back into it, not much tho. So, thats also hip.
Um yeh.
Oh. my friends = friends again. No one is fighting or anything anymore. That is very verrrrrrry good.
11 out of 12 on my math quiz. Yus.
Thats it.
Take it back, take it all back now
The things I gave
Like the taste of my kiss on your lips
I miss that now
I can't try any harder than I do
All the reasons I gave, excuses I made for you
I'm broken in two
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me empty and left to wonder
I need you
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me waiting and left to wonder
I need you
Yeah, I need you
Don't walk away
Touch me now, how I wanna feel something so real
Please remind me, my love
And take me back
Cause I'm so in love with what we were
I'm not breathing, I'm suffocating without you
Do you feel it too
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me waiting and left to wonder
I need you
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me empty and left to wonder
I need you
Yeah I need you
When I'm in the dark and all alone
Dreamin' that you'll walk right through my door
It's there I know my heart is whole
There's a million reasons why I cry
Hold my covers tight and close my eyes
Cause I don't wanna be alone
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me waiting and left to wonder
I need you
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me empty and left to wonder
I need you, I need you
Cause I can't fake
And I can't hate
But it's my heart that's about to break
You're all I need
I'm on my knees
Watch me bleed
Would you listen please
I give in, I breathe out
I want you, There's no doubt
I freak out, I'm left out
Without you, I'm without
I'm crossed out, I'm kicked out
I cry out, I reach out
Don't walk away ..
Maaan..
So two of my best friends are fighting. Like, no talking, and if they talk, its fighting. And both of them are too stubborn to do anything about it. And it sucks cuz I'm right in the middle. Its not only going to affect them, its going to affect me, helen and tash too.
And then boys are stupid, for some people.
It just seems like lately, everyones mad and/or upset, and as much as you try not to, it just brings you down too. Expecially since its your best friends who are feeling this way.
Like um, all of them are confused about boys. They just dont say what they want, and then break girls hearts anyways, and then this is what happens.
I dont think guys understand how emotional and attached girls get to them.
Aw....everyone just feel better soon!
ALL OF YOU!
|