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julie.
when you're older you will understand.
last modified Jan 23, 2008 at 21:56
Well, things are looking up again.
Not ALL guys are jerks. Some are, but not all.
Amanda's party is tomorrow night.
I'm going with Silvano to go get her a present, and then we're going to it, and then leaving at 11, cuz we're cool kids like that and we both have to leave early for places early saturday morning. lol. But thats still cool.
Jesse, I hope your doing okay with all that passing out and stuff.
Work this weekend, havnt worked in ever.
Sunday I'm going to Toronto with my family for dinner. Yum.
My friends are awesome. Woo.
Thats all.
Taaadaaah.
"High up or down below
When your too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never
Just what your worth"
"All I know is you're not here to say
What you always used to say
So I won’t give up
No, I won’t break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong"
"I gotta shake it off
Gotta make that move
Find somebody who
Appreciates all the love I give
Boy I gotta shake, shake it off
Gotta do what's best for me
Baby and that means I gotta
Shake it off"
"Hope life's been good to you
since you've been gone
I'm doin' fine now--I've finally moved on
It's not so bad--I'm not that sad
I'm not surprised just how well I survived
I'm over the worst, and I feel so alive
I can't complain--I'm free again
And it only hurts when I'm breathing
My heart only breaks when it's beating
My dreams only die when I'm dreaming
So, I hold my breath--to forget"
"Really wanna work this out
But I don't think you're gonna change
I do but you don't"
"So where is the passion when you need it the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost"
"No one said it would be easy, no one said it would be this hard
- Lets go back to the start"
"Someday we'll know
Why I wasn't meant for you
If I could ask God just one question
Why aren't you here with me?"
"Waking up from this nightmare
How's your life, what's it like there?
Is it all what you want it to be?
Does it hurt when you think about me
And how broken my heart is"
Happy birthday to meeeeeeeee
16. yeehaw.
Definatly got a cell phone. Yus. Oh, and a pink ipod mini!! They are definatly sweeeeet.
I love how you didnt even say happy birthday to me. Wow...
Oh well. You are definatly not getting me down.
I <3 my friends so so sooo much. yay
I'm done. I just......I just give up.
I hate how I'm going to compare every single guy to you.
Even tho thats not fair.
I will.
I love having all this time with my friends, to be at home, relaxing, going to bed earlier.
But then again, I hate it.
I love how I can have little girl conversations again with my friends about guys and stuff.
But, I also hate it.
I like how I'm single.
But you guessed it, I also hate it.
I hate how there's no one to share my feelings with anymore.
I hate how its so awkward between us.
I hate how I'm still mad. But I can't help it.
I hate how you can never forget your first love, and how it felt.
But you know what. I'm okay.
And that, I love.
We won our flag football game <3 yay...we did good actually haha. At first I wasnt playing, I was pissed off. But then he switched me to another position, and i flagged like...2 or 3 girls and made another girl miss the catch and yeeeee! It was good.
P.A day tomorrow for us. Yus. Not sure what I'm doing, prolly just going to Helens with the girls, then the drive-in? possibly? If my mom changes her mind...
And, I'm confused. Very. People are confusing. Not cool.
Birthday innnn 3 days 
Well, I thought it was time for a change...so yellow gray and pink it is! WOO.
Grade 9 Orientation was today. haha. Me and Helen made the best of it. Our team wasn't too spirited, but we were!! It was pretty fun tho
Then we played a flag football game. Oh gawd. I love how I dont know what I'm doing, its great. hahahaha...
Well, we had a surprise party for Helen last night. Meh, it turned out okay, not as good as planned, but good enough. Went to dinner, then bowling haha wooo. Then we went back Tash's and a bunch of people came with us and stayd until like 3 in the morning, well me Helen, Tash Katie and Amanda slept over, all the guys went home at 3. But yeh, it was fun.
I'm getting over everything. woo. Well, my mind is. My body isnt. Its so weird. I still can't eat. I need to see a doctor.
And honestly, I think its *this* is the only thing thats getting me thru....and my friends.....of course, I love you guyssssss
But other then that, everythings greeeeeat...
Pissed. But, oh so happy at the same time. Confusing? yes, yes it/I am...
This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do...... =( =(
After all this time. Its over. Just like that. I can't believe it. I can't believe him. I want to wake up from this nightmare. But I know its not one. But, damn, how I really wish it was. Part of me is telling me this isnt him. He's not actually saying this to me. Someones telling him too, HE would never do this to me. But I have to face the truth. It is him. It is what he wants, not matter how much it kills me. This is hell. Pure hell. Half the reason is because I still love him, with every peice of my broken heart. I really do. And part of me is telling me he'll come back to me. More like, its hoping, not telling. But then I have to face the truth again. He's not. Julie, its over. Its done. I dont want to face the truth, because I don't want to believe it. I had such hope yesterday that I wouldnt let it be over this easy. I said Im not gonna let it be over this easy. But, honestly, there's not much I can do. I can't make someone love me, no matter how much I try. I can't make someone who I still love, love me back. I wish there was some sort of medicine for this. Some how I can be happy again. I can't believe that someone who loved me more then I love him, just doesnt love me anymore. Someone who said they would love me forever, no matter if we were together or not, he would always love me. He doesnt. He stopped. He just stopped. What did I do wrong? What did I do to make the love of my life stop loving me? And how can I fix it? I guess I just don't understand how you can go from loving someone so much, to not loving them at all, in a short period of time. Well, it's happened to me. Ive fallen in and out of love with him once. But unlike him, I never dumped him. I never ended it. I tried, I kept trying. I didn't want it to end. Maybe that just shows me something. Maybe he just doesnt want to fight for us. Maybe he just doesnt believe in us anymore. And you know what else hurt me. How it was totally unexpected. I probably wouldnt be so heart broken if I knew it was coming. But he came to my frickin cousins wedding the night before. Why did he do that? Why did he meet all my family. They're just gonna ask me about him next time, and what am I supposed to say, yeh, he dumped me the night after. My cousin told me he liked him, right infront of him, and told me to keep him around, and I said I would. I said I would. But he didn't. He didn't want to keep me around. I'm going to miss everything about us. I'm going to miss him, Krista, Barb, the cottage, going to his house, everything. I liked having that 'other' person. I didn't just like that feeling, I loved it. I loved the feeling of being loved. Now that feeling is just gone. I bet this is probably one of the worst feeling in the world, to love someone so much, who just doesnt love you back, after so long. I just dont understand. And yes, I hope he realizes he made the hugest mistake of his life. I really do. Because he did. You did. But, as much as it kills me. I'm still going to talk to him like friends. Saying that 'friends' word, about somoene who I've been more then friends with for so long, just sickens me. It does. I don't want to be just friends. But I'm going to. Because I dont want to completly lose the person who means the most to me, not completly. I'm going to take this one day at a time. Day by day, to get thru. And I hope you feel horrible. Becuase I want you to feel just a tiny bit of how I feel. Horrible doesnt even beging to explain it. Ijust cant explain how this whole situation makes me feel. I can't. I just don't want to believe it. Im angry. Im upset. Im frustrated. But more then anything, I'm shocked. Im just utterly shocked.
I don't understand. I just......I just don't understand. =(
Erg. My brother needs to get his own frickin car. I cant fucking go anywhere because he's ALWAYS out. I always want to go places, but I dont even know ONE TIME when he doesnt effing have the car. I want to go to Jesse's, but I can I go? OF COURSE NOT! Why? Because Scott has that car. Holy fuck. I'm getting so flipping fed up with this. Then Jesse's mom has to come get me, and then i feel so bad. And I didnt let her come get me tonight because with gas being so high, and having to drive to Stroud for 15/20 mins then back, its not fair. Plus she was working all day. So thats not fair to her. The only time we actually have the car is if Scott is sleeping, or if I have to go to work. And even then, usually my dad is home so he drives me, and Scotts out with the car. ERG! And it's not like he goes to school then comes home, or goes to work then comes home. He goes out in between then he "cant" come home. Bullshit. He just doesnt want to. So that means I can't go out, just because he's selfish and always has the effing car. And its not like I can take a bus. If I could, I would. I definatly would. One goes right by my school to Jesses house. But no. It doesnt come thru Stroud. And it'd be like a half an hour walk to get there. Maybe even more. So yeh, thats out too. So, I'm friggin stuck at home all the time until my dad gets home, and he doesnt get home until like 6....actually no....like 7. I hardly go to karate because Scott always has the car and then my dad's always at work. GET YOUR OWN EFFING CAR YOU FRIGGIN MORON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ugh. Im so angry. Whatev. Cj's at Jesse's anyways, I would have wanted to have time with Jesse, bcuz Cj was just there on Tuesday with us. But whatev, that doesnt even matter anyways bcuz I cant get a ride! I cant frickin WAIT till I can drive and get my own car so I can just go where and when I want. Cant wait....
And you know what else bugs me? Girls. Not every girl, but a lot. They are all just...I dont know. They can be one of your friends, but yet they talk shit about you behind your back..but then still be your friend. I hate that. Alot. Like, have some respect, expecially for your friends, like my gawd people. What a socity that we live in..
And also.....ah, nevermind.
School tomorrow. Back to getting up eary at friggin...6:30 ish. But I'm excited to see everyone and stuff. Plus, this year is gonna be cool, well not so much first semester, but 2nd semester is gonna rooooock. What a joke of a semester. lol. Religion, gym, co-op. HA. lol
I'm really looking forward to having the muffins from my caf everyday.....I've missed them so much. Yuuuum.
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