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julie.
when you're older you will understand.
last modified Jan 23, 2008 at 21:56
Every year your persepective of things change.
It's kind of funny, because a year ago, this isn't how I felt at all.
I was bored on my spare one day,
so I was looking at old emails, when I came across some of them that you sent me, a long time ago.
Some made me laugh, and some I don't think I had a feeling towards them at all.
but it was weird to later go to karate that night and see you,
knowing that you arn't at all the person you used to be when you sent me those emails.
but you know, that's okay now.
I don't know if you read this, you used to, but I don't know if you do anymore. nor do I care.
but I really don't think I ever thanked you and meant it.
because even though you put me through hell,
and probably the worst experience of my life, by far.
I'm glad it happened.
because now I look at where I stand in my life right now
and I'm perfectly happy. I really am.
A year ago I would have said I would always somewhat love you,
but like I said, not everything is the same a year later.
cause to tell you the truth, I don't.
I care yes, but love? no.
Sam and I were in a deep conversation, and that's what made me realize.
I always said everything happens for a reason, and it's true.
because now I have Brendan, who I am head over heels for.
but it's just funny;
how some people can change so much.
I don't know why I'm even writing this, more for myself I guess.
but yeh.
so that was kind of weird last night.
you need to know where to draw the line.
& you said you were sorry.
So you know what you did wrong,
but seriously. man.
& helen;
thanks for coming with me last night,
I know you didn't have to but you did.
and about the whole university thing I wrote yesterday,
the whole leaving friends thing,
will be even harder if it's you.
If we both have to go our seperate ways,
I think that will be the hardest of all.
because these past 4 years, we have been best friends
and sure we have our times where we roll our eyes at each other
and think that the other is being stupid,
but we've never had a fight where the other is really mad
or completely ignores the other one.
it just doesn't happen.
you're the first one I call when anything is wrong,
and we pretty much know each other like the backs of our hands.
so thanks, cause I don't think I say enough
how you really are my best friend.
and thanks for everything,
from just coming to that party with me last night,
to coming over to my house on your birthday when jesse broke up with me to cry with me.
I love you best buddy. ha.
so I've realized I don't want to grow up.
It's too much pressure.
I don't want to think about university, not because I don't want to get out of highschool, not that I don't want to live by myself,
I want both those real bad.
I want to be able to stay out real late and not have to come home worrying about my parents being pissed off at me,
I want to get out of the whole highschool thing,
cause after 4 years its just boring.
like wearing uniforms didn't bother me at all, I liked them up until this year, but now it's just repeditive. You just wear the same thing over and over and over again. You try and get new belts and stuff, just to mix it up a little bit.
and this whole PSU thing. last year I loved it. I loved standing up there and running all those things,
but now it's just a bug. I want to sit on the bleachers and actually ENJOY a spirt assembly, instead of having to be stressed making sure it runs good.
but back to the whole university thing. I'm excited to have my own room in residence and stuff, but for some reason whenever my parents or anyone really brings up university,
I tend to tune them out and change the subject. which probably is what I shooouldnt be doing right now. since applications should be done by the christmas break.
when I really think about it, it's how I don't want to have to choose my whole future when I'm only freakin 17.
It's how I don't want to leave some of my best friends. How we can go from seeing each other every day at school, to hanging out after school, to hanging out pretty much every weekend, to only seeing each other on holidays.
I know we'll all meet a whole new group of friends and become real close with them,
but that doesnt even make up for the years you spent with your highschool ones. your highschool friends have seen you change so much, cause I think during those 4 years, thats when you change your looks, your morals, your personality. everything.
and it makes me sad to think, well to KNOW, that half of us, are going to go our seperate ways, and just drift. We won't see each other like we used to, we won't talk like we used to. As much as no one wants that to happen, in reality, it will. We all know it.
It also blows because I'm going to be in such debt. Univeristy is so damn expensive.
that is if I even get in. My marks arn't the highest right now. so maybe I'm worrying about nothing.
and I know it's a long ways away. but what if I'm still with brendan when that happens. he's staying here. and it's not like I'm going to come back home every weekend or anything.
but it's not even him. its everyone thats in a relationship. long distance sucks, I don't think there's one plus about having a long distance relationship. and a lot of people fall apart when the other moves away. bahh.
like my mom just came into this room a few minutes ago and wanted to talk about univeristies. I just ignored her.
I don't want to think about it.
Ugh.
I’m through with standing in line
to clubs we’ll never get in
it’s like the bottom of the ninth
and I’m never gonna win
this life hasn’t turned out
quite the way I want it to be
I want a brand new house
on an episode of Cribs
and a bathroom I can play baseball in
and a king size tub big enough
for ten plus me
I’ll need a credit card that’s got no limit
and a big black jet with a bedroom in it
gonna join the mile high club
at thirty-seven thousand feet
I want a new tour bus full of old guitars
my own star on Hollywood Boulevard
somewhere between Cher and
James Dean is fine for me
I’m gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I’d even cut my hair and change my name
I wanna be great like Elvis without the tassels
hire eight body guards that love to beat up assholes
sign a couple autographs
so I can eat my meals for free
I think I’m gonna dress my ass
with the latest fashion
get a front door key to the Playboy mansion
gonna date a centerfold that loves to
blow my money for me
I’m gonna trade this life
for fortune and fame
I’d even cut my hair
and change my name
I’m gonna sing those songs
that offend the censors
gonna pop my pills
from a pez dispenser
when they ask why I drink all day
I’ll say because I can
I’ll get washed-up singers writing all my songs
lip sync em every night so I don’t get ‘em wrong
then listen to the fans tell me how damn good I am
I’m gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I’d even cut my hair and change my name
Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
and live in hillltop houses driving fifteen cars
the girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
we’ll all stay skinny ‘cause we just won’t eat
and we’ll hang out in the coolest bars
in the VIP with the movie stars
every good gold digger’s gonna wind up there
every playboy bunny with her bleach blond hair
and we’ll hide out in the private rooms
with the latest dictionary and today’s who’s who
they’ll get you anything with that evil smile
everybody’s got a drug dealer on speed dial
hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
Seriously,
there's nothing to even write about anymore.
cause there's nothing to complain about
and thats usually what I use this thing for.
my parents could stop being assholes sometimes,
thatd be super.
but other then that stuff is awesome.
I loveeee him.
he makes me so freakin' happy.
& I looveee my friends too, we're so funny.
Oh, well school is kinda stressful.
with the whole university thingg and all,
I need to stop slacking.
yeeeeeeeeeeeh.
so;
I'm agreeing with courtney here
and saying that I love life.
Really, right now I have nothing to complain about.
I loooove my friends to death,
and I have an amazing boyfriend who I'm falling completely head over heals for, as corny as that sounds,
and school is good,
and work is good,
and just stuff, is good.
yuuuus 
♥
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