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julie.
when you're older you will understand.
last modified Jan 23, 2008 at 21:56
So this weekend was pretty sweet.
Want to hear about it?
Okay,
wellll friday I went to helen's. then meg & katie & katie picked us up and we drove around and went to wendy's and then went to our school cause they just finished having semi, and katie & katie wanted to go see people,
so we went in, all in our track pants. hah. then we left. and I slept at Helens.
Then yesterday I came home..and like a couple hours later Helen came over again, hah. We went to Amanda's with Katie. Pretty funny time, I must say. Katie was half asleep saying all this stuff like, "Napoleon, I'm not your girlfriend!" and then she woke up, and we're like go back to sleep katie, and shes like, "I can't you guys are having fun or something" bahaha.
maybe you had to be there. but oh jeez. so funny.
and me helen and amanda were hanging upside down off the bed trying to take pictures...and then I fell, and helen fell on top of me, and I slammed into the desk thingy.
It was at like 2 in the morning too so her mom came in and was like, is everyone okay? haha. oh jeez.
but it kinda sucked cause helen and amanda were talking about their.. "boys" and I was like..."yeh well, yesterday at work this guy hugged me..." hah. Kinda felt out of the loop, but its alllll goooood.
honestly, I love those 3.
I really don't know what I would do without them sometimes.
and honestly, people must think we're the only friends each other has, cause we're always together. hah. oh well 
Got midterms back today,
I got a whoppin 90% average
thats only cause my semester is a joke.
My G2 gets booked soon
I only have 3 classes left, and then shes gonna book it
just over a month and I can get it.
I'm vvveeeerrrrryyyy excited.
It's honestly gonna be so sweet,
then I can just drive myself whenever I want
and not have to wait for my parents to be ready
oohhh booooy! so excited.
On friday my gym class is going to sunnybrooke hosptial.
ew.
I hate hospitals. I don't want to goooo.
But I'm also going to Zerhs with the grade one's
and maybe Ontario place with them too.
ha, that'll be fun.
but I have to work tonight.
and I worked yesterday. boo.
but that is all in the exciting life of julie.
So, after that vent, I ended up doing something.
Jeff picked me up and we got DQ,
then went mini putting, which I won,
I drove his truck, which is standard! hah
annnd we just drove around.
It was pretty hip.
So you know what I wonder,
you know that "butterfly" feeling you get in your stomach,
where does it come from?
& how come it only comes when you see certain people
or think of certain things?
What in your stomach makes you do that?
Huh huh huh.
You know whats kinda weird,
kinda sad, but weird for me,
this is the first time, in like..
2 years...and a little bit,
where I really havn't liked anyone.
shooocker. haha
Like I said, it's sad, but it's weird.
It's pretty sweet, I must say.
& I love how I'm going no where with karate.
oohhh weeelll.
so I love how I'm home by myself on an effing friday night.
this bites.
I was supposed to go to the movies,
but then he got grounded.
And then I can't hang out with Helen & them,
because Silvano's there.
and pretty much everyone else has a life but me.
Oh & then tomorow,
I was supposed to have a sleepover with Chloe & Lindsey,
but then Chloe couldnt anymore,
so it was me & Lindsey,
but now Lindsey has to do driving Sunday morning, so she can't either.
wow.
it must be "lets ditch julie" weekend.
I'm thinking so.
Jeff said he'd hang out with me later,
but he's out right now.
& I hate waiting. boo..
I should have known,
but you know,
mind gets wondering after one thing is said.
I'm over it now.
Spirit day was awesome fun,
I love them.
Spirit days make my school year,
hah. Yes, I am a nerd,
I'm over it.
I was supposed to work yards next weekend,
but luckily I traided with this girl,
phew,
but now I don't have any shifts next weekend,
oh well, again,
I'm over it.
so I'm feeling alright,
other then tired.
We talked, he told me its okay,
it's my decision and he's not gonna hate me for it.
phew.
so that means break time. yuss.
man I really need to sleep or something,
I'm falling asleep just sitting here.
Spirit day tomorrow,
shabam.
When you look back on times we had
I hope you smile
and know that through the good and through the bad
I was on your side
When nobody could hold us down
We claimed the brightest star
and we, we came so far
and no they won’t forget
Whenever you remember times gone by
Remember how we held our heads so high
When all this world was there for us
and we believe that we could touch the sky
Whenever you remember, I'll be there
Remember how we reached that dream together
Whenever you remember
When you think back on all we've done
I hope you're proud
When you look back and see how far we've come
It was our time to shine
and nobody could hold us down
They thought they'd see us fall
But we, we stood so tall
and no we won't forget
Whenever you remember..
done and done.
again, I feel like shit.
I bring this upon myself
and I'm not looking for pitty,
but just, ugh.
I need to wake my mind up.
I don't need someone.
But all through high school, thats all I've known.
I need to sit down and have some time for myself.
I'm independent.
I need to set my mind straight.
I miss playing at the park.
I went there last night with Helen Derek & Jeff.
We were there for a good 40 mins.
You know how there's those microphone things,
where they are different ends, and you talk into them and you can hear the person,
well me and Helen were doing it, and she said something to me,
and I was like okay my turn, & ran to the one she was at,
instead of just talking into the one I was at.
You had to be there, but oh my. hahah.
Sometimes I wonder why I'm so smart.
We went off roading in Jeffs truck, hah my head hit the roof at one point,
then we went cruising in Derek's car listening to way back songs
oh and my humps, right by hooters, hah.
it was fun.
but, here I go again.
my 'second thought' thing is happening.
this pretty much always happens to me,
well, I have a good reason this time.
but I think it needs to be done.
My friend's mean way more to me,
plus other things too, but the friends thing majorly.
So sometimes when you want to change your ways, the way that you change them can sometimes back fire. I used to tell everybody everything, well not everybody, but I didn't tend to keep things to myself. Then something happened and I said to myself I'm going to change that, and no bombard people with my problems or my life. So lately I have kept things to myself, how I feel, how I felt, how I wish things would stay the same, and how I wish I could go back.
It seemed to me at the time, and even now when I look back, it was perfect. Maybe we both didn't see it that way, but as far as i'm concerned, I do. It really was, to me. I didn't have any doubts and thought it would last, but I guess nothing is perfect eh? Like I'm over it, or at least thats what I keep telling myself, in the back of mind it's always there. Maybe it always will be, or maybe just until I fall in love again, becase I think thats just how my mind works, it wants love back so bad, that until it happens, I'm going to keep randomly having little flashbacks like I did today. I bring them upon myself, I admit. but sometimes you just come across things that remind you, and then your mind goes running wild. But then it got me thinking, how you give your heart to someone, completely letting them break it if they want to, telling them everything, and then for some reason, that has been and always will be unknown to you, something just, changes, for no reason that anyone can really explain. You changed, they changed. It just wasnt right anymore and thats what makes it worse, is that you thought it was "perfect". and then your left with that feeling of not knowing what to do. You feel so lost, so confused. You so badly want it to be fixed, and you wish you were dreaming, because this couldn't be happening to you. But then, it hits you. It is. Then you go through the whole, not being able to concentrate because all you think about is what you did wrong and you cry so much it feels like you wont have any tears left if you cry anymore. Its then you realize the worst feeling in the world, is knowing that you are so in love with that person, and they just don't love you back, and there is just nothing you can do about it. Nothing. It gets easier, it does. Like an old photograph, time can make a feeling fade, but the memory of your first love, never fades away.
Maybe I've just been trying to mend a broken heart for all this time.
It's healing, I know it is. It just takes some time. 7 months? mm not quite. I get my moments. My moments where for weeks I don't even think about it at all. Then my moments where it seems for the whole day it's always on my mind.
Sometimes, you just go back. Well, I do. Back to the way it was, back to when life was simple, and you also think about all the what-ifs. but what if's don't do anybody any good. You think about how if you were still together, would it be the same? but obviously not, because no, you have changed. Then you also realize, that everything is meant to be. And that where you are today, wouldnt be if the past 7 months hadn't happened, and you wernt meant to be with that person anymore, you are meant to be where you are today. and then you are able to grasp onto the fact that everything will turn out okay, and that this is how it is supposed to be, and then it sinks in.
So at co-op, there's this grade 6 boy who comes in during lunch,
as like a lunch helper guy,
and on thursday, he started telling me that one of his friends,
gets hit by her parents and cuts herself,
so I was like, well do you know for sure?
Cause who knows when you're in grade 6, you could do things for attention,
and he said yeh, he's seen marks and stuff.
And I'm like well has she told anyone? & he's like, only me and 2 other people.
and I'm like, well have you thought about telling anyone?
And he's like, no, she would get mad.
So I told him that if it got worse, he would have to tell a teacher or someone,
and even if she got mad at him, it was for the best.
So then today he comes up to me and was like "I told Mr. Shaus"
and I was like what? cause I didn't really remember..
and he's like, I told Mr. Shaus, about my friend. He called me down, then her down, and he called her parents too.
and I was like oh did you? is she okay? did she get mad at you?
and he's like yeh shes fine, and no shes not mad.
And I'm like ooh, well thats good. You did the right thing.
Man. It's scary though how young some things are starting to happen, like a little grade 6 girl cutting herself. I don't know, it makes me feel good though, cause I helped, even just a little bit.
Fasted for 28 hours.
At first, I thought it was going to be soo hard.
And I had my moments where I really really wanted food,
but for the most part, I was pretty good.
I think because I drank so much water, it kept me full.
The only time i was really hungry, was about an hour after I woke up the next day.
Oh and when one of the teachers ate popcorn in front of us.
but that was only to show how we can afford to eat while other kids in other countries cant.
Like some people cheated and had some food throughout the day,
that was only one day.
Some kids can't eat for months. It's sad.
But yeh, it was really fun. Me Katie Jenna and Hollie pulled each other down the halls on our sleeping bags,
played hide and go seek, pranked called people.
In the morning I wouldnt get up. So Helen and Katie pulled me out in the hall.
then took my sleeping bag, and then my pillow. And then rolled me off my mat.
Theennn Helen took a picture of Hollie strangling fuzzy bear!
omgosh. They think they're soo funny. pssh.
It was fun. & through the days there were games planned for everyone.
I'm glad I did it. I think I could have fasted longer though.
On a side note =
Not much to talk about lately.
Cept my arm right up to my elbow is all bruised.
well on the inside, and a bit on the outside.
it hurts, I don't even know what I did.
I get to fast for 28 hours on friday.
It's honestly going to be so hard for me,
since I eat like 20 billion things per day.
Well maybe not thaaat much, but still.
It's going to be fun tho, like one big sleepover.
I'm working a lot lately.
I changed my availability to 3,
so now I've been getting a lot of shifts through the week
more shifts = more $$$
I like work.
Well more like, I like the people that I work with, well most.
minus 3 girls. ugh.
Speaking of math,
I have to teach my grade one's a lesson next week,
with counting coins.
I've never taught a lesson before.
The clouds are moving really fast.
Its snowing.
WHAT IS THISSS?!
just when you think it's getting closer to summer,
it snows. booooo.
but anywho.
thats pretty much the excitment of my life right now.
oh, I might take piano lessons.
thats something new and exciting.
but everything else is still pretty much the same.
I'm still confused.
but I'm good.
I'm happy. It feels good to be happy.
The teacher I work with at co-op, he said something about marriage,
and he said he doesn't want to get married because you have to go through so many difficulties and stuff, and he doesn't want to deal with it.
In a way I agree, but in another way, I strongly dissagree.
Like, heartbreaks suck, if you've been through one, you know.
if not, take my word on it.
But most people get their heart broken in their life time,
and maybe thats why he doesn't want to get married,
maybe he's been through bad experiences and just gave up.
I definatley felt like giving up too.
But thing's always get better, and like it's said, everything happens for a reason.
everything.
Like I look back to everything that has happened to me in my life,
and everything just works out.
As much as sometimes I wish some things didn't happen or stayed the same, obviously it just wasnt meant to be/happen.
Even little things as switching karate schools, to bigger things such as that breakup.
But back to that whole marriage thing, I don't know I guess you could,
but I just wouldn't picture my life turning out that way. But then again, I guess if you're a very independent person, maybe you just like being by youself better.
I don't know, I just thought it was kind of weird.
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