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julie.
when you're older you will understand.
last modified Jan 23, 2008 at 21:56
I hate it when this site goes down too.
sucks the big one fo sho.
buuuut. I don't know how to word this..
but do you guys really know what you do?
like honestly.
do you really think the way you do stuff is the right way,
cause if you do, you are terribly, terribly wrong.
to just, cut someone off.
just like that. I don't get it.
I never did, and I still don't. & now to see someone else go through it,
its the worst. I'm not blaming, nor am I judging.
but seriously. what the hell?
anyways. things are good
in case you were wondering.
so I realized when we were in health like 2 weeks ago,
that I have actually been through depression.
People are always like "oh man I'm so depressed"
but then the next day be okay, but I really was.
I didn't think I did, or I just didn't really think about it being depression so much.
But then she gave out this sheet, and it had all the symptoms of depression, not eating, not being able to sleep, not being able to get yourself out of bed, always crying, being negative, anxiety, etc.
well, I had all of those. The only one I didn't have was thoughts of suicide.I'm a wussy when it comes to like, biting my tounge or something, I could never hurt myself. but anyway,
I just found it crazy, how already I've been through a major mental dissorder.
I'm not trying to make anyone have sympothy for me.I don't even care if anyone reads this. I'm just saying, for my sake. because, that 'depression' stage I went through has honestly made me such a stronger person.
Plus now that I look back...8 months down the road, I'm glad it happened. It took me forever to come to terms with it, and that is something I regret. because I wasted months feeling sorry for myself.
when honestly. I didn't and don't deserve that. I didn't do anything, I had nothing to feel sorry about.
then it goes back to 'everything happens for a reason'. 8 months ago, I would have been like screw that. but now... oh boy, does it ever.
because now I'm happy. and I look back I laugh. Because honestly, ah nevermind why. I just laugh.
I'm in a better mood
since I know you were all soo worried about me.
I got over that mood in a day.
So its all good.
Me and Meg were Venus and Serina in tennis on friday for gym
I kinda suck, but it made it funny.
People would be like YAY JULIE when I would hit it back over
like it was some sort of big thing
bahaha.
I got brown hair dye. ye ye.
& I only have one more shift of working this weekend.
thank goodness.
Cept I kinda miss him..
he's at his cottage...& he won't be at school tuesday either.
it's been too long. wednesday tho.
Me & Marshal had good conversations at karate on thursday.
good times had by all.
I'm super tired.
I'm going to watch a movie.
So today sucked. I don't really know why, but it did.
First of all that trip for the march break is making me angry.
Half of me really wants to go, but the other half, my mom made me think of not going.
My mom doesn't want me to go cause its no through the school and thinks its sketch. But like, its a grad trip, and a lot of people are going. But I just don't know. I agree with Marshal, I want to go on that London/Paris one too. whatever.
Oh and my g2 is probably not til the end of the June now. Which sucks cause I was so pumped for it. Grr.
Then we went outside to play tennis and me and katie came kinda late so we were stuck with all the people who do crap in gym instead of our guy friends.
Like one girl...just stands there and waaatches the ball passing her..like DO something my gawd. Why is she in gym class. Actually there's 4 girls who do nothing.
So yeh, we got stuck with them and I pretty much did nothing because I would serve the ball over and the other girls would just watch it go past them. freakin gay.
My teacher was like, who are you partners with...and it would have been katie but she was sick, so I was just like I don't even care I'll sit out. & she's like, are you in a bad mood? and I just said yeh. then she went and asked katie what was wrong with me cause she'd never seen me like that.
but then Dan gave me a hug and I felt 10 times better.
There's other reasons too but their kinda silly so don't even worry about it.
I'm just in one of those "I hate the world" moods. Well not exactly.
But like if someone says something to me, I'll snap. One of those moods. Tis gay.
Although I did go to Zerhs on a walking field trip with my grade ones. They make my day.
Tell me a joke. I need to laugh at something.
"and every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
everyday I wonder how I'd get through the night,
every change life has thrown me,
I'm thankful for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful for every scar
some pages turned,
some bridges burned,
but there were lessons learned."
pretty much.
so maybe this is gonna work?
I'm hoping so, caaauuuseee yeh.
It will.
I pretty much have no life this weekend,
other then work. suh-weeeeet.
Friday I went to the movies. Saw Mission Impossible 3.
It was aiite.
At first it was supposed to be just me and dan.
and then kyle wanted to come with sam. but then it was kyles birthday and dave wanted to do something, so he came.
and then they invited billy. and then helen and joey came too.
and then mel showed up. so it went from 2 people to 9.
it was still fun tho.
Oh man tho, funniest thing, we were at the desk thingy going to buy tickets,
and billy goes up with his hands like a gun, turns in a circle, crouched down...and is like "can I have one for mission impossible" as he's like looking around. oh jeez. I laughed.
but I love how one of our 'best friends' tends to leave the 3 of us out of her little 'house parties'
not that I'm a partier or anything,
but its gay. it happens all the time
but we're all just, 'whatever' about it now.
++ I'm super excited about my G2.
one month-ish. It's gonna be so sweet,
me, katie, helen and amanda all get ours within like,
a 2 week span. roooaddd triiippp.
oh, and happy 2 years for you and court, marshal.
YUSSSS
this trip that I want to go on for the march break;
annnyyy trip;
might be happening!
Helen was talking to some guy who makes trips for schools or something
so our grade 12 class can go to Cuba or wherever
that'll be SICK
thats right, SICK.
I'm pumped.
Went to Dan the man's tonight.
hah.
so again, I'm in a good mood.
ooohhh jeeeez.
whatever, it's cool.
Karate was SO fun yesterday.
hah Marshal, we seriously gotta have one of those party things.
it'll be so sweet.
pretty much the funnest class I've had in forever.
man I'm boring.
so I'm a happy girl.
I don't know where this is going,
nor am I really concered about that right now.
I like the way it is, for now.
Plus...
ah yeh. It's just good. aha.
and I really don't have much else to talk about.
sweeeeeet.
Oh wow.
So for gym today, we went to sunnybrooke hospital, in the trauma part of it. the first part was kind of boring.
got lectured about driving impaired, head injuries, etc.
but then we got split into two groups, and we went through the critical care section. we saw a couple of people, but I tried to not look at them too much. then we went to this other part of the hosptial, and this lady talked to us. so sad.
last wednesday, she was in a car accident. she was driving home one night, with her husband in the passenger side, and there was this huge racoon on the road. it was apparently the biggest she's ever seen, and she couldn't go over it cause it was so big, and her car was so small. she would have lost control. she could go to the right of it cause there was a swamp on the side of the road. she decided to go to the left of it. there was an oncoming car, but she would have been past it in enough time. but, instead her tire got caught on the gravel and fish-tailed her car around and the oncoming car struck the passenger side.
the next thing she remebers is waking up and seeing her husband beside her saying that his legs were crushed or something. then the next thing was waking up in the hosptial, and she asked where her husband was. they said they would tell her after she takes her medicine, and she knew that he had died.
her daughter was in the room when she was telling us and she was like "I'm 29 and I dont have a dad anymore" and then the lady started saying how they had been married for 35 years...and almost started to cry...and then I started crying. and so did the other girls in the group. It was so sad. AND to make it even worse,
they have a son who 2 years ago got into a car accident and received serious brain ingury. He's getting married in two weeks, and his dad was supposed to be his best man. Pretty sad stuff.
and then there were these other guys. one of them was first in a motorcycle accident and hurt his leg, and then 7 years later went to go do a shallow dive...and smacked his head off the bottom..and now he's in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. The other guy went drinking and driving, and now he's in a wheelchair too.
then, there was this girl who walked in, and when she was 18, she was struck head on by a drunk driver. her thigh...well the bone was crushed into peices. the only thing that saved her was the air bag she said. I saw pictures of the car, and my gosh is she ever lucky. she did say though, that even after all that, she wouldnt go change what happened, because she didn't like who she was before it. because of it she became closer with her friends and family, and she has become stronger as a person.
It just really goes to show you how incredibly LUCKY we are, and how everything again, really does happen for a reason.
man. really eye-opening, thats for sure.
mmm so;
I hate when you have "feelings" for people;
but you just don't do anything about it.
You sorta just sit back and think about stuff when you see them,
wondering, what if you told him?
But then, you don't want to,
cause maybe it's just a silly little crush.
pretty much what I'm in right now.
Kinda sucks..
kinda doesn't..
whatever. relationships are all bull anyways.
I'm pretty bitter when it comes to that now.
yay.
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