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julie.
when you're older you will understand.
last modified Jan 23, 2008 at 21:56
Dear driving;
I love you. I love just being able to drive around listening to music, blasting it. You get into a whole different mood. Makes you think a lot. Gives you a sense of freedom. Lovee it.
Dear Relationship;
I like this. But it sucks that we both work so freakin much. I hate that. Cause it's like we can hardly hang out since exams started. Even tho it hasnt been that long. but still. So that I don't like. Everything else, its awesome.
Dear You People;
I hate how I feel like this when we all split up into our different groups. How sometimes I feel like I have nothing to do. But then again we've all been hanging out so much lately. So I guess it's alright. Plus me & kristen have a date that night. It'll be hip.
Dear Work;
Stop making me work so effing much. Like next week I only have two days off. Gawd damn. Maybe if I needed the money I would be like WOOHOO. But I don't. I have enough money. I'm not saving up for anything specific. But I have a lot of spending money. I know it'll only give me more, and hey, who doesnt love the feeling of having so much money to spend. But still. I want a social life.
Dear You Jelous Bitch;
What the hell. As if you deleted me from his msn. How controlling ARE you? Just cause we're good friends, and HE emailed me. Wow. I don't like you.
Dear Suzy Shier;
As if you won't let me return my necklace that broke the day I bought it. Eff you. Ha.
Dear Whats-your-face;
I miss you.
so now I don't know what to do.
I guess I sorta have to find out for myself.
because now he's said it. sorta.
but who knows if its actually what he thinks.
cause he's never been in this situation before,
I have. & I'm not sure.
So I guess I won't do anything until I'm sure.
but like I said before;
I think half of me is saying not to.
I was driving home from work.
& I put on some good ol' slow country music
really loud
and took the long way home, & drove slow;
since there was no cars out cause it was late.
I think I'm going to do that more often.
It just puts me into a totally different zone.
I like it.
I'm looking forward to tomorrow.
Sleeping in when everyone else has exams.
suuuuckkaaas.
then going to Dan's for a little bit;
then picking up Samuel, ha. Then Chloe
& we're going to the movies with work!
then Chloe and Lindsey are sleeping over. I'm excited.
I went to the Drive in
it was super.
I havnt been in forever, well a couple years. its cool.
We put 7 people in the van. 8 at one point.
I was comfy tho. 
our new friend Kristen came with us.
She knows everyone through me now..ye ye.
cause shes coming to my school next year
we've actually become really close friends, its hip;
in case you were wondering.
but onto deeper stuff.
love. baah..
how do you know. yeh, I should know
cause I once was in love
and not too too long ago either.
but I dont remember what it felt like at the beginning,
because that was 2 years and a bit ago.
only thing I remember was how I felt by the end.
So. I don't think I am. not yet.
but then again, I kinda don't want to be.
cause I don't want to get my heart broken again,
because apparently you can't trust who you thought you could
with something so fragile as your heart.
but then again. you can't stop yourself from falling in love either.
Like I said. I don't think I am.
whatev.
So. I'm officially done grade 11.
Its hard to even remember the beginning of it.
I know I made some new friends,
lost one or two too.
Kept the same best friend,
got way closer with others,
& drifted from others.
I loved,
I got my heart broken,
& I experienced what it was like to be depressed.
I experienced dating new people.
I got my G2,
my first 90% average,
& I got to do co-op in that grade one class.
I was on PSU,
& did a bunch things for my school.
So overall,
not too shabby.
Thanks for either making my grade 11 year awesome,
or making it crappy.
Either one.
Co-op is done. It was sad.
One of the boys was like "but Miss Lavender, if you go, who's going to help me?"
then when I was leaving, they all ran up and gave me a huge hug and said they'll miss me
& then I grab my stuff and said bye one last time and they're all like,
"BYE MISS LAVENDER, WE'LL MISS YOU, I LOVE YOU"
then it hit me. yeh I cried. whatever.
For someone who didn't go through the experience of it,
you probably wouldnt understand.
But to have those kids a part of your day, almost every day,
building relationships with each and every one of them, you get attached.
They always made me feel better, even if I was having the crapiest morning.
Maybe I got too attached, but Sam did with her class too.
You can't help it, it just happens.
But I'll definately miss co-op. but I'm glad I did it,
cause now I know for sure this is what I want to do.
Which is definately reassuring.
So I don't know what it is;
but I still have so much dislike for you.
I turn away from you & I'm just like
what the hell. It's okay.
I'm allowed. you're not.
but my goodness;
driving has been so freaking funn
driving by yourself is so sweet
i loooove it.
and AS IF schools over in TWO days
thats so nutso!
summmerrr yeeeeeeaaaahhhhh!!
I can't wait for summer
& I found out this guy Grant from work
actually lives around the corner from me
and has for like 8 years
and we never knew until like 3 days ago
how crazy is that? preeetttyyyyy craaazzzyy.
& thats all.
I GOT MY G2!!
yaaaahooooo
wooooooo
yippeeeeee
Ahh.
so I'm so nervous for tomorrow.
G2 testing. ohh booy.
I'm so nervous.
But I can do it. I'm a good driver.
And I can pass.
I WILL pass. pff. eat that, driver man.
so hung out with some peeps lately.
yesterday I played soccer with the boys,
funny, since I think soccer sucks wang,
and I can't play at all. but it's all good.
then went driver tonight with courtney and helen.
psh helen got her g2 I can get mine.
hah. hopefully.
I just want tomorrow to come.
like this time tomorrow I'll be done
and this whole thing will be over.
but until then...ahhhhhhhh.
I'm just nervous about that advance green thing.
cause if you go and its yellow,
and they think you could have stopped,
its an automatic fail. But I guess I cant keep thinking about that.
cause then I WILL get a yellow one and screw up.
so no, I wont.
I'll do fiiiiiiiiiiine.
I hope.
so. do you ever wonder what your life would be like if it was still like how it was a year ago. Let's see, a year ago I would have been just finishing grade 10. I was still with and in love with Jesse. Tash was still my good friend. I still loved going to karate. I just started a new job a couple months ago. me and Courtney still didn't really talk.
Now half of that I would love back. Half of it I wouldn't.
You figure that part out.
But it is just so weird how your life can change extremely in only a year. How you can feel something one year, and then not the next.
How a year ago, you wouldn't picture your life to turn out this way. A year ago, you would have never thought that would have happened. And a year ago I definately didn't picture myself feeling this way.
Sometimes I question myself why?
Why did that happen? Why did I let that happen? Why did I act that way?
But then why's lead to what ifs, & what ifs get you no where.
and I hate the fact that I have SO much to say, but no way to say it.
but I guess thats just how it goes.
sometimes I just wish I could rewind back a year, & take it all in again.
"No matter how hard you try to get over someone, you'll always end up still having some sort of feeling left for them. Remebering the way things were and how everything is now. At times, you will hope that the new person in their life was still you and everything was still the way it used to be ; despite all the bad things that have happened. Everybody thinks that time is supposed to make things better but sometimes it doesn’t. Although you guys have been apart for a while even if you guys don't talk much anymore and now are trying to move on with your life, you still can’t help but wonder if you're still remembered or thought of. And sometimes, you hope to know how their life is now, how things would’ve been if you two were still together, and when you catch them glancing at you, you wonder if their heart beats a little faster as yours does when you see them"
& wouldn't life be perfect
mm things are okay again.
Well I'm pretty sure.
Katie got her G2. hah woo.
mines so sooon. ye yeeeeee
me and helen hung out with courtney tonight.
woo.
like old times, it was good and very fun.
I'm hoping we all become best friends again, well,
that court becomes like best friends with us again.
that'd be pretty sweet, I'm not gonna lie.
on thursday I get to miss school to go to co-op
cause their having a sports day for special needs kids
from all around barrie come
and me and sam get to work together with all the wheelchair kids
its all day so thats going to be so fun.
co-op is almost done.
ugh no. I'm not looking forward to it ending.
I love it with my life.
Well more like I love those kids.
They definately give me something to look forward to
and maybe I got too attached,
but I dont know. I just really don't want to leave them
I guess its a good thing cause now I really know
that I want to be a teacher.
its cool.
So I don't know what it is.
But it's weird.
Like do you think you're ten times higher then me lately?
Do you like to make me feel like shit?
Cause it's kinda working.
& I hate how its that little group.
and I hate how am totally left out of the picture completely.
How come it was me that was left out?
Just because I made the decision?
because if you havn't noticed, that also makes me feel like shit.
maybe you don't realize.
and maybe I'm just taking things too seriously.
I'm sick.
I'm tired.
I have to work tomorrow,
and for once this semester I have a huge project due,
and I'm no where close to being done.
I was put into a crappy mood.
So whatever.
but on a plus side. I got my ear periced.
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