"Question everything."
Check.
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Story of a Girl..
After finally figuring out what my voice was. Who I was. It was safe to put my thoughts on the internet. Safe for me and safe for the people who I care for, and who care about me.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Stages of Grief
Denial
Depression
Anger
Depression
Acceptance
Denial check
depression...check
anger... check check
depression...check
acceptance... I guess...
They don't mention relapses tho. Like when you are digging for a pen, and suddenly find that something that reminds you about that time in LA... and suddenly all you can do is stare into space and try everything to not cry. The key is to never let them see you cry.
Count backwards from 100, keep busy... Have a brave face back up...constant distractions work well... very well...
..usually...
I just need to get out of the house..
but where can I go?...exactly.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Pain
How do you deal with pain? When you feel this weight constantly on your heart? When at night you feel as if someone has reached into your chest and ripped half of your heart and took it away? When you want to talk to someone about it but you pick up the phone and can't think of a single person to call...
What do you do when you have to constantly keep your mind busy with mindless tasks so that you don't fall apart, again?
ANyone?
Monday, December 17, 2007
The Games that people Play
I admit that in the past I was a game player. With friends, relationships, everything. Thankfully I learned from my mistakes. It was a horrible existence. Lonely and cruel. But I grew up.
Lying is a big part of games. People won't play well most won't play willingly so you coerce. Then you lie. To keep the game going to lie some more. Till there is more lies than truth, and you are caught, and doomed
The bigger the game the larger the cost. Friendships, relationships, even lives can be lost to a simple game.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Life or Death.... Not Opposites...
Life is like a spiderweb. The delicate fibres are the connections between people, relationships, friendships, acquantainces. Every person you meet increases the connections the spiderweb has, making it stronger and more beautiful. It is the people in our lives that make it what it is, that make us who we are. Without them, we are nothing. This is one possibility. But what if they spiderweb is not reliant on the connections but on the individual pieces.
For the most part humanity continually searches for companionship as a way of completing ourselves or to make our lives better, enrich them. Some believe that the search for companionship is a basic instinct with the only reasoning being to continue the species.
What you believe life is all about ultimately depends on you. But I'll end this with the only quote from Dawson's Creek worth repeating.
"Life and Death, its funny how people say that like they are opposites. Birth is the opposite of Death, Life has no opposite."
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
Forgivness is Devine
Liars, cheaters, manipulators etc. How can someone simply forgive the constant disgressions of their so called friends. These people make a mockery of everything that friendship stands for and they just smile and say 'more please'. Honestly, do you not understand that its just going to get worse? If they are allowed to get away with it, they will keep doing it until they have no more use for you and then they will drop you like yesterdays garbage. It is this constant need for aproval that I do not understand in the world. Why are we afraid to rock the boat. to stand up for what we beleive is right. Letting people walk all over us is not a friendship, its a parasitic relationship that will end badly for the host. It makes me sick to know that there are so many people getting away with causing so much pain in the innocent.
In some case sure, forgivenss, but to let everything continue as is. Day after day knowning that someone you trust is betraying you.. I'm sorry but if you can't stand upt o them, and they don't notice the pain they cause... You deserve each other. If they are any friend at all if you call them on it, they will try to stop hurting youo. If they ever cared at all about you but the first step is to stand up for yourself, change starts with an action. Be that action.
Saturday, May 5, 2007
Let It Be
In all relationships there is conflict. Friendships, love, lust, business etc. The difficulty lies not in avoiding the conflicts but in how to deal with them. There are 2 broad categories when dealing with a conflict. You can ignore it, or deal with it. With the later, there are subcategories. Do you duke it out, reach a mutally favorable decision and then forget it. Do you work it out, and let it be. Or are you simply not able to get over it and the conflict effectively ends the relationship. All of these possibilities come with there own set of pros and cons which are usually specific to the situation. But how can you decide what to do. What conflict simply too big for the relationship to withstand. When do you dig your heals in and fight and when do you walk away. Obviously one must decide this for themselves. Based on how important they deem the relationship to be.
Choose your battles wisely is indeed good advice, for often we choose to fight those that we should let go, and we let go those we should fight.
Friday, April 14, 2006
How to get from The Rembrants to the Dandy Warhols
Perfection only means the flaws are overed with so much concealer and foundation and every other kinda of make up so that the true face cannot even been seen anymore. Some don't even know the difference, they can walk through the days in and outs stuck on all the promises and good times, gifts and hugs and contently listen as the lyrics to I'll be there for you, are fed to them constantly. But then there are those that catch a glimpse, that read Holden's story and awakens them... The ones that tear and wash and scrape and pull out the terpintine and see the naked truth, that see the shattered promised, the oceans of tears and pain and that the good times are completely overshadowed by the shear volume of bad. These are the few notice as the cheerful "I'll be there fore you" twist to become " A long time ago, we use to be friends. "
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Life's A Dance
Given the opportunity, the money, the time and with the guarentee that you'll have work or/and school, a house etc. when you get there where would you be? Right now, you could just get up and leave on the stipulation that you could never go back. Where would you go? Would you go? You could take one suit case (no clothes, you buy those all new when you get there) what would you pack? If you could bring one person with you, who would it be?
Do you see their face?
Funny isn't it. A majority of people, if you thought about it enough would stay, leaving is too hard, there is so much to lose. and you don't know what you're going to gain. We fear what we don't understand, the unknown. But sometimes you have to risk everything to have anything.
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Perfection
Have you ever had a friend that you couldn't imagine, life without, that friend you tel everything to, the one you're never see without? Picks you up when you fall and all that jazzy? Well, then do you know the feeling of losing that friend? when the move, when the leave? when you find that everything about them is a lie? do you know that feeling? Well if you do, you know the pain, if you don't, imagine the pain and then muliply it by the number of years you've known them. Perfection is not something anyone expects.Its an illusion. when someone appears to be perfect... beware the illusion, for when the mirror shatters, shards of glass cut deep.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
The truth
When picking friends most people search on a basis of personality characteristics, not appearances. It is well known that appearances can be decieving. When polled most people preferred honest, trustworthiness and a sense of humour over good looks, high popularity, upper middle class economic standing, or effectiveness in atheletics. It has been established that when faced with lies and deceit most people react negatively and are hurt more than if they were told the possibly damaging truth to begin with. A relationship of any sort based on lies, can be compared to a house built on a foundation of sand: to the casual observer the house looks fine, but at the first sign of a storm, the house simply falls apart.
Although most of this is common knowledge, lying still occurs. There are those among the masses that have become very poficient at their games of deceit. Some do live out their lives without anyone being the wiser. But liars beware, these are rare cases. If one indeeds to sell their word for cheap tricks and false popularity be prepared to face the concequences of loseing those who were friends of truth.