Devil's Advocate Weblog
my life, my journal, my web log...
last modified Oct 10, 2002 at 10:17
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just testing... again
You came into my life unexpectedly
There must be a reason why I'm drawn over you
And now I'm bedazzled and mesmerized by you
You may not be the conservative girl I dreamed of
But you are somehow the person I need in my life
No pretensions, Truthful, Open-Minded, And "accepting"...
You may not prefer me on the way I look
But I don't care
I know beauty is born deep within inside
And I am challenged to let you see my real beauty
I know the real me is good looking and good nurtured
And I have my confidence to take this challenge
Until I see my destiny.
I hope you understand
Time is not on my side
I have to do some basic things
So quickly and so swiftly
I hope you also understand
Space is not on my side either
We are like two worlds apart
Making a connection would be really really hard
Yet this is all worthwhile
Coz I've got to see
If I am the Man for you
And you - the Woman for me
for the the past 2 days, i have been awake from 12 mn onwards to the morning... i slept at around 8 pm, then i always woke up at 12 mn....
to add to the unusualness of this is the dream... before i woke up, i remember being awakened by a dream.... the dream is about a danger in my life... i am about to get killed by some careless and meaningless way....
so that why for the past 2 days, i am distracted...
somehow depressed... somehow sober.... i can't figure out my feeling...
but am sure it's something negative...
oh boy...
bad lucks....???
i know some friends are checking this weblog of mine.... perhaps, to see how am i doing....
Sometime I pass my site without posting anything.... most of the time, correction, hehehe...
When i'm driving my car, I've got lot of things to write about. But when I'm in front of my pc, I go blank. I dont know why.
Just like now. I know I have something worthful to posts.
hehehe... anyway, I'll just try it.
until then.
well, it's been more than 2 months since i blogged here.... hay, i think, this period of time is not good for me... as if the stars are arranged so that i may unlucky nowadays...
when valentine's day is approaching, we always think of our beloved... we try to celebrate with them... but for me now, it will be just like an ordinary day....
i have told my story and my real score with my angel... i know that she still loves me, and i love her..... but love is not enough.... i am not enough for her to be a husband-material.... she is just being practical.... we are still good friends... and she always share her thoughts on me.... sometimes she says, "kung gutom ka na, love is enough pa rin?"... and i agree.... indeed, ,love is not enough.....
with this, a pang of jealousy strikes me whenever i hear story that her crush spends time with her.... well, i should not be hating that guy but because this guy replaced me... the attention of my angel which used to be me... now, is not me!.... i am hurt whenever i hear that they are together.... but i have to learn... that that the way love and life goes....
i don't know.... perhaps something and someone will still come for me.... i don't know..... i just fell so unlucky nowadays.... i hope it ends soon... oh boy....
until then.....
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- added mitchiegurl's blog
oh well, this is my first new year that i am broke!... financially....
oh why? my brother crashed my car, he can't afford to pay up the damaged jeep... and since i own the car, i am still responsible for that... second, i spend almost 8,000 pesos monthly just for mother's medicine.... i have to buy a new car.... and this cost me 8,000 per month.... aside from these, there are my usual monthlies which i hope i will finish soon....
i also have 50,000 pesos worth of credit from different friends.... my plan didn't worked out when they didn't do their job facilitating my loan (0% interest)....
oh boy i hope i can get out of the mess soon....
but i need a rest... a break.... rest - i value it greatly.....
my target for next year (asap, i hope): 1) get a new place for me near my work.... even a rented one would be ok, although many would be against it..... i know it costly, but i need to get out of my parent's place... i don't want to live with my brother and sister, they are so irresponsible.... 2) get a maid for my nanay... i will get my nanay and have her stay at my place. so, it's me, my nanay, my tatay (at least may bantay ako whom i can trust), a my maid.
however, i have to settle my debts... first.
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added pakyoot's weblog "paranoia"....
i went to the wake of my officemate's father... i was amused to see that there were so many people... then i heard many stories... they said that this person helped them a great deal.... that he is a very kind person...
there were politicians, congressman, mayors, police staff, baranggay officials, governors.... etc.... he was used to be the sheriff of that place in laguna.
my officemate would tell us that sometimes there are some rugged people visiting the wake... they don't know they are... they will learn later on that these are the people that her father helped. even in their families, her father is most loved... he was generous with his grandchildren, and even with his relatives.
well, i reflect to myself... perhaps, i would imagine, my wake would be not so crowded like that one.... and perhaps, i would leave not so much for my family.
perhaps that's what's death all about... preparing things for those who will be left behind... something like, when you die, you still have something to give to your family... and not that they will give things for your death....
i can also see.... although it wouldn't matter because you're dead.... that choosing kindness to other people will inspire your friends and relatives when the moment of death comes... because people will talk highly of you.....
well, i also thought of my family....
sometimes, i despise my brother and my sister... and also my father... the only one i really care about is my mother.... from them i can see that their family bond really makes them stronger....
oh boy... wish i could be like that when i die....
anyway.... that's some inspiration.... from that wake, i realized those things... that when i "sleep" finally, hope i can inspire others.....
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whew! it's been really a long time since i logged here. i thought the danchan.com was out already because everytime i access this url, it can't connect... well, now i'm here, it feels good to be back home....
well what's new?
i have a new car!!!
it's still the same honda city... but now with a new color... zircon blue! with a slightly new design, new headlight.... anyway, i took loan in the bank for them to finance this car.... anyway, am happy about my new car....
 
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* added dev's room in my links.
::why is it that most girls likes fine dining?
well.... i can see now that it is more of a preference... i can see that girls like gentleman... then it goes with the lifestyle also.... a gentle life... one that is financially stable... a gentle dinner... in a fine restaurant ofcourse... a gentle love.... romanticism!
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hi to zitroe! 
and kae, hey! 
many people asks about the real score between me and fickle aka petite...
well, we're just friends now...
it came from her, that we better be good friends...
our relationship were a seesaw...
at first, she was so crazily in love with me (hehehe...  )
but now, i'm the one who's so seriously in love with her...
and since then, we were so different...
we always have contradicting beliefs and values...
personality-wise we are different...
the only thing we complement is because we are different...
and because of that we maintain our personal balance...
i'm sure there was a time, even with me, that she almost decided that i am not the right one... however, there's a unseen force that's drawing us near together.... we are so comfortable with each other... however when views comes in the way, we begin to clash....
sometimes i really think that she's worth having in my life because even though we may have big differences (not compatible, in other words), i still feel that my love for her outweighs that... i would try to change for her... even though it will be difficult for me, i still try... i feel that i need her in my life... someone who will not agree with me, so that my choices will always be challenged...
well, we both have this conflicting feelings... we both love each other... we both not....
according to her, what she needs in a man is someone who is a gentleman and financially stable....
ever since she knew me, i have never been the perfect gentleman she want.... perhaps financially, i was stable during that time.... but because of my mother's condition... i am required to put my concentration and my money to my mother... while my mom is still alive.... and she don't want my half-attention, what she wants is my full attention.... what will i do? i cannot let my mother down, because i know personally that my mother is relying on me, not with my father, and not with my brother and sister... just me... her favorite son....
well, isn't that a hindrance for both of us... we want to move on, but when we meet, we feel very comfortable still, as if we're lovers again.... it is very painful to me just knowing something about my possible replacement.... i'm so jealous about that... and i'm sure she also feels the same way with me.... there was an instance that she got jealous with my girl "best friend"....
oh boy... this conflicting feelings....
so this is the real score....
i still love her, she knows it too...
but it seems i am not enough for her....
she deserves someone greater than me...
and perhaps i deserve someone lesser than her....
and i want to move on...
perhaps find someone who'll fit in...
if there's really one...
or if there's such a thing....
but i can't...
because it is too painful....
yup, the hurt...
here's another depressing moment in my life....
the story...
it was sunday night when my brother (younger than me) borrowed my car. i was hesistant to give it due to past histories that he is more of a nuisance than a help in my car.... anyway, he was fast in letting me agree... his reason, there's an occassion with his friend... and he will do some business with him.... and that he might go home late.... and it was difficult to get a ride from his friends place....
until we slept already and morning came he haven't arrived yet... so i decided to ring him but was cut off (he said later on that his cell fone is malfunctioning).... so i decided to commute for work.... when he called on my cell, i immediately told him to never borrow my car again.... then he said, what can he do, he was drunk, so can't go home in that condition.... gosh!!! it seems i am the one that have to understand... what a great brother he is..... then remembering that his friends place is near my work place... i texted him and said to just drop off my car at the plant and leave it there....
then i was working... until a call came for me saying that i have to call my brother, an accident happen.... i took time waiting..... i didn't want to go to his place thinking it's an ordinary bumping incident..... and besides before that call i was really fuming mad.... and i was thinking of getting my own place, perhaps a rent-to-own.... so that i will not share a place with him anymore.... i will just take my mother (stroked) and my father (my mother's babysitter) and my pamangkin with me.....
until a second call came.... this time i was able to talked to my brother... he is said it's a serious accident, not simple.... so i went out of the office and went to the place of accident.... what i saw was my car head to head with a jeep... my brother was not there and the other passengers of the jeep.... they said they went to the hospital.... a neighbor of mine was there, to look up our things, he happen to pass by... then decided to help.... to make the story short... almost all (6 from the jeep and my brother) of their injuries are not so serious... thank God!... but it was just an inch then my brother life would not have been spared....
what happened?
well, my brother said that he received my text when he was at our house... then because of that, he brought the car to the plant and he will alight from there then he will commute to work (which was really along that way). that was his plan. but along the way before reaching my plant... he suddenly blacked out ( for me, he slept, because he had a very short sleep last nyt)... he went to the other lane unknowingly.... then when he woke up, and was shocked to see the vehicles in front of him.... so he decided to go back to his original lane.... he was able to pass through one vehicle.... but due to blind spot, he was not able to see another one, a passenger jeep, so they met head on collision.
my car's damage was almost a total wreck. it's a miracle my brother didn't have serious injury.... passengers were hurt... the jeep was also have great damage....
so i went to work now with total sorrow... depression... anger...
although it's my brother's mistake... since i'm the owner of the car, i have to face the police, the people injured, and the repairs.... yes i have a car insurance.....
and now it's so tiring and depressing....
why depressing.... my brother dont want to meet the injured people yet.... i have to do the settlement... my brother is in deep financial trouble already (which i really wonder why since he is single) and now he have to settle this matters first....
i am throwing all the responsibilities to him, especially the injured people.... but because i am the owner of the car... i still take part and take lead on those things.... now, i just moved my car to honda repair, after being impounded for a day at the police.... after a clearance from the police that we promise to settle their medical expense and other damages , the "danos"....
i am so depressed...
sorrowful....
i miss my car!
i will not be able to have my mother brought to hospital for check up....
here's my brother who was not helpful before... and now becomes a burden to our family.... and i wonder why he is not ashamed of that..... he is stilll very boastful.... he said pride is all he have left....
now.... i want him to suffer from his actions.... but i cannot detach myself from this.... just because i am the owner of the car....
in case of legality.... if there's complain.... my brother can have a criminal case.... and the owner, me, can have a civil case....
great!
great damn!!@!
guys, i've just discovered that in order to post or comment, i just have to change my advance settings to "all"....
so, should you like to post a comment, please do try it starting this date... anyway, it doesn't really matter... i still like this danchan.com... if i want to privatize my blog, i can do so... if i want to publicize it, i can do so also.... i think there's many things i haven't learned or discovered here....
until then... enjoy exploring... 
what do you feel after watching a movie?
i don't like the feeling after i watched a movie in cinemas.... i feel like stepping out of that fantasy... it's like "back to reality, devs"....
i like movies that will make me laugh, amaze me, especially space-related themes, and that will make me realize on some points in our lives....
just this day, we watched The Tuxedo... well, i will score it at 3 being 5 the highest....
anyway, among the movie i liked best are the following...
1) devil's advocate
2) speed
3) harrison ford movies
4) richard gere movies
5) julia robert movies
6) robert de niro movies
sometimes i compare... which is better... the movie or the book?
well, i would say the book.... the book is more detailed to its original theme... however, movies are arranged already to fit the screen.....
thus, i find the saying "even for a short moment, you were entertained" depressing... why? because, it fantasy... perhaps you would not want to face reality.... i like a movie that will motivate and inspire me.... something like when i go outside the movie house, i would be thinking of what will i do with my life... or with my project, my work, my relationship, whatever.....
so... sit back and relax... watch a movie... that will inspire you....
i am wondering why of all tv series... the star trek series is the one i like best...
during my stay at the hotel during my project, i would stay up late night, just to wait the show of star trek: voyager on cable tv....
actually, it was star trek: next generation that caught my attention... it was just an ordinary night, surfing the tv, the i saw this space related show... so i stopped the channel there and watched a while... then strangely, the show doesn't really tackles on high tech of space, but it tackles LIFE! yes, LIFE!... that's why i find it strange... a science fiction, futuristic, yet talking about the insights of life.... that's how i got hooked with star trek movies on tv....
that's also the beginning i start reading pocket books about star trek.... i also started to appreciate star trek: the original series.... until the show was not available on local tv.... and now, when i have a chance on cable tv.... i watch star trek: voyager....
i also like star trek: voyager... because it tackles about their flight back home, being lost from delta quadrant.... similar with star trek: next generation... they explore... and that the key word for me... explore, journey.... in my own self... i like to explore... take a journey... then, learn from there.... that's why i like star trek... i can relate...
however, i can't appreciate deep space nine... because, deep space nine is just a station.... and the story revolves on that station... i think it's a stagnant story...
anyway... i identify myself with the captains of the starship... and i really wonder... would we reach that kind of technology soon?
so i'll boldy go where noone ever dares go...
and that's somehow me...
  
well, i think it's important that we can create something... i relate creativity with being artistic.... being creative also means being artistic... in being creative one is expressing one's self....
i have thought that having a son or daughter is the greatest creativity one can make.... it somehow becomes an extension of ourselves.... sometimes it becomes a reflection on who we are.... i compare it to creating a computer program.... like for the child, wherein, we really program our children to be something... we create first the physical form... then create the emotional and spiritual foundation - this is the program i'm talking about... we also educate them... feed them, dress them.... and finally let themselves be what they want to be....
now, whatever the outcome is, be it negative or positive, that is the measure on how successful our creation is.... if the child despise his/her parents, somehow, perhaps, the parent failed.... if the child learned to very loving and caring to the parent, perhaps we can say that it's a successful creation....
well, just my thought,,,,
a child...
a creation....
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* added some adult video links, however bandwidth is limited.
* added an online user counter, to know how many viewer this webpage is having....
i got news from my "match.com-produced" friend.... well, she's getting married already next month... and she's inviting me to come.....
let's go back to the past....
i met her in the internet.... through match.com.... among the many others match the site paired me... she's the only one i got along very fine... we really have many common things (i think)... until i did a remarkable thing.... i went to their house... down to naga.... all the way from cavite... i travelled for almost half day just to get to her place... then we met.... we were very shy at first.... i stayed at a nearby hotel, and before i went back to cavite... i bought and gave her a bunch of flowers...
i know that was the sweetest thing to do....
then we just continued communication via email....
but when i got busy with many other things.... our communication became less and less.... during that time i had my first gf, which was slowly turning sour.... the naga girl knew i had a gf.... until my first gf broke up with me.... i told it to the naga girl....
perhaps due to proximity, i immediately found a new gf.... so i got very busy again with my new found love.... however, me and the naga girl became occassional friends through email or text.... i kept on telling her that what would happen if i courted her....
until one day, she told me that she had a bf.... i asked her what would happen if i had courted.... she said she might have answered me "yes"... but the thing is, i didn't do it.... yah, because she's so far.... and i have a present gf during that time....
so life goes on.... from time to time, we occassionally communicate.... until one day, she told me she had a fiancee.... that's the time i really stopped thinking about her.... i don't wanna pursue anymore especially if i will turn to become a villain in their relationship....
many things also happened with me.... me and my 2nd gf became best of friends instead of lovers....
then today, she texted me.... i was shocked actually... she told me.... she's inviting me to her wedding....
well.... i feel quite sad because this is the one person i didn't pursue because of proximity.... i just got to know her a little, but i could have known her more.... and from there i can decide if she will be my partner in life... but no, i didn't do it....
*sigh*
well.... we just joked in text... that if i happen (she kiddingly texted to me) to really pursued courting her, then perhaps it's me she's going marry...
well.... that's the way it is....
somehow i feel regretful i didn't walk an extra mile for this person... perhaps.... if, only if.... she could be the one.... but too late, well, not really late.... i really did not pursue....
first, i felt my depression due to my mother's situation....
then here's a reminder, that here's a product of being not pursuant.... i feel glad for her, but somehow regretfull i didn't pursue.....
haayyy.....
well, i have been into some depressing thoughts...
when i came home yesterday, i talked to my ill mother, and she talks about her illness, her pain, she was crying... perhaps she is pathetic to herself.... well, what can i do but accept....
i came home with an aching leg muscle... i dont know where i got it... perhaps due to walk from hotel to bus station... well, this aching leg added to my depressing thoughts...
then, i got news from my sister, that she noticed that father have a lot of cooked animal instestines... and he's bringing it somewhere else... perhaps to her no. 2.... another depressing thought....
my brother knocked at my door, asking a loan from me.... he's a single person yet no take home pay? what will happen to mother if i am not around anymore.... where did his money went?
the thought of the possible outcome with my mother: 1) she will always be inserted with a catheter while she have difficulty in urinating because of her stroke. 2) she will be operated and be install a hose to bypass her urinary tract.... well, we thought it up, it will be her choice...
i slept that day.... hoping that when i wake up... those depressing thoughts will be gone.... well, after waking, it somehow did.... it's difficult to have depressing thoughts... you can't think straight...... can't decide a sound decision... and it feels very downy....
oh boy....
pray to be strong...
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i deleted DJ link, due to inactivity of her board.
this will be my video downloads index....
1. kate1
2. kate2
3. self massage
4. some action1
5. some action2
just added this page... and refined it somehow...
well, being an adult offers a wide range of things and variety... and one of this is sex... when i was in my teenage years, i used to wonder how would it feel like having sex with a girl... well, because i am young and exploring on my sexual awareness, i kept on fantasizing.... until i had my first sexual experience... and it wasn't really enjoyable...
now, i would want to tackle a different a topic. these horny lusty feelings that leads to sex is all part of our being human and animal...  sometimes i wonder why does doing procreation is very enjoyable... why didn't God make it with no feeling at all... just an obligatory sex.... in that way perhaps.... there would be no overpopulation... well, just wondering.... because sex is so enjoyable, sometimes the most fantastic feeling of all, this sometimes lead to unwanted pregnancy.... that's where contraceptive comes in....
anyway, from time to time, i will put link to my video download page... that is, rated r and rated x.
now, take a relaxing seat. click my download page. then enjoy what you see. KIDS! (under the age of 18) KEEP OUT!!! (yet most of the times, the more you stop them, the more they go through it... hehehe....)
my download page:
self massage
enjoy!
take note: my mpeg file is working.... lucky you! hehehe....
just try to see it and give me a comment, if you like it or not....
:: my download page ::
ok now.... here's my mpeg download...
so this download is for 18 years old above... so if you are below 18 yrs. old below, do not enter this page...
this is also my first link to a downloadeble file... so this serves as my testing ground....
so here's Kate Winslet naked movie...
download it and enjoy!!!
1. kate1
2. kate2
i was really scared to death... heheh... not really to death...
why?
well, i happen to delete half of what i have done for this, just because of inserting that tagboard thing.....
good thing i have been able to retrieve my old format by pressing "back" "back" many times in my browser....
whew!
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just added a random text just below my page title.
during way way back then, perhaps not so long ago, i had my first girlfriend. we had problems then. then i decided to write to aunt webby, an internet adviser. that was my first time to write to a counsellor, hehehe... when i recall that moment, i can't help but laugh... i think it's funny because i was so idealistic and stubborn... anyway, i want to post that letter, with a matching reply from aunt webby.
well, i just realized that the solution was very obvious from other's people point of view. i am just really stubborn to accept the truth. for your information, i am over with my first gf. i had another one nowadays but in a different light (now, this is another topic). anyway, here's the letter.... hope it can help others... that most of the times, other people can see clearly better than us involved... all we have to do is accept the truth... enjoy!
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Family in the way
Dear Aunt Webby,
Recently, my girlfriend has been asking for a break-up. I was asking her why. She said it’s because of her family problem. Her father is a strict parent and a narrow-minded person, according to my girlfriend. Her father doesn’t agree that I should be her boyfriend. Her father favors her ex-boyfriend because he is a family friend.
My girlfriend is the eldest. She’s 21 and I’m 29 years old.
Her ex is coming back to her. I can see that he is winning my girlfriend’s heart. With him, there would less family tension on my girlfriend. My girlfriend also admitted that she could accept him back if we are to break up, to lessen her tension with her daddy. My girlfriend the typetype who avoids tensions and nagging, especially from her daddy.
I love her so much. We’ve had so many ups and downs already. That’s why giving up is very heartbreaking for me.
I didn’t agree on breaking up. Instead we agreed to have time and space between us. The only logical reason I can see of her daddy’s disapproval of me is because I can take their daughter any time. At this point, my girlfriend has just gotten a job. Her parents are expecting much of her, since her brother and sister haven’t graduated yet.
My question is: would family tension be a sufficient reason for us to break up? For me, this is a shallow reason for breaking up. Or, is it only because of me? Has her love for me slowly drifted away because of those ups and downs we had?
Please, I need advice from a person who is an expert on this things - you.
Good Day! And more power to you.
Sincerely yours,
Wendel
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Dear Wendel,
I’m sorry to hear about your situation with your girlfriend. While I don’t agree with you that parental approval is a superficial matter, neither do I agree that parents’ demands would be sufficient to break up the relationship of their daughter. It must seem particularly painful to hear your girlfriend pass on the blame to her father since you have both invested a lot of time and energy on your relationship.
I think you’ll have to explore your two theories about your girlfriend’s appeal to break-up. First, let’s try out your theory that her family doesn’t like you because you might steal their breadwinner away. Perhaps this is an indirect result of your wide age gap. Her parents may expect that since you’re 29, you will soon be interesting in marrying her.
If this is really the reason behind their rejection (and her hesitancy), you have to allay their fears. You can assure her or them that she can continue to be as close and supportive to her family as she is now, even if you decide to get married. Without being too specific (as it isn’t appropriate to bring up money matters), you could imply that her financial support is not going to be withheld. You could say that everything she makes is hers to spend as she wishes and you wouldn’t claim anything from her but her love and fidelity. But it would be best to test your hypothesis first, because it would be embarrassing to be guessing incorrectly about her parents’ wishes. If the problem is really financial, then this way, your declaration will clear that obstacle from their minds.
Your second theory - that she is drifting out of love for you - is more worrisome to me. I can understand why she feels pressured about the relationship because of her strict and dominant father. However, why does she seem so open about answering her ex-boyfriend again? Is it just to please her father? Is it for financial reasons? How very strange it must be to hear your girlfriend confessing that she might go back to her ex-boyfriend, even as you are still at her side!
At 21, your girlfriend is no longer a teen-ager. She should be able to decide for herself whom she loves and whom she’s likely to marry. Rather than compelling her to make the choice now, my suggestion is to accede to her appeal for a break-up gracefully and with your dignity intact. Pull out before you worsen the relationship and your self-esteem by indulging in accusations or angry outbursts.
If your girlfriend realizes she truly loves you, she will one day fight for you and the relationship. But if she is not ready to do that now, the kind of love she can give is merely substandard - one that will keep falling apart under stress. Although you may miss her tremendously at first, remember that you would be better off without her. Look for someone who can love you above all else.
Sincerely yours,
Aunt Webby
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added EvilStar and DJ in my weblog lists.
revised my links so that it will open a new window.
ahhhh... starting today, i'll be working... then after work, give training - a project... then after that, go to the hospital for my mother's discharge... then after that sleep! (i hope).... then after that work.... whew! i hope would not get sleepy when i drive....
i noticed that i don't have time for myself.... i have a tooth to be repaired or extracted... i have to look for house to pay-to-own.... i have to maintain my car.... i have to fix my room....
so that's why it'll gonna be a long long day for me....
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i would like to post an emotional topic, but not enough urge, hehehe....
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soon, i would put a legend on my smilies that i use (courtesy of barrio alimasag, pahiram lang ha...). so here's my smilies:
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i also put a password page for the psily photo album... i will fix the password page... to make it similar to my home page.
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and i will add up some gadgets in this site....
ok... i added "post a graffiti" link... for all your compliments or remarks about this page... please post it here...
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so enjoy surfing!
well, i was reading a book entitled "Portraits". at the end of the chapter, Doris (one of the character) fell in love with someone whom she easily got along with. a person who she shares many common things about her. they are almost the same. the thing is she is 64 years old, with grandchildren, with a daughter and a son, and with a very loving husband. she married her husband because her parents wants her to marry the guy. since she don't dislike the guy, in fact the guy is very handsome and a doctor, she married the guy.
although this is fiction... i can not help but feel sad and broken hearted to the guy that will be left behind. i know things like this happens in real life. whether the person is your lover or your spouse, when someone comes along she/he will be taken out from you... so sad...
i am really against this kind of situation, but i don't control events. if this will happen, it will happen. i just realized that perhaps this is the reason why there are many broken families created... so that's why many among us have poor spiritual and emotional life.
in case of marriage, i think one must not leave her/his family for the sake of that someone who came along. but what if that will make her/him happy? ....could you bear to be happy at expense of others bitterness and brokeness? and if this is a family we are talking about, the family is worth saving. i must say that to never leave your family because of this reason.
perhaps this is the reason why some people go on with their lives even he/she have an affair on the other side. one, the original family he/she had made. and two, an affair who makes him/her happy and complete. this means taking consideration on both counts.
perhaps this insight is breaking my heart because i have felt it before... it is betrayal in the deepest form (i think)... it is so hurtful that i am now becoming careful on the partner i will choose, that hopefully she will find her right one while it's early, so we save our lifetimes on that dreadful moment....
so now, let go....
let her choose her way while there's no tie bonding you....
and i know it's not necessarry in marriage that you are the right one, for love will never be enough for us.... well, i hope i will marry the right one to save that dreadful possibility of losing her.
let go...
let love...
let live...
the following are the websites i made... some of it may not be working due to my lack of maintainance...:
1) Home Sweet Home
2) PSILY Gang Page
3) PSILY Barkada Page
4) The PSILY Barkada Board
during the past few days, i have been thinking about our mortality... yeah that's our final resting place... that's one thing sure - we will all die in the end.... but we die in many different ways... we can die naturally, or by accident, through a serious illness, or it can be from a disease... we can die peacefully, we can die violently... we can die useless, we can die with a lot of meanings.... and i think there's many more ways to die....
perhaps i write this to become my "will and testament"...
that in case...
1) i become sick with decease that my thinking is affected and i cannot recognize reality, i would rather die... i will plea to die...
2) if i'm stuck with a sickness but some of my senses are still functioning, i would continue living... i think it's difficult to overcome a disability... but it's worth the reason to live...
3) if i am sick and my mental and physical situation cause burden to my love ones, i will plea to die.... oohh, would that be possible....
4) if i die, perhaps, i would like to be burned... given the availability of money .... if not, the usual process will do...
5) before i die, i would like to have peace to those i have caused pains...
6) before i die, i would like to be happy in what i do....
hahaha, that's why perhaps, i am so motivated to do what i want... because i am doing no. 5 and 6 already....
yeah living a full life is difficult....
my mother:
> due to her belief on "quack doctors" rather than real doctors, perhaps that's why she got sick...
> due to her neglect on giving herself, her body, some pleasure and caring, she got easily sick...
> it could be hereditary, and that's the time bomb we have to live with... i am talking about her aneurisym
> because she don't want to fight it, she could easily slip out and die....
> because of poor education (high school only), she was not able to know what good or not good for her body... what the heck, even educated people neglect the good things about their body.
now, i look at the people who will be around when you get sick....
it's the people whom you have been good to and they reciprocate...
because sometimes, even if you have been good to them, they just don't know how to return that care....
so i asked myself...
who will gonna take care of me when i get seriously sick?
...angel?
...my parents?
...my brother and sister?
i dont know... perhaps angel will be there....
and obligatory, my family will be there too....
friends like alma will be there also, that's for sure....
now, this where spirituality comes in....
in times like this, people need an invisible hand that would help them....
faith healing... that's what some call it....
spirituality helps people to set a clear direction in life....
and it will always keep us standing even though you feel like falling apart....
oh boy....
i hope and pray...
i'll always be strong....
There are many kinds of games. However, I find Shockwave games very interesting.... so here are the games.... but first, you need to have a Shockwave Player installed in your pc. (Click here to get a Shockwave Player.)
you can play or download the games here:
1. dynomite
2. triclops
3. candy cruncher
4. diamond mine
5. glinx
6. cascade
7. qbeez
8. collapse
9. magnurt 2
10. domino dementia
11. elixir
12. abysma
13. nisqually
14. text twist
15. bounce out!
16. gem drop
17. alchemy
18. seven seas
19. waterballoon fight
20. blasterball 2 revolution
21. mib ii crossfire
22. gutterball 3d
23. blackhawk striker
24. space rocks
25. tamale loco: ritd ii
26. dark orbit
27. skyracer: impulse
28. death from above
29. tank wars
well, i was thinking on what contents should i put into this weblog... mainly, my purpose of having this log is to jot down my insights.... so my thoughts would be my prime content here.
however, i am thinking of what other contents i should put here so that other viewers will visit this site... after the exhausting search i made, i thought of "why not ask my self?"....
if you ask me...
1) i always look for games! free downloadable games!
2) also, if i have speaker, music downloads like mp3 or midi.
3) sex stuffs like porno pics, the one with a seductive twist and not those bizaare stuffs... also free downloadable video files....
4) i also look for recipes.... because lately i must cook for my mother whose half body is paralyzed.
5) i always look for a new posts in my favorite forums....
6) lately, i tried to find i suitable journal.... perhaps a web log... hehehe... that's why i found this site.
7) flash strips or file... those with a funny or amazing scenes.
8) free screensaver or wallpapers.
9) i also tend to look interesting web sites or homepages.
well, i guess that's it for now.....
perhaps i have to start with games... no 1 to 9...
yeah, games that i like....
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thanks to makulit and istariray.... i got linked to their blogs!
thanks to pagan... my first commentator here, hehe...
or simply known as the PSILY Forum....
where the PSILY Barkada was formed...
and a PSILY Gang Homepage was made for them....
Well, this is the first forum i really get involved to seriously.... i was innocent about the internet that time.... chatting didn't appeal to me during that time.... it was Holy Week when i discovered the PSILY Forum.... actually PSILY is only one of the Forums of the Pacific Internet's Forums... i just grown to like and love the forum....
It was from that Forum i gained my first internet barkada....
We had so much fun.... we always go on EBs....
until now, we can still feel the bonding we had....
The discussion there is quite matured... and is all about love, sex, romance and other related stuffs.... that's what i like in that forum.... we could talk almost about anything, and most of the posters there are open-minded.... people come there to post their problems (even me, i posted my problem there)... and we (we call ourselves the "regulars") post our opinions, our reply, of course with open-mindedness....
Perhaps, that's why until now.... we are still there.... The PSILY Barkada... we may not be active nowadays.... but we feel we have gained true barkadas here.....
ahh, memories... by the way, i will always remember our Christmas EB... we spent it with the Malate's street children.... isn't that fun?
hehehe....
so, i also strongly recommend this site...
so mature, so passionate, so romantic.....
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