Thought about Death

during the past few days, i have been thinking about our mortality... yeah that's our final resting place... that's one thing sure - we will all die in the end.... but we die in many different ways... we can die naturally, or by accident, through a serious illness, or it can be from a disease... we can die peacefully, we can die violently... we can die useless, we can die with a lot of meanings.... and i think there's many more ways to die.... 
 
perhaps i write this to become my "will and testament"... 
that in case... 
1) i become sick with decease that my thinking is affected and i cannot recognize reality, i would rather die... i will plea to die... 
2) if i'm stuck with a sickness but some of my senses are still functioning, i would continue living... i think it's difficult to overcome a disability... but it's worth the reason to live... 
3) if i am sick and my mental and physical situation cause burden to my love ones, i will plea to die.... oohh, would that be possible.... 
4) if i die, perhaps, i would like to be burned... given the availability of money .... if not, the usual process will do... 
 
5) before i die, i would like to have peace to those i have caused pains... 
6) before i die, i would like to be happy in what i do.... 
 
hahaha, that's why perhaps, i am so motivated to do what i want... because i am doing no. 5 and 6 already.... 
 
yeah living a full life is difficult.... 
 
my mother: 
> due to her belief on "quack doctors" rather than real doctors, perhaps that's why she got sick... 
> due to her neglect on giving herself, her body, some pleasure and caring, she got easily sick... 
> it could be hereditary, and that's the time bomb we have to live with... i am talking about her aneurisym 
> because she don't want to fight it, she could easily slip out and die....  
> because of poor education (high school only), she was not able to know what good or not good for her body... what the heck, even educated people neglect the good things about their body. 
 
now, i look at the people who will be around when you get sick.... 
it's the people whom you have been good to and they reciprocate... 
because sometimes, even if you have been good to them, they just don't know how to return that care.... 
so i asked myself... 
who will gonna take care of me when i get seriously sick? 
...angel? 
...my parents? 
...my brother and sister? 
 
i dont know... perhaps angel will be there.... 
and obligatory, my family will be there too.... 
friends like alma will be there also, that's for sure.... 
 
now, this where spirituality comes in.... 
in times like this, people need an invisible hand that would help them.... 
faith healing... that's what some call it.... 
spirituality helps people to set a clear direction in life.... 
and it will always keep us standing even though you feel like falling apart.... 
 
oh boy.... 
i hope and pray... 
i'll always be strong....

last modified Sep 17, 2002 at 10:18

[ add a comment ] smilies ::