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Website of the Week
For those who are gluttons for listening punishment, here is my official myspace musician page.
Local Pump Price of Unleaded Gasoline:
$3.52/gallon
Price Per Barrel of Oil:
$125.96 (previously $107.90)
last modified May 11, 2008 at 18:16
I want to officially welcome to the world of blogging my brother James. His blog is entitled Carpe Diem (he assures me that he plans to restore the proper glory to the phrase as it has been misappropriated and muddied by motivational speakers, valedictorians, smarty-pants H.S. English teachers, and the like).
That whereas I live in a southern state,
Whereas in that state are billions upon billions of mosquitos,
Whereas these mosquitos like to feast upon human blood,
Whereas I have been forced to wear Deep Woods Off mosquito repellant,
Whereas said mosquitos have developed a resistance to said repellant,
Whereas my children love to play outside,
Whereas my children have myriads of bites,
Whereas it has become quite unpleasant for children to go outside,
Whereas children must stay inside the house,
Whereas said children bounce off walls,
Whereas bouncing off walls causes the breaking of things,
Whereas these "things" cost money to replace,
Whereas money is a valuable commodity.
Be it therefore resolved that:
1. Mosquitos must die.
2. Said mosquitos must die quickly and painfully.
3. The government must quit using the pansy mosquito killing stuff.
4. The government must break out a can of whupping and legalize the "good stuff"
5. Bring on the DDT.
That's what you are, if you are not reading on a daily basis James Taranto's Best of the Web.
Just looking out for my peeps.
By the way, yesterday Mr. Taranto links to one of the funniest sites I've seen in a while, The Dialectizer. It translates passages and/or websites into the "dialects" of Redneck, Jive, the Swedish Chef, to name a few. Check out the dialectization of Abraham Lincoln's Gettysberg Address (into Redneck, of course):
Four sco'e an' seven years ago our Pappys brought fo'th on this hyar continent, a noo nashun, cornceived in Liberty, an' dedicated t'th' proposishun thet all min are created equal, ah reckon. Now we is engaged in a great civil war, testin' whether thet nashun, o' enny nashun so cornceived an' so dedicated, kin long indure. We is met on a great battle field of thet war. We haf come t'dedicut a po'shun of thet field, as a final restin' place fo' them who hyar gave their lives thet thet nashun might live. It is altogither fittin' an' right thet we sh'd does this. But, in a larger sense, we kin not dedicate—we kin not cornsecrate—we kin not haller—this groun'. Th' brave men, livin' an' daid, who struggled hyar, haf consecrated it, far above our pore power t'add o' detrack. Th' wo'ld will li'l note, no' long remember whut we say hyar, but it kin nevah fo'git whut they did hyar. It is fo' us th' livin', rather, t'be dedicated hyar t'th' unfinished wawk which they who fought hyar haf thus far so nobly advanced, cuss it all t' tarnation. It is rather fo' us t'be hyar dedicated t'th' great tax remainin' befo'e us — thet fum these hono'ed daid we take increased devoshun t'thet cuz fo' which they gave th' last full measure of devoshun — thet we hyar highly resolve thet these daid shall not haf died in vain — thet this hyar nashun, unner God, shall haf a noo birth of freedom — an' thet govment of th' varmints, by th' varmints, fo' th' varmints, shall not perish fum th' earth.
It's got Andy Garcia in it. Anyone heard anything about it?
Tom and Katie have had their baby and the wits at the corner have not failed to provide appropriate commentary:
Warren Bell: Preliminary tests indicate it's a human.
John Podhoretz: SURI CRUISE - That's the baby's name. Wonder how they came up with that unusual first name? Chop the C and the E off Cruise and do a little jumble with the letters. Tom Cruise is a FREAK.
Me: C'mon, guys! You're being too hard on the guy. He might just be suffering indigestion from his avowed post-delivery meal...
Also, for the morbidly curious, here is a list of other famous Scientologists:
John Travolta
Kirstie Alley (Cheers)
Sonny Bono
Nancy Cartwright (voice of Bart Simpson)
Jenna Elfman
Isaac Hayes (voice of Chef on Southpark)
Chaka Khan
Jason Lee
Lisa Marie Presley
Patrick Swayze
Greta Van Susteren
and many more. Wow, nuts.
UPDATE: Interesting Slate piece on L. Ron Hubbard here.
“Don't say things. What you are stands over you the while, and thunders so that I cannot hear what you say to the contrary.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Snippet of conversation held with my kids while driving to church on Sunday:
(Seeing Hwy 19 sign) J: Speed limit's 91 m.p.h., Dad!
Me: Okay, great, buddy!
G (obviously distressed): Dad, he's wrong. I'm serious!! Don't believe him!
Tomorrow is being hyped up as another Mexican protest day whose theme derives in part from the movie A Day Without A Mexican. On this day, at least according to a flyer written in Spanish that was passed around our plant, Hispanic employees are encouraged to miss work and to avoid commerce of any kind, such as frequenting restaurants, supermarkets, movie theaters, etc.
Our workforce is largely Hispanic at our plant, so if all our Hispanic employees miss tomorrow, we will not be able to run at full capacity. We will have to make due without them, but I wonder if those missing work realize that while making a point, they are doing irreparable damage to their cause.
Those employees who are already resentful of the Hispanic workforce will now feel vindicated in their suspicions that the Hispanics are not working here legally. This feeling will also be felt across the communities in the Western and Southern states that are seeing the massive influx of Mexican Hispanics.
The other damaging aspect of this day comes directly from the protests themselves. From what I've seen of these protests (and what has been broadcast through much of the blogosphere), many of the protesters are proudly touting the flag of Mexico or, worse still, degrading the American flag by flying it beneath the Mexican flag or upside down. This will not win national sympathy to the plight of the illegals.
So, sit back, hang tight, and let's see how this all works out. If business shuts down tomorrow, there might not be much else to do.
You have to admire many of the churches in this state for their uncanny ability to condense whole theological treatises into memorable one-liners.
Seen yesterday on a sign outside a small country church:
When the Devil comes a knockin', send Jesus to the door.
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