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¤H.D.U poems | My Thoughts, £o₪εĐεv!£¤
Mar 2008
lots of people out there, non as close as you
i guess you made me sorry
but what the fuck was i doing
not learning a thing
guess i should know better
after years of speaking to you
but the silence was too far spoken
and i cracked under pressure
should have listened to my heart
not the stupid blinding headache
fuck me and my studpid poetry
fuck me and my fear of dying
fuck me and my never letting go
fuck me and yours truely
never to set foot again
going to end my life one more time
i need to stop seeing
i need to change my face
i need to tell you no
or yes, which ever one you see fit
because i owe you my life
Jan 2008
delete
hello
sorry
maybe
funny
challenge
my brain
to a story
what's the matter
fucking
stupid
just forgetting
my self
again
ok you
make me
laugh
but you should
make me
sorry
Jul 2007
for you freaky god
im sorry;. sorry.. just sorry
looking out towards the stars
looking out in the eyes of the sun
i'm sorry for whatever i become
my friend... or person i've yet to comprehend
i'm terribly sorrry.. or drunk, i'm not sure
through it all..
i want to know.. i f you'd like to say hi.
and meet me one day
under the sky
under it all
beneath the skin and bone
end it all.
for us to be unique
and forget the past
this test. we deserve the best
and kiss our palms through it all
...
i miss you.
mel
Feb 2007
something wrong
what can i say.. nothing good.
i like you when you sit in a corner
maybe thats all i need you to hear
when your crying out to me
where is the last man's compassion
where is the heart he laid out before the king
this place is better dead and then
i scream in panic, i scream for you again
i make my way down the alley way
i ask again... where is the last man's compassion
i had needed you before my fall...
but then i remembered a hatefull truth
that you and i do not coexist
that you and i aren't companions
aren't peacefull with eachtother...
we are crossed path children
you showed me it each time
but i forgot, oh i forgot
i lost my heart to you
Feb 2007
my song
Damaged. Beaten down poor.
Who am I to say.
Who am I to say.
Bleeding. My broken door.
What am I to do.
What am I to do.
When... its the end...
oh when... its the end...
What am I to say...
to you
Jan 2007
An ode to Six
Respect decisions
Study in colors
I unearth my mind
On the floor, with others
I love the feel of a damaged page
Underneath unwavering sage
I suffer through the ignorance
Passing the time in patience
Beneath this belligerence
I move to a stagnant vociferous
I am the key to the end
Of a long filled almanac
I am the key to death
Of the free lived fool
Yes, I persist to contest
Doubt and fear
slandering sheer
Dec 2006
tomorrow. today. what's the difference
i no longer need them, their faces
we no longer need you, your beauty
desguise yourself a true colour
desguise this youth a folly
die in shame. undeserving.
die in mockery. unpleasing.
eyes
a loss so hungry umongst her soul
pieces poured into her unknowingly
she only wanted a friend to touch
to speak in tounges of laughter
she. wanted nothing but a hand that held
he. wanted nothing but eyes that bled
the pieces folded so. yes a master board game set for her
for the world. for the stars umongst their time
a master board game. he played her so easily
everytime. everytime.
-she didnt care. she smiled and nodded his way
now its a smoke and a tear that sets them apart.
-he doesnt care. she bleeding for each day.
not for the hand that held.
but for the eyes that set them apart.
a tune set too higly different
unwanted. bruised to corruption
whats the point? but eyes
whats the point? but the bleeding
Mar 2006
all around the bay and back
i understand the reasons
i understand the wrongs
i understand the beginnings
i understand the songs
i went to work for a nation
i bled the cold and ceiling
i found the mockery building
i heard a child once laughing
i drove the nail in deeper
i proved. i escaped your fingers
and now i know the truth
it was all about you until
the missing profile left me
becoming the rents picking line
i forgot the reason
trying to hold on
still living in a child's messed up way
to what she store inside
yet filling her day
she does something real
with all her sorries untamed
crying out loud to her ignorant lays
she sees her mistakes
but fears to let go
only can one day kill
another away so slow
but she'll keep holding on
with a true love by her side
treading a water
she found too well high
a girl. in a world. of lost hopes and dreams.
she at least sees a future.
the only one. and him.
so perfect in the moments
so far from younger pride
be true to a pact so forgiving
and love so unrulling
it favours beauty kisses
and friendly behaviour.
trust in unholly powers
guiding our lasting fathers
making peace with the resting brothers
and judging mothers
we are the kids of a world of equality
just finding out
the payment when you finally see
the world and its beauty
Mar 2006
building a new view
Know thy formalities.
Know an old friend.
Know a changing moment.
And Two and Then.
salutation. from a nation.
in disguise
pleased and thank you. have you met him.
abord a bright filled sky.
no i havent. left a marker.
proud to be the beauty statue.
no i havent. been. dear mother.
too hurt to love another.
it was you and him forever
it was you. no doubt a lyer.
it was you that fed the lies
it was you a pounding headache.
it was him being louder
then you holding wrongs
both tired of pure laughter
and damaging songs
you went to work
you went to work
no. you didnt mean to finish
no. you didnt yell stop
no. there was no reason
for Pepsi to spill and drop
Coca-Cola products
now here to stay
Coca-Cola products
found in everyday
Behind a lonely child
Behind a walk to school
Behind an old man
Who earlier saved you
Broken. Bandaged. and Sold.
This world speaks clear to you.
You found another. Got Right. GO TRUE.
just saying you peeled easy.
just saying you went queezy.
heard you found a way out tho
unconventional and pleasing.
but no way out now.
from a broken cup.
only to slither in between
a kid scared shut. and cut.
deep down to find the you and him
brought attention lack of affection
leaked out by sin
you held the other so close.
and barred fences around me.
if i had chances to repeat it.
id scream louder and fead it.
into your throats and faces.
down. so close to your masks.
with a cold. cave. click.
killing your values right on task
with a shoot. stained daughter.
still sailing away.
xCross the door and valley
xCross to the old and bitter
xCross to your thoughts unholly
xCross to your neighbours' folly
Battered chair and tattered hearts.
Understand the Unnecessary
And continue to love and bury
the forgotten. cold. and hungry
so heres to better joys in life.
ill sing my song for you.
i forgot my dementia.
but ill remember the days proved.
a world of open windows.
but still it brought me along.
just thinking of pillars.
i'll have it ring around.
and build my character deeper.
along a sound in tune.
seeing my voice sweater.
in sections and in health.
ill make hearts of us all.
stopping this now.
forever and always.
ending this
N
o
w
Mar 2006
Lessons .
sorry witholds the jailhouse glory
never meant to break this unsailed story
followed closely to the end of pleases
nothing left but a mock soar sleasing
waiting for a girl worth knowing
seeing a guy chances more in cloathing?
no. maybe yes. i digress, id like to think again...
hearing a sound, more out loud,speak of that again...
i see him, so unique and fully so to speak
so silly and profound , he gets me in around
so close to the ground, down town, on a bus, in a hurry
just listen up, screaming louder, is my fuery
so closlely to deranged
to wear this rhyming foul unquenched,
to the test of knowlege's finest best
I let it die
let it go
let it breathe in and let it slow
let it sink in. that im just one.
let it be. that. what it may
let it breathe in just another
so you fill your eyes with hate
..
let it mold you. to the bottom.
let it feed you. to the lake.
let it change you like no other
so you come back a little late
Mar 2006
Trick Bombing
i live in a shoe, and theres no way out?
i keep burning asside more the folding hours
not knowing why the killed two hit tours
i keep pestering my left brain to fill the power
till theres nothing left of this, way out
ill breathe in the morning's air and find a better route
till theres nothing left of this, two way stop
ill hold on tight so we end up on top
why am i here?to whitness the end of nothingness
this fortitude, i must prevail
yet still... i fall empty to this mock-car fuelled story
where i sail into the abiss-amal fairy
nothing is, not a stone or tragedy
not this feeling i have followed or boken
can make or brake what i've finally swallowed
or grab my attention defficit desorder
jab me down into my throat in ord3r
to see the world clearly, in its glory and fawly
in understanding what got poor molly
to find what it is, that brings me back
in order to fill what i lack
and making sure i aint wack
i bring it fat, wreckin the chance i got,
so sleek and bare, is my two way radio
to my head, heart and whatever else i start
damn if i aint, damn if i keep
damn if im me, damn if i let sleep
damn if i stop, damn if i go
damn if i say.. d'man is the damn 'n ho'
so thats my everyday
seeing the black, white and red
knowing the world is widlely known
to be stuck - silly string in bed
so keep it commin
till im ready to let go
i'll iLL my way to the top
i'll blow the shocks off your rooftop
countin the change that i got
never kissing a cop
sittin at a stop sign block
but he'll feel what i got
when i stare at his cock - and bullshit
makin my way through the police foundation
ill cock and pull it
till im done with'em
ill show them more then some of em'
can ever sense or bare it
...
Mar 2006
---> i hate writing... i rather just LEAVE!!! GO AWAY!! TRAVEL!! DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT!!
---> maybe one day?
change this wreck
waiting... for something to grab me..
waiting ... for a chance of redemption ---
... wanting ... to leave myself behind...
... wanting to be set free...
against yourself
against this thing
against this youth
that breaks its wings
under it all
under its faith
under the lies
of everyday
Mar 2006
Underground Prevails
Dear Mr whatshisface
I can remember
No. Mr whatshisface
I do not surrender
If forgiveness is given.. mr face it
Might we all breathe sick and ill
mr. fake it, If love is in heaven
Do we all burn here in hell
I can remember
all the times
i poored my soul inside
numb like paint to pavement
i left rolling outside
no i cannot surrender
no. not this time
reflection standing still
in this rain faded mind
known as friend
barred indoors by cops
no i cannot surrender
behind pointed lies
proud to say no
in the symbol you wore
proud to stand up
for the right
to say yes
to defend what it is
you and i believe lives
even in colors
in screaming dreams
in ends that were
and tunes that seam
endlessly burning
my soul feared fowl
in a time of our own
left burning,
end this pain of guns and fire
end the proud, snugg on riches
end this fear of letting go
end all labels, preventing love
end the war we continue to feed
end it please.
now facing the night
we see the changing light
of lighters, following a sound
that speaks the language of soul
baring the name of music
our nation's anthem breaks song
unspoken to the world
never feared to be realized
or unheard of
this is the underground
comming back up
ruckus on live, living alive
and throwing it up
wheels spinning tight
a noose around my neck
and where am i left
but burried umongst the dead
Mar 2006
a place of youth and heck
A night is trying to break free
and now is the time for you to breathe
Waking down the alley, cold
Fog surrounding the empty hole
that was left of you and me
No i never meant to be this way
I tried to let you in on the plan
That I'll continue to make mistakes
Until im ready to get old and die
why was it my fault to fade
when you screamed at me to let go
was it me who pealed away
or peared too close to the emptiness inside
so i go.
no where so far.
yes again. i go nowhere.
but feeling a second place.
against your thoughts and dreams
im the girl of a sensless existance
setting your family in worse condition
im the foul and meal
for each rabbit foot
older. girl. still making it work
after a plastic day
in a plastic world
but i'll forgive her
Feeling Like A French Fry
Read me my rights again
I didnt get the first part
Was it the thought of solem regret
Some may think of you against
Prison folded you twice and then
Filmed, neglected, and punished ohh
Why were those the factors left
Functioning seconds in the war
Bleeding a thunderous sound in definite
against yourself
against it all
you again follow your sound
not knowing why it were true
that a fake was inside you
and your father hear's your call
while your mother sings along
its nothing out of place
its when ignorance is a bliss
like when life couldnt get, any fuckin beter then this
its life entertwined
basically messed inside it all
what the hell
break me out inside this shell
go!
hey.
some think me as moments caused
not rightly folded or perfectly bruised
well we all know what to do with them hoodlems
do .do dododo .. do do dododo do. do.
goodnight
Dec 2005
intranced. in a new conception.
.
Dec 2005
My Child
I'm disappearing for a reason
I'm fading away... to give this a say of Remembrance
no man's land found a job today
River stick men just pulling me in
Walking down the streets
Where we laid down our feet
Yeah... I'm disappearing for a reason
It's not like you can hear me
So none stop feeling,
down and out falling
Yet still
I remember
Working for this mad man of pleasure sands
My pebbles waste away; making their way to an end
Destruction lying ahead; for this feild faded child
What is now left; is the death mark in denial
But I remember
no man's land found a job today
River stick men just pulling me in
Living for a path inside the wall
Recked out from the ball and chain
Passing out from my tortured sailing
I'm just a girl, lost without translation
But still I remember
I'm disappearing for a reason
Dec 2005
A Pest
Don't forget
Who you are
Don't forget
Rage and Love
Sometimes the water breaks
Sometimes I drown in lakes
But I keep comming up
So I lie dead awake
Making sure I'm alive
I drown in wakes
Making sure I'm breathing
I fold my map in keep sake
I walk this way
For my soul to stay
And I'm still here
Killing the day
Dec 2005
Before I Go
I would erase my name
If it broke on through
If I say one more thing
I might just get to you
I would hide away
If I could stay in my room
But for now I'll just sing my tune
So i'll pull this trigger
Let it squeeze tight
Make sure its me not you
Sounds fake. so I let it go
Im sorry now. But at least you know
Some things dont last
Even when you need it most
Its life and death
rolled into one
A mistake
That you Cant defend
A heartbreak
From your highschool friend
A dream
That was good and bad
But your sad
Cuz the good dont last
And your mad
Cuz they can't understand
This thing.
that eats you inside
This thing.
impossible to hide.
me.you.gone.
my chest lies dead
under my cloak and breast
under this vale i've kept
where no one else has slept
no matter what i've done
to keep my lungs from wrongs
i fall out. mess up. and keep spitten out
it's what i've done
it's what gets me gone
it's letting go.
when you're too far left.
i'm in the middle from right but damn
cant believe how you smuggled me
and damn
cant believe how i miss your kisses oooou
cant believe how i wish this over
boo? been a long time
since i heard it spoken
boo? doesn't it seem forever broken
i guess it was my turn to be held frozen
but do you think so yes.
you might not hurt more then you say more.
but dont' you know about this test?
just say more. t'ill you understand more.
but i wont. cuz too many factors.
not enough greens with the reds.
because you break another piece off.
and you let off, a sentimental bullshit
that i cant hear.
so its ups and downs i fear
for me again .. over hear
its time to see the music
and feel the pain
love will come back again
so no going back.
no showing face.
no letting it win.
no pressuring.
because i am in a cosmic universe
my heart yearning for a long escape
i sit. i rhyme. i meditate.
and its my heart broken that i portray
so its one nudge to the left again
Green Day songs up and send
Through my eyes do they bleed
for their hearts once again
No More Hate: I need to write (sorry) Just need to think
in and out
i know what you must think
but you don't know what this is
i might yell, i might kick and scream
but you dont know what this is
i might sound phsychotic
and you probably hate this
but this isn't me
i am a drone, living for short days
because i need something more
i need a hand to hold
i need a breath of fresh air
but i sink down deep and get lost in the fog
because of this, because of the life a led
it might be worse, but it can get better
at least now i know the real world
at least now, i'm not afraid to get hurt
because of this, because of the way i cared
its something real, like emptiness now
without it, i wouldn't be alive
just need to find it again
to live in the light again
Nov 2005
A Dragon's Fire
You turn me to hate
In a world of sin
Don't believe in the '†' thats there
With HIS hands clasped around nails
Iniside a world of pure despise
It is you that made this dragon
Because I hid the rest of me
And I hide again the truth
No longer caring, no longer wanting to live
And you could never understand
Your feeding hands are dry
And you burn the good in me
For you made
The end with me
Nov 2005
My Resting Place In The Fire
A dangerous green day
Made wrong in so many ways
Sketch up my rhyme and quick
No more lies, just flick the bic
Hold it up hold it down inside
Make sure to light up your fire
Do as they don’t, in the church or quire
Steal a sign, or some lynching wire
Run around, in the rain, just laughing
Peal away like the moon, gone hiding
Burn your tears, as coal keeps digging
Find the you: the one been missing
No need for lynch
You’ve finally stopped now
Keep on the search
Cuz’ this isn’t over now
Find a way out
Out of this burning building
Fly up and about
Like the one still yearning
Be the one to jump
To have strength and keep going
Right outside this placement dump
Just to feel your heart blazing,
Slay the night. My chest is healing
This angel of death keeps his hand killing
So my pain has a different ring
And I'm blue and naked,
In the chocking chair
Still waiting
To disappear
Outside my dreams and fears
My skull and bones
Just leave me
Just a green day worth mentioning
Nov 2005
a jocky's wife
a heartless being with a will
is hidden away from her true self
the very same that makes her unique
changing all her eternal personas
kept from laughter, joy, and true love
because you were never the one ,
to build my character,
not even the one to understand
Just some brand name child, pulling away
leaving behind only guilt and ugliness
for me to look after and dispise
for many years have i forgotten
the very same feelings i had
some say it may be because ur a guy
or even wost, a jocky
but the same shit applies
ur always the same old ralphy
.one.street.over
so it begins.. my old friend
im just a pillar
of a nice little statued mother
so i kieep waiting now
just a nother day has gone
why cant i just be alone
in a world where im aloud
being a friend of pennylane
Nov 2005
Freez Frame
let me just take a minute
as I turn up the base and music
as I rip another wall stone free
to rid myself clean
no. .. i can't help
to hear myself bleed
just gone for a minute, its ok
my cold hand blue, still torture true
where I fear it will pound and break on through
making its way to the heart end chest
back to my childhood mess
no memmories can make it better
no picture frame can stop these tears
even if I fill them all with laughter
because my album still holds the truth
that I am trapped inside the pages
and my face holds the proof
that I live a life worth erasing
holding a knife that stabs my placing
because I see the brass and clay
the smoke of darkness in each day
no. .. i can't help
to hear myself bleed
its who I am.. its who i've always been
Nov 2005
I Wish This Fake Love Wasn't Real
Too bad that Im facing my desert life
A danger zone filling these walls
NO . NO. NO. it doesnt let it die
Too inocent to let it go
Things burn down and bended alive
Breaking pokes to the broken self
Fucked up in the minds of the other
Fucked up to the world and it's mother
No i'm not your godchild
No i am not the one you call a friend
No i do not fill your needs
It's like i'm on a killing spree
Free to build a tattered child
Down beneath a fickel core
So I build a danger zone
IN a FuCked up room in blues
Greens and Painted kitchen sinks
When these feet touch the floor
I thank god I'm alive
But with that I puke on the floor
IN the sink and Down the line
I'm birthed inside a woom
Knowing nothing but the inside world
Black. Red. Blues. and Greens.
Like living inside nature's bed
Inside a fearfull brand of trees
Harvesting over the skies, the moon and bellows
Why do they make themselves believe
They are the ones to fear the lived
The pillered soul do they possess
A soul to carry their undead
A hole in their chest
Grapping a thunderous hook
At the roofs of their own tough
To the top of their lungs
Insight the fall
Forming a spiral staircase
Right beneath the hell
Where they always meat
Making this child a freak
Stabbed. Wounded. FREAK.
Pulled a chambered tourtured masacre
And it was I, who hung on the wall
It was I. That of me. Stuck on the wall.
With my skin turned. To a naked eyeball.
My flesh removed, My veins just naked Fuck.
The Blead. The Blues. The Reds. The Darks. The Evil Marks.
I need the night to stop it's search.
To stop the light in my eyes.
When I ascape this prison break
Just intime to take what was left of me.
I fill my mind with the broken ashes
Letting the light turn in different flashes
My breath yearning a genie's air
I go to trips. I feel the beet and air.
I feel the heavy Light break free.
I feel the bases' solo pound in me.
It is the last end straw.
I scream GOODByE!
Goodbye.Goddbye
Goodbye.God...
Care? That I'm dead.
Clutch of Love
Hating something so cruel
All the memories that fold
Anything beter would sufice
But these thoughts keep like mould
A test of wills and strength
Being put through hell
Being banished from the world
Sent through emediate peril
All for what? This pain put upon?
A coldness so damned
A chilling torture suicide tail
But we come home
Even with hearts filled with ashes
Remember this :
No end will come of this
Our tears break down
Our love dies with
For we ladies of the north
And back around
Know where the truth lies
Where the most powerful magics do occure
Another blow dies hard
And it is my breast that breaks the beat
Nurturing the spawn that spreads
It is I who will pay the vengance
And with a lasting knowledge
Risk The Pain
The Hurt, The Suffering
All of which form my end
After years of hardship
As it is our love
That borns within the darkness