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¤H.D.U poems | My Thoughts, £o₪εĐεv!£¤
Nov 2004
Silent Lovers
What's inside the girl knocks heavily on the door
The thing that hits her another-over wants to break free
Wanting more
The person on the other-side keeps listening within
Ear to her heart, what else can be better
What else could he possibly wish for then her
He knows the soul she carries is more then everything
But what consumes him speechless, is the beautiful deep seas he looks into every night
Crystals of life that deepen his love for her, and of her angel-white light
What he doesn't know, is that... the angel of his, is more in love with him
Then the overwhelming love, God has for his children
She only prays, God willingly, for her soul, her wings
That she can only kiss him, his lips... she sings
A mortal man, non other, knows nothing of this
With a heavenly voice, she sings even louder, but each note falls towards an unearthly abyss
Trapped in a world, trying to speak the language of love
All come out as wispers, like painted stars above
A devine tranquility hushes over, as the soft echoes of a bell enter the mindst of those hours
Sweet cherrished moments are made every night; holding them together as everlasting lovers
And there lies a bright new moon to cover the sky as they fall asleep
Where they dream of their life and their love so deep
So after each day, they fall to this rite of warmth
His angel in his arms
Her saviour in hers
Lost in the feeling they have for each other
Lost in the passion of their silent murmurs
Nov 2004
Her Shattered Mind
One wall two wrists
Addicted to pain
In the light
Addicted to darkness
Shutting the world
Alone she sits
There she is no longer
She keeps a band
Upon her wrist
It turns a blood red color
Rushing pain keeps her sane
Reminding her how to feel the emotion
Reminding her the time she held
The broken glass
____Of her shattered ocean
Some days it’s harder then others
But she is reminded Again and Again
She's Trying Not To Cry
Slumber in the mirror
The pain mocks her
Knowing she must die
Snapshots sinking in
Breaking in every hit
Like tape the rubber-band holds her
Now she understands she must continue
As she falls even further
Closing her eyes one last time
To loose herself in NEVERland
Her hands together
Clasped in prayer
Tied by her rubber-band
Nov 2004
This Is Our Forever
I never understood what you meant
When you said…
Always and Forever
I never understood the time you said
I don’t just love you; I’m in love with you
From now until Forever
It seemed love was all make belief
Something I could never feel
It was like I was trapped stuck beneath
I was missing in the seal
But then you came out from below
Saving me and all that I’m worth
And all you did was play at the show
Your Promise Land was my music mirth
It amazes me
"I no longer fear the pain"
This is me, my all, loving all of you
Because… now I know
"what we have is everything"
It will always be there
And now… you know...
“I see our Forever too”
What It Is
I’m telling it like it is
I am being straight forward
I love you is what it is
And it will never be lowered
I might have said this before
It might have sounded all the same
But the truth is I love you even more
It’ll never be the same
You know me more then any other
You know my faults, just as much as my goods
And still you keep coming;
Always you are my other
The one I’ll never stop loving
Nov 2004
The Voice over the Fiddle
Darkness always there, in my eyes, red revolving
Then your voice becomes my safe place
And I run, I escape from reality’s pain
Where everything fits in a box case
Through me no longer vain
No matter the beauty that is you
This mind is forever a stain
Trapped as wine in a glass
I am the candy store item he chose to attain
His show-and-tell for the universe and it's entire class
See my strings; see my compassion, my spirit
God’s twine from his fiddle
Keeps playing through my hands
It’s turning into a sequel
I am the puppet in his plans
I set out under the light and below the darkness
Snipping gone wrong, these limbs slowly start to hang
The stage not built for this pawn
Begins to crumble away
My eyes fall back white to the final dark like spawn
And the voice resonates in you… as my new found day
Nov 2004
Lift Up Your Hands (Sit up)
Listen to the music
Just listen to it go
Listen to the rhythm
And how it makes you flow
The snare keeps on hitten’
It kicks in, you can’t stop
Finally its happen’n
Be-Bop’s there SO DONT U DARE!
Try and stop
So lift your hands up
Lift them up yawl! Lift them up up!
Ya that’s right yawl!
Sit, sit up, sit up! Sit, sit up!
Sit, sit up, sit up sit up… SIT UP! (2x)
The power of it swings
Going through you like a knife
It stabs you; cuts you
Like a jagged cut throat wife
Nothing’s different
It’s the same old song
Everything is different
Cuz’ you’re mentally gone
So lift up! your hands, lift up! your hands, lift up! your h-A-ands!
Lift up! your hands, lift up! your hands, lift up! your h-A-ands….
Its hard to control
The way the dance floor changes
Lighting up the faces
And the dead beets… that you know
Its hard to control
The way your booty waves your body moves
Look, it all simply proves
It’s your freedom… to let go
The way your head goes
Back and forth; Side to side
Don’t try and hide
It’s what you choose
You can’t loose
Just move your ass
And take a chance
Just let yourself go
Make yourself dance
Move yourself slow
Move yourself fast
So lift your hands up
Lift them up yawl! Lift them up up! Lift them up up!
Ya that’s right yawl!
Sit, sit up sit up! Sit, sit up!
So lift your h-A-ands... Lift your h-A-ands, lift your h-A-ands
Take yourself UP! Take yourself UP! Take a ch-A-ance…
Just lift up! yourself... Lift up! yourself...
Lift yourself up!
Just lift up! your h-A-ands…
Lift up your hands.
Nov 2004
Inside I Scream My Winter's Cold
Winters coming
I can feel it
Every minute
Storms controlling
There are things I can’t share
Things I cannot bare
Weather under my coat
Under my skin
Choking my throat
But when
Winters here
Blowing through my heart
It pierces my eyes
Scolding me blind
A piercing darkness
In my soul
The burning torch
Killing me cold
Red-blooded shirt
Standing numb; standing weak
In this chequered faded skirt
It’s raining downwards now
A hard, icy snow
The winds wounded cry
Is a plead
Towards the sky
Praying for an angel
One to help me stand
One to hold my hand
To lead me
To the light
After the tunnel
I fight
This gun to my head
Is the one
To put me down
Finally; to bed
I fall
Nov 2004
My Letter (pt2): Where My Mind Takes Me
In the past four months… my whole life has gone by.
I’ve seen new places, met new people, and even dated a few times.
I’ve interacted with people, not something I’m known to do, and made new friends.
But it all comes down to the friends I lost, the ones who can’t be replaced.
I tried to live, basically pouring my soul into those around me, hoping that everything in life will be ok,
but all in all it seems the world has gotten the best of me.
I’m not one bit smarter, not one bit wittier or stronger.
I sit here trying not to cry.
I sit here wondering why I am the way I am.
I still drive down the same streets of my childhood, still slowing down when I pass my best-friend’s place…
or at least where she used to live.
I still stare out the window across the street, looking into the empty house where my other,
very close friend, of whom I knew at age two,
had once open her door to me in a manner that could not remotely be explained.
It seems that it’s not only loosing the friends you trusted that hurts the most…
its loosing the trust you gave.
It’s loosing the life you lived and the life you’ll never live again.
It’s trying to replace it, trying to build another, which seems impeccable, impossible… unreachable.
It’s growing up.
But what if what you thought, was the best time of your life,
nothing close to just right. What if you knew all along that you were unable to feel happy?
Because I know I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t at all what you call “perfect”.
My mind just blames the lost of my childhood for this unhappiness I carry.
But I wasn’t happy before all of this.
I still cry.
I still cry.
I still shut out the people in my life. I still give up when times get tough. I’m still a failure.
I think maybe I can just take another year to figure what I’ll do in life.
But in truth, it’s to figure what I’m doing in life now.
I’m not thinking of the future, I’m not thinking at all.
I daydream. About nothing really, I just sit there, wondering...
Why the desk smells the way it smells. What the girl in the hallway is thinking of.
Why her face seemed like she felt pain.
Why no one noticed her the way I noticed her at that very moment.
How life seems like its going so fast, but when I day dream, looking at the faces, everything stops.
Because life grows inside a person, inside every single person around a room, a bus, a hallway.
My dreams aren’t expected to make sense. They just fly around, unwinding the way they do.
And then I wake up again, to a pile of homework and shit I’m supposed to sort.
But all I want to do is go back to sleep. Go back to the faces.
Study there every move because it fascinates me… it helps me forget the life I live.
To forget the emptiness I feel when I sit and stare at the open book, or, in my case, the closed one, that,
to flip another page, is never … it never … turns…
I just daydream.
Nov 2004
Take the Match: The Burning Flame
Where are these hands?
Wasting away, with nothing to do
Feeling nothing
Living burnt blue
Hope is everything
Pray to carry on
Life starts to get to you
Where is the golden sun?
Charging the fire
Slowly fading away
Sick of holding on
The burning flame
Blow out
___the candle
With cold hands
Blow out
___the candle
With the palm, burnt sands
No more fire in your eyes
The black wick stands still
Your winters breath has left
Along with the warming pill
The dark sets in
Taking the heart of life
Cateyes surround the room
Stealing essence at sight
Charging the fire
Slowly fading away
Sick of holding on
The burning flame
The pain had left
Filling the voiding mess
Head down completly drowned
In the puddle never less
Charging the fire again
Slowly fading away
Sick of holding on
The burning flame
Take the match.
___To the candle
Breath in
And out
Dont blow out
Take the match.
___To the candle
Light it up
Light up your life
The hero that you are
Will return
The fire can never die
For it stays there to burn
Scars can fade
They can fade away
But it bleeds and burns
From day to day
Charging the fire
Slowly fading away
Sick of holding on
The burning flame
Where the match lies
Is yours to take
Inside your palm
Is yours to make
Look down
Its your chance to choose
To light the fire
Or die and loose