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¤H.D.U poems | My Thoughts, £o₪εĐεv!£¤
Sep 2004
Fear Takes Hold
Nervousness creeps along my body
Amid the contemplation, and essence of me
Leaving these unwanted goose-bumps
For all those blind to see
My fear has finally struck;
This sovereign world I have built
Is narrowly falling apart
For t’is the title, of my overwhelming guilt
Here I am, scared to wits end
Watching my Empire crumble to the ground
Watching the fog; what I have held so close
Break apart; breaking me;
It appears defying my bound...
And you are there
Sep 2004
Empty
I open my eyes
Everything around me unfamiliar
A white room containing objects, I do not desire
It is Empty
Reflecting what I am
A clear ghost - nothing
What is there for me?
Never to fulfill my parents wishes
Not being able to see to my own goals
I am Empty
Nothing of mine is precious
Not my valuables
My weakness, my elegance
Maybe I can draw and be creative
Maybe I can smile
Perhaps I can make you laugh
Make you happy for an instant
No one will say, “I need you most”
I am bound never to succeed
My moment is gone;
Lost; Hell!!! it never happened
For I am filled with emptiness
And dullness
Only to feel tired
Holding on to nothing
For I am alone|
|Enola my virtue, my demise
For a tear sheds every inch of me
Into the darkness of the night
Forever to cry my soul… my empty
Sep 2004
Them
They belong to a group of most wanted
One day loved another hated
Most girls desire their friendship
All boys do is drool and worship
But underneath their perfect lives
Is a killer moth full of deception and lies
Is it true you must be cruel to be kind?
Following rules that deviate the mind
Do we all play in this game called reputation?
Living in a world of total indiscretion
Is this place bona fide?
Will we wash up as the unwanted tide?
As I sit next to those who I despise
I catch a glimpse into their insecure lives
Hearing them laugh at those “beneath”
I am repulsed of what exceeds their teeth
These vindictive daemons spellbind with their looks
The pure devil creatures you imagined in books
So I place Truth’s mirror in front of the beings from hell
In hopes those blinded can be broken from their spell
If ever I can trick the sinful monsters
Innocence will triumph over their blood-spattered daggers
Be safe from obscurity’s eternal flame
And finally see, Satan in their eyes… planning each hateful game
Fallen Angels
My tears are real and you look away
Fearing the truth, the pain, the sorrow
Never fixing them upon those abandoned
But here are my eyes burning more and more
At these fallen forms
Torn from our messages
And silent words
These blue-streamed roads
Can’t wash away
They trail behind the fallen angels
The ones who loose their way
Crawling from the heavens
Their eyes fixing towards downfall
Tumbling further along
Past the seraph like clouds
Far from where they belong
Further down they go
Never to come back home
They are the soulless bodies
Of our careless actions
Love children buried among tombs
Their broken wings turn to dust
Their hearts melt as one
Together they are the heralds of hell
Chained to her black like strings
They belong to this salient omen
Never to break the shackles of its torment
Sep 2004
Bound
This heavy heart I carry
Does not want to seize
It never stops controlling
Everything in between
From early childhood memories
My yesterday’s news
To today’s heartbreaks
And lonely afternoons
This pain travels into my stomach
Turning all entirely black
I sense the jaded beast taking over
Leaving me here in love’s attack
I think I hear my heart beating
It’s the first time in a while
Though it’s never bowls of wonderful
As I cry over a blue faded smile
This drug flows within my veins
Keeping me awake
I fight it knowing beneath it all
Lay fallen tears and heartache
This I know I am not wanted
I can never be the one
I’m not the person you turn to
And not the girl you call Hun
Sep 2004
No More Cries
It is hard to open up, yet… it's all I ever want
Every time I let you in
My world seems better again
I must admit… I do not know how to keep it up
When all I know... is alone
Therefore, in the mean time, I will try my best
I will not put you down; I will not let you suffer
Even when I am a mess of cries and wines
Your still there… so I won’t cry any longer
For I know you’re there
I will be someone you love
Without the ugly I have become
I will cover myself with this blanket of goodness
Covering all that is evil within
When you think of me… you will never think again
What a shameful bucket of pity I have become
When you remember me
You will not think of my devil inside
Instead you'll see me as someone strong
Someone you can depend on... forever… and more
Within the yearbook messages...
And recognizable images…
“I remember you”; You will say...
“Not one color of blue…”
Sep 2004
Come Back...
Bring it back now explode into space
To the place where you are, where I can see your face
Take me back to the time when we were alone
Where your eyes tore into mine and your smile was first shown
Rewind us back in slow motion to see what we missed
Show us our cries of laughter, our love before this pile of sorrow…
Go back when still life flew... go back... go back...
To the moment when we first kissed...
Turn them back; turn these faded pages past this lasting letter
Faith brought us together, and before we were ready… split us apart
So wind the hours back... let us refill love’s pond...
Where we can stay… in it’s everlastingly shelter
Come back... Make them come back!!!
These frozen images are cold; they don't exist
They haunt me as if they aren't apart of me any more
Go back when still life flew... go back... go back...
To the moment when we first kissed...
End the bitter sword that stings me… Oh! Bring him back… I need him now
I need him… now… more then ever… I need him now!
I ask you this, pleading through these remaining tears
Begging you beyond my strength, beyond my fears
Lashing out, I’m crying to you, I’m crying out loud…
I need you now!
I need you now…
Sep 2004
Him...
Holding my hands, I sense his warmth
My full intention falling all over
Staring into my eyes, he is looking into my soul
And softly whispers the words; "This feels right"
I smile at him with eager eyes
My thoughts leering in doubt and belief
Fearing he is the one... I inadvertently seek
Each breath weakens me as I race back and forth
Between my thoughts within, and my heart unknown
His words that fall from his mouth are effortless...
His timing, ever so slightly, perfect
Every eyes adheres the truth
That there upon my moonlit face
Are beauty queen smiles and laughs
Endlessly echoing in fantasy world...
In this beautiful design; we call bliss…
And which achieves timeless age, upon this unearthly surface
Sep 2004
Lonegirl...
Not even the fickle light
Can resist the temptation
To dream for the ends of darkness
The infinite rising sunset flight
A single open flow of summer breeze
Should exit through the walls that build
Yet here, among the weeping willows
Awaits this lonechild...
Only to know the valley of darkness
Which where she fades into nothingness
For all of eternity...
All of her windows are sealed
All that hang, are faded curtains
Allowing nothing to be seen
Through these empty; closed shudders
Holding high, is a jagged flag of armour
Blowing furiously in the wicked storm...
The wicked storm; She cannot escape its ferocity
Its angry vengeance rising
Continuing until she is forever sore
It holds no ideals of pain
It has neither soul, nor eyes to see
That there, upon her face... tears have slowly fallen down
And so, with each blow gathering up…
She is a magnitude of raw and unwanted sound
Uttermost insanity takes hold of this hidden girl
All she knows is what can never be shown
Her inner self...
A child, filled with endless means of shuddering cries
And so, this faceless statue stands up tall
Though below this veil of lies
Is a baby of woes
What forms within these empty shadows…
Are darkened raindrops falling between time's line
Where this ruler of clay, more dark and cold then ever before,
Is endlessly turning, a silver sprout
Into a lost and hungry, bellowing child...
Sep 2004
Haunting Through Me...
Alone, put to sleep; in danger to put myself to sleep
In search for the words that make there way
Only to realize... they never existed
They belong to the race of unknowns
To whom I can only share...
My shut closed, empty hidden world
Why is every moment unbearable?
Getting bigger… bigger, and bigger...
Making its own hollow hole
My eternal chamber, where I rest... alone... to sleep in slumber
To where dreams become the fields of deep blue
Always putting me under
Keeping me in depths of soil and tremble
Destroying me within every beat I feel
Each blow pains me, making it impossible to forget
For each bomb that drops
Creates a gap within
Where a seed is to be planted,
For a black spider to haunt me
Its ugliness gets to me. I am distraught.
And it continues crawling
Under my skin, into my dreams
It stays there beneath my winter
So that I can never escape its soulless anger
Sep 2004
She Awaits Among Us...
Yellow hills and roads that turn
Cary the buds of apprehension
Playing this slow motion movie of uncertainty
And seizing the still frames that twist,
Inside and out to burn
Crawling to the top, up the stones of beliefs
Signs pointing out as the walls blend and pass
With our smiles covering the unknowing mass
The monster rises with its faded cries
It seams time has fallen, into these changing leafs
Holding onto it, it adores with its hidden secrecy
However, denial has its cause
To leave me here… stranded in pause
And so, here I stay and stay I shall
For it’s purpose lays in mystery
Framed in her picture, she is the Lady of Question…
For she wrights in riddles,
Showing to this; light and truth
Sealing everything to the deserving,
Only to extend her tenderness and affection
Last Breath~~::..
Book of blank words fill my future, my past
As I flip these pages to the very last
The fog thickens as I stand alone
With these glare eyes I become still as stone
With every turn of glance I take...
Darkness grows old fear is no longer fake
I sit; I stare, through the glooming mist
My arms to my side along with my closed fists
With its dark eyes leering back
I know… I am trapped
How will this end? Do I have no choice?
Must I listen to his unspoken voice?
And there I am; awaiting my destiny… awaiting my fall
Light stumbles across… revealing Death’s call
Night’s only son,
The only one, to bare the cold waters of hate
As his clutch keeps me from life, I ask…
__________"Is it too late?"
_“Has he taken all life; to drown all love?”
And yet, my lungs fill with the pains and cries
Of all who’s perished to his demise
He slowly strings me along this cold black sea
Grabbing hold of all that is left in me
As I fear for others; rather my purpose
I gaze intently into his ice-cold stare;
Deep below his ocean’s surface...
Bracelets and Sandy Shores...
Floating memories,
Cast away on broken ships and sinking piers
The picture album of bond and bracelets
Of little girls, a love between true playmates
Forever gone in the silent bliss
______where shadows creep
Among the trees of weep
The only words to capture the miss
Is the kiss,
______of ruptured emptiness
Once remembered troubled fears
Of pouring rainfalls and swollen tears
Unwinding paths creep more and more
Twisted limbs of blackened core
The drunken sea of a lost soul,
______drowning the light of sunrise
Reaching out to untouchable surmise
Where galaxies and horizons of new
Lie in flower gardens,
______together in two
The seed of life; watered silk,
______washed with waves of silver moonlight
Sprouting golden sunset light
Where Tomorrow lies at the Harbor mouth
______tears that dry by the soft sea-breeze,
Branches blowing in the winds of South
Underneath the fingernail it boasts;
______Bonds that will never come close
And the bracelets forever lost in the sands of shore
A picture album not finished,
______and the pages tore
Two little girls in the midst of eternity
______Face the apocalypse of time
Eyes together never forgetting,
_________The still frames in their minds
The Caves of Fantasy
Driven to a brand new place
Where Rain flowers shower us
Of laughter and sorrow
Where drums sound the peddles of life
And the seeing stones of love’s caress
Covers the walls of Echo’s palace
Doth mine eye deceive…?
These are the caves of Fantasy
Where dreams confront reality
A confusion of many sorts
Though not to create discomfort
Because it is quite true…
It is hard to hear
Laughter bringing forth, so many tears
Yet, should Life and Death,
Break the jar of time…
A single spirit will fly away
Escape’s unseen eye can only see
This is the ghost of Fantasy
To find the soul possessed and purified
As senses heighten within the mind
You will come to find
A blind man’s strength
The power to see
The beauty of a single tree
And birds of an ugly nature
Shall be more loved then lost
As it should always be
And the sun’s warmth enters here
Showing the paintings of the walls
Surely a majestic sight to remember
Then Without warning
Inscribed words are binding
Is this a form of reality?
A kingdom’s magic knight
Bind to these caves through thoughts of soul?
And with a sudden cry the words appear whole…
In glowing fantasy light;
"Here lie the spirits of the caves
Never seizing to be a living dream
And tomb stones that can only be seen
If one believes…
These are the caves of Fantasy"
Soul Mate
How can one person understand?
When I think about it…
How were we never friends?
Forever, in this never ending search
The pains of it all
Paint the surface of my scars
Telling me not to give up on you…
Soul Mate
It has been a distant journey
And to me you are very much a mystery…
Soul Mate
What does it mean?
As these words come together to form…
Soul Mate
How do we find This person –
Who believes in us
When we loose faith…
How do I find you –?
Soul Mate
The stars speak
With whispered words…
“How do I find you, Soul Mate?”
With one question in mind
Have you gone... is it too late?
A Lover’s Galaxy
I lay with lost words; conversation arise
I speak of a lonely silence
A terrible demise
Should stars hear me
I pray for only one
Hoping it may fall
Lighting my way towards paradise
Wishing that forever darkness
Lay across day
So you and I may lie face to face
True love escapes
And floats along the milky-way
Everything still seams a miss
Because where you lie;
There among the stars
Is a long way; a broken path I cannot take
Unless you guide me with your light
Send me a path of falling stars
Of fallen silence, a guided love
That cares no name
Simply your touch brings me to galaxies away
We get lost in ourselves
Sending shooting stars across our universe
If only it were true
Because I’m still standing here alone
Waiting to be gazing from above
Waiting to shine as one
Me and You, You and Me
Finding our way across a sea of galaxies
To sip a taste of your lasting love
As I drown in your light
I breathe you in
With hopes you feel the same
I gaze above with great adoring eyes
Waiting to be among the stars
Still waiting… to be among you
Through The Storm
The search begins
With weather storms
Countless beauty around me
Perfection awaits through dark of nights
The pure seed of blackest forms
As I break the blocks ahead
More stepping stones become
And measures of trouble...
...For I to overcome
Rhythm Wine
Wine drips along my finger tips
As breath and soul become one
Endless time of coloured grapes
Drop into a fountain deep inside
The stains of my heart's content
Fill my eyes with eternal bliss
Numb paints the taste of wine
Desire's kiss, surrounding your lips and mine
As Fear, Passion; rise and fall...
Our hidden worlds collide;
Life as stills and cloak of chills
Finds us here...
In a whirling field of rhythm wine