As I crash, I watch you burn...
Wednesday, December 7, 2005
--
Despite the fact that my last update implied I had some big emotional THING to talk about, Im over it... Basically, Im an ass. If you're curious, ask and I'll probably explain. Moving on...
The past couple days have been rather interesting. Im finally getting the feeling that I am some-what growing out my teenage years. This partly scares me, yet comforting at the same time. I realise I still have about 9 months before I'm officailly no longer a teenager, but I find myself slowing coming to terms with my teen angst. Sure, my childhood was shit, but I survived, and despite the fact that I would never admit it a couple years ago, my parental units probably WERE just looking out for me, and life isnt usually half as bad as I make it out to be. I dont feel as though the years I spent being an angsty, depressed (and sometimes suicidal) teenager were wasted, or useless [If anything, they helped me become who I am today], but I think Im slowly coming to terms with them, kinda accepting them and moving on.
Thursday, November 24, 2005
--
Long time, no update. Not much to say, except that emotional turmoil sucks monkey testicles. I will post more later I guess. Im just in the habbit of posting things that will get me into trouble somewhere, so I will wait until things kinda settle down, and then post and explain everything.
Thursday, November 3, 2005
--
Well, its been a very long month since I've last updated this. I took a break from blogging not out of a lack of anything interesting happening, but from the fact that I would have probably looked like a bi-polar lunatic to anyone who took the time to read any of my blogs. Basically the month can be summarized in the following manner: Life is good, happiness, I fuck up my life and my entire future, Life gets slightly less good, Life gets very miserable for a couple days, I get really drunk and almost get pnumonia. Its all pretty stereotypical 'emo-child' stories.
[edit: I deleted the remainder of the post due to personal reasons and apologise for any animosity it might have caused]
Saturday, October 1, 2005
--
Well, its a Saturday night, and Im sitting alone in my apartment in the dark with nothing to do. Its a great feeling, really. I was originally planning on getting really drunk to the point I get numb and forget about my problems, but the L.C.B.O closest to my house is closed early for some reason, and Im not really in a mental-state that encourages driving right now. So Im stuck here in my bedroom with a bunch of things that need to be delt with, thoughts that need to be forgotten, and emotions that really dont need to be felt, and Im left with no way to cope with it all. Anyways, I guess people actually read this occasionally, so Im going to stop posting here now. I'll continue it on my "lesser-read" blog of doom, I guess. If you actually care, ask, and I might give you the URL if you're special.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
--
I love the rain, I really do. It can evoke the craziest emotions of me. Emotions of lonliness, of need, desire. It fills me with a craving to be alive. To love, to live, to romance the world. The only thing wrong with this is the fact that Im am light years away from any of these things; I doubt I am doing much more then "existing" on this lovely planet of ours. I have the sneaking suspician that the best parts of life are always slightly out of reach. That the only thing Im farther away from then living is loving.
--
I know I usually post something relevant on this blog, something that represents my current state of emotional equilibrium, but... not today. Today Im posting here because I had a really freaking bad day. I managed to miss my bus to school. Not once, not even twice, but SEVEN times. SEVEN!!! That's seven times I watched a bus drive by heading downtown, with me not being on it. Needless to say, I was over an hour late, missed my calculus class, and was almost late for ecology. Then I find out I have a midterm on monday, which WILL brutally massacre my soul, AND a mandatory fossil field trip this saturday. I have to be up and at school for 7:30 am for this fieldtrip of doom, and it will basically consist of us walking around in dirt and sand all day (for 12 hours) looking at fossils, which is EXACTLY how I want to spend my day off... especially when I have a midterm to cram for... *Stabs something*
Thursday, September 22, 2005
-Start Angry, End Mad-
"Start Angry... End Mad"
Screw you and die I hope you burn.
You think you're worth more than you earned.
You're nothing, you're worthless, except for these verses.
Out with the new in with the old.
DIE
Honesty makes you do the strangest things like act angry.
It's your life, your move, your chance to make good of the bad.
Can't hide the fact that you still lied to us, you lied to them.
Put the past behind, make it good there's one more thing to say.
Say it...
Two years is a long time to pretend.
Now we start again.
We've got to stay until the end.
We've got to say it.
Don't act suprised when we say it.
Interpret it however you'd like, its how I feel...
Monday, September 19, 2005
--
I got to see Moneen and Yellowcard the other night. It was kinda bittersweet in a way. Yellowcard was okay, and Moneen put on an awsome show. I was pretty close to the front, and at two points during their set (first and last song) the singer dove into the audience inches away from me... and it was just really intense because there was shy little ol me screaming my head off to the song.. and, yeah. I kind of came to two realizations that night, which Im not going to post here because... they are kinda potentially hurtfull to some one I know occasionally reads this, but oh well. It just makes me sad, because I used to have so many people to turn to to talk about things. I had a handfull of people I could count on to just... listen to me rant, and not judge me and make me feel better, but over the past 18 months I've stopped talking to them all for various reasons. I've always had a thing about keeping everything deep down inside me, and its really started to get hard.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
--
The last couple days have been fairly okay. I drove down to North Bay and hung out with my little sister for her birthday, and managed to score a ticket to see Yellowcard AND Moneen preform this saturday, which will be really cool. I also got to have one of the coolest jamming experiences of my live, and yeah... but despite these facts I still find myself kinda dying inside a little bit more each day. Im slowly going back to being the shy old loser kid I used to be. I know nobody in any of my new classes, so for the most part I spend my school days completely alone.....
Oh, just another thing... It's recently come to my attention that people do infact read this on occasion, and I'd just like to point out that unless I've invited you to come read it or something along those lines, I dont really care about what you have to say about my posts. So, if you are offended or disagree with something I say, or think Im just an emo loser, dont be suprised if you are met with a great big "Go Fuck Yourself". Go read one of my other blog's for a nice mundane, un-offensive version of my life. Now, to end this lovely post off, Im going to leave you with just about my favorite poem of all eternity. If you can tell me who wrote it/where it came from, you get a golden star of doom....
We held hands on the last night on earth.
Our mouths filled with dust, we kissed in the fields and under trees, screaming like dogs, bleeding dark into the leaves. It was empty on the edge of town but we knew everyone floated along the bottom of the river. So we walked through the waste where the road curved into the sea and the shattered seasons lay, and the bitter smell of burning was on you like a disease. In our cancer of passion you said, "Death is a midnight runner." The sky had come crashing down like the news of an intimate suicide. We picked up the shards and formed them into shapes of stars that wore like an antique wedding dress. The echoes of the past broke the hearts of the unborn as the ferris wheel silently slowed to a stop. The few insects skittered away in hopes of a better pastime.
I kissed you at the apex of the maelstrom and asked
if you would accompany me in a quick fall, but you made me realize that my ticket wasn't good for two. I rode alone.
You said, "The cinders are falling like snow." There is poetry in despair, and we sang with unrivaled beauty, bitter elegies of savagery and eloquence. Of blue and grey. Strange, we ran down desperate streets and carved our names in the flesh of the city. The sun was stagnated somewhere beyond the rim of the horizon and the darkness is a mystery of curves and lines. Still, we lay under the emptiness and drifted slowly outward, and somewhere in the wilderness we found salvation scratched into the earth like a message.
Saturday, September 10, 2005
--
The last 36 hours or so have been kinda awkward. I was really emo-tastic last night. Yellowcard played at my school's frosh week, and none of my friends thought to inform me that the S.G.A started selling tickets a week before school started, so I showed up at 8:00 am the first day of school to find that the show was sold out. To make things worse, I had been on campus the day before (while they were still selling tickets) and never thought to stop by and purchase my ticket. So yeah, I missed out on an awsome night due to my own massive stupidity. Needless to say, I wasnt too happy with myself. Of course, everyone who I knew was going found a way to bring up the concert 20 times a second, which just kind of added insult to injury. I got home and found out my roomate was going away for the weekend, and I actually seriously considered walking to the L.C.B.O and buying enough alcohol to kill a llama, just so I could sit at home alone and numb myself. I got into the habit of drinking away my sorrows over the course of the summer, which was a very bad thing, because I find myself craving numbness whenever I get emo now. I just want to get really drunk, pass out, and not wake up untill everything is better. Anyways, I ended up going and getting the shit scaraed out of me at the movies with some people and then stayed the night at my ex's house. It was kinda awkward, because we ended up falling asleep in the same bed. I could cope with that, but the thing that kinda killed me inside is the only thing she talked about was her girl troubles while we were hanging out, and then we went to her house so she could go online and talk to the source of these girl troubles, which of course worsened the troubles... Now, dont get me wrong, Im over my ex. It just kinda kills my self esteem how she can magically fall in love (twice) in the one and a half months since we broke up, and Im just left sitting alone in the corner. BUT, oh well....Another thing I just want to get out of my system, is the fact that I am starting to hate straight girls.... well, not really... I just hate the fact that they are out-of-my-league; being as lonely as I have been, and knowing so few other gay kids my age, I have had no other choice but to start looking at straight girls. At first, this was a very enjoyable pass-time, but I've recently started looking at my heterosexual friends, which is a BAD idea...B-A-D idea....
Wednesday, September 7, 2005
--
The thing I hate most about being single is the lack of human physical affection. I have realised, that emotionally, yeah it can be nice to be in love, and feel all happy and everything. But I can likve without that. Really I can. The physical affection, however? *shakes head*. God has gifted me with a libido. A nice, vast libido. Something on which to take it out on? No dice... Now, this situation in itself is bad enough, through in the fact that Im gay and I end up in a very bad situation. Why, you may ask? I know a total of... 2 other gay females my age in this entire freaking city, one of which is my ex. :D </sarcasm>Its almost enough to turn a girl hetero... I feel slightly better now, so I am going to go post in my other blogs now.
Sunday, September 4, 2005
-Wave of Mutilation-
Its been quite a while since I have tried to update this, so I figure most people have now forgotten that it exists! Yaaay! Which means that I might have a random place to post about anything I desire without everybody knowing about it. I know, 'why have an online blog if you dont want people to read it'.... well, I just like the idea of having somewhere to go to speak my mind without having to censor certain things. I cant do that on my MSN space because my family has access to it, everyone knows about my livejournal... so yes.. this is me officially reviving THIS blog as well
Sunday, March 6, 2005
-Danchan crapping out..-
Well I am sorry to inform you of the end of this blog but, danchan hasnt been working properly and hasn't let me update in quite a while. for some reason I cannot update from my laptop, therefore I have made myself a MSN space and a Livejournal for you to keep yourself updated about me.
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
-Negative One to Ten-
I know I havent posted recently... But I'm currently sitting in bed sick as hell, so I figured I might as well... The life of a university student is great <insert sarcastic cough here>. The schedule of a first year science student is insane. Here's was my week last week:
Monday:
9:30 - 10:30 chemistry class
10:30 - 11:30 physics class
11:30-12:30 Algebra Test. Now, just to clarify things, these arent any usual tests. They are each worth 20% of my final mark; fun fun. So, for this week you can replace chemistry and physics with an 8 am to 11 am last minute algebra study group...
Tuesday:
7:30 - 10:00 Mad Monkey Morning Radio @ CKLU... but since I like to try and be organized for my show, its safe to assume I was there at 6:30
11:30 - 1:00 Biology Class
1:30 - 3:00 Physics Lab; My lab from the previous week, plus the intro for my lab this week were both due before the lab started
6:20 pm to 7:20 am - Babysitting (Yes, that is 13 consecutive hours of babysitting, AND the kids get up (on their own) before 5 am..)
Wednesday:
9:30 - 10:30 chemistry class
10:30 - 11:30 physics class
11:30 to 12:30 algebra class
1:30 to 3:45 chemistry lab; the write up for the previous lab was due (and those suckers are easily upwards of 10 pages), PLUS a little extra bonus assignment (also upwards of ten pages) was due
4:00 to 5:30 Physics MIDTERM - worth roughly 25% of my final mark
7:00 to 10:00 psychology class
Thursday:
10:00am - 11:00 am Biology lab exam; If you've never done a bell-ringer exam, you never want to. Basically, there are 15-30 stations in the lab set up, with four questions at each station based on something you've seen over the semester, BUT you only have 90 seconds at each station, and you cant visit any station more then once...
11:30 to 1:00 Biology class
Friday
9:30 - 10:30 chemistry class
10:30 - 11:30 physics class
11:30 to 12:30 algebra class
Saturday
9:00 Chemistry Midterm
So yeah.. needless to say, that whatever free time I possibly could have had throughout the week was spent by crying on the kitchen floor from the stress of it all. And well, its not to hard to deduce that the more stressed you get, the less work you feel like doing, which only results in more work to do, which results only in more stress. And now, on top of everything I am sick. This is the second consecutive day of classes I have missed...
Oh, and a little shameless self promotion: TooFarNorth is playing a gig at the end of the month. February 25th, 7 to 11, at Marymount for 6$. The only catch is you need a valid HIGHSCHOOL I.D to get in. If you are interested, you can email me, or email the band at: toofarnorth@hotmail.com
[It can be more then just sounds and words. It can be something that saves you from yourself, your thoughts, your life, your world....]
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
-Highschool Confidential-
Well, now that the religious hypocrite has had his say, I think I will speak up in favour of science (YAY!!!!). Okay, First point: "the non-existence of the gay-gene" *takes very big breath* Now, I'm sure that anyone who stands so strongly by a religion that pretty much bluntly ignores science will quickly point out that there is no "gay-gene" or any proof that sexuality is biologically linked; But that person would be wrong. It’s not even really a kinda-sorta-maybe thing. In EVERY species of animal on the planet that has a specific gender (i.e. is not asexual, hermaphroditic or possess the ability to swap genders) at least 10% of the population exhibits homosexual mating habits. The 10% ratio can also be applied to Homo sapiens, a.k.a humans. Now, lets move on to some research! Okay, I will start things off with the infamous "sibling/twin" studies. Brothers of gay men have a 22% likeliness of belonging to a sexual minority, where as brothers of straight men only have a 4% likely hood. Don’t believe me? Check out Pillard and Weinrich, 1986. OR Bailey and Benishay, 1993, who just so happened to do the same study on lesbians and found strikingly similar results. Now, before I move onto "twin studies" I just think it would be nice to make a little hypothesis; if sexuality was indeed a genetic variable, then the correlation between monozygotic twins should be higher then that of dizygotic twins. Basically, that means that "identical" twins should have a higher likelihood of being gay if their twin is gay due to the fact that they came from the same zygote, i.e. are EXTREMELY similar in terms of DNA. In the study for monozygotic twins, the correlation was 52% for males, and 48% for females. It doesn’t take rocket science to see that that is almost twice the likelihood of regular siblings. For dizygotic twins the correlation was 22% for males and 16% for females, resembling the correlation rates amongst genetically different siblings. References? Bailey and Pillard, 1995; Bailey et. al., 1993. Wow, I actually do RESEARCH before making a stance, go figure!
My next point might be kind of useless, seeing as I'm mainly addressing a devout Christian, but I will make it none the less, just to prove my point a little more; Some of you might be sitting at home scratching your head over one little dilemma: If sexuality is a genetic trait, yet it reduces the possibility that someone bearing the gene will be able to reproduce and therefore pass on the gene. Now, due to the fact that homosexuality is indeed a minority of sorts, it can be said that it would be a recessive gene. Now, for those of you not up-to-date with your Mendelian genetics, here is a quick explanation. When you get born, you get one set of genes from Mom, and one set of genes from Dad. These genes combine to give you the genes that are expressed (i.e. the ones that you “See”). If a gene is dominant it will be displayed regardless of if it is paired with a recessive gene. For a recessive gene to be expressed, it has to be paired with another recessive gene. Now, when you have a child, the gene that your body displays isn’t always the gene you pass on to the child. 50% of the time you pass on the recessive gene. Therefore, you can express heterosexual tendencies but still be a carrier of the gene. It also means that your parents don’t have to be gay for you to get the gene. It just means that somewhere in you family someone else has to have been gay. It doesn’t have to be recent either; it can go on for decades without being expressed. Example: Sickle-Cell anaemia. Not to mention, that in early civilizations people were pushed to marry and have children regardless of sexual orientation. In ancient Greece one may have had many gay lovers, but also would have had a wife/husband and have had children. Now, just to be a little bitch and prove my point, I will throw a couple more references in here in case you feel compelled to pull out a scientific journal and check these facts for your self. Bailey, 2003; Hamer and Copeland, 1994; Ridley, 1994; Ruse, 1988; Weinrich, 1987; Wilson, 1978.
Just before I round off the “genetic” section of this essay of sorts, I figured I would leave you with a nice little fact: In a study of the fingerprints of both homosexual and heterosexual males the number of ridges on the left and right hands were compared. The ratio of ridges tends to be higher on the right hand then the left, but in homosexuals it tends to be the other way: with the ratio favouring the left hand. (Hall and Kimura, 1994). Now, why, if homosexuality had nothing to do with genetics, would there be PHYSICAL EVIDENCE on the human body correlating to sexuality? There are more proofs of similar relationships such as the D2:D4 finger length ration in women and lesbians, but I'm not going to go into them all. Check it out yourself if you want though: (McFadden and Shubel, 2002; Rahman and Wilson, 2003b; Williams et al., 2000).
Given all of this evidence, how can it be said that sexuality is a “tendency”? Or even a “choice”? You can choose to try to change the expression of a gene, but you can never change the gene itself. You can dye your hair, get coloured contacts, buy tanning lotion or put on makeup. OR you can fall victim of societies prejudices and try to repress your sexuality. Either way, you aren’t really changing anything. You are just trying to hide yourself, hide your feelings, or hide your actions. And we all know how healthy repression is. It’s a proven fact that keeping ANYTHING emotional unexpressed for prolonged periods of time can lead to not only emotional and physiological problems, but it can also cause long term health issues. “Former” homosexuals are merely people who have given up on trying to be accepted for who they are. In almost all instances, homosexuals are “cured” only by or because of Christianity. I’m not going to go into a “Christians are evil” spiel, because, well… I have the decency to at least respect the beliefs of my friends. [Sorry, but Joe’s comment kinda struck me on a personal level. But, for all intents and purposes I will try to keep this post academic]. Think of it this way. You are emotionally worn down from trying to deal with your sexual orientation, and some one tells you that if you can change who you are, not only will you not be condemned to a life of fiery doom in hell, God will love you, the church will love you, and people will like you better. Say it enough, and its bound to sink in. It’s merely the power of conditioning. Present a positive stimulus in place of an aversive stimulus for a prolonged period of time, and one will out weigh the other. If you pair two things together for a period of time, then you will be able to control the reaction. Kind of like a reward program. You clean your room, you get a candy. God is good, you get a candy. Stop being gay, god will love you. And god is good because you get candy every time you say so. Now, it might not always be a candy, but it might be a pat on a head, or some sort of positive reinforcement, but its still the same principle. So, if you tell someone long enough that you can cure them of being gay, then they will eventually believe you if they are suggestible enough. I mean, the bigger the lie the easier it will be believed (Gotta love Hitler and his amazing knowledge of manipulation). But, like I said, I’m not going to go into a Christianity-is-evil rant. But you can’t be cured of genes, you can just hide their expression.
I’ll admit, that as a member of a sexual minority I’ve had it pretty easy. My friends are uber, and its not like any of them are overtly homophobic. My parents and siblings are amazingly understanding, and well… my girlfriend is amazing ;) Most of all, I’m happy that I can think for myself and don’t put up with homophobic bullshit, because the last thing this world needs is more repression.
And that, is the not very exciting end of my essay of sorts, inspired by a fairly ignorant comment made on the open blog. Now that I have spent a good two hours typing this 1500 word monster up I am going to get some sleep…
Tuesday, January 4, 2005
-Constant State of Violation-
I'm gonna try really hard not to make this an emo post, because I now have a new emo blog for that kind of thing (and no, I wasnt stupid enough to use danchan so dont try to find it). No one here really wants to hear me whine about how emo I am, so I am now sparing you the trouble! With that said, its time for happy thoughts:
New Years eve was pretty uber, and by pretty uber I mean sexy as hell. What better way to bring in the new year then in a basement full of my sexiest friends? AND I got to cuddle with Alex and Steve all night too! Who would have figured that every member of Too Far North is a cuddley drunk?
School is... well, like school... and uh... the radio show went... uhh...well... and I have nothing else to post in the "happy thoughts" section so I guess my update for to day officially over!
Thursday, December 30, 2004
-This is the last honest love you'll ever get...-
I know its been about 3 weeks since my last post, but... I can't think of anything to post about that wouldnt be bitter or emo. I just kinda dont like myself right now. If anything, my last post pretty much sums up what I feel at the moment anyways, So if you REALLY feel like understanding, read that if you havent read it already. Knowing nothing really IS better then knowing it all...
PULL THE TRIGGER AND THE NIGHTMARE STOPS...
Tuesday, December 7, 2004
-Hunger hurts, but starving works when it costs too much to love...-
I went crazy agian today, looking for a strand to climb, looking for a little hope...
I feel like ranting right now. But not here, if that makes any sense. I dont have enough energy to verbally express myself right now; I need music. I need a guitar in front of me, or something to pound on, or a set of headphones playing the masterly sounds of emo music. And I think I just found the perfect song. Random Golden Star Question: What is YOUR perfect emo song? The ultimate musical medium through which emotion can be translated? Knowing nothing is better then knowing it all.... 14 months, and I still dont know how to cope sometimes. I feel so needy right now. I NEED not to be alone. I just NEED everything right now, and I dont know how to find it. Without it all, Im choking on nothing; It's clear in my head, I'm screaming for something.....
Wednesday, December 1, 2004
-A little inspiration gets me through where I've been...-
I was going to write an emo post this fine evening, but then I started listening to one particular song, and everything kind of changed. I love the sound of an accoustic guitar and a female voice. It just kinda touches me at the core for some reason. Tegan and Sara have been rocking my socks lately for some reason. And Tsunami Bomb... If I feel like rocking out inside, the Tsunami Bomb goes in, and if Im mellow, well...bring on the accoustic!
I cant tell right now whether or not people are great, or whether people suck. Some people DO suck. Some people make me emo. And I dont know why. But then some people can just reach into the depths and pull me up into happiness without even really knowing it. And some people are just plain sexy ;)... Chicks with guitars are sexy... well... MOST chicks with guitars... Sorry, I figured I would just throw that in randomly... Anyways, I have a midterm tomorrow morning, so I SHOULD be going to bed...
Friday, November 26, 2004
-Bathroon stall romance-
Lyrical challenges are too easy, I guess, because anyone can pull open google and do a quick search for the answer.... Im still not in a posting kind of mood, but I figured I would put up another challenge: "Do I dare disturb the universe? In a minute there is time for decissions and revisions which a minute will reverse." Where is it from, and who wrote it? Is it any good?
Thursday, November 25, 2004
-Scars are forever a testimony to our needs....-
Have you ever been bursting with things to say or express, but didnt? Or denied the mental process because you were scared of what your conciousne might create for you to deal with? Im going to avoid a potentially emo post, so I am just going to post the next golden star question. What TWO songs contain this lyric: "Is that what you called tact? You're as subtle as a brick in the small of my back, so lets end this call, and end this conversation...." ... You have to name BOTH songs and BOTH artists to get the stars...
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
-I'm so punk I have pink pubic hair....-
Well, its official: I have officially failed a test at the post-secondary level. I needed ONE more mark to pass the test. ONE. And do you think the T.A would give it to me? Nooooooo... that would just be NICE of them and (of course) calculus T.As are just spitefull little demons who were the computer nerds in highschool that everyone thought smelled funny, and now they are trying to seek their revenge by taking off any marks possible from anyone who doesnt have a pocket protector. Okay, I know that theory is probably just the result of a fruitful imagination, but still... I havent failed a test since grade 10 math, and coicidentally I got the exact same mark on that test too! (47.8%). I guess instead of whining I should be trying to study and reverse my slacker lifestyle, but then I would be doing something productive with my life, and I just wouldnt be able to allow that to happen.
On a slightly happier note: I have a new addiction! I am addicted to Tic-Tacs. It all started on Monday afternoon, when I randomly decided to pick up some mints while I was out shopping. Since that fateful moment, I have consumed 6 (whole) packs of Tic-Tacs. Thats an average of two packs per day. Man, I am pathetic.
On that note, I shall leave you with the Golden Star Question. For Two Golden Stars: What is/was the most disruptive force in the history of evolution, and why?
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
-Die White Girls, Die White Girls.... Bye Bye World, Bye Bye World...-
Today was a prodictive day. In physics today, not only did I fantasize about people naked *cough*alexandseline*cough*, but I also managed to complete something that I thought was a fairly big testament to just how boring my class is (or to how big of a nerd I am... either one works)
A: Alexisonfire
B: Brand New
C: Coheed and Cambria
D: Dashboard Confessional
E: Ember Swift
F: Farewell to Freeway
G: Groovie Ghoulies
H: Hot Hot Heat
I: Indigo Girls
J: Jack Off Jill
K: Kittie
L: LiveonRelease
M: Moneen
N: No Doubt
O: Our Lady Peace
P: Placebo
Q: Queers
R: Rough Trade
S: Saves the Day
T: Tegan and Sara
U: Unorthodox
V: Veruca Salt
W: Wasted Words
X: XTC
Y: Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Z: Zwan
I did this off of the top of my head in class today. Basically, the only rule was that if a band started with the word "the", you can drop the "the" and count the next word as first in line. The first person who can do the same thing with completely different bands will recieve TEN GOLDEN STARS!!!! YAY!!!
Friday, November 5, 2004
-I'm slipping in between you and you're big dreams.. (Its always you in my big dreams)-
I’ll be the pillar to rot and fall away
I should have saved the world,
Or at least save you from it.
I can only fail the people that I love
I guess I loved you more then I ever loved myself
I would have caught your fall
but instead I died trying
I thought I would save your soul,
But you loved the thought of dying
While you’ve been wilting in the background,
The spotlight’s been on me
The world will eat you up,
Because you sure aren’t eating it.
I thought you were safe from the demons in my head
But then again I never thought I would have to write this song.
I’d say I miss the things that I once thought you were,
But you’re melting too fast for the memories to stay
My life has brought your hurricanes up from the dead
I failed us both, I failed the world
I knew the piece, and I sung the words
I had the script, and I knew the art
But in the end I couldn’t play your part
The never ending chronicles of cherry lemonade - The emo master of the universe
[Incase you didnt realise, the last part is not just a random addition. Its supposed to be the "chorus"....]
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Sadistic= sitting at home on a friday night, when the last thing you should be is alone, listening to Konstantine repeatedly even though you are already emo. Its an amazing song. I like it better when Alex does it though. She has an amazing voice. If you have never heard her sing that song, ask her to. It will make you cry, at least on the inside if not on the outside. She'd be proud of me; I didnt burn the lyrics I wrote tonight.. *points up* If anyone can guess what or who they are about, then I will give them THREE golden stars....
Well, Im going to stop posting now, because if not I would post something emo, and that wouldnt be right because I shouldnt be emo because everything in life is fine. So I am going to go play final fantasy for hours on end and try to distract myself from the fact that I'M ALL ALONE....
Saturday, October 23, 2004
-I spoke the words, but never gave a thought to what they could mean...-
I know its been while since I've updated this thing, and actually I dont really know why its been so long. I mean, its not like I've been insanely busy, or have never been home, or have been living a boring life... I just havent updated. But, with that said, I will move onto the more important focus of today's post. I'm feeling slightly emo at the moment. Now, dont get me wrong, this isnt the "Im-going-to-go-cry-in-a-dark-corner" kinda emo, or the "I'm-going-to-slit-my-wrists-because-the-world-is-a-dark-and-dreary-place" kinda emo. This is the I LOVE YOU ALL!!! kinda emo... Its weird. While I was at work early this morning I realised I have great friends, and I might not always acknowledge them as such. So instead of following the recent trend of posting "anonymous" comments to people, Im going to post ANTI-anonumous comments!!! [Note: these comments do not occur in any particular order]
Lex: You are the uber groadie of doom. I dont think its possible for TFN to have a more dedicated fan. You rock major socks, to say the least.
Darien: Although you are in North Bay, you are still insanely uber. You introduced me to the greatness that is now Too Far North, and for that I shall forever be in your debt
Adam: I know you dont read this, but we've been friends since the fourth grade, and you've been with me through it all. Not to mention you are making a 500$ website for awaeken for 50 bucks!
Janis: You should write a novel; " Computer Geek to Punk-Rock Reble in 10 easy steps!" You could make millions!
Andra: Yet again, you dont read this blog, but still... you are an uber kid (even though you ARE Janis's kid sister) and t'is a great shame that we barely get to hang out. Not to mention, you are dead sexy ;)
Biff: Where can I even begin saying how great you are? I tried stopping by Micky D's to see you this morning, but by the time I got there (7:15) you were gone. Oh well. You still rock major socks, AND you can make me fly half way across a room from a single round of Belly Bumpers...
Alex: Dead sexy, amazing lyracist, sexy, amazing vocalist, sexy, uber bassist of doom... Did I mention she was amazingly hot? Hard to believe that the first time we met resulted in both of us sitting in Janis's basement for 10 minutes in a VERY awkward silence...
Steeev: You are my drumming idol. Its your fault that Pass Me By was released to the masses, and if it werent for Brittany randomly handing you lyrics from my binder in out door ed, I probably would still be hiding all of my lyrics from the public eye.. But nooooo You had to go create a lyrical moster out of me!
Jesse: I dont see much of you now that Im at LU, but you still are a cool kid, and I've always felt like you had a knack for understanding certain aspects of my life. Hopefully Seline and I will be able have a PS2 filled hang-out session with you soon.
Seline: How can I even begin to explain how uber you are? All I can say is I must have one some significant other lottery, because you make me feel like the luckiest person on the face of the earth.
Okay, now I know there is probably someone I missed, but if it just so happens to be you, PLEASE dont be offended... I've been up since 5am, and I am half dead. Regardless of you ever you may be, you are probably a very very awsome person, and Im probably thankful for whatever role you might have played in my life, no matter how small it might be.
With that said, I am off to bed to catch some sleep before band practice. I LOVE YOU ALL!!!
Tuesday, October 5, 2004
-Until this all crashes down, I'll hold on...-
Are you out there, waiting? Wondering about me? I've never felt so alone as I do now...
Isn't it amazing how life can be reduced to something so minial that it has no choice but to revolve around the same core at all times? I dont think I have done a single thing since my last update that hasnt revolved (At least partially) around school, homework, my job, band practice, or my significant other. I mean, dont get me wrong; I know that I have responsibilities with respect to my education and my employment, and I love just about everything else on that list... But I just guess that the repition is kind of wearing me down. I know, that EVERY weekend I wont get my homework done because I'll be running in between band practices, appeasing my grandmother, and "dinner" with my family, which is basically no more then then kidnapping me for several hours... Anywas, I'm off to ditch my homework and go catch an hour of sleep before class starts, because I feel just about dead.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust; my hate for you defines my lust. Bridges to bridges, you're nothing to me. Welcome my world, Misanthropy....
Monday, September 20, 2004
-Sell my old clothes, I'm off to Heaven...-
Isnt it amazing how far life can progress within the course of a year? Some of you may or might not know why the 20th/21st of the month is one that makes me think back on the way things used to be, but its gotten to the point where the reason doesnt even really matter anymore. All that matters is how far I have come.
I spent my classes this morning thinking back and remembering how life was going for me this time last year. Most of you probably didnt really know me last year. I was shy to the point that people scared me. If you tried to talk to me, I probably would have screamed and ran away, only to curl up in a dark corner and cry. I couldnt play guitar, and I was still kind of shaky at playing the bass. I was unemployed, short on friends, had one too many backstabbers, and I was content to watch myself spiral down the drain.
I still dont even know why things decided to turn around for me, or why they did when they did, but I guess the important thing was that things DID change. I mean, here I am (still kinda shy, I will admit) but Im in two rock bands, with scores of groupies, I have a (very crappy) job and my own car. I'm no longer one of the most lonely people on the planet (thanks to a very, very sexy drummer out there...) and there are actually people that I can call friends.
Dont get me wrong, over the past year things havent been easy. I have lost friends that I once thought it impossible to lose. I have forgiven things I probably should never have forgiven, and I've stopped hating things that I should probably still be bitter as hell over. But I changed because of it. Not instantly, and again, not easily, but the change is there.
It's wierd to be able to look back and see a completely different person in my memory then the person I see when I look in the mirror. There is always the feeling of an undertow trying to sneak up on me and snatch things back to the way they used to be, and
I'll be perfectly honest in admitting that an instant of misjudgement on my part will bring things crashing down on top of me again... But I really really hope I can keep a clear mind, and an even clearer conscience, because now I have a reason not to crash and burn. I finally have reasons to love life, and I thank you all for giving them to me.
- And at your funeral, I will sing the requiem. I'd offer you my hand; it would hurt too much to watch you die -
Friday, September 3, 2004
-Hallowed Be Thy Name-
As the start of university draws nearer and nearer, I find my life bcoming more and more hectic. I bought my books yesterday (almost 700 dollars) and almost had a heart attack when I walked into the bookstore. I had just gotten nice and cozy in highschool life, and then I got booted into the "real world". Oh well. I'll live. At least I know a handfull of people in a couple of my classes. But aside from that, Im fairly clueless... I havent heard anything about orientation or anything like that, so Im just going to show up on the first day of school like a good little girl. On a slightly happier note, I found out yesterday that I am th recipient of a 937$ scholarship. Woot! When I see Natalie in a couple of days Im going to get down on my knees and thank her for telling me to apply for it. Anyways, Im off to run with flamming scissors of doom, so I shall talk at you later...
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P.S No one has identified any song lyrics of doom from my blog lately, so I decided to make this one pretty obvious. The race for the golden star is on....
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
-I'm lost without you...-
Tonight is the first night in a month that I will spend alone, and is the first day in three weeks that I have been lonely (even though its only been 4 hours since I've seen Seline... I'm pathetic, I know). Nanananananana GOING THROUGH WITHDRAWL! I'm off to play with flaming scissors now... Hopefully they will keep me occupied.