Friday, September 22, 2006
breakup?suddenly i want to blog in somewhere nobody will read. not a single one. cos hansel has my password to my every day blog.
this blog is all about me and jeremy. have i really let him go. I have.
if we've been together, it would be 1294 days. as quoted from the code i did for the background here.
just entering here. makes me just feel like im still together with him somehow. sometimes, again, i think i have not let him go. haha _|_ maybe cos i created this blog just for myself to read about some stuffs and thoughts about our relationship in the past.
anyway, i broke up with hansel yesterday. seriously, i dont think its a good idea for us to be together at all. perhaps it never was. no matter how hard he tries, im beginning to take for granted. becos i dont know how to appreciate him anymore. maybe becos he just aint for me. maybe becos he already let me down too hard twice.
i dont realli give a dam abt wat he did to me actually. but i guess becos of what he did. he make me dont give a dam abt the whole r/s already. i just feel insecure. from the start, i dont know if he is a dependable guy, who can provide me or build a family with me. i will also earn $ la. but he like so blur ahead. and he like not really know how to handle things like that, everything is prepared nicely for him. he is still under so much his parents. but i still hang on, cos i love him.
now, i dont even care. in fact i wanna break away. he is too childish for me i guess. from the start, everyone told me this. why do i not listen. am i late to realise?
i want to break away. but he, being this fragile, is not letting me. 156783 |
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Tuesday, January 11, 2005
zzi seldom blog. becos my life sux.
aniwae.. i created a blog jus to try out html skills last time. haha.
dunno wat to say here either. maybe u all might wan to link me at my other diary which i update more often.
i noe the design will be lame but its becos last time i i put to make jeremy laugh only
http://www.opendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=A331552 134219 |
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Saturday, October 16, 2004
fed upi was so fed up at home cos they were playing mahjong cheering talkin loudly in hokkien. it really pisses me off. i reali hate the life that i have. i rather there'd be school so i can just haf the peace that i deserve
today's a weekend. so natually i went to meet jeremy. i told him i was so fed up and all n he "haha, come n find me loh" cos he imagine my pekchek face.
really thought i could have peace and haf a good meal cos i haven eaten all day. but jeremy already haf dinner at home. wanted to blanjah him crystal jade. so veri sian ji buA ++ im still veri fed up n bad mood(ed)
den later say go long john eat den he tell me he wan to go orchard.. i was totally sian but he wanted to get the things tat he need in army.. so i jus tag along. i reali don feel like seeing people at all today. den later i say lets go eat cheese prata later
later reach taka i say i wan to eat takopachi. den later dowan. wan to eat cup noodles cos somehow after i ate the chickenball i don feel like eating takopachi or cheese prata. den go his house the 7-11 i couldnt find the cup noodle flavour that i want n i cant find my seasons barley. den i was grumblin the 7-11 hate me tts y don haf everithing that i wan.
den he so pekchek lidat cos i keep changing my mind den i dowan to choose anymore liao. den quarrel liao lor. i dowan to choose cos dowan him to wait for me den he still angry. say i waste alot of time den don buy anithing.
den reach his house he dowan to talk to me jus cook cup noodle, put on his table and ask me eat. den he went to bed.
im so fed up. i shouldnt haf stepped out of my house at all. spread my pekchekness around. already so fed up everithing now he show me black face when he's already black enuf
fark everithing in this world and fark every single farking moron in my house and fark myself 124701 |
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Monday, October 11, 2004
long time no blog.yeah i noe i take ages to blog.. tts jus becos my life is just abt repeating n repeating the same stuffs over n over n over n over..again
i guess the changes will onli take place when (1) i break up with jeremy (2) im out of Temasek Poly (3) my mom just die off
haha.
today's a monday, supposed to meet timmy n go catch a movie. ha who says im supposed to online on 2pm so we can confirm the time?? hes not even here yet its 2.47pm. pui!
aniwae my life consists of nothing except craving for nice food and playin gb n craving for my SIMS 2. my farking com is too slow to support the game, my mom say she will get me a new one. supposed to gimme money so i will get it this weekend but.. i also dunno what kind of buy. She giving away my whole com to my cousin. [_my Black african-like cousin_]
DELL, IBM, ? ? ? ? , ?!!? ??!?!? ? ? ?! !?!?
im bored 123852 |
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Wednesday, September 29, 2004
i earned points today!its moon cake festival and i went to buy moon cake for jeremy's parents haha. =x ya la its abit por but its more of like im paiseh.. they bought me countless dinners. more den 100x confirm.
yeah as an act of courteousy..
his mom keep on aiyo bu yong la.. but u noe aunties all the same. they say bu yong but they are happi to receive. keke end up they drive me home haha wth.. but somehow i feel happi cos they were happi. 122531 |
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Wednesday, September 15, 2004
sicksick ill fark. hai walao damn long nv sore throat until so jialat even i swallow saliva also pain. even i SNEEZE. also pain ar my throat wtf man.. jeremy also sick but he in camp how the fark he spread to me from inside..
aniwae anione reading this drink more water. changing weather makes ppl ill. or maybe its the 4 mini mooncakes i ate. are mooncakes heaty?
lotsa projects to rush god damnit and i haf to fall sick rite now. fark la im a ranter, i noe. i dunno la fark la ahh i hate PROJECTs 120916 |
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Saturday, September 4, 2004
Marche with poly buddiesyesterday is jeremy's book out day. so after class went to find him n i bloody hell take wrong bus.. end up at tampines when i was supposed to go pasir ris. haha
aniwae later went to jeremy's house den we went to meet yihan, steph, feng quan, nengjie, josh and Sharmaine+jarrod. lol.. haha.. ate alot of stuffs and the stupid prawn salad sux. later we eat halfway realise the couple gone. lol den dunno who say they are at some bushes. lol den josh say but the bushes here are at the ceiling. hahahaa.. true.
later after eating we loither around dunno where to go. den yihan (the usual victim) stood one side n tie her shoe laces. all of us rush to her n STEP STEP STEP on her shoes. lol later we were stepping one another. ya la abit lame. hahaha.. n den today the stupid jeremy keep on say me. Huo de bu nai fan.
later we went to play arcade. nah me n jeremy didnt play. watch the pro josh play his virtual ons. wa damn pro. den later watch the rest play beatmania and the bishi bashi like we ALWAYS do. always, i repeat.
later late already so jeremy drive nengjie and feng quan home. haha.. feng quan live so ulu.. nengjie stay close to me so ok. den in the car i keep on switch the tracks cos the player play random. i onli let them listen to songs i like. den all of them very pekchek cos listen abit i change song. lol den sometimes i quite tempted to change song.. den jeremy say he quite tempted to kick me out of the car. lol den he say i shld sit back seat. walao wth. den of cos feng quan n nengjie laugh until veri happi.
talk lotsa craps. later jeremy came to my house n slp. i bathe finish see him lie there like a pig already. 119577 |
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Tuesday, August 31, 2004
workhad work. had fun. dowan to say much. stress until period come twice this month wtf. lol..
met mani ppl. veri nice girls n guys. kai yuen, jon, hakim,etc 119120 |
posted by sugarkisses^o^ ->
Sunday, August 22, 2004
2nd daytat he go in ns. still got 1 year and 363 days.
ok la.. don count so long term but still haf to wait 2 weeks 5 days before he can come out! hai..............................................
yesterday went to my sis place haha. went to zhang liang *her bf*'s place take ps2. den we play some rpg game. omg got me hooked i play till 7am even though i was totally worn out.. i still wan to play. so addictive the story line.
some jap samurai guy (takeshi jing chen wu wor!). they illustrate him in 3d. damn look like him yeah man DROOL. den he went to the future time.. while the future time american person went back to his samurai time. cool man. damn brain teasing too.
tml after school im going over to stay! to PLAY 117881 |
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Monday, August 16, 2004
:(yesterday when he sent me to the lift jus hugged him n cry. why must have ns. go ns also nv put to use one. waste time. even if got war our soldier got wat use. ppl bomb one bomb all die. zz 117218 |
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Sunday, August 15, 2004
thoughtssyeah im pms thruout the 2 weeks. probabli becos i wunt be seeing him for 3 weeks when he go ns. can onli return after 3 weeks. den the 2nd week onli can 2 person go in so i guess its his parents. so.. ya. feeling quite at loss lidat.
den yesterday he wanted to meet up with his poly classmates who are in ns already. they can onli be out on weekend ma. den i kinda flare up at him for no particular reasons (tats what he thinks)
den i told him dont u feel like spendin more time with me, my sch starts nxt week already. den he say we also no plan, dunno where to go. ya seriously, singapore is too small for us. we kinda run out of things to do, places to go. so.. always end up at his house watch tv n he play his damn cs. if not go out search for nice food to eat. movies. buy stuffs. no more. boring relationship? lol not to me but we've walked lidat for 1 year and a half. altho we always haf fun acting cute, disturbing each other and has an imaginary SON. lol.. still we don haf much common interest.
aniwae flared up, cried, ignored him, he hugs i turn away. end up i made him jus hugged me in bed while i jus cry n he didnt go. no, i didnt use crying so he would stay with me. asked him to jus go, dowan to like ctrl his freedom but he said nvm.
actually jus quite upset that im quite useless n shi bai (failure) cos me as a gf n me have no plans or wadever all the time. even when he going ns already n this weekend i haf no plans for him. its not tat i don haf.. wanted to plan a surprise chalet but chevrons is fully booked. how the hell, i also dunno. its onli term break holiday and its booked.
hai later it ended up well when he leaves my bedroom n i went to check if my mascara were ruined cos of my tears. n he came back n i showed him a red mark beneath my eye. dunno how it came abt either. yeah now im at his house, as usual, he went for soccer. he's supposed to keep the whole sunday to me but i guess he forgot. common. n im bored. the gunbound game gets lagged again.z 117063 |
posted by sugarkisses^o^ ->
Monday, August 9, 2004
new layoutnice bo. did this cos wan my lecturer come see den i can don need to do some work. hahahahhahahah. ok. took me whole afternoon ok.
me going out now for movies with jeremy. dunno what movie also. im more lookin forward to having dinner actuallli. imma starvinggggg 116338 |
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Tuesday, August 3, 2004
karaokelol.. i went to partyworld or partybox i dunno. with steph yihan feng quan nengjie and joshua. it was hella madness. never been to ktv lidat before. like so siao. hahaha den yihan got camera jus nice we took lotsa video
as usual we bully joshua alot. as and when we feel like it just punch him. wahha.. den we sing all the wtf songs. like dong tian yi ba huo. hahaha den feng quan sing "wo di re qing!!" we just "HAAAA!" and all of us HA at joshua super loud. fuck i lost my voice. all of us do. hahhaa.. den joshua helplessly one-man HAAA back to all of us. what difference does it do man, josh. hahahaa..
in the day we went to play pool. joshua n fq taught me a little more. i realise its not so hard after all eh. haha. nj treat all of us lunch.
it was crazy man the ktv nite. hella fun. 1st time so crazy with them. haha 115667 |
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Thursday, July 15, 2004
crampas usual. everi month of the 1st day i haf my HORRID period. i cramp.
today cannot go school.. expected to be in pain. n it did.
so wailed at home all afternoon till like 8pm+ jeremy waited for his dad to drive the car home n he rushes over just to cook me chicken soup lol.. i haf no mood to bite anithing..
soon i got fine n we watch some pool competition with my mom on tv.. later walked him to the lift and hugged him a little.
tml is the 100th day my dearest grandma pass away.. everitime i think of her... it reali aches inside. i wonder if she sees my lifestyle now, how disappointed she will get. im not the good innocent grand dotter she tot i am after all.
aniwae many of my relatives will be going n yet i have to rush off for project. feel quite infilial.. cos this kind must start n end properli. cannot jus go off. i told nj but he also insisted i rush back.. by right the thing will end at 12. i realli duno how to rush back b4 12pm. n of cos cab fare once again.. when i reach there i think salman will be off for his prayers stuffs. one person less again.. i doubt the pam will be there either. hm 113308 |
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Wednesday, July 14, 2004
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
=Tyeah on worrries he missed work today cos no mood. and i skipped french too. same reason. aniwae today no test
everithing will be fine. right? 113087 |
posted by sugarkisses^o^ ->
the day he will be going into the stupid NS....... yes.
wondering shld i get a chalet for the last time. i mean.. if nxt time he ns liao i cannot book chalet on weekend in any case ma. he also need to spend time with his family. exclude the brother
well.. lately his cousin whos 2 yrs older den him having a shotgun marriage. am having alot of thoughts. the girl's parents are wicked.. keep trying to dig money out for the downry. 55k. den reduced to 33k or something. wtf man. ok none of my business but i'll be attending the dinner. am going to see her face. see how MUCH her face is worth tat 55k her parents wanted. from hong kong big f. hahaaa trying to bully jeremy's aunt. hmm.
cries.. am having mental torture. all will be gone tml. good luck to me. wunt say it. fang if u wanna to noe. msg me. imma tell u. :( 113029 |
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Monday, July 5, 2004
hanowadays i keep feeling veri guilty tat je's parents keep buyin me dinners,meals,etc
so jeremy jio me eat with them i always veri paiseh. don feel like going. but aniwae going to join them later for ba gut teh cos he say super nice. when i find out where liao i will post here. hahaha. 112232 |
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Sunday, June 27, 2004
Brian, my gunbound frenWhooo.. nothing im bored. sch starts. im bored. weekends always sux. n sch is too far. im sian. cos gunbound is down. onli works like 9 hrs later. fuck.......... lol
yesterday went out with jeremy to eat. bored le.. cos not enuf slp. wake up in the morning so earli.. even though was tired.. den in the end xuei min they all will be late. 2pm + den will reach. n i would expect 3pm. so 3pm.. already so late. play what.. ppl go beach is in the morning..
den jeremy so pekchek.. cos everione don meet up at the same time.. den i was rather pissed.f.
but all's well when he came to di siao me again. haha
later went out with hf instead. den i was quite stoney.. too tired baz.. den grumpy. later grumbled him to get me takopachi cos i was lazy to go back in n go down escalator,etc to get them.. haha..
now talking to my gunbound fren in msn. he's from califonia. damn funny dude. den he need to wake up 6 hours later. he gotta wake up earli cos his parents are damn slow to prepare. like grubs.
den i was saying YAH if u don sleep enough they're gonna spit u 8 purple balls. den he said " OMG! n if they duel* me tats 16 balls! IMMA DIE! "
lol den i told him yeah u turn in now if not they can also do SS on you. den he say TATS IT. IMMA SLEEP!
hahaa.. yeah he's younger den me. like talkin to a little boy. so cute
111447 |
posted by sugarkisses^o^ ->
Sunday, June 6, 2004
=0hee.. tat nite he took me to the.. tiong bahru park. quite nice.. i reali like to haf fun when he's around.. actualli the real time i reali reali as in REALLY enjoyed myself with him is when last time fang n fabian n us double date. we all play dai dee. that was great man. lol i laff until no sound n gone crazy. its like the times with gong tong that kind of attitude. haha. SIAO one.
other times i wunt say not enjoy la. but another kind of enjoyment. sugar taste
Aniwae my face out break until i wanna die ar. hai. need enuf slp n eat n drink water yes i noe but i jus cannot adjust it to normal la. over time it will heal right.. let it slowli ba. =( 109033 |
posted by sugarkisses^o^ ->
Friday, May 21, 2004
lovehm. i jus like it when he Kiss me n i noe he kiss me becos he realli wan to kiss me n realli out of love.
its a kind of tiny happiness when it happens. 107102 |
posted by sugarkisses^o^ ->
Saturday, May 1, 2004
meetin up min n westmall stabbing incidenttoday meet up with min cos she need some of my work for portfolio. good luck to her.
n ar.. hmm.. talk to her alot of things. i realli don like hansheng's attitude. she deserves better.
i don believe in Rong Ren. means toleration. I believe in being frank but must think 1st den say la. cannot always tolerate. its jus unhealthy for a relationship to keep hidin certain stuffs..
i mean if u luv a person.. u gotta luv his/her everithing. even the bad.. u gotta try to.. cope with it? or jus tell the person to change if it is a negative thing.. (e.g. smoking, drugs? lol)
jus now nengjie msn me n we chat awhile. realise he workin at westmall. maybe i shld walk around tml see got job for me to work there anot. if got shiok ar so near. hahahaha.. hmm
den ar he told me westmall got ppl stabbed to death! omg. 1st tot is Yan cheng n vicson. of cos vicson i don give a damn liao la. den quickly msg yan cheng whether he ok. lol den he say not him being stabbed la. den i replied him.. "but not u stab ppl rite!?" lol.. well veri hard to say ma. aniway i reali don wish my frens or ppl to die around me. like yan cheng or his frens xiao zu they all. all nice people. .
after ah ma's death make me realise life is so fragile. cos after her death came all the collapse here n there.. i wonder how the "head" of the road construction those ppl how to survive. everithing is falling down. sure got alot of responsibilties.. esp when got ppl die somemore.. aiyo.. hai. jus hope everithing is going to be fine for everione. people i noe n people i do not noe. 103721 |
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Tuesday, March 23, 2004
boochange my whole blog lay out to nothing. cos i was suddenli sick of all these fanciful stuffs.
aniwae.. yesterdae met him. hmm sometimes i reali think tat its good tat we don meet so often. cos when we finali meet up.. he will be treat me abit sweeter. haha. maybe he didn la but its the feeling tat today he loves me sweeter. Usuali he also wunt carry my bag for me. wunt kiss me so often. what am i saying. haha. 96538 |
posted by sugarkisses^o^ ->
Thursday, March 18, 2004
hmi like cannot hear my music leh. can u all hear? aniwae.. today overslp for lesson. damn sad cos i abit slow in this subject. :( i scared cannot catch up.. i am going to try hard from today on. i promise myself! 95659 |
posted by sugarkisses^o^ ->
Sunday, March 14, 2004
Anniversarywe had our 1 year anniversary. at 1st was darn disappointed with the rain. haha some of my frens gave me romantic ideas tat i wanna work out. :( so sad.
budden later we enjoyed the nite togede too with intimate hugs n kisses. veri beautiful nite nevertheless
it was den i realised we don really need any anniversary. cos it feels almost like any other day. and we're still happy.
no. this isnt self comforting. acherli quite happi to noe this fact too.
but i still hope we can haf some romantic stuffs once in awhile like last yr.
94860 |
posted by sugarkisses^o^ ->
Monday, February 16, 2004
disappointmentvery disappointed. it was the worst vday i had..
i really am not askin for anything. jus flowers and a gift. jus sweet kisses n hugs. jus a romantic place to dine for dinner. even if its jus a playground or whatever.
i noe.. i do so much doesn mean i will get back the same. but it really make me wonder.. how much do i stand in his heart?? its our 1st vday and he jus buy a necklace pendant. something which is easy n fast. no plannings no nothing. not even extra sweeter tat nite.
it makes me hurt inside. DO YOU KNOW? he doesn even bother.. its the 1st vdae it means alot to me.
nxt yr we wont get to celebrate it cos he will be in ns.
y didn i plan the day rite? becos he say we gonna go watch movie so i tot he would haf worked something out..
how disappointed. 89934 |
posted by sugarkisses^o^ ->
Friday, February 13, 2004
Friday, February 6, 2004
weetoday he like veri sweet to me. keep huggin me.
aniwae i decided! vdae i shall do cookies. plus do a little gift.. hee..
yeah cya 88696 |
posted by sugarkisses^o^ ->
