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The life and mind of The Pest
Greetings fellow mortals. Welcome to the world that is my life. These are my thoughts feelings and the goings on of my benign existance. Enjoy, and comment if you will. Hopefully it's not too somber or the least bit contrived.
last modified May 21, 2004 at 14:41
I'm in Colville right now, waiting to go to the the fair here. It is so boring waiting for Donny to finish in the shower.
How do ya'll fight temptation? I'm in the middle of trying to fight my own little thing. I know that there's a few people that I can talk to that come and read this rediculous thing (JC, Anna, Samuel), but this is something that I can't really tell about. But I can definitely use some prayer. Thanks ya'll!!
Well, lemme see. We drove here last night and got here at 2:30a.m. I didn't go to bed until almost 5, and got up at 8:30, went back to bed and got back up at a little before noon. Honestly I'm getting bored already, although last night was kinda fun. Me and Donny were talking last night, and I think I've finally made my decision about what I wanna do after high school. Major in journalism and have a minor degree in Public Relations. I'm sure that I want to go to Texas Christian University. He wants to go into Job Corps for culinary arts.
Wearing: purple spaghetti string top with a green vest, blue jeans, cruddy work shoes and my new necklace.
Doing: posting on the RI and waiting to go to the fair.
Not Digesting.
listening to: 93 Zoo FM (hey, it's not my radio).
Well, I'm gonna get off so I can go.
Unyodels!!
I've just eaten three hotdogs for lunch and they were yummy. I'm still finishing off the chips. Well, I'm 6 days into being a 16 year old, and I feel like nothings changed. Almost. There are some things that seem a little different. I'm either tired, or actually trying to be responsible. And I think I got the adult teenager moodswings, too. Last night, I even wrote a poem about it.
~~~
Old habits come back and haunt me
I can do nothing, can't run...can't flee
Merely living as an illusion
Suffering torment I can't escape
I still wait for God to rescue me.
When are you coming?
I need to be saved from my self.
The sins I comit, the pain I cause others.
Just another American girl fighting the cause
But which cause? Why must I fight??
God will win in the end, and I chose his side.
and to not suffer turmoil means I'm not fighting
I fee like I'm not helping...like I'm pulling awa
JESUS!! Don't let me go. Lucifer! Set me free!!
I wanna die to my flesh,
Leave this world behind.
Be set free of my pain.
Enjoy the Nirvana of heaven
Old habits must die!!
~~~
I found something I wrote 11.10.1.
~~~
Life is NOT going to get easier.
Alone.
Unwanted.
Abused.
Sad.
UNHAPPY!
Persecuted.
Falling.
Abandoned.
I need help. I feel like I'm not getting it. My head always hurts and I feel like I'm gonna be killed by my own flesh and blood. When will my pain end? How long until my prayers are answered? When will I be comforted? I'm losing track of God. Lord, come find me, take me away-
~~~
I don't know if I finished it or not. I'm not really feeling this way now. I know God is with me and that he's protecting me. But every once in a while...it feels like I got Satan lashing at me. Beating me. He'll set me free when my work is done.
I don't care to know some of what goes on in some of my friends personal lives, but they share anyways. It's not all the time that I don't wanna know what's going on in people's lives, like if they are having a hard time, sure I don't mind listening...but if they are talking about stuff that's not - well lets say I keep that info about me to m'self - I don't care to know about it.
Anyways...
I'll finish this later. I'm not in the mood to do this.
I got a call from my mom and some zucchini from Lindy. I'm not sure if I'm waiting for more gifts, but I'll wait just in case.
Somewhat as I was hoping, but it seems a little discouraging too. I did get a call from the B's, which made me feel better. They've gotten their Southern accents back, and it's interesting listening to them. Although, Samuel still sounds like he's from the North (oh my, no Southern accent?!?! *giggles*).
I got a cross necklace from JC, a card from Anna, a card with a savings bond from Granny (my mom's mom), and three e-cards. When my dad came home tonight, he said "I woulda got you a cake, but I was all over doing stuff." It's alright...I'm not entirely disappointed. It woulda been nice to not have done chores today tho. All I did was a load of laundry and - well, that was all I had to do. Even had to make my own dinner, and it was only eggs with ketchup. And a wonderful lunch of two chicken thighs and some breaded cheese sticks. But whatever, I got to kinda talk to someone I wanted to. It could definitely have been better. :P Oh well. Unyodels!!
far so good. No major imbarrassments today. I'm happy. Things may change as the day finishes out.
Today is officially my birthday, and I'm officially 16, as of 10:35 this morning. I'm probably gonna be online later today, I just wanted to post -
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!
Tomorrow is my brother's birthday. Unyodels.
Yodels!!
I'm gonna celebrate my birthday working and alone. Well, not entirely alone. I'll see my boss, and my sister. And maybe people at the park if I decide to go out. I'm thinking about just being a hermit tomorrow and staying in my room, coming out only for necessity. But there's a few things I wanna do before I do anything above all. I'm gonna help my dad so I can get him to go to Colville this weekend.
mood: undecided. I got too many things running through my mind that make me happy and sad and angry. Don't bother asking, it's too hard to explain.
wearing: gamily reunion t-shirt, blue hean shorts and the stick I shaved and made nice so I could put it in my hair (I use it as a hair clip type thing).
tunes: Rascal Flatts "I'm Movin' On"
chatting with: Donny and missliberty_2002 (I forgot her real name *blush*)
digesting: finish some pizza a while ago.
Anyways, I'm off to do stuff, then go to bed. I wanna be able to sleep so I can read tomorra.
Unyodels!
Was my last messages too long for you people??? Fine then, I'll keep this one short and sweet.
mood: tired, achy.
wearing: black pj bottoms and white goose chase shirt.
digesting: cola (finished).
sound: t.v. of course.
I really don't have much to say. Thursday is my sweet 16. I have to work on my birthday. I plan on quitting after this Thursday anyway. Oh well.
Can I get ya'll to pray for my friend 'Netty (short for her real name)? She's having problems with depression and suicide.
And that is all that is going on in my boring life...aDiLoS!!
I go to post about how my throat is doing on the prayer board, and I accidentally delete it. The undo on the computer I'm on (I'm dog-sitting and house-sitting) didn't work the way I wanted it to. But, I managed to remember the joke that I wanted to put on there. Go on and read it.
Anyways.
I've quite pleased myself in ruining yet another friendship.:-P A friend's mom told another friend of mine and her family that I had barged into her house one night and cussed her out. Not true!! I went to her house, yea, but I knocked on the door and asked her sternly to not be breaking confidences. My brother and sister were with me, they were louder about telling her than me. It truely blows when people gossip. So is lying. Oh the tangled webs that are weaved. Probably my own fault. I tell, she blabs, everyone's mad, I end up the one in trouble. Or the one on the short end of the stick. Either way, I'm pretty much out two friends.
Mood: strange...I'm tired, but slightly perky in attitude.
Sound: A movie on the television. "The Skulls"
Wearing: gray pj bottoms and 1999 Goose Chase shirt.
Digesting: A&W Rootbeer. I think I need a refill.
Chatting with: Absolutely nobody! There's only AIM on this thing, and I don't have an AIM user name. Besides, it's 12:26 a.m. in the morning, I highly doubt there's anyone out online that I know and like anyways...or that knows and likes me.
Ok...I'm changing the sound thing now...I changed it to a movie called Princess Mononoke. It's an awesome movie. I saw it once before at a friend's house (the friend that got told the lie) and it's (as I said) awesome. It's an anime about "A poisoned prince stumbling into a battle between a young woman with special powers and a mining villiage harming the invironment." That's the guide description for the satellite. What happens is this prince of a Chinese or Japanese village gets touched on his right forearm by a boar infected by a demon. Well, he either gets banished or he choses to leave to find a cure for the disease. He meets this one gal (Mononoke) who rides this wolf. Anyways, he rescues some guards, takes them to the mining town in which they live. The Prince figures out why things seem to be messing up with all the 'gods'. Lady Iboshi(sp?), the chick that runs the mining town, is pretty much only out to profit from the steel. Then, Mononoke breaks into the mining town. She is out to kill Lady Iboshi. (whew, there's so much to tell). Anyways..we find out that there's some other dude trying to kill the forest spirit. As the story progresses, a war breaks out between these boars, suposed gods or something, and the men and some women of the mining town. To make a long story short, lots of boars die, lots of men die, and in the end, so does a few main characters. I'll finish telling some other time. Right now, the movie's not over, but I'm to tired to finish watching it. It's 1: 13 and the movie is over at 2:20. Adios.
G'night love!
*~Melissa~*
All plans and bets are off. The hat was given...as well as the letter, but I don't want the Hershey's kisses. I'm not in the mood for chocolate, and I don't think I have the taste for them anymore. Let alone chocolate of any kind. I'm even liking vanilla icecream more than all others. I don't even want my favorites...peanut butter cups!!! Kinda hard to swallow isn't it?
Anywho...
Mood: tired...a li'l grievous.
Sound:t.v.
Wearing:blue jeans, longsleeve green shirt, blue hair clip.
Chatting with:JC and Lindsay
Doing:trying to deal with my blogger. I wanna change it. Anyone care to help???
Well, I shall post later. TTFN.
I originally posted this on Samuel's blogger, but I think it's something that belongs on here. But I was just replying to stuff he had said.
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1. I probably would've liked reading your long post...I lack knowledge of what's going on in your life, and the only fill in I get is through the RI and your sister's blogger.
2. I've been a bit depressed, but more so being absent minded and non-caring about some of my actions. Like probably everyone else, I really must get myself back into the word and in more fellowship. Must get back to a nonchalant attitude.
3. I have no idea what your going through with your teeth. Compared to you my tooth problem is menial to yours (really bad cavity).
4. I shall be praying for your dad while he's in Denver. Hm...should find a way so he can meet my mom or other family. *smirks*
5. I too didn't like the Raiders of the Lost Ark movie...and more than likely (too much time since seeing them) I don't like the others.
Sorry to dump this on ya, bro, but it's just something that's been on my mind...and I felt it was something to leave here. 'Tis my mark.
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Mood: unsure. I've got all these mixed feelings that are kinda bugging me. I just wanna scream and shout and let everyone know what's buggin me. But I trust no one. Well, at least not with this. Just pray for me about it.
Sound: Kindergarten Cop on the T.V. I still think it's an alright movie.
wearing: shirt and shorts. maybe a little bit of guilt *raises eyebrow for the suspecting*
digesting: Coke with lemonade in it. Truely a weird flavor.
Father,
You know what's on my heart, and you know that it's bugging me and causing me some grief. I know even despite it, you still love me and want me by your side. Keep it from me. I don't desire it to be in my life. Not now...probably not ever again. Sin plagues me and you and I both know it. I love you so much Lord, and I don't want mess it up. Get that stuff out of my life...I don't need it. All I need is you and it--it hurts to feel so distant from you. Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. Cleanse my heart, and make it pure. Transform it into something that can be used for your service. I love you.
Amen.
Sin and guilt befalls my heart, and I want to bash my head in. I doubt forgive and forget will work right now...but that's all I can attempt to do. Lord help me!!
I'm probably bad. But it happened and I'm not sure what to think about it. He--I just can't believe he...HE...would do something like that. He was like "come here" and I was half expecting it, half not. *blushes* I'm sure you can guess what he did (he is someone I'm allowing to remain nameless)...but for those of you who can't guess, just talk to me on Y!M (leosmay). I'm a li'l flustered because of it, but--oh my goodness, I just can't find the words to tell about it.
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