something ordinary

last modified Sep 4, 2004 at 7:15

people i hate:

1. tak punctual
2. cakap tak serupa bikin
3. freeloader
4. bodoh
5. kaki ditch

161011 | posted by utopia at 22:35 | 0 comments

right now im feeling like shit
and sad at the same time

he still dont want to work
and i talk to him bout that, he will bark back at me

this morning, i told him that i want to buy ticket going home for hari raya
and he oppose to that idea
he doesnt want to go back for raya

i think im hating him
each day i feel like it is useless between us
i force my smile
i force my laughter
i hate the way we are right now

is it sinful to hate your own husband?

160850 | posted by utopia at 20:59 | 1 comments

Pursuit of Happyness

everyone entitle to one
but me?
im struggling to find one

even if im lying next to him...
im lost
sometime it's better for me to run away
and go back
but i cant do that

160695 | posted by utopia at 23:33 | 0 comments

tension
sakit hati

if r/ship continue this way
im gonna be depressed for the whole of my life
i want my old life back

i thought im going to be happy
but to be honest, im not
im severely depressed
one word after another
mmg orang cakap dah hilang dah cinta
dah keras dah hati

so whatever

159995 | posted by utopia at 18:07 | 0 comments

called mom to wish happy mothers day in advance
and i almost shed my tear

this is my black hole
i will bear with this for another 6 month
and hoping him to change
and if he's not
im not afraid to say goodbye

i always have this what if thought in my mind
will i be better?

help me god go through this
for i want, really want to be free

159254 | posted by utopia at 0:59 | 0 comments

sedih sangat hari ni
my MIL complain to me about my husband
and I cant comfort either party
im stuck in between

saya takda duit
saya tak boleh mintak duit mak bapak lagi
benci dengan kehidupan saya
kenapa saya tak pernah hidup senang

159040 | posted by utopia at 1:19 | 1 comments

sometime i questioned myself
am i doing the right thing?

i thought im going to be happier
but im not
skarang nih rasa macam depressed sangat
like i dont care
kalau ada, ada
kalau takde, takde
just i hate it when im being punished for being good

hate myself for this one huge mistake

i think i can go crazy
im a very good listener
mcm kat tempat kerja baru nih...my officemate easily cerita ttg problem dia
i thought at a new place, i can change
but i cant
im still a nice girl that cant hurt others
no matter how hard they hit me

sekarang nih emotionally hurt
cant take it anymore....but somehow i can

kalau ada kawan menangis sama2 memang bagus
at least i dont feel depressed as i am right now
trying too hard to take it all in

hate my situation
sometime i wish for bad thing to happen
and im wishing hard for that to happen now!

158529 | posted by utopia at 1:00 | 0 comments

fuh...kejap baik kejap tak baik je server nih
unsungheroes: you never updated your blog...what happened?ke dah ada blog baru? care to share with me? miss ur sweet baby pics.
wetdaisies: jom jadi diet buddy i...i need to lose another 15kg baru ok sikit

talking bout diet, now im 73kg
orait laa tuh...since masa cny my parents are coming and coming from family that love to eat...i forget about my diet

next week nak buat detox...just read about detox few days ago...drink lots of water and lots of fruit in order to re-energize the body and to jump start the diet again

saya tak restrict my food...but im being choosy with what i ate...kadang2 terkantoi laa jugak makan mi goreng whatsoever...then get back on track again...
minum air kena banyak...i have to remind myself about this...sbb kadang2 tak abis pon air yang bekal dari rumah

stress at work...kadang2 boleh naikkan nafsu makan walaupon tanak makan/tak lapar...
and that is my biggest problem...emotional eating
terbawak2 dari time study di US dulu...kalau stress study sanggup keluar pergi grocery in the middle of the night just to get some diet coke and big bag of cheezels...

life's ok...i miss my mom and dad esp after they went back home after visiting me :(
sigh

158401 | posted by utopia at 0:49 | 0 comments

pagi...mihun,telur and ayam goreng (baaaad!)
tgh hari...mi goreng pataya and milo ais

the cafe is freaking expensive

oh this morning i was 74kg
hopefully tak naik...or else i am sooo kantoi

158164 | posted by utopia at 2:59 | 2 comments

Kena take serious this lose weight thingy
currently:75kg
need to lose another 10kg

today:
breakfast: mihun, teh panas, telur goreng, sambal
lunch:hubby bekalkan epal 2 biji
dinner: susu with oat

since i spend too much calories on breakfast alone...hopefully wthi will last until evening

158140 | posted by utopia at 19:14 | 0 comments

im trying to lose weight again...
i havent been dieting properly until few days ago
when i just drink milo and eat jacob's breakfast bar for lunch and breakfast
malam makan bubur and buat sup

BUT, my husband complimented me today when he said...dah nampak turun sikit
that totally make my day and motivate me more!

tapi kan...when dieting nih...mmg jadi obsessed dengan food...
masa nak gi wayang boleh terfikir nak makan apa...
masa dalam bilik kerja boleh fikir nak cheating and walk to cafeteria to buy some nasi bungkus...
all i think is food...sangat susah tau mind control ini...

but drink lots of water....it will toned down the obsession
sigh...2 month of doing thing and hopefully can reach 69 during that time

158084 | posted by utopia at 1:07 | 0 comments

okay let's do some updating

i need new moisturiser cause im working in air-conditioned room right now...a very dry room
im thinking of buying olay, regular olay...but i also want to try loreal punya moisturiser sbb cam best
foundation...hmmm right now guna silky girl je...but need better foundation than that..tak check lagik apa yang best
bodyglove punya lipbalm of course
then new lipstick...tak mahal pon takpe...silky girl look alright...
blusher....kena tgk balik...malas nak round mall..so maybe ended up beli dekat guardian...maybelline ke something like that

kasut...2 comfortable shoes...really comfortable..cause i need to start menapak pegi mengajar maybe next week

then baju kurungs...lots of them...at least 2 batik motif and 2 regular one...

one new slack and 2 new shirts

boleh ke dapat suma tuh under 300?

158057 | posted by utopia at 1:24 | 0 comments

anyway...
reminder for myself...
things i want to do with my money
i need new set of makeup (new foundation, new moisturizer, new lipstick and new blusher)
new shoes...at least few more shoes
baju kurung
slack and baju kerja

158044 | posted by utopia at 2:53 | 0 comments

fuh..it's 2007 already
time sure fly fast eh?

but syukur...i managed to achieved my main goal for 2006
finished my study
get a job
get my dream job
lose some weight (freaking 33 lbs not just SOME weight okay...im proud with that)
and get married to mr bf after 5 yrs

for 2007 i need to achieve more
career wise- i want to get a place for my master in UK as soon as possible..and hopefully can fly by the end of the years
few univ in mind...liverpool, manchester,oxford

personal- need to get down to 55kg by the end of the year
think i can achieved that...that's mean i need to lose 20 kg...
no sweat..i can do 15kg in just 4 month...i have more time

wish you guys a very happy 2007...
so far..life is good

158039 | posted by utopia at 0:01 | 0 comments

i wrote in here few times that i want to be a lecturer

i may considered of getting master....i want to be lecturer...dont think i'll enjoy life as an engineer...
when i told my friend about my want to be a lecturer...she really grilled me...one of the reason is "kurang ah engineer melayu karang"
hmmmm quite interesting....actually i really dont know what i want to do....i want to be a house-wife but i know that'll break my parents heart and i dont think i want to let go all the suffering that i've been through here in State...i have to let others suffer too hahahahah that's why i want to be a lecturer....

alhamdulillah
tuhan kasi saya peluang utntuk tunaikan mimpi saya
i just got an offer to be a tutor in an IPTA
and Im grateful for that

moreover...in two weeks time im gonna get married with my bf.we have been in (and out) of love for 5 yrs now..
and he's gonna take care of me while im pursuing my dream to be a lecturer

157918 | posted by utopia at 20:40 | 0 comments

my dad complimented me today
he said, i just need to lose 5 more kg and i'll look great

and i think that's soooo sweet

well I actually need to lose 20kg to look great btw
hahahahha

anyhooooo
i'm happy cause I managed to lose 10% of my body weight
and that's a lot, at least for me
so I have another month and half to lose 10kg
my goal is to be at 69 kg on the last day of puasa

156663 | posted by utopia at 10:51 | 0 comments

actually I always want to write about Mawi-Ina breakoff but i always have no time to write it down
i dunno why
but somehow Ina's reaction toward the whole thing and people response against Ina open my eyes on how unlucky Malay women are

I think Ina is amongst the first Malay women who dare to talk about her disappointment regarding her breakoff with Mawi
altho her action to publish a book was seen by people as ways to defame mawi and to raise popularity.

I, somehow, dont think so..

I love the fact she dares to publish her book
I consider her book as symbol of young Malay women's fight against injustice, against betrayal
I consider her book as the rise of Malay women whose right has been abused
and i seriously consider her book as a big FUCK YOU to the malay society

I'm an avid book collector
amongst my favorite theme is tale about Asian women who fighting for their right, about fighting against injustice
but sadly enough
there is no Malay author who published those kind of book until today.None!
Women's place in Malay society saddened me
there are NO malay women who willing to spoke out against injustice against them

I was so sad when read about people comment against Ina
Ina who has clearly been betrayed by her own first love, thru phone call nonetheless, after he become famous
This women sacrificed herself and went along thru thick and thin moment in Mawi's life is jeered by his fans...a lot of them
just because she published a book to defend herself against Mawi's betrayal

I am sad because most of those jeering at her are also women

Rasul himself trying so hard to elevate woman status in Islam
he is the icon of feminism, who protect women from injustice against men
why malay people can't follow his step?
why malay people still place women at the bottom

I'm very upset with the mindset of these people

Ina is nothing compare to other suffering malay women out there...
BUT I hope she will revolutionize the mindset of malay community

*i want to continue and polished this later

156616 | posted by utopia at 11:30 | 0 comments

i just want to write down my nazar
if i get the job
i will sedekah rm300 from my first gaji to the surau

hopefully i will get through the interview easily
and get the job as soon as possible

insya allah

156456 | posted by utopia at 9:59 | 2 comments

im pms-ing
so skarang nih teringin nak kahwin
i just want to get married

BUT
i dont want to be those people
who satisfied with what they got
im a materialistic person
i have goals in life
i want to have a car, a house, and lots of money before i get married
both of us want that

but right now...
it feels like i dont care
i just want to get married
just give me a ring, a quran, and kenduri money
i'll be happy

BUT
i have my mom's feeling to spare
orang2 sekeliling lagik...kang free2 kena fitnah
kalo kawin camtuh

but you know
at times like this...
when i have menstrual cramp
all i need is someone to warm my tummy up

sigh
susahnyaaaaa laaaa nak kawin

156416 | posted by utopia at 10:59 | 0 comments

the rule of thumb in dieting is you need to drink your water
regular people need to drink at least 2l of water each day
dieter however...need to drink more than that!
seriously!
because when you dieting, you take less food than you always do...and you'll more water from your body
so to keep ur metabolism running...you need to drink your water

my way to fulfill all that is by using bottles
i fill up at least 2.5l of water in various bottles....put it in my fridge and make sure i finished everything by evening
try this for once...
you feel fresh
it'll improves your skin condition
and ultimately
aid with weight loss

weight loss update
last january...i weighed at 96kg
today my weight is 81kg
i've lose total of 15kg in 8 months!!!!
like my friend said...
lebih dari seguni beras tuh!!!

so i dont give up
i didnt not meet my goal..but im grateful that i'm getting slimmer
i just need to lose few more...for health reason...for beauty reason
and i'll make it work

156100 | posted by utopia at 11:23 | 0 comments

so much to write
well.. in the end i just want to say how much my brain has deteriorated
after 4 month leaving school, i havent done anything intellectual yet
tv, internet and then back to tv
hah so much for someone like me
yeah...it's been a leisure months
BUT I NEED TO SHARPEN MY MIND

blah

155914 | posted by utopia at 3:30 | 0 comments

81kg and going down

cant wait to reach 79

155907 | posted by utopia at 23:06 | 0 comments

ish
sangat layan lagu samson kenangan terindah itu

i dont know what i feel lately
im sooo in love...
i really want him to be mine

you know marriage talk me my heart grew
i think when i get the job...
i'll get married as soon as possible
i hope i get the job near my house
so that i dont have to think about going back and fro each weekend
please please god...let me get that job
we had our differences
but in the end...i know i really love him
and i couldnt let him go

need money need money

155803 | posted by utopia at 10:15 | 0 comments

hmmmm
dunno what to say
and i really really dunno what to do

i wish i just can let it go
so that i can move on and have a better life than now

i dunno what to do
mostly because i dunno what will happens to me when all of this ended
im scared of unknown possibilities
and yet i really really dont like what's happening between us right now.

hmmmm

155427 | posted by utopia at 9:30 | 0 comments

woke up this morning
found out that ive lost another kg
so i'm at 83kg now...

then i took some measurement from my body
and i lose more inches

lalala
im so happy...
my target is still to lose another 2 kg by the end of this week
and hopefully by next week I'll already in my 7+

oh i'm sooo determined to lose weight
i need to be at least 65 kg during raya
i think i can do that

ok will report again later

155340 | posted by utopia at 19:27 | 0 comments

i was browsing through my old photos
and guess what
i cant believe how fat i am exactly a years ago

even mr bf is laughing at that picture
and said to me "isk, gemuknya time nih"

seriusly...i almost look like syanie
i think at that time i was at 210lbs or maybe more
now at 185lbs, i cant believe how can i be that big!!!

155323 | posted by utopia at 1:58 | 0 comments

Just got back from holiday
Good news: I'm at 84 kg now
Bad News: my goal is 83 kg (i miss one kg lose)
but it's okay
i supposed to be glad that i didnt pile on weight after 5-days holiday
lots of good food, but i think i control myself well


so what happened...
i feel itchy to walk after this
been a while since i did my routine walk

my goal for this week is 82 kg, i want to lose 2 kg per week

i need to buy milo, weetameal, and tuna for my diet
so i'll update later

155317 | posted by utopia at 19:23 | 0 comments

you know what my problem is?
i like to eat
well...i LOVE to eat

so to diet is to take away something that i love
and i really depressed right now

but i dont want to stay fat
it's unhealthy
i dont look good
it makes me weak

one thing i fear the most is
when there'll be bad guy chasing me
and i cant run fast enough cause im fat

155134 | posted by utopia at 18:59 | 0 comments

i never cry as hard as today
fuck you

155058 | posted by utopia at 23:45 | 1 comments

lalalala
85 kg now
very very happy...

that's mean im doing something right
so up to now, i've lose 10 kg
and im happy about it

HOWEVER
hahaha i still have another 20 kg to go
and i still have about 2 month to go
my dad asked me to go to clinic to get some help
and i think i should
my bmi is over 30 okay...
so from information that ive gathered
it's okay for me to take pill

im not a skinny freak
i dont care about that
im not your typical malay girl
the reason i want to lose my weight
is because ive tortured myself long enough (4 years okay)
this weight is not meant for me
there is not a single photo of me being fat in this house
i'm never fat
that's me

maybe after my trimz and klenz i will go to clinic to get some help...
anyone with positive experience are welcome to share

155042 | posted by utopia at 1:51 | 0 comments