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something ordinary
last modified Sep 4, 2004 at 7:15
o yeah
happy halloween
if i had the costume...i would be a Samara from The Ring
a black wig and a white face + a long white cloth
sure make ppl freak out
yeah sure i see bizzare thing around campus today
an Indiana Jones
a gorilla
a girl with wing (but no halo? O:>)
an elf
a wizard
a knight with cool shield
o have i mention that slutty schoolgirl (damn her!)
happy happy day today
-my bf called me  ) at the moment im still waiting for his second call
-got back my midterm exam :ooo yeahhhh i got 95/100
its like dream come true i never expect to get even 80 for the test )
-got my fat paycheck!!yeah totally fat!!::that's mean i've settle my credit card's debt with all my money
a very very happy day to me
i think everyone seems unhappy with their life
esp student i guess
right now im thinking something like
"if im in Malaysia...sure i aces and get the dean's list all the time"
well
maybe not
if i cant make it here
how can i make it there
dammit im trying to be positive
but hell knows im not that shiny little girl
who smile to the rays of sunshine
right now have to focus to little things first
such as getting good result
(duhhh...little things u said?)
ok i have done my laundry
and what's next?
yaaa tidy up my room
then?
go to sleep i guess
tomorrow gonna be happy day for me
(in my dream....)
o yeah one more thing
I LOVE DR M
indirectly he's the reason im here in the midst of the cool fall
holding scholarship to further my study
to be honest
im lil' afraid of the new Malaysia
because im so used to Dr M's politic
hey im not going to argue anything here
im kinda sad for his leaving
hope everything gonna be alright
maybe what my bf told me is true after all
i should never have the affinity towards my friends
as in the end i will hurt myself
he knows me better that i know myself
i kept giving chance to other people
well im tired of all this
i dont need even a single sympathy
i just want a friend
to talk with
to listen to
i talk as if im in high school
yada yada
i've been through this
over and over again
dont want to promise anything again
like i care
right now im in phase of making big bucks
well trying to fill in all the sub
i want to settle the credit card debt
insyaallah
in the end of this month
and maybe in the mid of next month
the student accouts will clear up
havent done the chores for today
got no quarters to do the laundry
its ok
im more comfortable living in this messy room
spanking clean room make me wanna jump outta the window!
a day after exam is really a day to be lazy
woke up after Zuhr
and until now havent take a bath yet
damn the cold weather!
this is list of stuff that i really really want to do in this week::
tomorrow::
*tidy up my room
*do laundry
*take out that smelly trash
*xerox the reading material (this mean i need to top up the xerox card)
*buy tuna sandwich for break fast tomorrow
*arghhhh got to work tomorrow!!! sign the sub
*do hw due thursday
this week::
*finish up the reading material
*try to make appoinment with the TA about the research paper
*study for next week's exam (must finish before thursday)
*have some fun maybe?
see...so much to do so little time
*
got exam tonight
dont want to put any hope
i just want to do well
really had a bad week right now
dont feel like seeing anyone
reminder:
-do laundry tonight after exam
-while wait for the laundry, tidy up the room...really can't tell what color is my carpet now
kill me
cause i want to die
with or without you
being treated like shit today
so many shit happens to me today
i hate it
firstly my mom kept saying that im fat and such
make me feel like dont want to call home again
and i'll never call again
then my friend really treat me like shit
seriously
fuck her
this is not the first time
damn her
i feel like being used all this time
fuck!!!!!!
why bad things happen on good day
damn everyone
do u understand the feeling that u thought u got a friend
but in the end its proven that u have nothing
i realized no matter i appreciate the "friendship"
in the end only my bf is truly my bf
and now he's not here for me to share my feeling me
it feel so hurt
cause i need to curse
and pour my heart out
but i got no one
i feel like such a loser
fuck you
i dont even care
2 more month and new years will began
i need to shortlist things that i havent done yet
and i want to be sure that i'll make before 2003 end
* settle all the financial debt
-credit card:$695
-student account:$290 (must settle before january)
* lose weight
- at least 10 lbs after ramadhan
-at least 20 lbs before january
* study
- start reading the research paper material on 10/29
-start discussing with prof/ta first week of november
- get at least GPA 3.5 this semester and 3.00 CGPA
* others
-settle the sponsor's form
i'll add other stuff later
and to all happy fasting
this is my second year fasting without my family
nah...im not that nostalgic this year
more neutral
and that's remind me to call my mom to wish them happy ramadhan
may this ramadhan better than before
stupiiiid
if i know im gonna be hurt
i should never call home
yeah
and i will never call home again until raya
damnit
what happen in my life lately?
well to be exact nothing
same routine everyday..
day in day out
im in im out
i need some loving
stupid me
so stupid and reckless in using money
altho im swear i'll never overspend
doing grocery last night and have a total of 50 bucks over stupid stuff make me wanna cry
im so helpless
i want to save money to see him
i need to do something
im enticed with the idea of healthy eating
im training myself to eat veggie (tho the idea of green veggie is still yucky to me)
im made a promise to lose weight by the end of april
and im going to do it
im still in process of researching
im really tired of the fad diet
they do nothing to me
maybe the ideal of healthy food will win me in the war
whoever read my blog from beginning knows how im struggling with my own issue of overweight
and i still am
dont laugh at my effort to end this nightmare im living in
it is sickening...if you are in my place
im will never accept myself as a fat girl
im changing
and please dont judge me if im fail
really dont like what i feel right now
im missing him like hell right now
really want to talk to him
to laugh with him
to see him
i know sulking is not the solution
but what else can i do?
i miss you honey
please come back!
having a blast night last night
i go watching some amatuer singer and band in a small mini concert
well it sort of "open mic" actually
there is this duo...the guy really can sing
omigod!
the lyrics is really touching
overall the performance is A class plus i dont even fork out a single dime
it makes me wonder....
if there any open mic function in Malaysia
sure we can see a true talent aight?
another good news
i finally got a raise :P
yehaaaa
today's plan
:wrap the wonton and make wonton soup
:try to learn cook a proper "sambal ikan bilis"
i just realized im so behind in my chem class!!
dammit!
now i have a week + to cover back all the stuff im lagging behind
other news...just got my paycheck today...but i need all the money to cover back the expenses during last fall break
so little money so much debt!
im hopeless in dieting...no wonder im so damn fat!
i miss him so much!
i feel like in holiday
but all the works waiting to be finished
dont have any mood to do anything
lethargic
moody
total fuck-up
reminder to myself
:start reading research paper's meterial
:study for the exam next next week
:qada the remaining fasting
have a fun night yesterday
he called me and seriously i miss him so much right now
life is so unfair
while everyone can easily walk side-by-side with their love partner, i dont have the luxury to even talk to him regularly
maybe it is my fault
got exam tomorrow...right now has to finished the essay to be written during tomorrow's exam
want to start fasting tomorrow
i eat so much lately
i felt terribly guilty to God....always
im not a good Muslim yet i always try to be one
i love my perfect religion
it just some things that i cant control
and it is absolutely wrong
i seek guidance
but people always judging me
i try to do it step by step
but always stop in the middle
i have lack of motivation
the scenery outside my room is so damn beautiful
bright yellow leaves adorn the tall trees outside
and i know i'll be sad when the tree shed all its leaves
my exam::
unexpectedly not really good
im hoping for better
but got so many careless mistake
pretty upset with the result
hmmmm
life::
GOOD!!!
got myseld a new dvd player
and a new bag
really messing up with my money right now
damn it!
i wonder how's my life if i didnt meet him.......
being nostalgic today
i miss him
i feel my stomach knotted inside
cause i miss him terribly
and my chest feel so full
please come back honey
this separation hurting me!!!
i need you
cause i love you
i reviewed my study plan just now
omigosh
i really really into the luxury of 12 credits each term
is it good for me?
i took 12 credit so that i can work
maybe if the class getting harder
i will rethink about working
hmmmm maybe later
omigod!!
i have the best class this semester
im gonna have a midterm next week
and the good news is
the teacher already give us the question now
she gave us like 10 definition and we will answer like 5 of them
and she also gave us three topic in which we will answer one during the midterm
that is so cool
im so fortunate
and i got B+ for my first paper
seriously
i love this class
found this song in my computer
Question-Old 97-
She woke from a dream
Her head was on fire
Why was he so nervous?
He took her to the park
She crossed her arms
And lowered her eyelids
Some day somebody's gonna ask you
A question that you should say yes to
Once in your life
Maybe tonight I've got a question for you
She'd had no idea
She started to cry
She said in a good way
He took her by the hand
Walked her back home
They took the long way
Some day somebody's gonna ask you
A question that you should say yes to
Once in your life
Baby tonight I've got a question for you
wake up early today
kept thinking about him
i miss him so much right now
i feel guilty right now
im not a loyal girlfriend to her
seriously
i didnt do what he wants
although he always do what i want
i feel so damn guilty for not being a good girlfriend
and im afraid he knows that im not loyal to him
bodoh tol
how come i can owe the univ so many money?
it make no sense at all
i didnt use so much money
yet they rake it from me as if im bush's daughter
need to configure some stuff out with my account
need to check the balance again
other thing
i need to restrain myself from shopping online
i want to keep my money safely
i dont want to use the money for anything
by hook or by crook
i want to go home and spend the money back home
i really dont have anything to buy anymore
please2 gimme strength to not wasting my money
spending nights at my fren's house
it a good getaway from my room
i miss him so much
and when im alone i miss him even more
at least i will not crying endlessly in my friend's house
i hope things will get better
fortunately
the exam is quite easy
i can answer all of them
but sure i confused with some of it
got my paycheck and im richer now
very glad very glad
have a nice lunch
and a nice company
and im totally exhausted right now
need some sleep and some dream
i miss you darling :(
ok...
i feel anxious about today exam
i hope i can do it well
please2
exams make me fat!!
yehaaaa
got my money
and i think i ace my exam
yeah..sure lose ome mark here and there
but i feel so good after the exam
why?
because i understand how to do all the question
and maybe because i spend so much time on this subject
after this need to go to post office to send some stuff back home
mainly the things that i bought at UK for my family
and also a perfume to my bestfriend
omg i miss her so much
maybe i'll try call her after this
hmmm need to run to school
i have video to watch in class today
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