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something ordinary
last modified Sep 4, 2004 at 7:15
im totally missing him right now...really want to be with him at this moment....thats what i feel everyday now and then but never avails to voices it out to him
yeah...it feels good when im there with him...with all the romance builds up between us....it feel extremely nice when i was beside him...we holding hands...stare at each other....and laughing and just that...having a good time ...and feel good of ourselves....and so much love
then we're apart and that sucks big time....we yells at each other on the phone...no sweet i love you anymore....just freaking hatred for me...and that really break me down big time!!
its hard to be whatever we really want to be...in everything...love study life....really hard and sometimes it better to quit
but not for this love...if being yelled at will save our relationship...i'm ok with that....he just too good to be true and i love him totally with all my heart....
be patience darling....and somedays we'll have that lovely days back
i love you
Open arms -journey-
Lying beside you
Here in the dark
Feeling your heart beat with mine
Softly you whisper
You're so sincere
How could our love be so blind
We sailed on together
We drifted apart
And here you are by my side
So now I come to you
With open arms
Nothing to hide
Believe what I say
So here I am
With open arms
Hoping you'll see
What your love means to me
Open arms
Living without you
Living alone
This empty house seems so cold
Wanting to hold you
Wanting you near
How much I wanted you home
But now that you've come back
Turned night into day
I need you to stay
So now I come to you
With open arms
Nothing to hide
Believe what I say
So here I am
With open arms
Hoping you'll see
What your love means to me
Open arms
help me!!!right now i'm on verge fighting myself wether to eat or not....damn...this is tough you know....
if you ever meet any overweight person out there...please give her/him a chance....they dont want to really eat and be fat you know..they just weak to fight the urge to eat....
i always be at that point...the point when you know that you're not hungry...but you want to keep eating...its just the lack of strength to fight the urge inside you....its real hard seriously!!!
this is what i feel right now.....i'll always frustrated because the scale seem doing unfair to me...giving that reading of 180 to me while others just get 140 and even 120 and im trying very hard ti get away from the food
but it is just hard.....it is real hard....
this is what i felt...an overweight girl's struggle to become some normal people....
please let me have some strength!!!!
its my birthday yesterday and unexpectedly...the first one who wish me (after my bf) is a guy  heheheheh well..
yeah afterall this is the worst bday i ever had :( yeah....without him by my side it so sad...i dont even feel that it is special for me wawawa
yeah...happy belated bday me :|
so happy so happy i finally fit in my size ten (or maybe size 12) jeans yea yea yea
this is my motivation....i might not became lighter but finally my size has reduce
say hello to smiley me today
i think i'm sucks big time. i just greet my friend and congrats her for the 4 flat that she get....and then its struck me....why didnt i be that girl..you know the one that get all the brain and attitude that matched...
arghhhhhhhhh so in tense
tired....that's what i'm thinking right now...too confused with my own answer...why it is too hard for him to accept the fact...
i'm so pissed off right now...totally pissed of having a conversation with him.
He is so stubborn!!!!! never want to hear my explanation
this is the badside of having long distance relationship
it is harder that it may look
so hard that i'm such a loner right now...because everything is so not right around me
am not having a great day lately...i dunno why...i missing something in my life...that is the one who'll love me
He is acting weird lately, i mean he kept getting angry about something and always let his anger toward me...it was so fucking sad.
i'm all alone here, with no one to share my innermost and i'm depend only at him...but him acting like this ? no! no! no way i can tell him what happening with me these day...
i'm quite a loner lately...although i tried to cheer myself up but im still a sober :(
seriously, what i really need right now is someone to wipe away the tear in my cheek right now.........
check this cool vid out!! mOBSCENE by marilyn manson
i respect marilyn manson's for his video...i dunno why although he tried to potray the ugliness of fat people or whatever ugly people...but i dunno...maybe im trying to get away from myself whenever i saw his video...furthermore it is unique...
i never saw one artist that can produce such a cool vid!!!
oh yeah...and the suit he's wearing in the vid make him look so dark, tall and handsome somehow
saw my own picture yesterday and i'm so sad to see how fat i am...really...
it was so frustrating to see yourselves so big and ugly...
hate myself so much right now...
i'm on 500 cal diet if i want to lose some fat..that's mean no eating until tomorrow
yuck!!! why am i so fat!!!!
i feel bad for not mentionaning my very best friend. The friend that i have since i was little girl. She is the most perfect figure gal that i know (although we spend our days in high school having almost the same figure but i ended up being fat bad me!)
I dunno,i feel completely comfortable around her. I mean i didnt really craving for her, but she is the first person i will turn to whenever i 'm happy or sad.
More or less she's more like my sister
i'll elaborate more...got stuff to do
treat myself with good foods today...for lunch i have a marinated deboned chicken and rice, lentil soup and 2 glasses of coke...man i'm full...then in the evening me and my friend cooks black chicken and veggie stir fry with squid...
gosh...now i know where's my extra pound came from...*sigh*
today i was like so pissed off...its my friend kept saying that i need exercise bla bla bla...i'm too big bla bla bla....and kept squeezing my arms...i mean like before i can ignore her behavior...but today it was like suddenly i felt pissed off totally.yeah...i know i'm big i dont like the way i am right now...i mean do you think i love being fat and that's give you license to call me names or labeling me...we're friend and we suppose to make friends happy not make them angry...
yeah,,,u nice and petite,unlike me....but stop make fun of me...i'm not a clown
that's one thing...others is the girl that i hate so much that i dont even want to speak her name..she was like so annoying..so fucking annoying that i want to slap her in her head ..
i go down and want to borrow the cd that i supposed to have by now...but she like refuse to give it to me because she want to lend it to other (read:guys she have this problem with being around guys...she like them too much like she can speak for days about those guys as if she is their center of attn and she dont even pretty!!!get real loser!!!) i'm so pissed off that i want to spit in her face....fuck you bitch...nobody likes you and please dont act like you're a princess...you just merely a fucking bitch!!!!
ok im done and i feel better now fuck you
When will my extra pound will shed away???i dont think i've improve much,,, the only day i lost some weight is when i moving in into this room....
i really need to get rid of those bountiful food in my room and just kept things that i certainly wont eat (spaggeti sauce, pepper and such!!)
i need to start my food diary...dunt want to be bloated again
O yeah the aerobic class is helluva lot of fun. I finally get into the rempo...less frustration this time...i know most of the move..and i'm tired!! hehehhe i luv the class....
Hope few pound will shed away later
too much crying is good to your emotion....i dunno maybe im such a freak...i cant defeat myself whenever he control me. I dunno why i feel so weak to run away from him...i'm not sure...maybe i'm just lazy too find a new love.
No...i dun think that's the explanation. We have gone through so much and i dun think running away from him will make me happy...or make him happy. too much we've done and i dont want to trade that with my ego or his selfishness
too much has been damaged...it just hurt me a little to be with him...we'll see
i should start studying hard....i want to get 4 flat this semester....there's not much workload so i must resurface myself!
i'm so not productive today....sleeping, eating and TV...aint life so good huhuhuhuhu
im in mood for limp bizkit right now...yeah i know they are lame...but hey...their's sound is catchy :P
well actually i came across Limp Bizkit's guitarist maybe, i'm not sure his name but the one who always wear weird contact lense and got this flourescent skeleton suit...He's funky...just that..and that remind me the bubblegum tune of Fred durst singing...
went to Step aerobic today...the instructor is too fast...i cant catch up with her....i mean i thought she used the Thursday's move but she changed it ... maybe she has 2 moves
Please dont let me confused...
seriously, the class is fun... i mean i got my sweat come out and i'm panting very hard....and during the abs crunch session i can feel my abs muscle doing some work
hmmmm just hoping i can lose 10 pound at least before summer session..
tired of being big!
banyak orang melayu lam internet...tp setau aku mesia internet lembap...gigih jugak orang melayu berblog
i lost 5 pound today....im at 185 lb right now, compare at 190 lb before...
fuh...realy hard work will make you less hungry but in the same time lose your appetite...
right now, my aim is 160 lb....and stay in there if not less. I'm tired being fat...i hat the fat hippo i am....arghhhh i mean just looking at your hips make you want to puke!!!
i'm big enough and i want bigger no more....
please pray for my health and my weight loss...
im determined right now
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