something ordinary

last modified Sep 4, 2004 at 7:15

depressed
i gain weight that i've lost

depressed
the school has started
and im still ambiguous in my decision
am i doing the right thing?
am i doing the right major?

depressed!!

why do hillary duff be a rock chic!!

73138 | posted by utopia at 17:28 | 0 comments

yey yey i won bid in ebay
i won myself a MD playaaahhhhh

SONY MZ-N505 MD
gold color
the seller include 6 blank disk
damn!!
im so happy
its been a half year i eyeing this stuff
but always dont got money
now i got it
yey yey

i have $400 left for myself

reminder:
send the meal plan form this thursday
send the ssn form also this thursday

i almost finish off the 400g cadbury whole nut chocolate...nyam nyam!

73135 | posted by utopia at 14:42 | 0 comments

hmmmm
so i got 13 hrs per week shift....that's mean each week i can get around $100.good money...but i hope i will not get tired..[get thinner is ok...i gained my weight back after going to UK]
so each time i get the paycheck....i will get like $200+ (but i think will get less than that cause there's tax)
well...that's a good money
im trying to sort out my priority first

Things i need to buy
*MD player [ i need this for studying...im ashamed with my outdated walkman]::$70++
*e wear digicam [the one lara croft used in the tomb raider]::$300
*new cordless phone [the one that i got now is not functioning....i dont know why]::$20
*eternity perfume for my bf auntie [i planned to give this as her present]::$20

i guess that's it...

so each month i will get like $1000
i need to start saving now....maybe this thursday i want to open new saving account...i'm too reckless about money
this month?
save some for books...the school started this tue and i havent bought a single book yet
i even dont know where i put my pencil

need to start saving now....i have some plan when i go home next year..

maybe i should list out all my expenses so that i can keep track where my money go

i should

Missing you
each day i woke up hoping to hear the ring from the phone
hoping for a new mail in my inbox
hoping for you to hand you love to me
where are you now darling
world seem so gray without you
moving in dizziness
still hoping for you to help me get straight
where are you now baby
send me words of love please honey
cause i miss you
yesterday
now
and ever

73101 | posted by utopia at 23:14 | 0 comments

today i gonna go and see my supervisor to look at the working chart.I'll start working this sunday...i've arrange my class to be all in the mid morning so that i have time to study in the afternoon...and i can work late too
hmmmm wanna to make more money...this is the job that dont require much..,,it sound heavy but believe me it;s not at all
gonna take a nap first before i go and meet her at 3

73038 | posted by utopia at 7:11 | 0 comments

MTV Award in the air!!

Sean Paul :: Its amazing how this lad can bring Jamaica to the eye of the world of entertainment.He's actually being described as the "rookie of the year".Why can we do the same thing? Just pick any tough-body lad from malaysia then make him surround by sexy dancer with flag as their tops? It is patriotic right? Then make him sing crappy song [add some malay words in it] and there you go...you got malaysian-made sean paul.anyway....sean paul is totally a hottie!!!!


Madonna Britney Christina :: damn!!! is it cool when madonna tongue licking with Britney and Christina? that's disgusting man!!

VMA is soooo boring...i slept along the way with the tv open...

72983 | posted by utopia at 17:54 | 0 comments

im used to wake up early
just like the day im in auntie's house
boring
everything is boring to me

the school will be started in the few days
damn
dont feel like to go to school
but the time for me has come to do things
better than before
i spoiled my own chance to become the best
now i have to get back what i have lost

slowly but certain

in UK i was hooked to this Fame Academy 2
my fav is Alex Parks
she's the coolest!

72917 | posted by utopia at 7:36 | 0 comments

at my own room now
boring
hungry
lonely

really want to go back to Leeds
at least i got his aunt
at least i can eat something delicious
at least i'm not alone

72849 | posted by utopia at 19:15 | 2 comments

currently reading Donna Tart's The Secret History...i really hooked on the books...at first i thought it is just an ordinary thriller....open the first page and i realize..THIS IS CLASSIC!!!
so everyone out there....go and read this book...it is really worth of buying especially when you want to explore the shrewd mind of extradionary geeks who really into Greek civilization[NO!!its not the boring as you may think....]
well....i bought a lot of book also here
i just want to expand my collections
the recent book i bought?
The Lucky Man by Michael J Fox
just won a bid last night and it only cost me $4 plus shipping

yesterday i have an eye test...
i arrived early so i decide to spend the free time at the bookstore nextdoor
imagine that i spend almost 40 minutes on the kid section
nowadays kid books is really cool
im not talking about that enid blyton kind of stuff
but more like the big book with bright color
the bedtime's book
i spend 40 minutes reading the book
hmmmm maybe around 30 books
it is so cute
if only i got children
i will take them there and spend hours and hours at the section
[yer ah... nak beli mahal!!]
hahahha just kidding
i'll stock up my children room with that bright color books
it is just a simple book
but with the picture inside
really can make your imahination go haywire
ahhahahaha

hmmmm
i'm so easily obsess about stuff

i only got like what? 5 days?
yeah 5 days more to spend here
i'm gonna miss Leeds i knew that
although the TV sucks
although the street is full with pigeons poo
although the sound of the traffic nearby always be my lullaby

i'm gonna miss all that

and the Thornton's Choc and Toffe ice-cream!!

72342 | posted by utopia at 6:41 | 0 comments

got sore throat...
maybe because i ate the strepsil yersterday
a nice day outside
feel like eating a sandwich
hmmmm

Leeds is like a heaven for me
lots of halal eatery
lots of shopping mall
lots of cheap stuff
damn!
dont want to go back to US

72061 | posted by utopia at 3:39 | 2 comments

there's a funny story just now
I went to the mall [Whiterose Mall,Leed] and decides not to buy anything since i only got £40 left in my pocket...
but then on the way out, i bumped into this Tommy Hilfiger duffel bag and it's only £20.My bf's aunt want to sponsor me £10 for the bag [i need that bag since i have 4 full shopping bag to bring back home] so i just go for it...
then i bumped into another box of Tommy Hilfiger, the box contains 50 ml Tommy Girl cologne and a shirt...and its just £17...if you go the the perfume shop the cologne alone will cost you £29++
so i take the shirt too
after i brought home to savor the newbie that i bought...i found an 100 ml Tommy girl cologne inside the duffel bag....my lucky day
so i got 150 ml of perfume,a duffel bag and a nice shirt of Tommy just for £33 [did i mention about the discout?]
damn i so damn lucky so i gave the 50 ml perfume to aunt

lately its been cold here..
heh panas komplen sejuk pon komplen
so got sore throat and also mild fever since last night i was freezing to death
the aunt took away the duvet in the middle of the night
sabor jer laaa

i only got like 8 more days to spend here
feeling sad actually...
the aunt is very nice to me
and she even gave me her fav teddy bear to me
she is really a generous person
lucky me to know her
and of course to know her nephew

damn i miss my bf so much
wish he was here to spend his time here with me
even for a split seconds

o yeah...i think now i'm officially a Tommy girl

71988 | posted by utopia at 17:08 | 0 comments

i miss him like crazy :(

71806 | posted by utopia at 2:23 | 1 comments

Leeds Market
there's a lot of cute thing in the market...
no no its not the fish market
although they sell fish and chips there
hahahaha
well....its kinda familiar when i first time go here...
its feel like PKNS shah alam
maybe due to all the small booth selling all cute thing and necessary things too
like TV
can u imagine they sell TV in the market?!
i do bought some fridge magnet
yeah...there's a choc shop too
cant wait to buy boxes of choc to bring back to US
well...yesterday i went shopping and i got this Elle pants
nice though and cheap too
buy it in Malaysia?
no way man...too expensive
what else...
lots of [cheap] shirts
and books too
i found the Michael J Fox autobio....but it is too expensive
i'll wait to buy it in amazon.com
well...so far leeds kinda cool
lots of shopping place
just its too hot for me
and the shop dont got aircond [the heck?!]
until next time
later day

71551 | posted by utopia at 10:17 | 1 comments

finally after days of hellish day here in UK[thanks to the heat wave...i now know how it feel to be in 39.6 degree celcius!!) finally it little bit colder here
seriously the heat is killing me...i feel like crying each time the sun fell into my skin
i feel like want to submerged myself in the bath tub and never come out until the day is over
damn!!
who said UK is colder than US?
anyway....i'm buying myself a new Tommy Girl perfume..
UK is not a place to shop for clothes or such
it is so expensive
perfume? maybe..
leather handbag? absolutely
but i still think US is the best place to shop in oversea
but above all...KL is still the heaven for shopping!!

i feel so lethargic
so exhausted i sleep early

maybe because i miss my bf very much
his auntie looks a lot like him
and yesterday when i go to perfume shop, i across this Eternity perfume and i asked for the sampler
and i miss him very much that moment
because that is his smell
He likes Eternity
i miss him like hell right now

damn...
i wrote like i'm under influence
pardon me
need to go now

71183 | posted by utopia at 6:24 | 0 comments

finally im in Leeds UK.
damn too many bad things happen to me on along the way to the UK
among all, my wallet has been stolen with all my credit card inside
hmmmm i think i'll continue later
want to enjoy life first

70495 | posted by utopia at 7:40 | 1 comments

Realize that I can never win
sometimes I feel like I have failed
inside where do i begin my mind is laughing at me

this is so true about myself...
i feel like im betraying myself for not being what im supposed to be
a good girlfriend
a nice daughter
an excellent student
i never feel good in everything that i've done
not a bit
not a single thing
everything seems so fucked up
i realize i never find the way out from anything that held me
everything is not in favor of me

nothing ever
tell me why am I to blame
on me
both will be the same, that's why
I can never change this thing that's burning in me

angry at myself....yes!
hating my own reflection on the mirror....definitely!
call me insane
because im not truly me
im just a fat girl
fat,stupid girl
fat stupid and ugly girl
no one can erase this depression inside
this ugly anger i hold from day one

I am the one who chose my path
I am the one who couldnt last
I feel the life pulled me free
I feel you hate the change in me

pick the wrath inside me
and shove it away
cause i cant
cause i just weak
to fight my own agony

sometimes I can never tell
if I got something that remains
that's why I just hang in grief
or this I just let me think

i feel empty
i feel lifeless
i feel nothing
hit me in the face and im not complaining
everything is too much for me
yet im still cant do anything about it

tell me why am i to blame
on me
both will be the same, that's why
I can never change this thing that's burning in me

I am the one who chose my path
I am the one who couldnt last
I feel the life pulled me free
I feel you hate the change in me

Betrayed,
I feel so insane
I really tried
I did my time
I did my time
I did my time

I did my time
I am the one who chose my path
I am the one who couldnt last
I feel the life pulled me free
I feel you hate the change in me

I feel you hate the change in me

I feel you hate the change in me

i did my time
i wish i can undo it
i'll be happy as a 10-yrs old
i did my time
and now i cant undo it
i have to live with the path that ive choose

if i dont have faith....i'll be an alcoholic now
just count how many soda bottles scattered in my room

70159 | posted by utopia at 4:38 | 0 comments

i've been bingeing tonight...
i feel empty
and i order anything that cross my mind
i dont even eat half of it
nvm
tomorrow i give my fren the food

feeling very empty inside
feel wanna cry
but dont have anyone's shoulder to lean at
feel like cursing
but dont know about what and to whom
feel like puking

i miss him so much
i feel so very empty without him
doing anything feel like shit because everyone dont give a damn about me
no one
and i feel totally like shit
without him i feel lifeless
i sound like im so happy going to UK
but i dont have any heart
not at all
i have yet to pack my stuff
i miss him so much

70146 | posted by utopia at 3:28 | 2 comments

Haley Joel Osment is totally cool!!!
Seeing him acting in Artificial Intelligent and Sixth Sense already prove that this cute blue-eyed boy is SO TALENTED!!!
And just now, i just watched another film of him,Pay it Forward..
it is so touching but i dont want to hurt my finger so read the review yourselves..
I cried when Trevor dies..and i cried even more when all the people gathered in front of his house to pay respect for him. It was so sad...

alright...get back to reality...
i'll be arriving at UK tomorrow morning.
Need to remind myself to buy magazine to read during the journey

70123 | posted by utopia at 0:19 | 0 comments

currently listening to Love Me Butch::The Protector
Butterfingers will release the new single soon
I dont remember what's the title
it has been a long time since they released the last album

it's been raining lately...and i'm gonna be on the flight tomorrow. i'm not afraid of flying...i always [i HAVE to] used airplane to go back home from where i study before. But here...the thunderstorm is like crazy....rain itself is OK but if the rain is together with the heavy wind.....that's crazy!!!esp when you have to take off tomorrow....

Ya Allah.....please protect my journey....

70020 | posted by utopia at 3:23 | 0 comments

my legs hurt!!
i've been doing window shopping and shopping for almost 5 days now...non stop!!
and my legs is really hurting me.....

70015 | posted by utopia at 0:01 | 0 comments

i miss him :(

69938 | posted by utopia at 3:40 | 0 comments

i'm thinking about money right now....
other issue...i have to start my saving this fall..
i plan to work as much as i can
since now my bf is not here
i can do extra hours in the evening
my target:600 dollars per month for 9 month
that's mean RM20k
that's a lot
i hope i can strive to achieve my target
i think i have to open other saving account which i can put my money there undisturbed
who knows how to save money efficiently?

wishlist for fall & winter 2003
-digicam
-airline tickets to go to Malaysia

69922 | posted by utopia at 0:12 | 0 comments

good new people!!!
i waiting in agony for my allowance which was supposed to be in yesterday...
and this morning....i checked my account and discovered.....
my sponsor give me a LOT of money....
in fact double my allowance...
actually the extra money is to buy books
but few days after i arrived at States
i'm gonna get my Sept allowance
and i think i'm gonna be alright

Alhamdulillah......

now i can go to UK with free mind...no restraining on my money :D

o yeah...i just got my ticket....from Hotwire.com
it is so cheap
i'm expecting somewhere around $8++
but i got a great deal
at $6++
wohoooo.....i'm glad the waiting is over.....
now we counting days to go to airport
[can i do my victory dance now?:P]

69899 | posted by utopia at 18:40 | 0 comments

remember this beau?

69841 | posted by utopia at 4:26 | 0 comments

finished one pack of cadbury roast almond..
wohoo!! it tastes great
in States the choice of Cadbury is limited...i only found Roast Almond and Milk Choc,
i miss other's flavors: Hazelnut, Mixed nut, Biscuit something. black forest(?),peppermint,Marble ...
arghhhh damnit!! it tastes so good i finished it even before i blinked my eye!!
Heshey's choc stink!!Even their Hershey'sKisses is just nice to my eyes not to my tastes
i'm no big choc fan...i just love Cadbury
that's remind me to buy a lot of Cadbury's various flavoe choc in UK
and those eclair sweet....damnit!!who can replace that?!!!
hershey's?
NO WAY!!!!

arhhhh....i want KLIA!!
I WANT THE CHOC SHOP IN KLIA!!!!

hmmmmm
too much choc for your kids make them hyper....
and it still apply to me....
i'm kept dancing and swinging.....while muching that heavenly roast almond's choc
arhhhhh~~~
damnit!!!!
the choc has gone 1/2 hrs ago!!
i need more
[nyesal tak beli banyak tadi....awat laaa pandai sangat beli satu jer]

69835 | posted by utopia at 4:07 | 0 comments