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Zaza's weblog
Kenyataan........bagaimana pahit pun ia, ia tetap satu kenyataan yg harus diterima
YG PAHIT ITULAH UBAT........
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Sehingga terlupa
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Kau membawa ku terbang
Jauh dari nyata..................
last modified Jan 9, 2004 at 1:52
10.07 p.m.
zaza baru aje abih draft kan sppech zaza utk meeting khamis ni. sendiri draft sendiri pun rasa nak nangis. esok zaza akan bagi pada suraya utk baca and comment. after that mcm biasa la. tukang amik timing zaza bila zaza present the speech. that's what friends are for, right?
dulu zaza tk berani nak bg speech dpn kengkawan rapat. sekarang ni dah makin berani. kalau tak ada keberanian mcm mana nak dapat hasilnya kan.
tp bila sampai bab cintan nih.zaza masih belum ada keberanian.
zaza masih memendam perasaan. rasa jealous sgt bila tgk dia berckp ngan org pompuan lain. tp nak buat mcm mana kan. zaza sendiri yg pilih jalan ni. zaza takut tak boleh terima kenyataan yg dia tk boleh terima zaza lebih dr seorang kawan kalau dia tahu zaza sukakan dia.
wahai hati...........tabah lah ye!
10.07 p.m.
zaza baru aje abih draft kan sppech zaza utk meeting khamis ni. sendiri draft sendiri pun rasa nak nangis. esok zaza akan bagi pada suraya utk baca and comment. after that mcm biasa la. tukang amik timing zaza bila zaza present the speech. that's what friends are for, right?
dulu zaza tk berani nak bg speech dpn kengkawan rapat. sekarang ni dah makin berani. kalau tak ada keberanian mcm mana nak dapat hasilnya kan.
tp bila sampai bab cintan nih.zaza masih belum ada keberanian.
zaza masih memendam perasaan. rasa jealous sgt bila tgk dia berckp ngan org pompuan lain. tp nak buat mcm mana kan. zaza sendiri yg pilih jalan ni. zaza takut tak boleh terima kenyataan yg dia tk boleh terima zaza lebih dr seorang kawan kalau dia tahu zaza sukakan dia.
wahai hati...........tabah lah ye!
monday 9.54 pm
dah malam. esok dah hari selasa.....kejapnya masa berlalu.
tengah hari td zaza amik time off pegi amik placement test di british council. result not bad. out of 40 questions.zaza dpt 38. dah lama tak buat english test. rasa mcm kat sekolah pulak. buat grammar test. mungkin zaza suka membaca. that's why my english grammar improved a lot.
bos zaza ckp zaza weak dlm drafting of resolutions, letters...agaknya that's why dia tk bagi zaza draftkan minutes meeting dia. that's why dia suggest zaza amik short courses utk business writing. anyway class will only be starting next september. but i must see the schedule also.
best jugak single nih......zaza boleh active dlm mcm2 benda....hari isnin ngan selasa lepas keja zaza ada kelas ngaji, ari rabu sebulan sekali zaza ada exco meeting toastmaster, takde meeting zaza pegi facial, malas pegi facial zaza pegi meeting toastmaster club lain. ari khamis dua minggu sekali zaza ada meeting club zaza. ari jumaat lepas keja zaza lepak makan ngan kawan zaza. weekend zaza balik kampung....kalau tak balik kampung kuar ngan kengkawan.
every weekdays jarang zaza balik sebelum pukl 8 malam. penat tu memang penat tp best sebab masa terisi dgn sepatutnya. takdela keja...keja...keja... je. zaza boleh buat byk personal development. ntah mana zaza nak letak kelas business english tu nanti.
zaza punya cita2 nak amik third language pun blm sempat lg buat. tak tau nak slot in kat mana. ini travel by public transport pun dah sibuk. rasanya kalau zaza berani bawak keta.lagi la padat masa terluang zaza.
monday.........28th july 2003......9.50 am
bencinya monday........pagi2 lagi mood dah tk best. i got a headache. my boss also kena headache. so mood masing2 memang tk best langsung...........
must seriously think of vacation. alone....but where......
where can i go with limited financial resources........
me..zaza........falling in love with my bestfriend? who?
i'm still sorting out my own feeling. is it love....or is it crush....
i'm so afraid to call it love cox it's so difficult loving someone without his knowing.
if only i can tap into his heart and see what is his opinion about me. then i can confessed to him. for now..i would just sit and wait.
though it's very difficult.
suraya..........don't worry......see.....look....hear.......then you'll know.....
sunday 9.58 p.m.
banyaknya tido ari ni. dah lama tak duduk kat rumah sehari suntuk dr pagi sampai ke malam. niat di hati nak bangun awal. niat hanya tinggal niat.
i haven't done yet my speech.........ala, malasnya. nak buat citer pasal apa yek!
i luv to read. i got a stack of newspaper that i haven't had the time to read yet. today i finished reading part of it. nasib baik masih bujang. then i can indulge myself into my hobby. the whole day, i read and read and read and sleep.
kalau dah kawin..mesti dah tk byk masa utk my own hobby. i am 29 going on 30. still not married yet. masih belum berjumpa dgn org yg sesuai. guys nowadays only look for physical beauty and i lack of it. that's why boyfriend pun takde.
my loss? not really......it's their loss. like suraya said.....people judge the book by its cover. kengkadang tu rasa macam sedih sgt especially bila almost semua good friends one by one dah kawin...and got their own kids. zaza masih macam ni jugak. sorang.
kawan yg single pun semua yg muda-muda. almaklum yg sebaya dah kawin. sometimes it really makes me depressed.
but life goes on. single pun best jugak. i don't have to share my life with other person. i can go wherever i want to. i can be lazy all the time if i want to. malas masak...tak payah masak........malas mengemas...tak payah mengemas..... nak tido sepanjang hari....i can do that also. plus tak payah gosok kemeja hubby yg memang susah digosok. baju kurung ni lagi senang digosok. sekejap shj and sometimes....certain kain tu tk payah gosok sebab tk berkedut. nak balik kampung jumpa mak anytime i want pun boleh.
gosh! i'm so used of being independent. ok ke tak ok?
memang la bila time sunyi tu teringin sangat nak ada boyfriend. sangat sangat teringin to have a shoulder to cry on. tp kalau fikirkan sgt pasal jodoh...memang boleh jadi depressed.
so, why not i think all the good thing i have now.
it's saturday 10.55pm
ugh.......i volunteered to give speech this thursday. i haven't prepared anything. what shall i talk about?
i totally forgot about sin chan! gosh! got 2 wait another saturday to come.
nothing interesting happened today. i attended ccm toastmasters club meeting this morning. came back at 3.00 pm. trying to get some sleep but couldn't. instead i cook tomyam. that's my dinner tonight. i eat a lot of chicken today. not good for my health.
what should i do if i ever fall in love with my best friend?
10.17 p.m.
I aspired to be a good speaker. i lack confidence in speaking in english. so i enrolled myself into a toasmasters club where people can learn and practise to be a good speaker.
along the way, to help me practise, i got to complete speeches. below is one of the speech that i've just delivered. it's quite lengthy. maybe i'll post it part by part.
Part 1
WHAT IF?
Whenever life treats u badly, have u ever asked urself "what if" questions? I know i do. I always throw "what if" questions to myself. In fact a lot of "what if".
You may asked what kind of "what if" questions that i asked myself?
When i was still struggling to finish up my ICSA degree ( i took 9 years to complete it), facing with failure after failure, struggling to pay up my tuition fees, my exam fees year after year, my morale became very low.
So i would asked myself.What if i didn't choose this ICSA course in the first place. what if i have taken up the offer to do degree in accountancy instead. Surely i would have completed it within 4 years time. surely now, i would have enjoying my fruit of labor. the time taken to complete the ICSA course was really a trying time for me. especially when i'm doing it part time. juggling time to work with time to study. furthermore working with a degree compared with working without a degree, there is a huge difference in it.
One is salary. the other one is self esteem.
other than "what if" questions pertaining to my study, i also asked myself other "what if" quetions.
what if i got married 3 years ago? u may asked why 3 years? that was when i got into a serious relationship. i would have got married if not because he passed away. then surely by now, i would have lovely children of my own.
then when i got frustrated seeing how men interpreted beauty, again i would asked myself, what if i am more slimmer and more prettier than i am now, surely men would have queing up to tackle me, flirting with me........
to be continue...............tungguuuu..........
10.04 p.m.
suraya, my bestfriend, she said i write well. so she encourages me to create my own weblog. i told her.......i'll think about it first. it has been quite sometime that i touch my personal computer. tonight, i've not much to do.....so ...why not? here i am.trying to penned my thoughts.
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