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Zaza's weblog
Kenyataan........bagaimana pahit pun ia, ia tetap satu kenyataan yg harus diterima
YG PAHIT ITULAH UBAT........
Detik bermulanya hidupku
Tika aku mengenali diri mu
Sehingga terlupa
Kaki berpijak di mana
Kau membawa ku terbang
Jauh dari nyata..................
last modified Jan 9, 2004 at 1:52
sekejap aje masa berlalu.dah hari jumaat. yei...yei...yei esok dah cuti.
masih memikirkan apa yg hendak dibuat hujung minggu ni. nak pergi mana ya....
boring jugak bila duduk sengsorang nih....takde kawan utk ajak pegi jalan. jalan sengsorang bukan besh.
department akan menerima seorang lagi staff baru. tadi bos tanya sama ada saya selesa atau tidak dengan kedatangan orang baru ni. sebabnya dia bertanya......... gaji staff baru akan lebih banyak dari sy walaupun saya satu level dgn dia.
bos jugak ckp, sy tetap akan duduk dlm bilik. staff baru akan duduk di common area.
secara automatik saya terdiam. kehilangan kata. saya hanya terfikir untuk jawab, "nak buat macam mana. itu rezeki dia." yang bermain di fikiran saya ketika itu, perasaan kecewa..........
kecewa dengan sistem, kecewa dengan diri sendiri
Hari ahad yg lalu, adik bongsu kesayangan berlepas ke Birmingham. Further study. 3 tahun. Sedih. Berjujuran jugak air mata masa melihat dia pergi. Mak pun nangis jugak. Adik pompuan pun nangis. Ye la. Lambat lagi tu nak jumpa balik. 3 tahun!
Nak pegi ke sana bukannya sikit2 duit yg diperlukan. Apa2 boleh berlaku dlm masa 3 tahun nih…..
Takpe…… 3 tahun tu pasti berlalu dgn pantas.
minggu lepas, waktu kerja baru mula di kuat kuasakan. waktu kerja lama...8am - 5pm. waktu kerja baru....9am - 6pm. boring la. sebabnya kena datang awal pagi macam biasa jugak sbb kalau lewat sedikit, jalan depan rumah hingga ke ofis, jem!
ptg, tak rasa sangat. sebabnya jarang pun balik tepat pukul 5pm. selalu pun lepas pukul 6 baru pulang.
waktu makan baru pun di lewatkn sejam. hari pertama semua org mengadu lapar sblm waktu makan tengahari. ye la....perut sudah dibiasakan makan awal.
apa2 pun peraturan baru, kena la ikut. kerja makan gaji la katakan.
A few nights ago……
It was way after midnight. The eyes were just refused to fall asleep.
The mind was wandering everywhere. Thinking and thinking and thinking. Just to find something that could make the eyes to fall asleep.
Then the mind remembered about something. Something that the owner of the mind had refused to think about it because it will make the tears start falling.
Left with nothing, she has to think about it. Acknowledge it. Accept it. People said that when you start to accept something that makes you sad, the pain will be lessened. So she starts to write notes about it in the dark of the night.
While she wrote about it, the tears that she has been afraid of, flowed incessantly.
The pain…..
She hoped she could forget her feeling………. She tried to forget………She thought she has forgotten………She thought she is strong……..
but it didn’t….. she still………….the….is still there…..it still exist deep…very deep down there….
It hurts very much…………….
Knowing………. she………is not…….
She feels so helpless and hopeless…………….. she wants it to end ……………….but it refused………
She felt like she is ……………… bagai melukut di tepi gantang………..
She cried herself to sleep…..the tears stained her face…….
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